


Occupational Hazards II

by PorkChop



Series: Occupational Hazards [2]
Category: Grand Theft Auto V
Genre: Angst, Cheating, Drug Use, Explicit Sexual Content, F/M, Love/Hate, Marriage
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2015-05-31
Updated: 2016-01-09
Packaged: 2018-04-02 05:55:12
Rating: Explicit
Warnings: Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings
Chapters: 26
Words: 95,028
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/4048705
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/PorkChop/pseuds/PorkChop
Summary: <blockquote class="userstuff">
              <p>Creative title, huh? If you hadn't already guessed, this is a sequel to the very first GTA V fan fiction I wrote; Occupational Hazards. </p><p>Trevor never claimed to be an angel, and yes, he makes mistakes. But one of those mistakes puts his relationship in jeopardy, and that spells out a helluva lot of angst...</p><p>I guess I wanted to write some sad stuff, but obviously, it will have a happy ending. I can't deal with sad endings!</p>
            </blockquote>





	1. Prologue

**Author's Note:**

> Just a heads up, I know that the original occupational hazards fic was written in second person, but after writing SO much stuff in first person recently, I could not for the life of me get used to writing in second person again. I kept writing I instead of you and it got so annoying having to rewrite big chunks because I started writing in a different point of view... Ugh... So, I've switched the sequel into first person because a) I felt like it would read better since I've had more practice with FP, and b) I just really really prefer FP stories anyway!
> 
> So yes, not exactly professional, but I hope you don't mind me switching up the point of view. :)

I couldn't believe it when he told me. I'd never trusted anyone as much as him and with a few short sentences that _trust_ crumbled, along with my heart. I'd taken a trip to England to visit my family, I was gone for five days. Not even a week. And he'd taken what the two of us had spent the last six months building, the trusting, happy relationship we had, and thrown it to the desert wind for one impulsive moment of weakness. My reaction was not uncalled for. I wanted to hurt him, I wanted to make him feel the pain that I was feeling, I wanted him to feel like the absolute prick he was.

"Baby I need to talk to you. Need to be honest." He'd said, moments after I'd walked through the trailer door and he'd kissed me. Told me he'd missed me.

"Okay..." I'd frowned at him, taken aback by his strange behaviour. He stepped away from me and leaned against the kitchen counter and ran a hand through his thinning hair. "Trevor?" I prompted.

"I don't want to keep this from you... But I want you to know that I regretted it as soon as it was over. It was a moment of weakness, I was high, I was-" He rushed to explain and I narrowed my eyes, interrupting him.

"Spit it out."

"I... I slept with a working girl while you were away." He said, and I could hear his shame. "Baby, I'm sorry. I wish I could go back and change what I did, but I can't so I needed to be honest with you!"

"You cheated on me? I leave the country for five fucking days and you cheat on me with a hooker?" I murmured numbly, and a little sound came from the back of my throat, a hopeless one that I didn't control. I felt like someone had stuck a white hot metal rod through my chest, and was twisting it from side to side, dragging out the agony. This couldn't be happening again, I thought I'd been hurt enough in my past relationships.

"I'm so fucking sorry, angel. I'm going to make it up to you!" He took a step towards me, reaching for me but I held my hands up, halting him.

"Fuck. You." I whispered, his face contorted into this wince and he started shaking his head. "I trusted you!" I yelled, flailing a fist at him and hitting his shoulder as hard as I could.

"Sweetheart-"

"Don't fucking _sweetheart_ me! You asshole!" I hit him again and again, slapping and punching his stupid body, he started backing away from me. "I told you about my ex boyfriends, how I've been cheated on three times, no, make that four times in a fucking row." I picked up the object closest to me, a box of cereal, and hurled it at him. It sent cereal flying everywhere before it hit the arm he raised to cover his face. "How could you?"

"I know, I'm a fucking douchebag and you can yell and hit me as much as you want baby, but I need you!" He yelled at me, he seemed genuinely upset but through the crimson haze of my vision I couldn't register it.

"Clearly you don't! You've got your working girls. You know what I've sacrificed to be with you?" I grabbed a half empty can of Sprunk and launched it at him, drenching him in the stuff. "A _real_ career." I sent a spoon flying at his head. "My family, since I would have gone back to England long ago if it weren't for you!" Then an empty chinese takeout box. "My fucking dignity, at times. Dragging you home in just your underwear, covered in your own piss and god knows what else when you've been out doing... Whatever it is you do when you disappear for days on end without a word!" I threw a soggy, dirty dishcloth at him, it slapped him square in the face but he barely reacted.

"(Y/N) I'm sorry! I know I've been a terrible boyfriend. But please just give me a second chance!" He groveled to me, bringing hands together to plead with me. I snorted, shaking my head. Tears were running down my face at this point.

"Maybe my brother was right about you." I mumbled. 

"Forgive me." He whispered, getting onto his knees in front of me. He sounded like he was about to cry. Good.

"Do you think I ever forgave my ex boyfriends?" I asked him calmly. He looked up at me with teary eyes and made this pathetic whimpering sound.

"But you said what we had was different from them!" He started bawling like a child, snivelling and wailing with snot under his nose. I cringed at the sight.

"And you said you'd never cheat on me! You know what I've been through in the past, I didn't think you'd be _cruel_ enough to put me through it yourself!" I screamed, wiping away the tears on my cheeks only for them to be replaced by more.

"I'll never do it again, I love you! It was the biggest mistake of my life, I just missed you so much and I messed up. Please." He told me, moving closer and grabbing my thigh, staring up at me from his place on the floor.

"When you've been fucked around as much as I have, you learn to give people only one chance." I spat cruelly at him, hoping my words felt like a stab to the heart, just like his did. "Thanks for telling me before I unpacked."

"No. You're not leaving me!" He yelled, staggering to his feet when I pulled myself away from him and headed for the door, picking up my suitcase on my way.

"Watch me." 

"Don't!" He shouted angrily, grabbing my arm and squeezing it tightly. "I'm not letting you out of my sight until we've talked about this properly."

"I've said everything I need to say, Trevor, now let go of my arm. It hurts." He reluctantly let go, but still followed me out of the trailer.

"You can't do this to me! You can't leave me like everybody else!" He shouted, walking one step behind me.

"If you can pay some bitch to get you off while I'm away, then I _can_ do this to you." My eyes filled with tears again at the thought. The image of some skinny, drug addled whore riding my boyfriend for money. It made me nauseous. He was supposed to love me, and make love to only me, it was supposed to be something only we could share. And he abused it, used it for only his pleasure and nothing else. That hurt more than anything.

"If you leave me, it'll destroy me. Baby don't do it!" His voice wavered and cracked and I rolled my eyes.

"Your guilt trips won't work on this occasion, Trevor. Have fun with your hand and your whores." I called back to him, turning briefly to wave at him sarcastically.

"Well... Consider yourself fired!" He stopped in his tracks and yelled after me. I stuck my middle finger up in the air, pointing it back at him, as I stormed towards my own trailer.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Trevor dun goofed. I love conflict and arguments in stories, so I REALLY wanted to write a story with some good ol' fashioned fighting :)


	2. Routine

I'd spent the last two weeks stuck in the same routine. I'd wake up in the afternoon, cry a little, eat a lot, then go back to sleep once the sun began to set. It was easier sleeping, because I didn't have to think about the constant ache that wasn't even confined to my heart anymore. It had spread like a fire all the way through my body, putting me in physical pain as well as emotional. I didn't think it would hurt _this_ much, I'd never been in so much pain. The hurt I'd felt after my previous break ups tickled when compared to this.

I laid in bed all day, every day, with my phone on the bedside table left untouched. I received texts every day, I'd absently look to see that it was Trevor, and I'd ignore it. I didn't need to read what he had to say for it to send me into another fit of tears, just knowing that he had the cheek to disturb me like this was enough. He'd turned me into an absolute mess, wearing nothing but a pair of panties and a T-shirt, body unwashed, legs unshaven, hair scraped into a greasy ponytail. What? It wasn't like I had anyone to impress anymore.

The only type of social interaction I'd had was when my mother rang to make sure I'd made it back safely, and when the pizza delivery guy brought me food. I hadn't told my mother about Trevor, I couldn't be bothered to get into that. I didn't want to think about it let alone talk about it, he was still a fresh, gaping wound that consumed my entire being. 

I didn't open the door to anyone unless they brought me food, especially since I'd made the mistake of opening the door to _Trevor_ the other day. It had taken all of my physical strength to shut the door and stop him from forcing his way into my home. And even then he'd sat outside for an hour, pleading for me to come out and talk to him. It didn't bother me, I popped a pair of earphones in and listened to some music to drown him out until he left me alone.

But I couldn't act like this forever. I couldn't let his selfishness turn me into a sour, depressive mess who shuts the curtains just to keep her bedroom dark enough to sleep the day away in. So I finally crawled out of bed and peeled off the grotty clothes I'd been rotting in and threw them into my ever-growing washing pile that sat in the corner of my bathroom. I took a shower, shaved my legs and washed my hair, and put a pretty dress on. It was baby blue and covered in daisies, and Trevor's jaw used to drop whenever I wore it. I hid the dark rings under my eyes with makeup and strutted straight outside at three o'clock in the afternoon. I paused on my porch, not really sure on where I was going.

"Shit." I mumbled to myself, realising that everything I used to do somehow revolved around Trevor. I used to hang out at the airfield, watch him fly, sometimes he'd take me into the sky with him. I used to go hang out at the Yellow Jack Inn, but I'd be his designated driver since I didn't drink. I used to take walks through the desert, but I'd always complain that my feet hurt and he'd piggyback me home. Oh fuck, here come the tears again. I took a deep breath to compose myself.

I walked, away from my home in any direction. I just walked, my theory was that I'd find something interesting and distracting enough to do sooner or later. I made it out of Sandy Shores and started walking down the side of the highway. Soon enough my theory came true, as I approached a group of people, standing around these two cars at the side of the road. They were beautiful cars, fast looking, expensive looking, and totally out of place in the desert. They should be parked on driveways in Vinewood Hills. One kid who seemed too young to be as rich as he looked, was revving the engine of one of the cars. It was a Pegassi Zentorno, the kind of car I drooled over but would never be able to afford in a million years. The other was a Grotti Turismo R, just as stunning and just as unobtainable.

"Woah." I breathed as I came to a stop beside the Zentorno. I wanted to touch and stroke the curves of it, but didn't reach out in fear of scratching it, despite the fact that some guy was leaning on the hood.

"Impressed?" The kid in the drivers seat asked with a smirk.

"Yeah." I laughed, taking a peak at the interior as he got out. "Is this your car?" 

"Actually it's my dad's, so's that one." He nodded to the Turismo R beside it. "He let me and my brother take 'em out for a spin, a couple friends turned up to see the show and now we're about to race 'em." He grinned at me.

"Well, good luck." I snorted, I would not want to be him if those cars got damaged. This kid was pushing his luck. "You mind if I take a picture? I wanna show my brother. He's big into cars and he'd be so jealous that I got to see one of these in the flesh."

"Go for it." He shrugged before wandering off to talk to some other chick who looked more his age. I pulled my phone out of my purse, ignoring the new messages I'd received from _him_ , and opened up the camera. I took a selfie with a smug grin on my face, standing in front of the Zentorno. I immediately went on Life Invader and tagged my brother, Ryan, in the photo. I added the caption, _"Look what I found today, I bet you want one. I know I do ;)"_ , and posted it. 

I stuck around after that to see the race. It was exciting to watch and I appreciated the distraction. It was nice being able to think about something different for the first time in two weeks, and I actually smiled when the kid in the Zentorno won, and got out cheering and hollering and talking shit to his brother, who'd been driving the Turismo. I started walking home once the excitement had died down, and mentally planned my evening.

I had some leftover pizza in the fridge which I'd have for my dinner, and after that I'd have a pampering session. I'd watch a bunch of movies and paint my finger and toe nails, I'd wear a face mask to try and sort out the mess I'd left my skin to become after a fortnight of bad hygiene and bad dieting. Then I might even get dressed up and take a taxi into the city to find a nice, quiet bar to go to. My mood had drastically improved, and I had a lingering smile on my face as I walked down my street. I felt like I was making progress, getting out of my rut.

My mood made a nosedive for the shitter once I'd reached my trailer, though. There he was, sitting on the floor, leaning against my front door with a bunch of wildflowers in his hands. He was talking to himself, but I gathered he thought I was inside and was talking to me, since I never replied anyway. I stopped at the end of my yard and waited for him to look up and notice me, and as soon as he did he shot up and strode towards me.

"(Y/N), hey, I uh... Got you these." He stared at my face and held the flowers out towards me. "I picked them myself, just for you."

"I don't want flowers." I told him, walking past him towards my porch. I didn't let my face give away the funny, giddy feeling I got when I pictured him walking around picking flowers for me. I almost felt guilty for declining them...

"Okay, forget the flowers. What do you want instead? Anything, I'll make it yours." He followed close behind me and threw the flowers on the floor.

"Sweet, sweet solitude." I sighed, opening my door and going inside. He shoved his arm through this door before I could shut it.

"Just wait, okay? Listen to me. I want to fix things with you, these last two weeks have been fucking torture." He spoke to me through the door and I pushed on it just a little, enough to put some pressure on his arm. I gritted my teeth through my anger.

"Are you lonely? Go and find your prostitute, she'll help you through those long nights." I spat, hearing him groan and hit his head against the door.

"It was a huge mistake, I know I really fucked up. Just let me make things up to you. I want to make you happy, sweetheart!" He whined and I pushed on the door a little harder, I heard him grunt on the other side. "What're you doing?" He asked.

"Hurting you, I hope. Its not nice, is it? Being hurt by someone you trusted, cared about and _loved_." My eyes started to fill with angry tears and I pushed even harder. "I could snap your arm right now, if I grabbed your hand and pulled it sideways. I could snap it right in half."

"Do it! I fucking deserve it." I looked down at his clenched fist, his bruised, tattooed knuckles. He opened up his hand as if offering it to me. 

"You'd get off on that, wouldn't you? This ain't the first time you've asked me to hurt you." I snorted, taking a jab at some of the stranger things he'd asked me to do in the bedroom.

"Come on, this is different. I want you to give me what I deserve, for hurting you like this." He told me in an almost whiny tone. "If it'll make you feel better, do it, baby." 

I sighed and let go of the door, relieving the pressure on his arm. He pushed the door open and stepped towards me. I didn't look up at him, I just stood still, focusing on the floor and trying to steady my breathing. I froze as he gently stroked the back of his hand against my cheek. 

"Don't." I whispered, backing away from him as he went to pull me into a hug.

"I'm so sorry." He told me and I closed my eyes. I was sick of hearing him apologise. "What can I do to make you come back to me?"

"Nothing. Trevor, I don't know if I can deal with this." I opened my eyes to look at him. "Its difficult enough for me to even feel comfortable in a new relationship, and now that this has happened..." I trailed off.

"I broke your trust, I know that-" he started, but I interrupted him.

"I'm never enough, am I?" I said and my voice wobbled.

"What? Of course you are." He took a step closer to me, reaching for me but I pushed him away by his chest and folded my arms, guarding myself from him.

"I'm clearly not, if I was I'd be able to have a relationship with someone who doesn't need to find another person to satisfy them." I turned and walked into my kitchen, filling a glass of water to ease my dry throat.

"Don't blame yourself, this was all my fault. Don't think that I did what I did because of you, (Y/N)." He watched me as I downed the glass of water, then wiped my mouth with the back of my sleeve. "It was all me. I'm the problem."

"I've heard this before. Do all men come up with the same bullshit?" I laughed without humour and shook my head. "They fuck up and they grovel and insult themselves because they think it'll make me forgive them? I insult you enough in my head to cover the both of us, I don't need your input."

"You insult me in your head? Fuck, let me hear it. Get it out of your system, give me your worst." He opened up his arms to me and I looked at him in his checkered shirt and jeans. I hated myself for still finding him attractive even now.

"You're a hypocrite. When I told you all those months ago about the men I've been with before, you acted like they were the scum of the earth. Then you go and do exactly what they did. You think you can just fix this with a few apologies and a bunch of flowers?" I snapped at him, advancing on him and jabbing a finger in his chest.

"Of course not, that's why I want to talk about this, so you can tell me what I can do to make things right." He tried to grab the hand I had reached towards his chest, but I pulled it away before he could.

"I don't know Trevor. You've hurt me, more than anyone has hurt me before. I could take being hurt by my past boyfriends but its different with you." I admitted with a shake of my head.

"How?" He questioned, his eyes never once leaving mine. His looked as red and tired as mine probably did.

"Because I really loved you. I loved you a _lot_." I told him with a tired lift and drop of my shoulders.

"But you don't love me anymore?" He guessed and it made my stomach churn. I took a shaky breath and looked away from him. When I didn't reply, he continued. "I still love you more than anything. You're the most precious thing in my life, and I could shoot myself for fucking things up like this."

"Trevor." I breathed, freezing up when he stepped closer to me, well into my personal space. I couldn't move.

"What made you fall in love with me before?" He asked, almost timidly reaching out to take a lock of my hair between his fingers. He rolled it between his finger tips before letting it drop back against my shoulder.

"What?" I sighed, shaking my head. I was embarrassed by how blurry my vision was, he could definitely see I was holding back tears. I felt so weak.

"I want to know what I did to make you love me, so I can do it again." He moved his hand to my cheek. _Why was I letting him get so close?_

"You were just you. And so different to everybody else." I whispered, noticing how he looked at my lips. I could see it coming from a mile away and I knew that he was going to do it, but even so, I couldn't try to stop him when he kissed me. I was locked in place, my arms stiff at my sides. His other hand moved to cup my other cheek and he tilted my head, moving his the other way to deepen the kiss. I allowed myself to kiss him back for just a second before my rational side started screaming at me, and I was shoving him away by his chest.

"I'm sorry." He told me breathlessly, holding his hands out towards me as if he thought I was going to attack him or something. I covered my mouth and shook my head. My lips were tingling where his met mine and I couldn't get over how much I'd missed that feeling over the past two weeks.

"Please go." I mumbled behind my hands.

"Baby..." He shook his head, reaching for me until I stepped back.

"Now." I pulled my hand away from my face, speaking in a firmer tone. "I want to go to bed."

"Its not even five o'clock yet." He pointed out.

"I don't want to think anymore. I want to sleep." I admitted, walking over to him and pushing him to the door.

"Sweetheart, please-" He started, his tone verging on panicked.

"You wanted me to talk to you, you got what you wanted and more." I told him, shoving him outside.

"What I want, is to fix this!" He shouted at me, he looked pissed. "I need you to stop shutting me out!" He said, right before I shut the door in his face. I heard him growl and he hit my front door. I peeked out of my window in time to see him storm away from my home, kicking one of my lawn chairs over as he went.

I retreated to the place I'd spent the last two weeks feeling sorry for myself in, my bedroom. I flopped down face first onto my bed and felt sorry for myself some more. I hated this, he was making things so much harder for me because, fuck... Of course I still loved him. I didn't want to love him, I just did. Him chasing me like this wasn't going to let me move on, all it was going to do was drag out the pain. And God knows I'd had enough of men causing me pain.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> I'm thrilled to see kudos and comments on the first chapter of this already. Bless this community for being so lovely :') thank you so much for reading!


	3. Pegassi

Well, I'd fallen back into my routine. Sleep, cry, eat, repeat, it was boring, really. I was boring. Even Trevor had given up texting me, and somehow that made me feel worse. I had actually decided to read some of them. It was all _I miss you, I'm sorry, I love you, please talk to me, I'm a dick, blah blah blah_. I cried when I read them, of course, I cried at everything these days for fucks sake. I cried because I had to get up to pee at one point, I really was pathetic. But I told myself it was okay because I was hurting, and there was no shame in crying over that. 

Three days. That's how long it had been since I last saw him. Since that one time I'd decided to leave my home only to return to him sitting in my yard. But I thought I'd try again today, maybe go down to the city to do some shopping. I could do what rich people do and spend money on material shit that I don't need to make me feel better. Maybe the retail therapy would help. So I rolled out of bed and threw some clothes on, then walked into my kitchen to grab some breakfast.

I'd just finished pouring milk into my bowl of cereal when I saw it. A key, sat just in front of the door as if someone had slid it under the crack. I put my cereal down and picked it up, inspecting it. It had a thin black handle, into which the Pegassi logo had been engraved. I turned it over to find a button with a padlock symbol on it. I frowned, confused, before I suddenly had this creeping feeling of realisation. Just out of curiosity, I opened my front door. I almost slammed it shut and opened it again to check if I was seeing things, but it was definitely there. The fucking Pegassi Zentorno sat on my driveway. I stumbled outside with a dropped jaw, walking up to the car, taking in all of its curves and angles. It was a sort of reddish-purple berry colour, with tinted windows and everything. 

"What the fuck." I breathed, walking up to the drivers side and pressing the button on the key, the lights flashed once and I heard the doors unlock. I pulled the drivers side door open curiously, immediately noticing the bright yellow sticky note attached to the steering wheel. I pulled it off to read it.

_Hope you like the colour - Trev_

A sudden wave of anger flashed through me. He thought he could buy his way back into my heart? Fuck that. I slammed the door and locked it, screwing up the sticky note and dropping it on the floor before I marched towards his trailer. Didn't he realise that I loved him for _him_ , not his bank account? Did he really think I was so shallow that I'd run back into his arms just because he splashed out on a fucking car? He wasn't my fucking sugar daddy. I growled involuntarily as I stomped up his porch steps and hammered on his door. 

"Trevor! You... You, uh..." All the fight was taken from me when he opened the door. He was wearing nothing but a pair of leopard print briefs and he had bed hair and his eyes were sleepy and when he spoke his voice was all groggy and I felt my heart race and... Shit. I felt like crying all over again.

"(Y/N)?" He said, sounding stunned, a little smile forming on his face.

"I'm sorry, I woke you didn't I?" I murmured, my eyes rolling down his almost naked body before they stayed fixed on the floor.

"It's fine, it was about time I got up anyway." He said, then turned to walk back into his trailer, gesturing for me to follow. I watched him go to his fridge and pull out a carton of milk. He drank straight from the bottle and I couldn't stop staring at his back. I'd always found his back sexy, it was just the right level of muscular and I used to love dragging my finger nails down it when we- I cut that thought right in half and peeled my eyes away from him. I looked around his home, it had gotten significantly more untidy since I'd left him, I noticed.

"I noticed your little gift." I told him with a sigh, leaning against the closed door. He put the milk back in the fridge and turned to look at me, licking away the little milk-mustache he had going on.

"I saw on Life Invader that you wanted one, so..." He shrugged almost sheepishly. I thought back to the post I'd made to my brother, Ryan, and sighed.

"Trevor, they're like eight hundred thousand dollars. This is ridiculous." I told him, looking down at the key in my hand.

"It was actually only seven hundred and twenty five thousand, but if it makes you happy then I can't put a price on that." He shrugged. I knew that Trevor's line of work gave him a decent living, but surely that kind of money was a lot to anyone, even the richest of people. I didn't know he could afford something like that car and still have spare to live on, that was crazy.

"But... It doesn't make me happy. It's not about money and flash cars, that's not what makes me happy." I sighed sadly. "I appreciate the gesture, but I can't accept this." I held the key out towards him. He merely looked at it, then back up at my eyes.

"You don't like the car?" He asked.

"Well, of course I like it, but that's not the point." I rolled my eyes.

"If you like it, then keep it." He shrugged, crossing his arms over his chest.

"I can't..." I groaned, dragging a hand over my face.

"What else am I going to do with that money? I've got everything I want. Well, that money can buy, at least." He looked me up and down and I could read desire in his eyes. I averted my gaze.

"Please just take it back." I whispered, my words falling on deaf ears.

"At least if you've got it you can sell it when times get rough, you know? With you being unemployed and all." He was trying to do something, I don't know what, but there was definitely something in his voice. Maybe he wanted me to grovel for my job, because oh I really did need those weekly paychecks to get through the month... I wanted to roll my eyes. I had a decent little pile of cash saved up, and it'd last me a good while until I got a new job. Maybe there'd be an opening at Sandy Shores medical centre by now. I could get a real career, and not have to half-lie when people ask me about my job. Being a personal doctor for my criminal boyf- ex boyfriend, who's constantly getting himself shot and into fights, wasn't something I felt I could be completely open with. I looked up on top of the fridge and, yep, my box of supplies was still up there. It made me feel kind of sad, really.

I had a lot of memories in this trailer, working for Trevor. Not all of them good, admittedly, but memories nonetheless. Some of my less pleasant ones including Trevor almost bleeding out one time, not all that long ago actually, when a biker had caught him in the wrong place with a shotgun. Some of my more pleasant ones including the time he got shrapnel from an explosion he'd caused himself, the idiot, stuck in his upper thigh. The combination of the adrenaline he had running through his body, and the way I had to work on him in close vicinity to his privates, had inevitably turned him on. I doubted he'd ever received oral sex after being treated by the nurses in Sandy Shores medical centre before, so I guess that was just one of the perks of having a girlfriend that doubled as your personal doctor.

"I might move back to England." I suddenly said, painfully aware of the way that reliving these memories made me feel. It made me miss him, even when he was standing right in front of me. Maybe I really did need to get away from here. A long way away.

"What?" His eyes widened in shock, then he started shaking his head quickly. "No, no, no, you can't."

"Why not?" I frowned at him, I wasn't about to let him tell me what to do.

"Fuck..." He sighed, rubbing his eyes with the heels of his hands. "Its one thing you moving back in down the street, but to another country? That's... Too much."

"But I grew up there, maybe I miss my family." I shrugged.

"You see your family regularly, you visited them only a couple of weeks back..." His voice seemed to get quieter as he spoke, and there was this awkward moment when we were both thinking exactly the same thing. I was the one to mention it.

"Yeah, I did visit them. And you cheated on me while I was away." I said with a sarcastic little smile on my face. I just felt like reminding him, or myself for that matter. "At least if I'm gone for good, you're a free man and you can sleep with whoever you want."

"Oh come on, don't talk like that. You know you mean more to me than that chick, or any other person I've ever slept with in my life, for that matter." He sighed, stepping towards me, he placed his hands on my upper arms. "All I want is you."

"I just don't get why you did it." I said softly, staring at the tattoo around his neck. "I mean, if you were horny you could have just jerked off. What do you think I do when you're not around?" I said bluntly, I hardly needed to mince my words around him.

"You- you touch yourself when I'm not around?" He asked, strangely surprised by that, apparently. I felt his grip on my arms tighten subtly. "What do you think about?" He asked, a bit personal, but then again I'd come to expect that sort of thing from him.

"What do you think?" I shook his hands off of me and looked away with a red face. He made this little noise, and I knew by the way he was looking at me exactly what he was imagining me doing.

"You think about me." He said in this quiet, deep voice, closing the gap between us and stroking a finger down my cheek. "I think about you. I _always_ think about you." 

"Did you think about me when you were inside that whore?" I whispered. He nodded, his lips lingering close to my temple. "Good. Then you can think about me again and again." I said, then backed away from him, not missing the semi in his briefs before I left. I smirked to myself as I jogged down his porch steps.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> I've wanted to include this sort of thing in a fic for so long. I can just imagine Trevor, although he doesn't like flash things for himself, would spend a ridiculous amount of money on someone else in an attempt to impress them/win them over :P just a little head cannon I had and I wanted to pop that in ;3


	4. You're My Weakness

All in all, I'd had a productive morning. I'd changed my bedsheets to fresh ones, cleaned the floor, tidied the trailer, and washed the pots. I'd even taken on the monster task of washing the massive amount of dirty clothes I'd piled up on the floor (and hung them to dry on my shower curtain rail, since hanging them on a line outside in Sandy Shores usually led to having half of my wardrobe stolen). It wasn't for fun, or for no reason, actually. I was expecting someone that evening, a real estate agent. Because I'd decided that I was going to start being serious about moving back to England. They were bringing someone over to view the trailer, which always seemed a bit overkill to me, considering that there was nothing more to see in this tiny box than what was in the photo's we'd put online to advertise it. But whatever, it was happening.

I wanted things to go as smoothly as possible, so I could get this place sold quick and easy. I'd already spoken to my mother on the phone, and she'd agreed to let me live with her for a while, just while I got back on my feet. Of course it had meant telling her about Trevor and I, and of course, she made a fuss. _Ohhh, petal!_ She'd cooed down the phone when I broke the news to her, and then she'd gone on to give me the usual speech about how I'm going to find a nice man one day who will treat me like a queen and all the rest of that bullshit that's never gonna happen. I knew that she'd told my brother, cause about ten minutes after I ended the call I received a text from him. It simply said, _told you so_. I didn't fucking reply. I just cried again. Yeah, that hadn't stopped, I was still a train wreck.

The estate agent would be here at four o'clock, so when there was a knock at the door at barely three, I was confused and slightly apprehensive. I didn't want to _not_ open the door, in case I'd got the time mixed up. But then again, I had my fucking drawers still hanging up in the bathroom, I didn't want my underwear making the first impression on the potential buyer! But I opened the door anyway. It wasn't the realtor.

"You're selling the fucking trailer?" Trevor practically gave me a heart attack, yelling even before I fully opened the door. I was too shocked to shut him out before he barged his way inside. So he'd noticed the sign outside...

"I told you, I want to move back to England." I said stoically, crossing my arms. Even now I noticed his eyes automatically flying down to my cleavage when I did.

"No you don't." He huffed, glaring at me before looking around my home.

"Uh, excuse you for telling me what I don't want." I spat at him, screwing my face up into a scowl.

"You're just being stubborn, and you're running away from the thing you don't want to deal with. Fixing this." He wagged his finger back and forth between us.

"Don't flatter yourself, not every decision I make revolves around you." I scoffed.

"But this one does." He said, and I couldn't bring myself to deny it.

"I don't care what you think, Trevor. So assume what you want. This is happening whether you like it or not." I insisted with a sharp nod of my head.

"It's not." He started pacing back and forth in front of me. "You're staying right fucking here until you forgive me." 

"What if I don't _want_ to forgive you? Maybe I just want to leave this all behind and forget about it, because that's the only way I can be sure you won't hurt me again." I raised my voice, grabbing his shoulder to stop him from pacing when I noticed the muddy footprints he was leaving on the floor I'd spent all morning cleaning.

"You're saying you could just forget about us? Easy as that?" He frowned angrily at me.

"I never said it would be easy." I shook my head, dropping my hand away from his shoulder when I realised I'd began stroking my thumb back and forth. "Its just, that's what I did when I've been cheated on before. Why should you be any different?"

"Because I'm not gonna let you. I'm not losing you over a stupid mistake, and I'm never going to stop loving you so if you think I'll just sit back and let you forget about us then you can think again." He cupped my face in his hands and made me look at him when I glanced away. "You are too important to give up on."

"Trevor, I'm scared about what it'll mean if I take you back." I admitted.

"It'll mean that we can be happy together, just like we used to be." He said softly, tracing his thumbs over my cheekbones.

"No, it means that I'm just letting you get away with it. You won't learn anything if I just forgive you without a second thought." I grabbed his wrists and pried his hands away from my face.

"Coming this close to losing you has taught me a lesson in itself. Do you think if you came back to me, I'd take you for granted again?" He asked, and I didn't answer. "I miss you, (Y/N). I've had a taste of what it's like being without you, and I can't stand it. I fuckin' need you."

"You managed just fine without me before." I told him and he shook his head.

"Yeah, managed. There's more to being happy than just _managing_. You give me more than that, you make my life so much better just by existing and now that I've had you, I don't want to be without you." He ran a hand down my arm to grab my own hand. "I love you so fucking much, and whatever country you live in isn't going to change that. It'll just make it harder." He leaned forwards and pressed his lips to my forehead. I squeezed my eyes shut and ignored the racing of my heart.

"I have someone coming over to view this place very soon. I think its best if you go now." I mumbled, pulling my hand out of his and stepping away from him. "Take the car with you too, please." I pointed towards the key on the kitchen counter as I walked into my bathroom and began moving my clean clothes from the shower curtain rail.

"I'm not going." He said stiffly and I heaved a sigh. Why did he have to make things difficult? I pushed past him and walked into my bedroom with the pile of clothes in my hands.

"Yes you are." I retorted, angrily stuffing the clothes into my drawers.

"No I'm not." He fired back and I paused to look at him, before storming past him again into the kitchen.

"Stop being so childish, Trevor." I said, rinsing a cloth under the tap before kneeling down on the floor to clean up his muddy footprints.

"Childish? Coming from the woman who's moving to another fucking country just to get away from me." He snorted. "Where are you gonna go when you get to England? I doubt you can afford a house." 

"I'm staying with my mother for a while." I told him, scrubbing at the floor vigorously.

"I'm sure you're looking forward to that. Living with your parents at your age." He was standing over me, refusing to budge when I tried to clean where he was stood.

"It's not permanent, just until I find a job." I sat up on my knees, looking up at him. I caught the little shit staring down my shirt and sighed, turning away from him to continue scrubbing the floor.

"Have you forgotten why you moved here in the first place? You couldn't get a job in England!" He raised his voice and I screamed in frustration, throwing the damp cloth across the room and burying my face in my hands. I was shaking, I was so angry. I felt him put his hand on my shoulder and tensed.

"Come on, get up. The floor's clean." He said in a considerably softer tone. He moved his hand to my wrist, and tried to pull me up, but I struggled against him and jerked my arm out to try and shake him off. I heard his throaty grunt and immediately realised that I'd accidentally elbowed him right between his legs.

"I'm sorry! I didn't mean to do that." I gasped, rising to my feet and touching his shoulder as he hunched over, cupping his privates. "Are you okay?" Shit, I felt guilty. I may be pissed at him but even I thought it was mean to cripple a guy like that.

"Jesus, I know I like it rough but, sweetheart... There are limits." He choked out with a chuckle. He straightened up, one hand still lingering between his legs, and he was breathless.

"I really am sorry." I bit my lip and he shook his head dismissively.

"I guess I kind of deserved it." He shrugged, then smirked. "You haven't touched me in over a month and this is how you start me off?"

"Oh shut it." I rolled my eyes and shoved his shoulder. He laughed, then took a step closer to me, his face going serious.

"Please don't move back to England." He said quietly, reaching for me and gathering handfuls of my shirt at my stomach. I took a deep breath and looked down.

"I have to." I told him, stepping away only to be pulled back again by my shirt. 

"No you don't. Stop fighting this, you and I both know that you don't want to call it quits." He was so close to me, I could feel his breath on my face as he spoke to me. I licked my dry lips without realising it and he took it as an invitation to kiss me. I hated this. I hated how he had so much power over me, how he could make all of my willpower crumble with just the simple act of pressing his lips to mine. It made me feel weak and pathetic. I didn't exactly kiss back, but I didn't stop him either, even when he pushed me back and pinned me against the wall. He grabbed my hands as he kissed me, and pushed them above my head, holding them against the wall with one hand. His other hand began to move under my shirt, resting against the skin of my waist. He pressed his body against mine, and I was trapped. I couldn't move, and to be honest, I didn't know if I wanted to.

He broke the kiss and touched his forehead to mine. His eyes bored into mine intensely for a few long seconds, before he kissed me again, this time pushing his tongue past my lips. It kind of felt like I had been pulled out of my body, and I was just watching, powerless and completely unable to move to stop him. I was fighting with myself too, the sensible side of me was telling me to push him away, but the rest of me was just silently enjoying what was happening. That part of me was stronger it seemed, as the only thing I could do was let out a half suppressed moan when he pressed his hips against mine, his hardness telling me that he was just as aroused as I found myself becoming. His hand traveled further up my shirt, squeezing my right breast.

"You still on the pill?" He asked me in a desperate tone, and I nodded my head. I knew from the moment he'd pushed me against the wall that this was the direction we were heading, and I still didn't try to stop it.

He let go of my hands and I immediately brought them down to his hair, feeling myself pulling him closer to me without even telling my body to move. His hand went under my skirt, lifting it up and reaching for my underwear. I didn't stop him from pulling them down, I helped him do it. I didn't stop him from burying two fingers inside of me, I encouraged him. I didn't stop him from pulling his sweatpants down and replacing his fingers with his cock, I _wanted_ him to. I was worlds away, and it didn't seem real, more like a dream, when he thrust into me hard and fast. He lifted one of my legs up to get a better angle, and I clung to him, my other leg weak and shaky. Everything felt so much more intense having been without it for over a month. I was hypersensitive, even his ravenous kissing and biting of my neck had me moaning louder than usual. He felt so familiar yet completely foreign at the same time, everything felt like it was the first time and the thousandth time I'd felt it. 

"I love you." He grunted into my ear, his face buried in my shoulder and his hands squeezing tight around my breast and my thigh. He was fucking me with as much vigor and passion as he had the night before I left to go to England last month, only it felt more desperate this time. Like he was trying infinitely harder to please me and he was holding me so tight it was like he was scared to let go. I couldn't believe I was letting it happen, but I was, and I couldn't bring myself to stop him now. Especially when my climax was building, a tingling warmth rising from between my legs and filling my gut. It was going to be intense, that much I could tell.

"Don't stop." I found myself sighing, all but oblivious to everything but him and the way he made me feel in that moment. I squeezed my eyes shut, focusing on the sensations. The continuous bursts of pleasure that came each time he buried himself deep inside me, the hot, frantic breaths that hit my skin as he kissed and sucked on my neck, the rough way our clothed bodies ground together with every movement. It was all over very quickly, but it felt like it could have been hours. When I came, it was enough to make my breath catch in my throat and my mouth hang open in awe of just how _good_ it felt. Trevor came as I did, filling me with his climax with sharp, hard thrusts of his hips and a growl in my ear. 

For a while after it was over, he kept himself inside me, his body flush to mine, maybe he was savouring the moment. The real implications of what I'd just done started filling my mind, and my heart didn't stop racing. I dropped my arms at my sides and waited for him to move, and when he did, I felt empty and terrible when he pulled out of me. I quickly pulled my underwear up and straightened out my shirt. I could feel the seat of my underwear become cold and damp as his seed left me and dirtied them as it cooled. He didn't say a word as he tucked himself away and wiped the sweat from his brow.

"(Y/N)..." He breathed, looking at my stiff jaw and distant eyes.

"You need to go." I whispered, my voice was thick and it sounded like I was going to cry.

"But-" he started, and I interrupted him, covering my face with my hands.

"I shouldn't have let that happen." I said, flinching away when he touched my arm.

"Don't say that, please baby." He sounded hurt and the guilt I felt was crippling. I should _not_ have let that happen. I thought, the words repeating in my head. I should have stopped him when he first kissed me.

"You've got to go." I said, pulling my hands away from my red face.

"You can't push me away again, not after this." He argued and I shook my head.

"I'm weak, Trevor. You're my weakness and I really just need you to leave me alone right now. I'm sorry." I choked, my eyes were welling up.

"You're not the only person who's hurting, you can't just play with me like that." He murmured, his face screwed up in this pained glare.

"I know, and I'm sorry! Just give me some time, okay?" I pleaded, and he waved his hand dismissively with a growl and swung the trailer door open so hard it hit the wall with a loud bang, and he stormed out angrily. I sighed and closed my eyes, hearing a car pull up outside moments later.

"Hi there Miss. (L/N). I trust everything is ready for the viewing?" The realtor said to me after letting herself into my home. 

"No." I simply said, and she frowned at me. "I'm cancelling it. Sorry."

"But, if you cancel viewings there's no way you're going to sell as fast as you'd like. I have a potential buyer waiting in my car." She warned me in a panicked tone.

"I don't care anymore, now is really not a good time and I'd like you to leave." I snapped, pointing at the door. She stared, shocked, at me for a moment before turning and leaving. I couldn't give a shit if she had a potential buyer waiting outside. I just wanted to be on my own again.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Ohh shit... You just knew they'd slip up at some point, right?


	5. Mistakes

It took a lot to build up the courage to see him, but I knew I had to do it. After what had happened, it would be out of order to leave things unsettled. When Trevor kissed me the other day, I lost my rational side temporarily. I lost control of myself, and there was nothing I could do to stop things from going as far as they did, and at times I didn't really want to. That was a scary thought, but I swept it under the rug in favour of assuming that my lack of control had been a result of missing human contact. Maybe I'd just missed being touched, and once he'd gotten close to me, I couldn't bring myself to push him away.

So after taking a quick trip to the convenience store close to my home, I had decided to confront Trevor before retreating. He was sat outside on his porch, when I arrived, laying on his back on the rickety bench that lived there, with his feet hanging off the end. As I made my way up the steps, for some reason being quiet as if I was trying not to disturb him, I noticed he had one arm draped over his eyes, and the other resting on his stomach with a beer in his hand. I leaned against the fence and crossed my arms, the rustling of the plastic bag full of junk food I had in my hand roused him from whatever state of consciousness he'd been in, and he lifted his arm from his face to look at me.

"Hey." I said, tilting my head to match the angle of his in his laying position. He heaved himself up and twisted around to sit normally on the chair, reaching to put his beer on the table in front of him.

"Hey, you come here to mess with my head some more, or..." He murmured, rubbing his eyes.

"I came to apologise." I told him, and he looked up at me with a neutral expression. He looked tired, and basically just _done_. "I should have stopped you the other day. It was wrong of me to let things get that far if I had no intention of working things out for real."

"You have no intention of working things out for real." He repeated with a snort. "Right, then why did you bother coming here?"

"Because what I did was wrong, and I apologise for things that I do wrong." I looked down at his shoes, mainly to avoid his eyes.

"What _you_ did? You didn't force me to stick my dick in you, I was responsible for that." He leaned back on the chair, his arms laying limp at his sides as he looked out from his porch.

"I didn't exactly stop you, though, did I? I let things go too far, and I gave you the wrong impression about my feelings on this whole thing. That was wrong, that was unfair."

"Yeah, I guess that sucked." He told me monotonously. "I thought I had you, for just a few minutes. Thought you'd forgiven me." He shrugged and shook his head dismissively.

"I'm sorry." I said. I did feel guilty, and I knew what I did was wrong, but at the same time I couldn't help but feel that he kind of had it coming. I never gave any indication that I wanted him back, until he kissed me. He should have known. Not that it made what I did any less selfish, of course.

"Don't worry about it." He said. We were silent for a long while after that, and I was about to head off just because the tension was getting a little too awkward, but he spoke. "I just think it's a waste."

"What?" I asked, slightly puzzled.

"Think about it. Our entire relationship has been pretty much perfect, in my eyes anyway. I mean, when you're not saving my life and fishing bullets out of my ass cheeks." I stifled a laugh, remembering the three separate occasions I had actually needed to pull bullets out of his butt cheeks. "And we're just going to let it all go to shit over me having a meaningless fuck with some chick, and I don't even remember what she looks like."

"When you put it like that, I see your point. But think of it from my perspective." I sighed, and he looked at me expectantly. "I've been shat on by men my whole life, I've caught them in the act, found out through my friends, and heard it straight from the horses mouth. It doesn't matter how I find out, its always the same shit. They feel like I'm not enough, and find someone else to get their rocks off with."

"But for me, you are enough! I don't know what I was thinking-" he started, but I held a hand up to silence him.

"Let me finish. I met you, I fell in love with you, and you were so different from everyone else I've been with. I let myself get sucked in, and I blindly trusted you with all of my being. So when I found out what you did, not only did it feel like a knife to the heart, but I was also just... _So_ shocked."

"You know that I'd never do it again, don't you? You can't believe I'm that stupid." He sighed and I shook my head.

"That's not the point. The point is, you broke that trust by doing the most selfish thing possible. And it wasn't even as if you had to do it right behind my back, I was in another country so I could do _nothing_ about it. You couldn't wait five days to satisfy your sexual appetite. You had to ruin what we had just to get laid, that's why I'm so reluctant to take you back. It was just such a pointless thing to risk everything over, do you know how insignificant that makes me feel?"

"Baby, I'm-" he started, but I wasn't done.

"To feel like I'm so _worthless_ , that the person who supposedly loves me, would risk losing me forever just to get laid once? It's shit, Trevor. So to you it might have been one mistake, a meaningless fuck. But to me, its so much more than that, its a reflection of my worth. I am worth less to you, than the money you paid to fuck that hooker."

"That's bullshit, and you know it. You're worth more to me than anything, and what I did was just a stupid one off! The way it went down was like this; I'd been drinking, I'd been smoking, I _missed_ you, and I felt lonely. So I went for a drive and before I knew it, I was making a mistake that I couldn't take back. I hate myself for it! I could have chosen to keep it from you, but I thought if I was honest, you might cut me some fucking slack!" He had stood up and was yelling into my face by the end of his speech, and I was leaning away from him, my back pressing against the fence behind me. I'd be lying if I said I wasn't just a little bit frightened.

"I'm going to go home now." I murmured, and something in his expression softened. He backed away from me and scraped a hand through his unwashed hair.

"Wait, I'm sorry, I didn't want to yell at you like that." He said to me in a quiet voice, like he was talking to a spooked animal. He was holding a hand out to try and stop me as I made my way towards the steps.

"You can't expect me to cut you some slack just because you told me. Your honesty doesn't excuse the fact that you gambled our relationship away." I said quietly as I paused on the top step. "Sure, I appreciate it, but it doesn't mean I'm going to forget it happened."

He didn't say anything, he just dropped his arm from in front of me and let me leave.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> A bit of a short chapter today, but hopefully the next few will be good enough to make up for it :) again, thank you to everyone who gives kudos and comments! It makes me feel like this isn't a terrible story :P


	6. Finality

Bored. Bored. Bored.

The word went round and round in my head as I laid face down on my bed, fiddling with a feather I'd plucked from my pillow when I'd felt it sticking out. Perhaps it didn't help that I was hot and somewhat sexually frustrated. Going from having lots of sex to no sex at all (besides the obvious slip up I'd made, but let's not talk about that) was beginning to take its toll. I couldn't even get myself off either at this point, since every time I tried my mind would wander to thoughts of him. Memories of some of the most intimate nights we'd spent together, and then I'd start crying again. It had a way of killing the mood. He was destroying me, and I was letting it happen, that was what frustrated me the most. What he'd done hadn't just hurt me in the beginning, it was causing aftershocks, just like an earthquake, finding ways to inflict destruction on practically every aspect of my life.

What I didn't fully understand, was _why_ it was affecting me so much. I never felt like this before, all the other times I'd been fucked over by a man. Maybe it was because Trevor was so different to the people I'd dated before, he was practically their opposite, and I never expected him to make the mistakes they did. His mistakes usually involved turning up late to a date because he'd fucked off the wrong guy on the way there, or he'd get blood on the bedsheets when he rolled into bed, filthy, at four in the morning. Not doing something like cheating, that was, in an odd way, a _normal_ mistake. I mean, you hear about _normal_ couples breaking up after someone has an affair, and Trevor was so far from normal that it felt almost out of character for him. It was something that was difficult to explain, and perhaps I was just going stir crazy after not leaving the trailer for a week, but I supposed it all boiled down to surprise.

I sighed and got up, not bothering to change out of my _lazy_ clothes, sweatpants and a loose crop t-shirt, before slipping some shoes on and heading out the door with the car key in my hand. Trevor, of course, hadn't taken away the car like I'd asked him to on multiple occasions, although I wasn't surprised. And hey, if he insisted on spending a stupid amount of money on a car for me, I couldn't just leave it to collect dust on my driveway. Besides, I'd been secretly dying to take it for a spin since the second I saw it, and it'd be nice to take my mind off of everything that had happened. So I climbed in, taking a moment to familiarise myself with what everything did. I revved the engine a little when I started her up and practically came at the sound.

"Oh, baby." I whispered, my heart fluttering in my chest. I had to remind myself that I _was_ planning on forcing Trevor to take it back at some point, and if he didn't, I'd just leave it on his drive before I left to go back to England. But what harm could a little test drive do?

-

"Oh I love you." I squealed, laughing manically as I difted around the corner, kicking up dust and sand around the tyres. "You beautiful fucking machine." I sighed, picking up speed as I straightened out, groaning at the sound of the engine. I'd brought the car to Trevor's airfield, since it was the only empty strip of concrete I knew about in this area, and I knew I'd really be able to have some fun with her. I was doing laps around the runway, drifting around corners and trying to see just how fast I could get this baby to go on the straight paths. 

I'd been at it for hours, the tingly feeling right in the gut never got old after pulling off a glorious drift. I wished my brother was there with me, he'd fucking love it. I rememberd him go-kart racing as a kid, I used to watch all of his races when I was little. I used to think he was awesome, I still do in fact. He was currently training to get his racing licence, I guess he never grew out of his childhood dream of being a racecar driver. I was proud of him, it couldn't have been easy to chase his dreams when our father was always shoving the army down his throat-

"Fuck." I spat, putting the breaks on suddenly, hearing the tyres squeal as I was thrown forwards in my seat. I couldn't leave the house these days, not without _him_ popping up. I was beginning to worry he'd planted some kind of tracking device under my skin or something. I watched Trevor hop off of the barrel he'd been watching me from for God knows how long, clapping his hands and grinning at me as he strode closer. I reluctantly rolled the window down as he stopped in front of it, resting his hand on the top of the car. 

"Do you know why I pulled you over, ma'am?" He spoke in an authoritative voice and I rolled my eyes and ignored his comment.

"Why are you here?" I asked him and he frowned a little at me.

"This is _my_ airfield, I should be asking you that." He looked at my parted lips and guilty eyes and his expression softened. "Don't worry, I'm not mad or anything. You can trespass on my property whenever you like."

"This doesn't mean I'm keeping the car, Trevor. I still want you to take it back." I told him with a sigh, cutting the engine and opening the door, forcing him to step back as I climbed out.

"You sure? Looked like you were having a whale of a time out there." He grinned at me, crossing his arms over his chest when I tried to hand him the key.

"It doesn't matter." I shrugged. "I just wanted to have one little go before I forced you to take it back."

"How're you gonna force me?" He asked, raising a brow at me.

"I'll shove the key up your ass if I have to." I threatened and he laughed.

"Do I have permission to take that as you flirting with me?" His voice was a deep, pleasant purr and I narrowed my eyes at him.

"Don't." I warned.

"What? I can't be surprised after what we did the other day." He gave me a pointed look and I glanced away.

"Look, I spoke to you about that, I apologised for leading you on, so it'd be best if you forget that it happened." I told him.

"Forget? Sweetheart, I haven't been able it stop thinking about it." He lowered his voice and took a step closer to me. "You can give me all this bullshit about how you _shouldn't have let it happen_ , but don't tell me that you didn't enjoy it."

"I wasn't going to tell you that. But just because you enjoy something, doesn't mean you should keep doing it." I replied, looking back at him to watch his smile drop.

"I don't get you. Sometimes you're letting me touch you, to the point where I'm balls deep inside of you, and then other times you're just cold. Like you don't want anything to do with me." He frowned at me and I sighed.

"You know, a lot of the time that's the case." I shrugged.

"What, that you don't want anything to do with me?" He asked and I nodded in response. 

"Don't act all confused and surprised about my behaviour. Yes, I act cold, like I want nothing to do with you, because you broke my fucking heart. And yes, I let you touch me, and we ended up fucking the other day, but you started that. Not to sound childish or anything..."

"I started it, yes, but you didn't stop me. That tells me that you wanted it." He held a finger up to my face and I sighed, looking down.

"Maybe I did want it, maybe I missed the contact. And I totally own up to not stopping you, I had plenty of chances, but I didn't. I admit that, and I regret it." I raised my hands in a sort of surrender and he gave me this victorious little smile.

"So you admit that you wanted it?" He drawled and I sighed.

"I wanted it in the moment, that's different to wanting it period. You were kissing me and touching me just like you used to, I'm human, I'm going to react to that!" I shrugged, and it was the truth. If I'm kissed like that by someone that I have deep running feelings for, I'm going to respond, there's nothing more I can say about that.

"So that's all it was, a knee jerk reaction to me?" He raised his brow disbelievingly.

"It was me being weak. Giving into you when I really shouldn't have." I admitted and he shook his head.

"No, that was you giving into _you_. Doing what you want, rather than what you think you should." He pointed a finger at me again, I looked at it then back up at him.

"Don't act like you know me more than I do." I said, flustered by the accuracy of his words. I didn't want him to know that though, did I? "I told you why I'm not comfortable with taking you back, and it was nothing but the truth. It made me feel worthless, like you were so eager to get your rocks off, that you risked losing me. If you really loved me, you wouldn't do that." 

"Bullshit." He shook his head. "You know that I love you, you can't say that. Now I want you to tell me exactly how you feel about me. And be honest." He demanded, and I was silent for a few moments.

"Honestly? At this point, it's a mixture of hatred and irritation." I finally said, and it was a straight out lie. I missed him painfully and I couldn't stop loving him. It was my feelings that I hated, not him.

"That's really how you feel?" He asked, his jaw tense and his eyes unreadable. I forced myself to nod my head. "There's nothing else there? Nothing at all. Even after what we did the other day?"

"Nope. That was a mistake, how many times do you need to hear that?" I whispered, in fear that if I spoke any louder he would somehow hear the lump in my throat. He quiet groan left his lips and he planted his hands on the sides of his heads, his expression suddenly looked hopeless.

"You're done with me. Aren't you?" He said, and I nodded. "It doesn't matter what I say or do, you're not going to let yourself have this. You're always going to push me away." He never looked away from my eyes, even when his own began to water. Oh fuck, I'd never felt so guilty and downright _wrong_ in my life. I wanted to take everything back and scream at him how I really felt... But I couldn't. I was scared to. Because if I did that, I was opening myself up to fresh wounds. There was nothing stopping him from repeating his actions, was there?

"Come on, (Y/N). I know you don't want to do this. You must still have feelings for me! You can't just turn that shit off!" He reached out to grab my shoulders, but I stopped him.

"Sorry." I choked out with a shake of my head before shoving the car key into his hand. He didn't try to give it back, he didn't do anything, he just stood there with slightly parted lips. He watched me expressionlessly as I walked away from him, heading in the direction of my home. I heard him scream and yell, then they were drowned out by a loud banging sound, like someone was punching and kicking something metal... Like an expensive car. I didn't look back at him.

I felt like I was going to vomit, so much so that I covered my mouth with my hands. Rather than being sick, though, I let loose violent sobs that wracked my whole body, they were so strong they were almost painful. There was such a feeling of finality about it this time, like that really was _it_ , and I had this horrible, ominous feeling of dread washing over me, swallowing me up. Like I'd just made one huge mistake, and I regretted my actions instantaneously. It was perhaps worse than what I felt when he'd first told me, but I kept heading home. Nothing sounded better than curling up in my bed and sleeping away this sensation. I eventually broke into a run, the desert sun felt suffocating, and I just wanted to get away from it, to be on my own.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Does this spell the end for these pair? ... Probably not. (Spoiler)
> 
> I am posting this the night before an exam, I know, priorities. But yes, I wanted to let you know that if my updates become less regular its because I have to pull my head out of the land of fiction and do some real life things! Like get an education! But to be honest, I doubt it will be affecting my story too much, since I seem to always find time to write because its kind of therapeutic for me :P but yeah, that's just a heads up. Wish me luck!


	7. Medical Emergency

Another few days passed, and to be honest I didn't really know specifically how long it'd been since I'd left Trevor at the airfield, the days seemed to blend together when you spent most of your time sleeping. It came as a bit of a shock, really, when I woke up and it was pitch black outside. I was so used to waking up in the middle of the afternoon, hungry and sweating my ass off. My room was illuminated by the light coming from my phone, which was vibrating with a phone call and I guessed that was what woke me. I frowned when I saw the name on the screen, it was Ron. He hadn't called me in weeks, and since I was no longer working for Trevor, he didn't exactly have a reason to call me. My curiosity got the better of me, and I answered, well aware that this could be a trick and Trevor could be on the end of the line.

"Hello?" I answered groggily, rubbing the sleep from my eyes as I sat up in bed.

"I didn't know who else to call... I'm sorry!" Ron's panicked voice startled me.

"What's wrong?" I frowned.

"Trevor's acting weird and he's- he's been smoking." He told me and I sighed. He'd told me weeks ago that he was trying to quit, so that was a shame...

"If he's been doing drugs again then that's his problem. Thanks for waking me up." I said, about to hang up when Ron spoke again.

"Wait! I'm serious (Y/N), I'm worried. Can you just come over here? Now? Please?" He pleaded and I gave in. Ron was always worried, but something was different this time, and it was enough to force me out of bed in my shorts and tank top.

"Fine. I'm coming." I told him before hanging up. I didn't even bother putting a bra on in my haste, and I went for my flip-flops before jogging out of my home. I headed for Trevor's place, seeing Ron standing out on his porch as I got closer. He waved me over frantically and I picked up the pace. I ran up the steps and pushed past Ron to get into the trailer.

Trevor was bracing his hands against the wall opposite the front door, head bowed and chin tucked against his chest with his back to me. He was visibly shaking, and I could hear him muttering and groaning to himself. There was a pool of vomit at his feet, and even more down the front of his shirt. I approached him slowly and touched his shoulder, only to step back when he lashed out and swung his arm at me with a yell.

"Trevor, calm down." I said in a soothing tone, holding my hands out towards him, when he heard my voice he looked up at me with dilated pupils and a red, sweaty face. 

"I'm sorry!" He shouted, but it sounded more angry than sincere.

"Ron, what the fuck?" I simply asked, not taking my eyes off of Trevor.

"I think he's having a bad reaction to the meth." He suggested with a shaky voice. "He's been smoking since Wednesday."

"What day is it today?" I asked, feeling extremely disoriented.

"Sunday." He answered, and my jaw dropped.

"Trevor?" I tried, and he dragged his hands over his face, groaning. "Sweetie, how much have you smoked?" I asked him.

"All of it." He said, then laughed, pulling his hands away from his face to look at me.

"How much is all of it?" I winced, reaching out to him slowly, as if he was a wild animal.

"I don't know..." He said, his smile dropping suddenly. I could see him wobble on his feet and his eyes glossed over, and that was never a good sign.

"Come on, sit down Trevor." I told him, grabbing his hand and leading him to the sofa where he practically fell down onto it despite my efforts to keep him steady. I thought he was just a little off balance but then I noticed the sudden rigidity of his body, which began to twitch and convulse, forcing little grunts from his lips.

"Oh no, no..." I breathed, rolling him onto his back on the sofa and turning his head to the side in case he vomited again, supporting his head in that position while the rest of his body went into spasm. "Ron, call an ambulance." I said as calmly as I could.

"But you're a doctor." He argued and I shot him a glare.

"He's having an overdose, if you don't call an ambulance now, he could die." I told him, he still hesitated.

"But, the police... Trevor would-" his eyes darted between Trevor and I.

"I don't give a shit about the police! He needs real medical help, I can't do _fuck all_ for him here!" I raised my voice at him, and and thankfully he did what he was told and pulled his phone out. I felt Trevor go limp, and his eyes were lazily fluttering open, he coughed and groaned.

"We need an ambulance, yeah, I'm Ron Jakowski... It's for Trevor Philips, I think he's overdosed on methamphetamine." I could hear Ron talking on the phone, but he sounded miles away when Trevor's raspy voice spoke out to me.

"(Y/N)." He said my name, reaching for me with a limp hand. I took it in my own, holding it lightly as I moved to kneel on the floor beside him.

"What have you done you idiot?" I whispered to him with a shake of my head and tears in my eyes. He reached into his pocket and pulled out a zip-lock bag that was coated in white powder inside, handing it to me. It was all but empty, with a few tiny crystals in the bottom.

"This was full when you started?" I asked him numbly, and he nodded his head and my heart dropped. I turned his hand over and pressed my fingers to his wrist. His pulse was weak and without a proper rhythm.

"I don't know exactly how much he's smoked, but i-it's a lot... Sandy Shores, Zancudo Avenue, the trailer right at the end near the beach." Ron was still talking, and I was surprised at how well he was holding himself together. I was struggling, myself.

"Stay with me, Trevor." I cupped his face and rubbed my thumb over his cheek as his eyes started to close. I squeezed his hand and patted his face, trying to keep him alert. "Talk to me."

"All this time... You've pushed me away." He murmured with a weak chuckle. "Now you want me to talk to you." His voice was quiet and slurred but I understood every word.

"That's right, I want you to keep talking to me." I smiled weakly at him, his face looked blury through the tears in my eyes.

"I dunno what to say to you." A little frown formed on his face. "I can't keep saying sorry, c-cause you'll get bored of listenin'."

"Tell me what you're going to do when you get better." I asked him, hearing sirens coming closer. I was thankful that Trevor lived so close to a hospital.

"I'm gonna let you live your fuckin' life..." He took a deep, raspy breath. "Leave you alone." I shook my head, and pressed my lips to his forehead. The ambulance pulled up outside and Ron waved like a mad man at them, yelling _we're here, we're here!_

"Move aside, please." A woman in a paramedics uniform said to me, and I hurried out of the way. "Can you tell me your name?" She asked Trevor, and in true character he replied...

"What's it to you?"

"My name is Laura, I'm going to take you to the hospital. You're going to be in safe hands." She told him, pressing her fingers to his pulse on his neck as two men came in with a stretcher. "How has he been since you called us?" She asked me.

"He had a seizure, and he looks like he's struggling to stay conscious since then." I informed her, chewing on my fingers nervously as I watched over him. "And his name is Trevor Philips, by the way."

"Did anyone constrain him during the seizure?" She asked as the two other medics carefully moved him onto the stretcher.

"No, I supported his head but I didn't touch him anywhere else." I said and she nodded. "He smoked this whole bag." I held the empty bag out to show her, she took it from me.

"Okay, how do you know Mr. Philips?"

"I'm his... I think I'm- well I guess you could say I'm his girlfriend?" I stuttered a poor answer to a simple question as I watched him get strapped onto the stretcher.

"You've changed your tune." Trevor mumbled almost unintelligibly before he dropped out of consciousness. 

"Right, we need to get him to the hospital." The woman said urgently, and with that, Trevor was carried outside to the ambulance.

-

I sat in the waiting room, wringing my hands together and bouncing my foot up and down on the squeaky tiled floor. Ron and I had practically been interrogated when we arrived, they all wanted to know who we were, who Trevor got the drugs from, how long he'd been using for, la di da... We answered as honestly as we could, and thankfully they'd left us alone.

It was about the only time in my life I recalled hating being in a hospital, since all of the other times had been for job interviews and work experience. I used to love it then. But now that I was waiting to hear word on Trevor's condition, the too clean halls filled me with dread rather than optimistic thoughts of opportunity.

"I wish I could have done more for him. I've never seen anything like that and... It fucking terrified me." I said to Ron, shaking my head. I was practically being swallowed up by guilt, all I ever wanted to do was help people who needed it and I couldn't do shit for him that night.

"You did what you could, and I think Trevor appreciated you being there regardless." He told me and I took a shaky breath.

"It's probably my fault he's in this mess anyway, you know?" I told him and he frowned at me.

"No it's not. Why would it be your fault? Trevor... He's been doing drugs all the time I've known him, we've all had a little OD here and there, this was just more serious. He's going to be fine because you came to help." He patted my arm and I gave a humourless laugh.

" _A little OD?_ You do realise that an overdose is extremely serious, there's no such thing as a little OD. You could end up having a heart attack, or a stroke, or worse." I groaned and clutched my head in my hands. "I'm scared to leave you boys alone."

"Why would you leave us alone anyway? With you working for us, we're practically invincible." He smirked at me, trying to make me feel better, I guess.

"Has Trevor not told you?" I asked and he looked at me blankly.

"Told me what?" He said and I sighed.

"He cheated on me." I told him, and when he didn't respond, I continued. "I lost my job when I left him, and I'm selling my trailer, movin' back to the UK."

"I don't believe he'd cheat on you, (Y/N). What makes you think he's been cheating?" He asked me with a disbelieving frown on his face.

"He admitted it. He straight out told me himself when I got back from my trip to England." I took a shaky breath. "He fucked a prostitute while I was away."

"Oh..." He breathed, and when I looked at him, he was wincing. "Are you seriously leaving for good?"

"I don't know, Ron." I sighed, looking down at the floor. "I want to leave this all behind, I really do. Because I've been walked over all my life by men, and the idea of just _forgiving_ him over this, just like that, feels like I'm accepting that. I just want respect and faithfulness in a relationship, is that a lot to ask?"

"No, I guess that's a totally reasonable request." He shrugged and I nodded in agreement.

"So why don't I ever get it? I'm sick of feeling like I'm not enough, and part of me just wants to say _fuck it_ and stay single. But, the other half of me just won't let me forget about the asshole in there." I pointed at the door behind which Trevor was being treated.

"I don't think you'll leave him." Ron said and I thought about it for a moment.

"You know what? Neither do I." I laughed, and it was devoid of humour.

"You care about him too much, anyone can see that. And to be honest, he's better off with you." He leaned over and whispered to me. "Don't tell him I said this, but he's less scary when you're around."

"Hi there, friends of Mr. Philips?" A female doctor came over to us, looking down at us over the top of her glasses.

"Yes, how is he?" I asked, my heart rate rising immediately.

"His condition is stable, and he's not in any immediate danger, but we do need to keep him in for a few days to run some tests. He's going to be on a lot of medication to try and manage the effects of the methamphetamine, but he's in good hands, so there's no need to worry too much." She told us, and I let go of the breath I'd been holding, and Ron's hand, which I'd apparently grabbed at some point.

"So he's going to be okay?" Ron and I asked simultaneously.

"Well, he's still not out of the woods, but so far we're happy. He's been very lucky, things could have looked a lot worse for him if he hadn't been seen to so quickly." She smiled at us. "If you leave your contact details with us at the front desk, we'll let you know when you can come and visit him."

"I can't see him now?" I asked, and she shook her head.

"I'm afraid not. He needed to be, ah, sedated. It's quite common with overdoses of this nature since the patient can become quite violent, and he did. But it's only to protect him and the staff." She told me and I nodded with a sigh. I wasn't surprised, to be honest.

"Alright, so what will happen when he wakes up?" 

"Well, our number one concern is ensuring his health, that's both physical and psychological, so we'll be bringing a psychiatrist in to talk to him. Sometimes overdoses can be intentional, and if that's the case then it needs to be followed up with further care. But we don't need to worry about that just yet, and we'll let you know as soon as he's ready for you to visit." She gave me a comforting smile. Intentional...

"Okay, thanks." I said, and she walked away. I turned to Ron. "You don't think he did it on purpose, do you?"

"I doubt it, Trevor's not really-"

"Because if he did then it's definitely my fault." I stood up and covered my mouth, starting to pace back and forth. "I knew how upset he was and I just walked away. I should have stayed to calm him down, make sure he wasn't going to do anything stupid."

"(Y/N), it's not your fault, you couldn't have done anything. Stop beating yourself up like this." He chided me, and I shook my head.

"No I'm being serious, Ron. It's a real possibility that I'm the cause of this. I'm not just beating myself up." I told him, my words muffled by my hands.

"Trevor's not going to off himself over a bad breakup." He rolled his eyes at me and I paused to listen to what he had to say. "No offence, but you're not _that_ special."

"Jesus, I know that! I'm not saying that, I'm saying maybe he was angry and just kept smoking and smoking... Whether he wanted to or not, he went too far and now he's here. And ultimately it could be because of the breakup, because of me."

"Forgive me... But just shut the hell up." He told me after standing up and putting his hands on my shoulders. I raised my brows at him and he cleared his throat and looked away. "I'm going to walk you home now, and you're going to get some rest."

"I don't need any more fucking rest, all I've done for weeks is sleep." I rolled my eyes, but let him lead me to the exit anyway. We stopped at the front desk and I gave the receptionist my number, she promised they'd contact me as soon as I could see Trevor.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> I'm evil, aren't I? Things will look up soon, I promise!


	8. I Don't Want To Lose You

It was pretty nerve wracking, actually, the walk over to the hospital. Initially I'd been ecstatic when I received the call that told me that Trevor was awake and well and truly on the mend, and that I could go see him. But then I realised that now, I actually had to go and talk to him, to face up to him and try to be honest. We hadn't exactly parted in the most pleasant of ways at the airfield, and then the last time I'd seen him wasn't much better considering he'd been strapped to a stretcher. But now he was sentient, and I was going to talk to him.

I set foot in the hospital with shaky hands, it was ridiculous, really, me being so nervous. It was only Trevor, this was the guy who'd seen me naked a thousand times before, but strangely I felt more stripped down and bare, just thinking of talking to him now. I suddenly felt like a child, being sent to the head master's office after being naughty, and I didn't quite know why. Maybe it was because I'd lied straight to his face when I told him I was _done_ with him, and it was total bullshit when I made it look like I could walk away from him without an issue.

The receptionist pointed me in the right direction, Trevor'd been moved to a regular ward since he'd been recovering so well, which was somewhat comforting news. I heard him before I saw him, and I followed the sound of his voice.

"I ain't seeing that prick again, alright? You send him in here again and he'll be carted out in a body bag." I heard him growl.

"Mr. Philips, he is trying to help you." The stern voice of an older sounding woman replied.

"I don't care what he's trying to do, he's not trying it with me!" He grumbled, and that's when I finally turned the corner and saw him. He was sat up in bed, wearing a hospital gown and a scowl, sulking with his arms folded across his chest. He was hooked up to heart and blood pressure monitors, as well as a number of other machines that were probably keeping him alive at one point. It was kind of scary seeing him like that, but I didn't let that put me off and I walked towards the foot of his bed.

"What are you fussing over now?" I asked, grabbing his attention. He stared at me for a moment, looking like a rabbit caught in the headlights. The heart monitor beside him started to beep slightly faster and I wasn't sure whether it was because of me or not. "Trevor." I sighed, walking around to his bedside and sitting on the little plastic chair that sat there.

"They're making me see a shrink for an _evaluation_." He finally told me. "The last time someone _evaluated_ me, I was kicked out of the air force. I ain't seeing him."

"They just want to make sure you're okay, sweetie." I placed a hand on his forearm and he stared at it.

"You said you were done with me, why are you here?" I could tell he was speaking through clenched teeth and I pulled my hand away.

"I wanted to make sure you were still alive, you dick. I do care about you, believe it or not." I told him, watching as the nurse who had been checking all of the monitors left, leaving me alone with him.

"Well, I'm fine. Or I will be, when I get out of this place." He spat, looking around the bland room. "I don't miss this, I like it more when it's you who's looking after me."

"I didn't have much choice about sending you here... It was call an ambulance or lose you." I whispered to him and he looked at me.

"I'm surprised you came to help anyway, you hate me." He said sourly and I shook my head.

"I don't actually hate you, Trevor. And even if I did, do you really think I'd just leave you to, well, _die?_ " I asked him with raised brows and he closed his eyes and heaved a heavy sigh.

"If you're going to walk out of this room and never speak to me again, at least do me the courtesy of telling me now." He said, and I frowned.

"Um, what?" I asked.

"Because you being here, sitting next to me and talking to me like you care... It's filling me with false hope, like you're going to all of a sudden take back everything you've said to me over the past few weeks and let me have you again. But I doubt that's going to happen." He admitted, still with his eyes closed as if he didn't want me to see them.

"You don't know for sure." I gave a light shrug and his tired, bloodshot eyes flashed open.

"Don't say shit like that unless you mean it. That's just fucking cruel, and you're not like that." He hissed, and I rubbed my hands over my face.

"Trevor, I've tried- really fucking tried to get over you. I don't _want_ to feel so attached to you... But it's like you've wormed your way into my whole life and you won't leave." I breathed, pulling my hands away from my face to look at him.

"I never meant to." He told me, looking at me with this almost guilty expression.

"It's not your fault, it's mine. My complete and total faith in you just allowed me to go deeper and deeper into this- our relationship, and it feels irreversible. And you really fucking broke me, I trusted you so much and when you told me what you did, it was like the person I thought you were wasn't really you. I guess it just came as this big shock."

"Surely you knew that I'm an asshole and was bound to fuck things up one way or another." He was staring at his feet, which were poking out from the end of his bedsheets. I shook my head.

"No. I never thought that. It sounds ridiculously self-centered and naive now, but I suppose I felt like I was sort of immune. Like you could hurt anyone but me, I was different because you told me you loved me." I laughed at myself, but his face remained dead serious.

"You thought too highly of me. I hurt the people that I love, more than anybody else, it was only a matter of time before I hurt you. It's actually pretty impressive that we lasted as long as we did." There was this feeling of finality to his words, and that panicked me.

"Trevor, I-" I blinked at him, tears forming in my eyes. "I don't want _this_. This is all wrong." I choked out, and then the waterworks really started. He looked kind of shocked at my sudden burst of emotion, and he reached a hand out to touch my wet cheek.

"Tell me what you mean." He asked me sternly, holding my head in place so I couldn't look away from him.

"I mean that I can't deal with breaking things off. You're too much a part of me to cut out, I don't _want_ to." I admitted, and he traced his hand down to my chin before letting it drop onto the bed, palm facing up. I put my hand in his and he squeezed it.

"But at the same time, you want nothing to do with me because of what I did." He guessed and I paused. I wasn't entirely sure on that.

"You know, I miss you so much that I'm starting to question if what you did was even that bad." I sighed, using my free hand to dry my eyes.

"It was bad, really fucking bad. Look how much I hurt you." He said, and I just stared at him, the cogs in my head turning as I considered my next words.

"You made a mistake. And you hurt me. But you also make me happier than anyone ever has before. So I guess its just a matter of deciding whether that one mistake is worth calling off the most special relationship I will ever have." I shrugged my shoulders weakly.

"Could you trust me again?" He asked and I sighed, looking down at our entwined hands. He was tracing his thumb back and forth over my knuckle.

"Even if I couldn't trust you, I doubt that would be enough to put me off being with you. Because, at the end of the day, I can see myself regretting it if I just walked away from you." I said honestly. "These last few weeks have felt like this ginormous stretch of emptiness. Being with you, I let you become such a big part of me that without you I cease to function. It's kind of pathetic really."

"Ditto." He snorted.

"Trevor." I started, leaning forwards to rest my head on his shoulder gently. I felt like I was going to hurt him, he looked so fragile in his little hospital gown, surrounded by all those machines. "Did you do this to yourself on purpose? I just need to know." I asked him, closing my eyes.

"What? Get completely fucked on meth?" He asked me with a laugh, and it made me feel uncomfortable with how blasé he was about it.

"Yeah. Or, you know, give yourself a life threatening overdose." I nudged him with the side of my head.

"Well, yeah and no. I mean, I wanted to get fucked... But not life-support-fucked." He told me. "It's kind of embarrassing, actually. Maybe I can't handle it like I used to."

"I wish you wouldn't handle it at all. What happened to quitting?" I shook my head, sitting up to look at him.

"I tried. But I kind of fucked it all up when you went back to England." He looked down and frowned.

"You could have called me, talked to me about it. I might've been able to help you." I squeezed his hand and he brushed my words aside with a shake of his head and a wave of his free hand.

"I really don't see it happening baby, it don't matter who talks to me it ain't gonna stop me. You know me, if I wanna do something, I do it. It's a waste of your time. And besides, you were with your family. I wanted to let you have your time with them, I know how much you miss them." He told me.

"It's not a waste of my time, I want to help you. And they may be my family, but it doesn't mean you're less important than them." I rolled my eyes at him before leaning close to whisper to him. "And if you'd have called me, I could've helped you out with some of your _other_ urges. Then this whole thing could have been avoided."

"I really am sorry, baby. I've never regretted anything so much in my life." He started shaking his head and I caught his cheek in my hand, turning his face towards mine.

"I almost lost you for good the other day, and that taught me something. If I'm not prepared lose you over drugs, then I'm sure as shit not prepared to lose you over a fucking prostitute." I kissed him once, just a soft, quick, simple kiss, before pulling away.

"Alright Mr. Philips. It's time for you to get some rest." The same older nurse from earlier came in and Trevor groaned. "Sorry miss, but he needs his beauty sleep after the stunt he's pulled so I have to ask you to say goodnight to him."

"This isn't a good time, Gina." He complained, oh, so he was on first name terms with the staff now? I chuckled. "Can you just give us ten minutes?"

"No can do, honey-bun. Do I have to remind you how close you came to going belly up?" She started closing the curtains. "Sleep will cure all that ails you."

"We can talk more when you're out of here, okay?" I told him and he nodded. I went to get up, but he didn't let go of my hand and I was pulled back towards him. He looked at me with that _look_ , and I knew what it meant. I rolled my eyes but bent down to kiss his cheek anyway. "Be good." I warned him.

"I always am." He shrugged and let me go.

"I'm still mad at you, by the way." I said seriously, but I had a little smile on my face.

"I'm gonna make it up to you. Promise." He called after me as I left, and I heard the nurse scalding him, asking what he'd done. I chuckled to myself, feeling the horrible darkness I'd been shrouded in begin to lift.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Oh no guys, the dreaded writers block is kicking in! But there's good news, I have finished my exams so now I'm free to write whenever I like :D so hopefully I can get back into it pretty fast :)


	9. Reconciliation

I'd received two phonecalls that morning, five days after Trevor had been taken to the hospital. One was from Trevor himself, telling me that he was being discharged that afternoon and he practically demanded that I be waiting at his trailer when he got back. Ron had apparently volunteered to pick him up from the hospital, and I was going to do as I was told. The other phone call was from my estate agent, telling me that I'd received an offer for the trailer, and they wanted to move in in a fortnight. It was fast, that's for sure, and it made me feel kind of sick. I didn't want to move back to England anymore, apparently. I'd decided over the past few days that _fuck that_ , moving away from Trevor would be no good for either of us, and after the scare I had with him being hospitalised, I didn't exactly want to abandon him.

So I made my way over to Trevor's home to find that Ron had cleaned the place up a bit, probably to get rid of any evidence of a bigger drug problem if the police decided to drop in at any point after Trevor's overdose. So the puke was gone, any stray drugs or drug memorabilia was gone, and probably a whole host of other illegal items were gone. He hadn't done much else with the place though, so I took it upon myself to clear out some of the trash that had built up on every flat surface of the trailer, as I waited for them to get back.

I was happy to hear that Trevor had made it out alive and well with no lasting damage, and he was just happy to hear that he could leave the hospital. I knew how much he hated it in there, and I suppose it had something to do with the fact that he was so used to being treated by me, and oftentimes I'd reward him with more than a sticker and a lollipop for being a good boy in the doctors office, so to speak... Besides, I was probably a lot more careful with him than the staff at the hospital, considering I loved the guy and I avoided causing him any unnecessary pain at all costs, even when he was acting less than cooperatively. But it didn't matter anymore, because he was coming home, and I was going to get my old job back. I thought that would just be better for the both of us.

I'd managed to dispose of all of the empty beer bottles, take out boxes, and cigarette butts by the time I heard footsteps coming up the porch steps. I was standing at the sink washing his dishes when he came in, Ron in tow. He was wearing the same white T-shirt and sweatpants as he was when he was taken to hospital, only they'd been washed so looked strangely bright. 

"Ron, piss off." He said when he saw me, and I felt kind of bad for Ron. He did what he was told, though, and scampered off to the trailer next door.

"How're you feeling?" I asked as he closed the door and approached me.

"I was beginning to think you were a hallucination when you visited me the other day, with all that shit they were pumping through my veins." He murmured instead of answering my question.

"Nope, I was real." I gave him a small smile, which he returned. The water was getting cool in the sink, so I drained it and turned to dry my hands off, deciding to leave the rest of the pots for later.

"What about all the stuff you said?" He asked, leaning sideways on the counter top. 

"Like what?"

"That you don't wanna lose me over a prostitute." He replied, looking down at the sink as the water swirled in circles as it went down the drain. I breathed a quiet laugh.

"That was real too." I told him with a nod.

"So what does that mean, you know, for us?" He looked back up at me and I took in a long, deep breath.

"It means that I'm going to give you another chance." I said, and he practically groaned in relief as he bent down to my height and stepped towards me, reaching for me. I held a finger up to him. "But this is the last you get. If you mess up again, we're done, got it?"

"Of course, baby, I totally get it. I'm not gonna mess up again, oh fuck yes I love you." He rushed to speak, reaching for me again, cupping my face in his hands. "I'm never going to hurt you again, okay? I'm so fucking glad you're giving me another chance, this is a blessing, you beautiful-"

"Alright, its okay." I rolled my eyes at him and he looked at me with this huge smile. "But we're gonna take things slow, okay?" I said, he nodded.

"Thank you, sweetheart, I'm not gonna take you for granted ever again, I'll do everything you say and I'll worship the fucking ground you walk-" He rambled, moving closer to my face.

"Trevor, stop." I told him, holding my finger over his lips. "Just give me a fucking hug." He nodded and I moved my finger away. He immediately pulled me against him, wrapping his arms tightly around me. He buried his face in my hair and inhaled deeply, exhaling with a groan.

"I missed you so fucking much. I missed everything about you, even the smell of your hair. It's like berries or some shit. Not like shit, that came out wrong, I'm sorry beautiful." I heard him mumbling frantically, his words muffled by my hair.

"Alright, I missed you too." I laughed. He pulled back to look at me for a second before he kissed me, it was urgent and passionate, desperate and hungry. His fingers found their way to my hair, then he was leading me backwards towards his bedroom, and pulling me on top of him on his bed. I broke the kiss to get some air and leaned on my elbows, resting either side of his head. I looked down at him and he stared back, his eyes appearing almost black in the dim light of the room. I pressed my lips once to his forehead.

"You never answered me earlier, how're you feeling?" I asked him.

"I'm feeling amazing." He told me with a grin.

"After an overdose?" I raised a brow at him, bringing my hands up to the top of his head where I twirled my fingers in his hair absentmindedly.

"Oh, I guess I feel a little rough _physically_ , but mentally, I'm fucking perfect." He told me. I kissed him again.

"I'm so glad that you're okay." I whispered to him, leaning down so I could speak into his ear. "Don't ever do that again, you scared the shit out of me."

"I'm sorry." He said and I shook my head dismissively. 

"I uh, got a call today. Someone wants to buy the trailer." I told him. He blinked up at me with a little frown.

"You're still selling the trailer?" He asked and I shrugged.

"I never got around to taking it off the market." I admitted, still playing with his hair, making it stick up at the top.

"Well the way I see things, you have two options. One, you decline the offer and take it off the market. Or two, you accept the offer and move in with me." He suggested, and I raised my brows at him.

"That's not taking things very slowly." I said with a smirk and Trevor sighed quietly, looking past me at the ceiling.

"I miss sleeping next to you. I want you back here with me, and anyway, you practically lived here before. It wouldn't be any different." He said quietly, tracing his fingers down my spine.

"You miss sleeping next to me?" I repeated, pressing my lips together to suppress the pathetic little coo that wanted to escape at just how cute I found that.

"I do, this bed feels too fucking empty when I'm on my own. I get lonely." He admitted, pulling me down and pressing his face into my shoulder. "Just say yes." He murmured.

"Fine." I told him, feeling his arms tighten around me before he rolled us over so he was on top of me. His lips found a spot on my neck, and he sucked and nibbled, leaving a little purple patch on my skin as his hands moved down my sides. When he pulled his head up to look at me, his hair was ruffled and his eyes were lustful.

"You're mine." He whispered, almost disbelievingly. He kissed me again, slipping his tongue into my mouth with a soft groan. I could feel his fingers gradually creeping their way to the hem of my shirt, which he started to push upwards. He'd just lifted it above my navel when I stopped him, catching his hands and pushing them back down. He broke the kiss and looked down at me with a quizzical frown.

"Slow." I quirked a brow, and he backed off, sitting up and putting some distance between us. 

"Alright, slow." He lifted his hands as he straightened up, kneeling between my legs. There were a few moments of silence after that, where the two of us just stared at each other. It was nice to just be together again in the same room and _not_ have one of us yelling or crying. I soaked it up, allowing myself to get used to having his company again.

"We should do something." I suddenly said, grabbing his hands and using them to pull myself up into a sitting position.

"What do you want to do?" He asked, looking down at me with a curious little frown.

"I don't know. Maybe take a trip to the city?" I shrugged, noticing his slight grimace.

"You wanna go to the city." He stated, looking less than impressed. I knew he didn't like Los Santos, but I did and I thought it might be nice to go there together.

"Yeah. Just for a couple of days. Don't you think it would be good to just spend some time together away from the desert? We could stay at a hotel, go to the beach, visit a few bars... Just do something different, get out of trailers for a while." I gave a quiet laugh, watching the cogs turn in his head as I spoke.

"Alright. But only if you bring that nice yellow bikini of yours. I've always liked you in that." He said seriously and I rolled my eyes.

"Okay, deal." I smirked, watching as he nodded and got up off the bed immediately. He went over to his wardrobe and began pulling some clothes out and tossing them onto the bed.

"What're you doing?" I asked, crossing my legs as he fought with a coat hanger to get a t-shirt off of it.

"Packing." He glanced at me. "If my baby wants to go to Los Santos then that's where she'll go, and there's no time like the present."

"Oh no I didn't mean we have to go _now_." I raised my brows as he pulled a duffel bag out from under his bed and began screwing the clothes up and putting them inside. 

"Well why not?" He smirked at me, moving around the bed and sitting on the edge next to me.

"Trevor, you just got out of hospital." I reminded him with concern in my tone. "You need to rest."

"Sweetheart, what do you think I've been doing for the last five days? All they let me do in that place was _rest_ , I'm bored. I wanna do something!" He pleaded with me, but I wasn't convinced. "And anyway, I'm sure I'll get plenty of rest when you drag me to Vespucci Beach." He rolled his eyes.

"I don't know, I was thinking next week..." I said futilely, the sigh he heaved in response was loud and desperate.

"Please. I want to spend time with you and I want to make you happy, you're going to get exactly what you want because you fucking deserve it. I don't need rest, Jesus Christ, I need something to do." He spoke quickly, and it seemed as if suddenly he was more keen to go than I was. He'd gotten fed up of being cooped up in the hospital, that much was clear, and I guess he needed to get away from here are much as I did.

"Alright, we'll go today. But I'll drive, I don't think it's a good idea to let you behind the wheel of a car just yet, its a long trip." I bargained. He pulled his car keys out of his pocket and handed them to me.

"If it'll make you feel better." He gave me a little smile and I nodded. "Well, I'm ready. We've just gotta stop off at your place to get you some clothes, and we're golden."

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Thank you so much for the support on this story :) thankfully my writers block cleared up pretty quickly and now I have a good idea for the rest of this and I can't wait to write it :3


	10. Vacation

We arrived at the city just after seven in the evening, and after looking around for a while we finally settled on The Venetian Hotel near Vespucci Beach. The place was nice, fancy but not too fancy, and also not too expensive which was a bonus since I felt bad about Trevor insisting on paying. I wanted to go half and half but he said his usual piece about him preferring to spend his dirty money then letting me spend my (almost) honest money. There wasn't much I could do about it when he had his mind made up anyway. So now we were in our room and I was hanging our clothes up in the wardrobe to prevent them from creasing any more than they already had thanks to the atrocious way Trevor'd chucked his clothes into his bag. He was sitting on the edge of the bed flicking through the TV channels until he found what he was apparently looking for.

"Ah I knew this place would be one of _those_ places." He said with a triumphant laugh. I turned around to see what he was talking about, and raised my brows.

" _Nailing the neighbour's daughter._ " I read the words on screen out loud monotonously. "Why are you looking for pornography, Trevor?"

"I'm not, I'm just seeing how much they charge for it. Fifteen dollars for a sixty minute movie? Are they taking the piss? You can get that shit for free in some of the motel's I've been in 'round Blaine County." He snorted. "God I hate this city, everyone is trying to bleed you dry."

"Nobody's forcing you to buy it." I reminded him, closing the wardrobe doors and going to launch myself down on the bed behind him. The bed was fucking huge, you could fit at least three or four people in it, easy. When I laid on it sideways, it was longer than my entire height when I had my arms stretched out above my head, but then again, I was pretty short.

"Yeah but what if I wanna watch..." He flicked onto the next video that was available and read the title, " _Analgeddon_ , without breaking the bank?" 

"Jesus, that's actually a porno?" I burst out laughing, and covered my face with my hands. I felt the bed shift as he moved closer to me, he leaned over me and effectively caged me in with his arm, which he held himself up with beside me. I pulled my hands away from my face to look at him.

"I've seen worse." He shrugged with a smirk.

"I don't want to know." I shook my head and laughed.

"Anyway. I don't need to pay those exorbitant prices. I still have those pictures you sent me." He murmured, and I looked at him blankly for a few moments before my eyes widened.

"You didn't delete them? What the fuck, Trevor, I thought you'd got rid of them ages ago!" I all but yelled, my face the colour of the scarlet red walls of our hotel room as I thought of the sordid images I'd sent to him after I'd broken my no drinking rule at my brothers birthday party, months ago on one of my trips to England.

"What gave you that idea?" He snorted, pulling his phone out of his back pocket. "I'm never getting rid of them." He smiled fondly at his phone.

"Let me see." I sighed, I couldn't really remember them, to be honest. He handed me the phone and I cringed as I was flicking through them. There were three, the first was of me topless in the bathroom of my parents house, the second was taken in the reflection of the mirror and my face was covered up by the flash, but you could still see that my hand was in my panties, and the last one was too dirty to even to even linger on for long enough. I looked a drunk mess in all of them, I didn't know why Trevor even liked them.

"The last one is my favourite." He whispered to me and I turned my nose up.

"Why? It's so... Close up and blurry." I narrowed my eyes at the fucking awful image, contemplating quickly deleting it, but he took his phone from me before I could.

"It's what you're doing with your fingers that's so fucking good-" He started, but I started making loud, childish noises to get him to stop.

" _La la la la la_ , nope, shut it." I said as I shuffled out from underneath his arm and got up off the bed. "If you aren't going to delete them then fine, just don't let anyone get hold of your phone." I sighed, turning to look at him with my hands on my hips.

"Don't worry baby, they're for my eyes only." He flashed his teeth at me with his big grin. 

"God. That's why I shouldn't drink. I do stupid stuff." I scalded myself, watching as Trevor shook his head and approached me.

"You sent dirty pictures to your boyfriend, that's not exactly stupid. If you sent them to your dad by accident, _that_ would be stupid." He told me and I winced at the thought.

"Oh fuck could you imagine that? That wouldn't go down well, it'd burst his bubble. That's for sure." I snorted. Trevor frowned at me.

"What do you mean?" He asked, stepping closer to me and putting his hands on my waist. I wrapped my arms around his neck and sighed before speaking.

"Well put it this way, he buys me cuddly toys when I visit and he thinks I'm still a virgin." I actually laughed, and Trevor's eyebrows shot up.

"A virgin?" He looked like he was fighting the urge to laugh too.

"I'm not going to get offended if you laugh." I sighed.

"No, it's just- I know you, I know what you're like in the bedroom, the things we've done together. Picturing you as a virgin, well..." He trailed off with a chuckle.

"Right, I get it. Well he has it in his head that I'm saving myself for marriage, like he's always told me to." I shook my head. "He's really into chastity and all that traditional stuff, I've never really cared much about it but if he found out his precious little girl was taking it from someone who hasn't put a ring on her finger, it'd break his heart."

"He'd hate me, then." He said.

"Not unless you gave him reason to believe you've deflowered me." I snorted, pulling away from him so I could turn the television off, we didn't want to accidentally buy one of those dirty movies...

"He knows about what I did though, right?" He asked, suddenly looking very worried.

"I don't know, that depends on whether my mother told him." I shrugged. "I haven't spoken to him since I was out there. Anyway, why are you worried about what he thinks? It's not like he's here, he's in another country."

"Still, he's your father. Dad's never like their daughters boyfriends, he's definitely not gonna like me after what I did. Neither is your mother." He said, and I walked back to him and grabbed his hand.

"It's not like you to care about being _liked_. Don't worry about my dad, and as for my ma, she's very forgiving. Not long ago, she wanted to divorce my dad, now she acts like they're newlyweds." I told him, squeezing his hand tight to try and comfort him. 

"Well I don't care about being liked, if your parents hate me then so what? I'm just saying, for your sake, I'd rather they didn't hate my guts. I don't want to come between you and your family, I've done that enough already by making you stay here." He murmured, looking down at our hands.

"You haven't _made_ me stay here, I wanted to." I sighed and looked up at him. I pouted my lips and he bent down to kiss them briefly. "I'm hungry, you wanna get room service?" I asked, and he laughed at the abrupt change of subject.

"Let me take you out somewhere nice." He said, and I glanced around the room.

"You've already taken me somewhere nice." I reminded him and he rolled his eyes at me.

"Let me spoil you, for God's sake." He pleaded, and I groaned, moving away from him.

"I don't want to be spoiled, I feel bad enough for dragging you out here the minute you left the hospital after a fucking overdose!" I sighed, shaking my head.

"You didn't drag me out here, I wanted to come! Will you stop fucking feeling bad about small shit, and let me make up for the _huge_ shit I put you through?" He growled in frustration. "I want to treat you, spoil you, make you _happy!_ Just because I landed myself in the hospital, doesn't mean you can all of a sudden feel guilty about pointless shit like me coming here and spending money on you. I'm the twat here, I've got something to make up for, so let me make up for it!"

"You don't need to spend money on me to make me happy, Trevor. That's why I didn't want the car, and its why I don't want you to take me to a fancy restaurant. You could take me to Burger Shot and I would be happy, I could have the cheapest thing on the menu and be grateful, because its _you_ that I'm here for, not money. I love you for you." I explained, gesturing with my hands wildly to try and get my point across. He stared at me silently for a moment, then he was on me, has hands on my cheeks and his lips on my own. It shocked me, and I made this surprised little squeak, grabbing onto his wrists. I soon relaxed, leaning into him and parting my lips to allow his tongue to enter my mouth. He let out a small groan, his hands moving down to my waist where he pulled my body flush to his. I was the one to break the kiss, both because I needed air and because I was worried that if I didn't, things would go too far. After all, I was the one to suggest taking things slowly.

"So you wanna go to Burger Shot?" He asked me after a pause, short of breath and considerably more calm than before. I nodded. "Right. I'll take you there."

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> It feels like ages since I actually wrote this story, even though it hasn't been that long at all... Maybe because I have NOTHING to do since finishing college so the days kind of drag :P anyway, I hope you enjoyed this pitifully short chapter. The next one will be longer, promise!


	11. Taking Things Fast

I still hadn't quite grown accustomed to the incredible heat of San Andreas, considering I'd spent the majority of my years in the UK. British summers were pretty much of a similar temperature to a winter in Los Santos, and summer was currently in full swing. To me, it felt like how I imagined sitting on the sun would feel like. I was just beginning to regret my decision to visit Vespucci Beach, when Trevor came back and pressed the ice cold can of Sprunk he'd just bought to my back. He obviously wasn't expecting me to lean into it gratefully, but I did. He was probably trying to wind me up, shock me with the temperature, but I was so hot that I practically groaned at the sensation.

"Your shoulders look like they're burning." He told me, taking a seat on the sand next to me and handing me the drink. He cracked open a can of his own and looked me over, I was in that yellow bikini that he liked so much.

"Oh great, so I'll look like a lobster by the end of the day." I sighed. I wasn't surprised to be honest, although I tried to avoid spending too much time in direct sunlight in the desert, I still managed to burn regularly. Today, I was practically asking for it by sitting on the beach, even if I was wearing sunscreen.

"You'll look fine." He rolled his eyes at me. Luckily I was wearing a hat, so my face wouldn't burn. I took a gulp of my cold drink and swatted a hand in front of my face to try and catch some air. "If you're so hot, who don't you swim for a bit?" He asked, nodding towards the sea.

"Ah, sea water dries my hair out." I shook my head and he looked at me with an irritated expression.

"Your hair will dry out." He repeated monotonously. "Oh come on, live a little." He sighed, then he was grabbing me by my waist and hoisting me over his shoulder.

"Trevor!" I gasped, losing grip of my can of Sprunk, I helplessly watched it soak into the sand as I was carried towards the sea. "Trevor don't!" I turned to look backwards in the direction I was being taken.

"Calm down, I'll keep you safe." He cooed at me, tapping my backside with his hand. I gave up and hung limply over his shoulder, watching our beach towels move further away from me. I felt my legs being splashed with lukewarm water as Trevor waded through to sea, I rolled my eyes at him, he was going to be drenched. He was fully clothed, he'd only taken his shoes off and rolled his jeans up to his knees.

"Here we are." He said, lifting me up and trying to drop me into the waist-deep water, I clung to him and lowered myself down at my own pace before letting go of him and looking him up and down.

"You knob." I said with a laugh, his jeans were obviously soaked, submerged in water up to the tops of his thighs. "I bet you didn't bring a change of clothes either, did you?"

"Ahh who the fuck cares?" He growled with a grin, grabbing me by my waist and pushing me deeper into the sea. "Are you getting cooler?" He asked.

"A little." I shrugged.

"See, I knew you'd appreciate me getting you nice and wet." He gave me this suggestive smile and I shook my head at him, swimming out of his grip with a simper. I started swimming towards the shore, but he grabbed my ankle.

"Where are you going?" He asked me, pulling me backwards.

"It's about time I got out of the sun, don't you think?" I asked him, gesturing to the pink hue of the tops of my arms. He leaned towards me and pressed a kiss to my rosy shoulder and nodded.

"Alright." He let go of me and followed me back to our spot on the beach. I started gathering our things after drying myself off, and caught him trying to wring his jeans out.

"Try and dry them off with this." I snorted, throwing him the towel I'd dried myself with, and he went about trying to squeeze some of the moisture out of his pants.

"Ah fuck it, this will do." He shrugged, stuffing the damp towel into the beach bag I was holding, which held all of the clothes I'd worn over my bikini as well as sunscreen. 

"Right, let's find some shade. How do you even deal with this heat? You grew up in Canada." I asked him as we started making our way towards the buildings that lined the edge of the beach.

"You forget that I lived in the desert for about ten years before you came along." He smirked at me.

"True. I doubt I'll ever get used to it though, I can literally feel my skin burning. It's like being in an oven." I said, shaking my head as I paused to pull on the thin white bikini cover up robe I'd brought, so I didn't feel so bare.

"Yeah, it is pretty hot today." He said indifferently and I laughed at the understatement. "There's a little bar along here, we can get out of the sun in there if you want." 

"Alright, maybe I'll allow myself a little cocktail, since we're kind of on vacation." I grinned at him.

"Oh? Sounds like the start of a good night if you ask me." He grinned back at me.

"Just one. Don't let me have more, I'll make a prat out of myself like usual." I asked him and he nodded.

"Alright." He said with a little smirk.

"I'm serious, Trevor!" I warned him.

"Yes! I said alright." He laughed as we entered the bar.

-

We were sat in a little booth in the corner of the bar, it felt nice and secluded and we were right by a window that looked out onto the beach. After my vague instructions of _any cocktail with vodka and orange juice in it is fine_ , Trevor had returned with a beer for himself and a tall glass with a slice of orange and a maraschino cherry on the rim. The drink was the colour of a sunset, it looked so pretty that I didn't want to drink it.

"Wow, what is it?" I asked him and he flashed me a mischievous smirk.

" _Sex on the beach._ " He told me and I laughed, shaking my head at him and taking a sip of the drink.

"I should've known you'd pick something like this." I said. "But you chose well, this is lovely. Thank you." I licked my lips, savouring the pleasant flavour.

"I'm glad I did good."

"I appreciate the fact that you walked up to that guy," I nodded towards this big guy with dreadlocks who stood behind the bar, "and asked him for sex on the beach. That was pretty brave." He rolled his eyes at me and gave me a sarcastic laugh.

"Don't be so childish, it's just the name of a drink." He said to me with mock seriousness and I laughed.

"I missed this." I told him with a lingering smile on my face before taking another sip.

"Specifically what?" He asked curiously.

"Just spending time with you." I shrugged. "Simple things, like when you make me laugh. I always have fun with you." I told him, looking down into my drink as I stirred it with the cherry, holding the tip of it's stem. He didn't reply, he just smiled and watched me, resting his chin on his fist as I ate the cherry. 

"I think I was kidding myself before, about breaking up with you." I admitted with a shrug, leaning forwards on the table and fiddling with the cherry stem. "I don't think I could do that."

"As selfish as it is, I'm glad that's the case." He replied, not taking his eyes off of mine even when I looked down at the stem I had wrapped around my finger. "It means I have a chance to prove that I'm not always a fuck up. I can do the right thing, and I'm determined to this time."

"I have faith that you will." I nodded. "I wouldn't be here if I didn't." I bent forwards and kissed him once, before sitting back and taking a sip of my drink.

-

We were on our way back to our hotel when I began to lose my patience with the whole _taking things slow_ thing. Sure, it could be blamed on the fact that I'd had a drink, but it was just that, _a_ drink. Just one. I was still practically sober, just pleasantly buzzed. But Trevor was holding my hand and he had taken his shirt off, he looked so attractive to me, and I couldn't stop looking at him. I'd missed how masculine he looked, and how I never felt scared when I was around him because I knew he'd protect me from anything. He was just so manly and he had the right amount of muscle and the perfect length of stubble on his face his brown eyes looked at me like I was something precious and goddammit I _wanted_ him. I squeezed his hand and he looked down at me.

"We should take things fast tonight." I whispered to him and he frowned.

"What do you mean?" He asked, looking forwards again as we reached our hotel. He led me inside and over to the elevator just as someone stepped out. Once we were inside and alone for a few seconds, I replied.

"Put it this way, I'm tired of taking things slow." I looked up at him with bedroom eyes. He looked away and pressed the button for our floor.

"I don't know. You've had a drink." He said quietly. "I don't want you to do something you wouldn't do otherwise."

"I'm not smashed after one drink." I rolled my eyes at him then nudged him with my elbow. "I might be a lightweight but I'm not that bad." The elevator doors opened and we walked out, heading for our room. He swiped our key card in the lock and let us in.

"I'm tempted." He told me after closing the door behind us and kicking his shoes off, dropping them along with our beach bag. I grabbed his hands and pulled him towards me, rising onto my tiptoes to kiss him. He kissed back hesitantly, and it was clear that he was trying to hold back. I understood why though, he'd constantly been telling me how he doesn't want to fuck things up this time around, so it was no surprise that he was being hesitant after I'd said myself that I wanted to take things slow. But I didn't anymore, _I felt like I needed this_.

It wasn't long before he was just as into the kiss as I was, and his tongue was eagerly exploring my mouth, as if he was becoming reacquainted with me after being apart for what felt like so long. I let go of his hands and let him trail them to my backside while I stroked my own hands over his bare chest. I pushed him over to the bed, he fell back onto it and I climbed on top of him, straddling his hips.

"I don't know what's come over me but..." I broke the kiss to tell him, then bent down to his ear so I could whisper. "I'm just really horny today." I said, beginning to grind my hips against him, I could feel him hardening between my legs.

"Baby, I don't want you to regret this." He said to me, but the breathless way he said it and how he let out this half suppressed groan afterwards, told me he'd struggle to stop me anyway.

"I won't. I want you." I whispered, kissing his jaw, then his neck. He stroked his fingers through my hair and didn't stop me from rutting my hips against him more quickly. Any thoughts about us waiting a while before becoming intimate again where gone, and I ached for him.

"Fuck, I love you so much." I heard him mumble almost inaudibly. I sat up and untied the little ribbon that held my beach robe together and let it slip off my shoulders and onto the floor, leaving me in just my bikini. His eyes feasted on my almost bare chest, and he groaned when I untied the fastens on my bikini top and removed it. I reached for his hands and pulled them up to press them to my breasts, and he eagerly took the opportunity to squeeze them. He looked up at my face, his pupils were blown wide with arousal and his tongue peaked out as he licked his lips.

"When I said I missed everything about you, I meant _everything_. And these were definitely included." He told me, and I smirked, leaning down to kiss him. My hands made their way to his face, cupping his cheeks as he continued to fondle my breasts, brushing his thumbs over my nipples. I continued to shift my hips against him, angling my body so that his hard on ground between my legs with every movement. Eventually I got impatient, and traced one hand down his body and shifted my position so I could push my fingers under the waistband of his jeans.

"Mm mm." He made a sound of protest behind my lips and grabbed my wrist. I broke the kiss and opened my eyes, looking at him quizzically before he flipped us over so I was on my back and he was kneeling between my legs. "I'm gonna make this about you." He said in a deep, rumbling voice with a little smirk.

"Oh yeah?" I asked, and he hummed a quiet sound of confirmation. I reached a hand out to trace my fingers down his bare chest. He caught my hand and pushed it above my head after planting a kiss on my knuckles. His hands swiftly went to my bikini bottoms, and he stripped me naked in a heartbeat, feasting his eyes on my exposed body. I could see his cock straining behind his jeans and I chewed on my bottom lip. My body was aching with arousal, my heart was racing.

"I'm gonna let you know just how much I've missed you." He told me, laying down on top of my naked form, his body flush with mine and pressing heavily against my every curve. He kissed me, his arms holding him up beside my head, forming a possessive cage around me. I wrapped my legs around his hips and ran my hands down his back, feeling the familiar muscle there. The even rise of my chest went in time with the fall of his with our every breath, and it felt like this was where we each belonged. I really was kidding myself the whole time I thought about leaving him, in that moment I realised how futile it was, there was no way I could kiss _this_ goodbye.

"I'm gonna make you feel amazing." He whispered, breaking the kiss and trailing his lips down my jaw and to my neck. "An' give you everything I got." He murmured between kisses, moving further down my body, kissing my breasts. He shifted down the bed, hooking his arms beneath my thighs when he reached them, kissing my stomach. His body never once broke away from mine, instead it covered me like a blanket.

"Trevor." I murmured his name as he shuffled back just a little more, reaching the part of me that was desperate for his touch.

"Yeah, you're going to moan my name." He whispered, pressing a single kiss on my pubic bone before looking up at me and catching my gaze as he buried his tongue between my legs, giving me one, slow sweep from my opening to my clitoris. He moaned softly and my breathing hitched. I didn't know what to do with my hands as he started circling my pearl with his tongue, so I opted to grip the bedsheets.

"Ohh man." I sighed, my head rolling back. I stared at the light fixture on the ceiling as I struggled to keep at bay the throaty groans that threatened to leave me. That became a much harder task when he pressed his lips to my arousal and began to suck on the sensitive little nub, flicking his tongue back and forth over it. A desperate groan escaped me, it sounded almost choked and was followed by a gasp when he shook his head from side to side, humming against me. The vibrations of his voice tingled and my hips jumped up involuntary. 

"Oh God, Trevor... Yes." I hissed, my legs fidgeting around him. I bent my knees and rest my feet on his shoulders, looking down at him. His tongue moved down to my opening and he pushed it inside of me, tasting me. He stared up at me with heavy-lidded eyes, fuck he looked so hot, I groaned and moved one of my hands to my left breast and squeezed it. He watched me play with my nipple, his eyes darting between my hand and my eyes hungrily.

One of his hands slid up the mattress to grab my free hand, entwining our fingers together. His other hand went between my legs and he pressed a finger inside me, his tongue moving back to my clitoris where he rolled it in circles, earning another moan from me. He curled his finger forwards inside me, and when he caught my sensitive spot, I rolled my hips forwards, chasing the sensation again. He delivered more of that sweet feeling, adding a second finger and thrusting them in and out. He pleasured me slowly, taking his time to touch me in just right places with just the right amount of pressure, it was like he could read my mind and knew exactly what to do to heighten the pleasure.

"Oh shit, Trev." I gasped, my eyes squeezing shut as he suddenly picked up the pace of his fingers, each thrust brushing the same, perfect place with his fingertips. My groans came loudly and frequently as I felt the initial shadows of my climax appearing. He didn't slow down or change what he was doing, he watched me carefully, squeezing my hand back when my grip on his tightened. I could feel his breaths come heavier against my skin, raising goosebumps and sending this tingling sensation between my legs.

"I'm gonna come, I'm gonna come!" I told him loudly, hearing him groan in response. He sucked and massaged my clitoris with his tongue in time with the thrusts of his fingers inside me. I could feel my whole body tense up, my toes curled and dug into his shoulder blades and my fingers squeezed his hard as I dangled right on the edge, moments before my whole body was flooded with the ridiculously intense sensation of my orgasm. The groan that left me was loud and shaky, and was followed by quieter, more breathy ones as Trevor worked me down from my climax, slowing his movements. Once I was back in the room, I gasped for air, having apparently been holding my breath for the past few moments. I opened my eyes to see Trevor lick his fingers, and then he was crawling back up my twitching body.

"I love the way you look when you come." He told me breathlessly, his eyes searching my face, taking in my parted lips and flushed cheeks. He kissed me eagerly, and I could taste myself on his tongue. I wrapped my legs back around his waist and pulled him closer to me, cupping his face in my hands as I tilted my head, leaning into his kiss. He was the first to break it, looking down at me as he pulled away, sitting up on his knees. I noticed a little dark, wet patch of precum on his faded jeans where the head of this cock had been pressing, and felt a surge of arousal straight between my legs again. He unbuttoned and pulled his jeans down enough to let me know that his wasn't wearing underwear, and his hard on bobbed in the air as it was released. I leaned on my elbows for a moment as I watched him stroke himself slowly at first, but soon picking up the pace with desperate little huffs. Soon enough I couldn't resist, and I rose to my knees and matched his height, pulling his hand away from himself and replacing it with my own.

"Your turn." I whispered, I saw him swallow hard and lick his lips as he stared down at my hand pleasuring him. He groaned quietly, and I pushed him onto his back with my free hand. I bent down and took him into my mouth, he bucked his hips up into my mouth once with a grunt, his breathing was heavy and I could taste his precum leaking into my mouth. I moaned around his cock, taking it further back into my throat and cupping his balls with my hand. I pulled back and looked up at him as I flicked my tongue over the head, using my free hand to jerk his shaft as I did. His expression looked almost like he was in pain, and he was clenching his jaw. He was tense, almost as if he was holding back.

"Relax." I said to him, momentarily pulling my lips away from him. When I returned, I brought my tongue up his length then back down again, pausing to give his balls some attention. At this, he groaned loudly and rolled his head back for a second. I took his length back into my mouth, bobbing my head up and down as I sucked him, I kept my eyes on him when he looked down at me again. He reached a hand down to me and gathered my hair at the back of my head, pushing back the few strands that fell into my face. 

"Oh God." He breathed, his hand tightening in my hair. I knew that he was close, and I knew that he was resisting the urge to thrust into my mouth. I pulled off of him, leaving his cock slick with saliva. I sat up and squeezed my breasts together, watching his eyes drop down to them as I did.

"You wanna fuck these, baby?" I asked, watching a smirk spread across his face.

"Oh shit, (Y/N)... God yes." He told me. I immediately adjusted my position, kneeling over his left leg and leaning down. I took a moment to rub my breasts over his length before I let him slide his cock between them. I pushed them together as he began to thrust his hips, his cock sliding back and forth in my cleavage. I looked down to watch the head of his cock emerge each time he bucked his hips upwards. He groaned, his eyes switching between my face and my breasts as if he couldn't decide which one to stare at. The slickness of his cock made it all the more pleasurable for him, and his cock was still leaking every now and again as he came closer and closer to his peak.

"I want you to come all over me, Trevor." I said to him in a sultry tone, and I knew I almost had him, he was panting and groaning and his fists were balled up at his sides as he forced his hips to move faster, knocking into me and making me bounce up and down.

"Fuck, fuck, Jesus, fuck." He growled, his eyes squeezing shut moments before he was coming, blowing his load between my breasts. Spurts of hot come hit my chest, my neck, even my chin, and it all ran down over my breasts and between my cleavage as he continued to thrust through his climax, his loud groans filling the room. He breathing was heavy and fast when he finally slowed his hips, his butt falling back against the bed after it had rose up with the intensity of his climax.

"Mm, Trevor." I sighed as I sat up, looking down at my breasts, slick with come. I wiped away what had reached my chin and licked it off of my fingers as he watched. I bent down momentarily to take his softening cock into my mouth, just to clean him up.

"I almost forgot how freaky you can get, fuck, I love you." He told me breathlessly, leaning over to the bedside table to grab a tissue, offering it to me so I could clean myself up. 

"I'm not going to let you forget now, I hope you realise that." I told him with a smirk, tossing the tissue in the bin in the corner of the room after wiping my chest clean. It fell short but I waved my hand dismissively, I'd pick it up later.

"Thank fuck for that." He replied, pulling me on top of him by my hands, which he kept hold of, slipping his fingers between mine. "I missed you so fucking much. Thank you for coming back to me, I know I've made things difficult for you." He said, his face turning serious.

"I suppose I just got sick of fighting this. I'm in love with you Trevor, whether I like it or not." I sighed, looking at our entwined hands. "I think I pushed you away out of habit, because that's what I've always done. But things are different with you some how, it wasn't easy to forget you."

"I love you, and I'll never get sick of telling you that." He told me, pulling me down so my chest was flush to his and he wrapped his arms around me.

"I'll never get sick of hearing it." I replied, burying my face in his neck and kissing it. "I love you too. I can't help it, I don't think I'll ever stop loving you."

"That better be a promise." He murmured, his arms tightening around me.

"It's only a promise if you promise me something." I said.

"What's that?" He asked.

"That you'll be mine completely and utterly. You won't let anyone have you in the same way I do, promise me, and mean it this time." I said. In other words, _don't cheat on me._ He kissed the top of my head and inhaled the scent of my hair.

"I promise. Your trust is not something I'll break twice, it's what I'll work for the rest of my life to gain back." He kissed my head again and traced gentle patterns in my back with his fingertips. We laid like that for the rest of the evening, and at some point, the two of us fell asleep.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Woah I'm struggling guys. I've been a wee bit stressed lately about university, since I start soon and its been playing on my mind, so I seem to have been neglecting this story a little... My motivation is a little low right now but fear not, I vow to never leave a story unfinished! I just need to get back into the swing of writing again :)


	12. Intense

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> So yeah I didn't plan on writing two smutty chapters in a row, it just sort of... Happened.

I woke up with the huge bed to myself, and I'd sprawled my naked self out in the middle of it. I sat up and glanced around the hotel room, Trevor was nowhere in sight, but I heard movement in the bathroom so I assumed he was in there. His clothes were also gone, so he must've already gotten dressed. I stretched with a groan, hearing my spine pop as I did. I swallowed, the back of my throat was sore and dry, so I climbed out of bed and approached the bathroom door.

"Trevor, you in there? Can I just get a drink of water?" I asked through the door. There was a pause.

"Uhh. Yeah, give me a sec." He finally replied, and I heard him shuffling about quickly.

"What are you doing in there?" I frowned.

"I'm ah... I'm jerking off, can I have a little privacy?" He told me, and I laughed, unsure of whether he was joking or not.

"I won't look, I promise. Just let me get a drink, baby, I'm getting a headache." I pleaded, reaching for the doorhandle.

"Just... Wait. I'm almost done. Hang on." He said in a strange tone, kind of panicked but kind of like he was begging me for something at the same time... I licked my lips and turned the doorhandle.

"You want some help?" I said in a low voice, pushing the door open to see him before I froze. He wasn't jerking off. "Trevor?"

"Shit, I told you to wait! Did you never grasp the concept of _wait?_ " He growled at me stuffing a glass pipe into his overnight bag on the ground and rushing to gather up the few crystals that had spilled out of a little clear bag on the edge of the sink. He was smoking up.

"Why?" I simply asked him, suddenly feeling the need to cover up my naked body, so I feebly crossed my arms over my chest.

"Why what?" He spat after he'd cleared everything away and zipped the bag up.

"Why are you doing this to yourself? You just got out of _hospital_ , Trevor." I said to him in an even tone, I wasn't about to raise my voice at him despite the fact that I really felt like doing so.

"I'm not going overboard with it, (Y/N). I only smoked a little." He told me as he stormed out of the bathroom, brushing past me.

"Why?" I asked, a little louder. "Why did you smoke any at all? Are you stupid?"

"Maybe I am." I growled, turning to glare at me. "And I smoked because I fucking wanted to."

"We had such a good evening last night..." I started, walking over to the wardrobe to hastily get dressed. I pulled on a tank top and a pair of shorts.

"And what? It's ruined now?" He asked me angrily and I felt a lump forming in my throat. He stormed over to the bedside table and grabbed a half empty can of coke, and pushed it into my hands. Even midway through a fight, he was looking after me. I took a sip, it was warm and flat but it did the trick of easing my dry throat.

"No I'm just... I'm confused." I shook my head. "You were so nice to me and now you seem angry with me, just because I caught you in there-"

"I'm not angry with you." He sighed heavily, rubbing his eyes. "I'm just- I can't fucking do it."

"Do what?" I asked quietly, approaching him and placing the coke down on the dresser beside me.

"What you want me to do." He gestured to me. "Quit doing that stuff. It's part of who I am, now!"

"No its not, Trevor. You are the person who made me feel precious last night, the person who makes me happy. You aren't _you_ because of that poison." I said to him, closing the gap between us and placing my hands on his arms.

"I can't do it." He repeated, shaking his head.

"You can, I will help you."

"You can't help me." I pulled his arms from my grasp and turned his back to me, he covered his face with his hands.

"I can't if you don't talk to me! How could I know that you were thinking about smoking if you didn't tell me?" I sighed, placing my hands on his shoulders.

"You were asleep." He murmured. I groaned and rest my forehead in the centre of his back.

"I was asleep, I was with my family... Trevor, stop giving me excuses for not talking to me. I'll always drop everything to talk to you. You should've just woken me up, I wouldn't have been angry." I pressed my nose into his back and inhaled. His usual scent was tainted by the sharp smell of the drug he'd smoked. He didn't say anything. "Trevor I almost lost you last week because of that crap. I'm scared."

"Don't be. I'm not going to kill myself with meth, I know what I'm doing." He said, he was still tense but at least his voice was softer.

"You can't be sure." I insisted. "You've said that before and look what happened. I thought almost dying would have put you off." 

"You're a doctor, you should know all about _addiction_ and how it doesn't just go away overnight." He said a little coldly.

"Of course I know that. I meant that I thought it'd make you _want_ to stop." He turned around to face me.

"All I want to stop right now, is this conversation. What's done is done, I smoked this morning, I disappointed you again. Let's just move on." He leaned towards me, hooking his fingers under the straps of my tank top.

"You haven't disappointed me Trevor, don't say that. I just wish you'd run to me before you run to the drugs, that's all I ask." I begged, he looked at me with dilated pupils and a jumpy gaze which flicked back and forth between my eyes quickly.

"I'll try." He said absentmindedly as he reached a hand to my face. Without warning, he pulled me towards him and crushed his lips to mine. I didn't even have time to close my eyes so I was stuck staring at him for a few seconds before I finally shut them. He moved his free hand the the front of my shorts where he tugged my hips towards him.

"Trevor..." I gasped when he moved to nibble on my ear.

"Let's take things fast." He echoed my own words from the previous night. "And hard. And rough." His voice was deep and gravely, it made me weak at the knees, I was aroused immediately.

I knew what he was doing. He was frustrated, with himself or me, I wasn't sure. Either way, he needed an outlet, and this was one of the only ones he knew. Still, that knowledge didn't stop me from letting him push me over to the edge of the bed, bending me over onto my stomach. This wasn't the first time he'd used sex with me as a way to let off steam, and in all honesty it didn't bother me as much as it possibly should. I actually kind of loved it. It was just... _Intense._

He leaned over me, pressing almost his full weight onto me and I felt his fingers hook into the back of my shorts, he pulled them down with my panties to expose my backside. He moaned and slapped my right butt cheek, earning a gasp from me. He slid off the edge of the bed and kneeled behind me, stroking his hands over my ass.

"Hello old friend." He purred before pressing his lips against the tingly red patch that he'd slapped a moment ago. His hand fondled the opposite cheek as he took the opportunity to sink his teeth into my soft flesh with a growl. I was breathing heavily and burying my face into the sheets as he continued to fondle me. He pushed me further up onto the bed and pried my legs apart. I felt his fingers slide between my legs.

"Shit..." I sighed, squeezing the bedsheets in my balled fists as he began to rub my slit.

"Mmm, look how wet you are for me." He whispered, pushing a finger inside me. "How far do you want me to go?"

"All the way." I told him, my voice muffled by the sheets. He thrust his finger back and forth, I tensed up around it.

"You want me to fuck you?" He asked, almost sounding surprised. I hummed a sound of confirmation. "You're sure?"

"Yes." I breathed, lifting my head up and looking back at him. He nodded, pulling his shirt off and dropping it next to him. He stood up and looked down at me.

"Take your top off, sweetheart." He said in a soft tone, and I did as I was told. He unclasped and removed my bra for me before reaching around to squeeze my breasts as he leaned over me again. He moved one hand between his legs and I heard him unzip his jeans. He pulled his hard cock out of his pants and pressed it against my backside. His hands returned to my breasts and he pressed hard against me, rubbing his cock against the cleft of my ass. He let out a shaky breath and his hips began to move faster, soon enough he was humping me as if he had the intent to rub one out between my cheeks. His groans were loud and he was singing them directly into my ear, it riled me up so fucking much and all I wanted was for him to bury himself inside of me.

"Oh God." He breathed as he leaned back suddenly. I turned my head to watch him as he grabbed his length and started to rub it against my slit. He coated it in my wetness and rubbed the head against my clitoris. I made a quiet whimpering sound and pushed back against him, desperate for some more friction.

"Trevor." I moaned his name softly as he pressed the tip inside me before pulling back out. I started shifting my hips, hoping to get some friction from the bed but with little success. "Just do it."

"Ask me nicely." He instructed, pressing the tip inside me again, just a little further this time, but it wasn't enough.

"Please, baby. Please just make love to me." I said shakily. He looked at me with a soft expression, lips slightly parted, and bent down to kiss my shoulder before he entered me, filling me up completely. I moaned and he sucked in a sharp burst of air through his teeth as he was buried to the hilt. I was so ready for this. I was desperate for it.

"Since you said it so politely..." He murmured, then pulled out and quickly thrust back in again. My mouth hung open and I let out a pathetic, quiet little moan, I sounded so needy. "Fuck, (Y/N). You feel amazing, oh God I missed this." He told me breathlessly, bending down to plant a kiss between my shoulder blades.

He started moving at a steady pace, his hips rolling forwards and upwards slightly, fairly slowly. He was taking his time, catching every sweet spot within me. He bent forwards, pressing his chest against my back and resting his chin on my shoulder.

"Did you miss my cock?" He asked in a voice too treacle sweet for his words. He moved his hips faster, a little rougher. I tilted my head and rest my temple against his cheek.

"Yes." I sighed, my eyes falling closed as he let out deep little grunts, right in my ear. I couldn't picture any sound I'd rather hear in that moment. "Oh fuck yes..." I whispered. His pace suddenly quickened, and it knocked me of my breath. He groaned and kissed my temple as he reached beneath me and squeezed my breast with one hand and rubbed me between my legs with the other.

"I'm sorry." He whispered into my ear, and it prompted me to open my eyes. "I'm sorry." He repeated, hiding his face from me by burying it in my shoulder. His words puzzled me, it seemed like an odd time to be apologising to me. "I'm so sorry." He said for a third time.

"Trevor?" I started, noting the way that his arms tightened almost uncomfortably around me. "Trevor." I repeated, more sternly.

"I just love you so much." He panted in reply, his words followed by a lusty groan. He slowed his hips to a gentle rocking motion and lifted his head up, looking at my puzzled expression. "You don't look like you're enjoying yourself." He pointed out, the look he gave me was a wounded one.

"Why were you apologising right now?" I asked him, feeling him pulling away from me.

"I have a lot to apologise for, don't I?" He replied, pulling out of me completely and straightening up. I shook my head lightly and pushed his words out of my head, it wasn't the time to think like that.

"No, don't stop." I pleaded, rolling over onto my back and parting my legs. His eyes traveled from my face and down my body to between my thighs. He licked his lips then he was on my again, his body melting against mine as he reentered me. "Yeah..." I breathed, cupping his face in my hands and pressing my lips to his. He started thrusting into me, almost immediately matching his previous pace. His hand was eagerly exploring my body, squeezing my soft flesh and tracing delicate patterns over my hips and thighs, raising goosebumps all over. I teased my tongue over his bottom lip, and he parted his lips, encouraging me to deepen the kiss. The vibrations from his groans tickled my lips, coaxing a little smile from me.

"P-punish me." He choked out after breaking the kiss and staring down at me intensely. I blinked up at him for a moment, then slid my hands around to his back. This wasn't an out of the ordinary request from him, and over time I'd managed to pick up on a number of ways to please him without hurting him too much. Obviously, inflicting pain on the person I loved wasn't something I was comfortable with at first, but after he'd pleaded with me on numerous occasions I couldn't deny him his kink. I sunk my short nails into his shoulder blades and dragged them down, it wasn't enough to draw blood but it was enough to make him shudder and groan and let out a euphoric, " _Ohh thank you._ "

"Like this?" I spoke through bared teeth as I continued to scratch him, stopping just short of his backside. He nodded his head vigorously and slammed his hips into me more roughly and erratically with heavy grunts.

"Again." He growled, dropping his head against my shoulder, licking and sucking on my flesh. I chewed on my bottom lip as I repeated the action, this time leaving the pink scratch marks down his sides. He moaned, moving his mouth along my shoulder and neck, pausing only to create the purple flourishes on my skin that marked me as his. My heart was racing, the wild, almost animalistic way that he was ravishing me combined with the uncontrollable noises he was making were doing wonders to push me closer and closer my peak with every second.

"Trevor." I forced his name from my numb lips. "I'm so close." I groaned, and he lifted his head to meet my eyes. His face was so close that his nose bumped lightly against mine with his every thrust.

"Come." He told me in a desperate tone, as if he was begging me. Then suddenly, with very little warning, he reached his own climax. His eyes squeezed shut and he was panting and grunting in time with his thrusts, then I could feel him throbbing and spilling inside me, the sensation of him doing so pushed me over the edge with a gasp. My whole nether region tingled with the intense waves of pleasure that passed through me as Trevor continued to thrust hard and fast through each of our climaxes. It was incredible.

After the two of us had taken a moment to compose ourselves, he kissed me, it was soft and slow and completely in contrast to the urgent, quick pace of our love making. He then pulled away and threw himself down onto the bed next to me, face down, draping an arm over my stomach. I closed my legs, squeezing my thighs together and enjoying the full sensation he'd left me with as I caught my breath. He turned his head to look at me, and I looked right back at him. Neither of us said anything, nothing really needed to be said. Enough was said through the intense eye contact that we shared for what must've been hours, or at least it felt that long. Trevor's eyes held nothing but love, and mine were a mirror of his.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> I'm very sorry if my updates aren't as frequent as they have been in the past, I'm just having some difficulties with motivation at the moment. That's not to say that I don't enjoy writing this, because I do! It's just a bit hard to force myself to just sit down and do it :P


	13. Ammunation

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> I'm sorry for the long gap between updates, my motivation for this story is kind of all but gone right now but I'm soldiering on :P I have had an idea for another story, and I hate it when that happens because I like to focus on one thing at a time! Don't worry, I'm still working hard on this story, I'm just praying that this motivation dip will pass :)

When I woke in the morning I felt stiff, I felt sore, but I felt pleasantly satisfied. I glanced over at Trevor beside me, he was fast asleep with his back to me, and I could see the marks I'd left on him the previous morning. Long, pink, slightly curved lines that traveled down his back from his shoulder blades. I reached a hand out and ran my fingertips ever so gently over the marks, then leaned in to press a soft kiss to each of his shoulder blades, as if I was kissing the wounds better. 

I knew that Trevor'd left his own marks on me, in the form of several purple spots all dotted along the tender skin of my neck and left shoulder. I couldn't help but appreciate the fact. I often found that the best sex led to waking up with your fair share of bruises and scratches. That small amount of pain seemed to ground me, and balance out the pleasure quite nicely. It also felt like he was claiming me as his own, and I was claiming him as mine, something that to me was very important. While we were our own people, we belonged to each other in _this_ sense.

Trevor stirred, then rolled over to face me. His eyes traveled to my neck, and he reached out to touch the love bites he'd given me, running his fingers along the sensitive span of flesh with a small smile on his face. He let his hand drop onto the mattress and looked back at my eyes.

"You okay?" He asked me. I nodded my head and smiled widely at him before sitting up in bed and stretching. I turned to him, noticing the way his eyes moved over my naked body then back up to my face.

"Let's go home later." I suggested, leaning back on my hands. 

"You wanna go back to the trailer?" He asked, seeming puzzled. I shrugged indifferently.

"I think we needed to get away from the desert for a few days, and we've done that now, so..." I told him. "Unless you'd like to stay."

"Me? Ah I'm not bothered. I don't really care where we go if it makes you happy." He admitted, throwing a hand over my thighs.

"Well let's go out one last time, then I'll drive us home later." I suggested, and he nodded.

"Alright then, where'd you want to go?" He asked me and I shook my head.

"No, you choose where we go. I've picked everything and I don't think that's fair. Where do _you_ want to go?" I said, watching as he sighed and looked away from me. I waited, and soon enough I saw a grin spreading across his face.

"Shooting range." He said, and I held back a groan. I should've known he would say that, he'd always badgered me to come with him since we first started dating, he said he wanted to teach me how to shoot and buy me a gun. All in the name of self defence, apparently. Here's the thing, I'd always outright refused simply because I'd grown up in a place where guns are illegal, so the idea always felt kind of... Wrong, to me. That combined with the fact that my childhood was filled with stories from my dad about his time in the military, so I guess I just associated fire arms with war and serving your country, not self defence. 

"Okay." I found myself saying, regardless of my thoughts. I did, after all, say that he was making the choice today, what kind of person would I be if I denied him the one place he wanted to go? Plus, he looked excited. I didn't want to burst his mood.

"Really?" He asked, shocked that I'd actually agreed for once.

"Yes." I told him, and he gave an excited little laugh, and moved closer to me to bury his face in my side.

"Finally. You know I just want you to be safe when you're out on your own, sweetheart." He whispered, tilting his head to look up at me.

"I know." I nodded with a little smile, I hoped I didn't look as uneasy as I felt.

-

"She's gonna want something small." Trevor nodded, leaning over the counter at Ammunation. Frequent gunshots could be heard from the shooting range out the back, the odd rogue shot making me jump over and over. You'd have thought I'd be used to it, living in Sandy Shores, but the thing is, I could _never_ get used to that sound. Always so sudden, so loud.

"What about the Micro SMG? She's small but she packs a punch." The guy behind the counter suggested, wandering over to a gun on display on the wall. He handed the gun to Trevor who turned it over in his hands and inspected it. "That magazine'll give you sixteen rounds. Thirty if you get the extended clip."

"It's a little... Big." I said in a small voice, and the two men looked at me. "I mean, its smaller than some you've shown us, but I can't exactly carry it in my pocket." I shrugged, looking away at some of the other weapons on display.

"Alright, something a little more petite for the lady." The guy took the gun back from Trevor, and picked another off the display. This one was a pistol, I may not be a gun fanatic but I could tell that much. He slid it over the counter and tapped on it as he spoke again. "This right here's a Vintage Pistol, you like it? It's a little bit classy, but just the right amount of deadly." He smirked.

"Well, it's pretty. For a gun, anyway." I shrugged and stepped forwards to run my fingertips over the floral design that was engraved into the cool metal. I pulled my hand away and crossed my arms over my chest, shaking my head. "I don't want anything too powerful." 

"Why not? That's the whole idea. You're getting something so you can defend yourself if you need to." Trevor nudged me with his elbow. I heard the bloke behind the counter sigh and I cringed, this was getting kind of embarrassing, actually. We'd been in the store for quite a while now, and been through God knows how many guns, I'd declined all of them.

"I can still defend myself with a small, weak gun-"

"There's no such thing as a weak gun, darlin'." The guy on the other side of the counter snorted patronisingly, and I narrowed my eyes. "You hit someone in the right place with anything, they're a gonner."

"I mean something that's unlikely to kill a person in one shot. Provided you hit them in the _wrong_ place, of course." I said, then pushed the pistol over the counter to him. 

"Like a stun gun?" The guy laughed and I rolled my eyes, proceeding to ignore his obvious piss take.

"What's that one? How powerful is that?" I pointed to a small pistol that could easily fit in the palm of my hand, or my jacket pocket.

"The SNS Pistol? Not very." He reached up and took it off the display, handing it to me. It was pretty light, light enough that I could convince myself it was like one of those water pistols I used to play with as kid, soaking my brother in the garden on warm summer afternoons. Although I'd assume pointing _this_ gun at someone wouldn't be as fun.

"Okay, I'll try this one." I nodded.

"You're sure you want this one?" Trevor looked at me with an unsure expression. I nodded. "But its cheap. Look, the grip's made of plastic for fucks sake. And I bet you couldn't kill a rabbit with it."

"Well it's a good job I don't want to kill any rabbits." I smiled at him. "Like I said, I don't want anything too big or too powerful, this fits the bill."

"Right. It's better than nothing, I guess." He said with a sigh, then turned to the shop assistant. "The SNS Pistol it is."

And with that, I was the proud owner of a fire arm. All I needed was for Trevor to teach me how to use it and I'd officially be a true 'Murican! Dear Lord, if my father so much as _smelled_ gunpowder on his innocent little girl he'd shoot me himself. 

After Trevor'd paid for my brand spanking new death machine, he dragged me all but kicking and screaming into the shooting range, our heads adorned with safety glasses and ear defenders. There were two men in there already, and being so close to strangers firing deadly weapons wasn't exactly a comfortable experience for a newbie to the gun scene.

"You want me to fire it first, show you what to do?" Trevor asked once we were stood at one of the booths, having to basically yell over the gunfire and the ear protection. I just nodded. "Right, so I'm gonna load the gun. Watch." I stared as he slid the magazine out of the pistol, and proceeded to load the bullets into it one by one. The motion was so smooth, so practised, I was sure that if I tried to do it the way he did, there'd be ammo all over the floor after the second bullet. He slid the magazine back into the gun and gestured to a little switch on the side of the barrel.

"When this switch is up like this, the safety is on. It won't fire then, so always keep it up, understand?" He said and I nodded again, keeping my eyes fixed on the gun as Trevor pointed it forwards and down, into the range where bullets where still flying. "You look terrified. It's fine, nothing's going to happen." He gave me a little smile, it was half comforting, half amused.

"I'm not terrified." I said, but my prepubescent boy voice crack betrayed me. He reached a hand out to give my cheek a stroke with his thumb, then turned his body to face the targets on the shooting range. 

"So when you wanna fire this thing, you can take the safety off by pushing the lever down." He said as he aimed the gun towards the target. He flicked the safety off. "And you can cock it, slide this part at the top back until you hear a click like _this_." He did just as he explained and cocked the gun.

"And now it's ready to shoot?" I asked him nervously.

"That's right. If I pulled the trigger right now, it'd fire. But if I pushed that safety lever back up, it wouldn't." He told me, looking down the sights of the gun. "I'm gonna fire it now, okay?"

"Okay." I said in a small voice and involuntarily took a step back. 

"This part's pretty simple. I'm sure you don't need me to tell you how to squeeze the trigger." He snorted. "But if you're going for accuracy, you've gotta pull the trigger slowly." He said, then went silent. I waited, on edge, holding my breath, trying so very hard to _expect_ the shot. But it still made me jump, even though I knew it was coming. He hit the target slap bang in the centre, of course.

"Fuck." I sighed, slamming a hand against my chest, feeling my heart thrashing inside it. 

"God, it sounds like a cap gun." Trevor muttered distastefully, clicking the safety on and carefully placing the pistol on the table in front of us, barrel facing away. "That's it. You want a go?"

"Alright. How do I hold it?" I asked stupidly, but hey, I was scared of doing something wrong. I'd rather sound stupid than end up shooting myself by accident, and I'd fished enough bullets out of Trevor to know that I didn't want to have to dig one out of myself.

"Your thumb, pinky, ring and middle fingers should be wrapped around the grip, and your trigger finger should rest along the barrel until you're ready to shoot." He told me, and I went to pick it up. I was scared I was accidentally going to press some hidden button by accident, or drop it and have it fire and shoot someone's foot, or _insert relevant disaster here_. I held it how I was told, pointing it stiffly at a target and well away from any sort of living being or vitreous object.

"You're shaking a lot, use your other hand for support." He told me, stepping close behind me and putting a hand lightly on the small of my back, silently directing me to step forwards, closer to the front of the booth.

"How?" I asked again. Oh God I was clueless. You'd think holding a gun would be a walk in the park, that it'd come naturally to me. Maybe if I wasn't so nervous about those nonexistent buttons that would send the gun into an uncontrollable firing frenzy if pressed, it would.

"From underneath." He took my empty hand and lifted it up to the bottom of the grip. "That's better. When you're ready to fire, flick the safety lever down. It's already cocked, so once you do that, it's ready to go. To aim, line up the rear sight with the front sight, you see those little bumps on the top?"

"I got it. Okay, I think I'm ready." I said finally after squinting and wondering what was best to focus on, the sights or the targets. "Can-can you please take the safety off for me? I don't want to move my hands now I've got them in the right place."

"(Y/N), relax. Worst case scenario, you miss and hit the wall behind it. You're more than capable of taking the safety off then readjusting your aim, baby." He said in an amused tone.

"Okay, alright, I'll do it..." I murmured, moving my left hand from below the grip to flick the safety down before returning it. I focused my sights back on the middle of the target and took a deep breath. I followed Trevor's advice and slowly squeezed the trigger. I squeezed it so slowly that after a few seconds I was concerned that I'd somehow broken it and it wasn't going to fire. Then it did.

"See? Easy!" Trevor grinned at me, clapping a hand onto my shoulder.

"Did I hit it? I was looking at the gun not the target." My heart was hammering.

"Yeah you did, a little bit above mine." He pointed, and I screwed my face up. 

"What the hell? That's way higher than I aimed, that was the guns fault, it jumped up when I fired it." I spat defensively and he chuckled, flicking the safety back on for me since I'd forgotten to do so.

"You're probably too tense, try and relax a bit and you won't be affected so much by the recoil. You did good, sweetheart. Try again." He encouraged me, standing behind me and holding onto my sides gently.

"So I just take the safety off and do it again? I don't need to cock it?" I asked, glancing over my shoulder at him.

"That's right, that gun's semi-automatic so once you've cocked it, it'll keep loading the bullets into the barrel on it's own 'till the magazine's empty. You've got four rounds left, try shooting at the same place four times, okay?" He suggested, a little grin playing around his lips, I could tell he was enjoying this.

"Okay." I nodded determinedly, looking back at the target and turning the safety off.

-

"You did good today, princess. Really good." Trevor told me, squeezing my knee as I drove us back to Sandy Shores.

"Well I'm glad I didn't kill anyone, that was my only goal so if I surpassed that, great." I snorted, giving him a little smirk. "Thank you for the gun, Trevor. And the lessons, and the trip to LS. I had a nice time." I said seriously with a grateful smile.

"Thanks for letting me buy you the gun." He laughed. "I'm always armed to the teeth when I go out, I didn't like the fact that you _weren't_. There's some real assholes in Sandy Shores and you need to be safe, so promise me you'll keep that gun with you at all times." 

"Promise." I nodded. 

We were almost home at this point, and to be honest I was kind of looking forward to getting back into Trevor's bed for the first time in too long, that was what felt like home to me. Not even my own trailer could make me feel so safe and secure, I never slept so soundly anywhere else. In truth, it was probably only because I would be sleeping next to Trevor, in Trevor's home, usually in one of Trevor's t-shirts, and it'd always been the case, once I'd fallen for him, that I felt safe around him no matter the circumstances. I remembered first moving to Blaine County, I was fucking terrified every night, as soon as the sun went down. I knew that Sandy Shores was filled with shady characters, I'd met a few within my first week, and at night all I could think was the only thing keeping them from getting to me was a weak-ass door that I once had to break into myself after misplacing my keys. Breaking in wasn't a difficult task, and that did nothing to dispel my fears. 

To be fair though, before moving to the states I'd spent my entire life living in a nice suburban home in a small town on the outskirts of London, where the crime rate was practically nonexistent and every face you saw was a friendly one... It was quite the contrast to Sandy Shores, I was the privileged little private school girl seeing how the other half lived. I was pulled from my thoughts as we passed Trevor's air strip, and I was suddenly reminded of something. "Trevor?"

"Mmhm." He hummed his response, I glanced over at him, leaning his cheek on his fist as he rest against the truck's door.

"What did you end up doing with that car?" I asked curiously.

"You mean _your_ car?" He apparently felt the need to correct me, I just nodded my head for the sake of argument. "Nothin', it's still at the airfield." 

"I didn't see it when we passed." I told him and he frowned for a moment before a look of realisation washed over his features.

"That'll be because I had Ron move it into the hangar. It's still yours, it's a little dented if I remember rightly but it's yours. Sorry about that, by the way." He shrugged indifferently and continued to watch the passing scenery. I remembered the day at the airfield when it all went tits up, I guess I wasn't imagining those expensive-sounding clunks as I walked away from him.

"It's alright... I'm still sticking to my guns though, Trev. I don't want a seven hundred thousand dollar car, can't you sell it and get your money back?" I offered, wincing at my own words. I didn't want to sound ungrateful, but at the same time it _was_ excessive.

"I dunno, babe, maybe. Can't you just keep it? I really can't be bothered with the hassle of finding some rich prick to buy it off me." He said monotonously, lazily, tired. I didn't push the matter, I kept quiet as I pulled up in front of the trailer. I handed Trevor his car keys, and he caught my hand. "Gimme a kiss." He said.

I stared at him for a few moments before I leaned over and did as I was told. I kissed him once, a quick peck on the lips. I leaned back, and he followed me, connecting our lips again in a more heated kiss, with tongues and wandering hands on his part. I chuckled, pulling away from him when his hands had slipped underneath my shirt and were a few centimetres away from second base.

"Not on the driveway." I scalded him with mock irritation, then got out of the car with a smirk on my face.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Unfortunately there won't be another update for at least two weeks because I'm going on holiday tomorrow, which means no WiFi! I'll try and get some chapters written while I'm away, so I won't be abandoning this fic for too long :) thank you for reading and commenting my lovelies, your kind words are what keep me writing this<3


	14. Murder

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> I am back from my holiday! Back with glorious WiFi! Back with another chapter! I hope you enjoy :)

It felt good being back, back with Trevor, back in the desert. Trevor and I seemed to fall back into place, that place being by each others side, as quickly as we'd fallen out of place. It was only two days before I'd all but forgotten we'd fallen at all, it felt like I'd never left. 

I'd accepted the offer on my trailer, so that was that, I was moving in with Trevor officially. He'd made Ron gather what little possessions I owned and bring them over, so I was pretty much ready to hand over the keys. I kept telling myself I needed to call my parents, tell them that I wasn't coming home after all... It was a conversation I wasn't looking forward to, with how happy my mother was when I'd told her I was moving back. She never liked the idea of me moving out here in the first place, she supported me, sure, but she wasn't happy about it. She always had trouble letting my brother and I fly the nest, hell, she wasn't fond of letting me sleep over at friends homes as a kid. She was a protective mum, that much was obvious to anyone.

It wasn't uncommon for me to wake up hours before Trevor, he was a heavy sleeper and often ended up eating his breakfast when I was eating my lunch. Today was one of those days and I could hear his snores from the next room as I sat on the sofa, routing through the box of trinkets Ron had delivered the previous evening. It was then that, amongst my worldly belongings, (all of which could be contained within a single cardboard box, and I tried to ignore how depressing that fact was) I found the familiar black key with the Pegassi logo engraved into the back of it. I rolled my eyes at the fact that Trevor must've slipped it in there to make a point or something. I thought it was about time I took a walk.

The walk down to the airfield always felt longer than I thought it was, especially with no shelter from the sun that constantly cascaded down relentlessly onto the top of my head, making the top of my hair feel like magma to the touch. I was relieved when I made it into Trevor's hanger, immediately spotting the plum-coloured super car parked in the corner, behind the small crop duster that ordinarily resided in there. It really was a gorgeous car, it'd be a shame to get rid of it for sure, but I couldn't keep it. No way. That would be giving into Trevor's intentions, he was of course trying to win me back when he spent a ridiculous amount of money on something that I didn't _need_. I was typically a necessities only kind of girl, I was never the type to blow a load of cash on something that was unnecessary, I liked to save my money for the important things. I was uncomfortable with Trevor throwing so much money at me, regardless of his bank balance or whether or not he claimed to need it. It was still money that he had earned, risking his freedom and potentially his _life_ to do so.

I approached the car, taking a look at the damage that Trevor had inflicted in his fit of rage. I still felt guilty about that. I circled the car, pleasantly surprised. The full extent of the damage wasn't actually as bad as it had sounded when Trevor was using the car as a punching bag. There were a few nasty dents in the driver side door, and the window was cracked. I winced at the sight of the spider web of cracks in the glass, wondering how on earth Trevor hadn't broken a bone or two. Fixing the car would probably cost a few hundred dollars of course, it was just good luck that the damage was confined to just a single door, it could've been a lot worse.

"Excuse me?" An unfamiliar voice called, tearing me from my analysis of the car with a fright. I turned to see a guy standing just outside the hangar, a cute looking rottweiler sat by his feet.

"Hi, can I help you?" I asked once I'd composed myself.

"I'm sorry, I just had t' ask." The guy inched forwards into the hangar. He spoke with a heavy accent, typical of the area. "Is that your car? She's a beauty, ain't she?" 

"Uh, yeah, I'm looking to sell it though." I told him. If Trevor _couldn't be bothered_ to find a _rich prick_ to buy the car, then I'd do it for him. Admittedly this guy didn't exactly look rich enough to afford a super car, but then again, Trevor didn't. People can surprise you.

"Why would you wanna do that, darlin'? I'd kill to have a ride like that." He said with a little grin as he came closer, cautiously but eagerly. It was as if he was waiting for me to tell him to piss off, I wasn't about to do so of course.

"I guess it's just... Too much." I shrugged, glancing down at the car.

"If I owned it, you wouldn't see me out'a it." He chuckled. "With or without the damage. How in God's name did that happen?" He nodded towards the door as he strolled around the car with his hands in his pockets.

"Oh, someone drove into the side of it." I lied with a dismissive wave of my hand. I felt something warm and furry touch my leg and looked down to see the rottweiler sniffing around me.

"That's a shame, there's some bad drivers out there, don't you think? Oh, uh, don't mind Billy, he's friendly." He smiled down at the dog. "I walk him down here near' every day, hope you don't mind that. 'm guessing you own this place too, seein' as you keep your car here." 

"I don't, my boyfriend does." I told him, kneeling down on the floor next to Billy, giving him a little rub behind the ears and under his chin. He was sweet, panting and slobbering everywhere and leaning into me excitedly.

"You must live pretty well I assume, to afford all this." He said, and I thought I could detect a hint of disgust in his tone but brushed it off. "You can't live too locally I bet, with all that green I'm sure you got one o' them fancy houses in the Vinewood Hills, that right?"

I made a vague humming sound that neither confirmed or denied his assumption, and shrugged my shoulders. He was asking too many questions and making too many assumptions for my liking. Billy had rolled over onto his back, wagging his tail wildly as I rubbed his tummy.

"I think he likes you." He chuckled, and I could hear him coming closer to me, then I heard a metallic clicking sound, I looked up at him and I would've screamed if I weren't so shocked. "You, uh, you got the key?" He was standing over me with a grin on his face and a switchblade in his hand. Shit.

"I- no. I don't." I said immediately, it was bullshit, of course.

"I can tell you're lying, now come on, just give me the key." He spoke like he was bored, it was just so casual and indifferent. I just stared at him, frozen in place with a growingly impatient dig wriggling below my still hand. Then he lunged at me with the knife, I could muster a scream this time.

"Don't!" I yelled, and the guy laughed. He didn't stab me, he was only threatening me, trying to frighten me. It was working.

"You can clearly afford another one, just give me this one and I'll leave you be, I don't need to hurt you." He stepped a little closer, waving the knife uncomfortably close to my face. I immediately regretted coming out here alone, Trevor didn't even know I was here, so he certainly wasn't going to swoop in and save me this time.

"Don't do this, you'll get caught even if I hand over the key willingly." I told him in the calmest voice I could muster.

"Not if you keep this a secret." He pushed the blade close to my face, I shuffled backwards on the floor. "You said you don't even want the car anyway. 'm doing you a favour, really." The dog had gotten bored of me and had decided to go and sniff around somewhere else, so I wouldn't be getting any help from man's best friend. Eventually I found myself backed up against the wall, the knife grazing my skin from my chin and down my neck, dipping into the neckline of my top. The blade pushed down my top to expose some cleavage. I felt sick.

"Maybe we can have some fun first." He said with a sick grin and I held a hand up to him. 

"No- no... I'll give you the key, you'll take the car and leave me alone, yeah?" I asked him with a stutter, grabbing my handle of my the bag that was hooked over my shoulder. 

"Sure." He nodded slowly. I peered into my bag, then spotted something inside that could be my saviour. The loaded pistol. All I had to do was click the safety off and cock it. Then I'd be armed, and he might just back off. I reached for it, pretending to route through my bag to find the key, I turned the safety off. I took a breath, I had to do this quickly and correctly, if I didn't it would be useless. I'd only cocked it myself a couple of times, and I had a habit of not pulling it back far enough... I couldn't mess up now.

"Come on I don't have all day, you gonna give me the key or not?" He huffed impatiently, his grip on the knife turning his knuckles white. I wrapped my fingers around the top of the pistol and yanked it backwards, flinging it out of my bag to point it at the man standing over me just as quickly. His eyes widened, and I thought he'd turn and run, but he didn't. He lunged at me again, this time for real, I felt the knife nick the skin of my collar bone just before I heard the loud bang of a round being fired from the barrel of my own gun. I hadn't registered my finger squeezing the trigger until I felt the heavy weight of a fully grown man collapsing on top of me. 

I sat there with what must've been a completely horrified look on my face, vaguely hearing a dog barking before I saw Billy make a run for the the hanger's exit. I could feel the sharp edge of the knife pressing uncomfortably against my breast, and the cold metal of the gun trapped between his body and mine. I used my free, shaking hand to shove the limp body off of me, retching as soon as I saw the blood that caked my hair and shirt, and the neat little bullet hole that pierced the skin just below the man's chin, oozing the deep red stuff that was staining his shirt. I didn't mean to kill him, I didn't even mean to shoot him. In the heat of the moment I didn't have time to consider the result of my actions, nor think about the angle of which I was shooting him, which was apparently perfect to send a bullet through the bottom of his scull, straight through his brain.

I stood up on weak legs, trembling like I had hyperthermia or something, and dropped my murder weapon on the ground. By now there was a sizable pool of blood forming around the man's head, staining the concrete floor. I fought the urge to vomit and covered my mouth and nose to block out the metallic taste and smell that may or may not have been in my head.

_I'm a murderer._

It was about the only thing I could think about, never mind deciding what I was going to do. My chest was stinging, I had two cuts, nothing deadly, they looked worse than they were. One cut was shallow, blocked by my collar bone, the other was deeper and just above my left breast, that one must've happened when he fell on me. The amount of blood coming from the wounds was what made them look so serious, in actual fact they would only need a good clean and maybe some stitches in the second one. I'd live. That was more than I could say for the other guy, there was no saving him.

I had no idea what to do, anyone would probably call the authorities, but that was the last thing to cross my mind, and when it did it was quickly dismissed. I was terrified of calling the police or an ambulance. So I ended up calling the only person I knew who would have a clue what to do in this situation.

"Trevor? I-it's me." I spoke into my phone with a wobbly voice when I heard him pick up.

"I know it's you, caller ID." He laughed. "Where are you, sweetheart? I woke up to an empty bed this afternoon."

"I've done something horrible." I told him, chewing on my fingernails. I could feel tears forming in my eyes and a sob building in my throat as I looked down at the man who's life I'd taken.

"Okay. What is it?" He asked, sounding more than a little confused.

"I don't know if I should say on the phone... I'm at your hangar, can you come here please?" I pleaded, then glanced down at my once yellow, now crimson shirt. "And can you bring me a clean top?" 

"Sure, are you okay?" His confusion was replaced with concern.

"I'm fine." I assured him.

"You don't sound fine-" he started, but I interrupted him.

"Just get over here, please Trevor." I said with a sigh, then hung up. I stepped over a lifeless arm and stood behind the wing of the crop duster, hoping that nobody would see me or him, and that Trevor would be here quickly. I couldn't bring myself to look behind me. Killing people is not what I do, I save them. This shouldn't have happened, it goes against everything I believe in, everything I've worked for in my life. _This is just wrong in every way._

I'd spent the entire time it had taken Trevor to arrive working myself up, making myself feel even worse, so when I saw his truck pull up outside the hangar, I was surprised I didn't loose it then and there. I stepped out from behind the wing and approached him as he climbed out of the truck. He took one look at my bloodstained clothes and the cuts on my body, and his eyes doubled in size.

"What the fuck happened to you?" He asked, grabbing my arms and searching my body and my face for more injuries and maybe some clue about what was happening in my head.

"I just- it was an accident. I didn't mean to kill him, I didn't want to shoot him, it just happened without me telling it to." I tried to explain, but my brain wouldn't let me speak properly. I wanted to tell him in a calm, understandable way, but that just wasn't happening.

"Kill who?" He asked with an almost comical frown on his face, it was so confused. I glanced behind me and his eyes followed my gaze. He let go of me and approached the body, nudging him with his foot. "Who is it?"

"I don't know, he just came in and started asking a bunch of questions. I was playing with his dog and he pulled a knife on me... He wanted the car." I told him, keeping my back to him so I didn't have to look at what I'd done any longer.

"So he cut you, that's what happened to your chest?" He asked in a soft voice, but I could tell he was hiding his anger.

"Yes, but it's not that bad, I can deal with it-"

"Good shot, by the way." He said in a disgusted tone, and I turned to gape at him.

"No it's not! I didn't even mean to pull the trigger, it just happened when he went for me. I only wanted to scare him off." I was so shocked that he could compliment me on something like this, for taking someone's life.

"Doesn't matter, it was still a clean shot. You're a natural." He looked at me with a proud expression, as if he was trying to make me feel better by saying something like that. That's when I lost it.

"A natural? I _killed_ him. How can you speak like that?" I exclaimed, tears beginning to spill.

"Baby, he was trying to hurt you." He said, his expression softening as he closed the distance between us, cupping my face in his hands.

"It doesn't matter, it might be easy for you, but _I've_ never hurt someone so badly before!" I yelled, noticing the way he flinched at my words. He frowned at me and dropped his hands from my face. More guilt. "Sorry."

"Let's just sort this out." He mumbled. "Hand me that tarp over there." He nodded his head towards the plastic sheet crumpled up in the corner as he approached the body. I did as I was told and pulled it over to him, laying it out on the floor as Trevor dragged the guy by his ankles over to it.

"What do we do about the blood?" I asked quietly as I watched Trevor roll the body up in the tarp, kicking him over with his foot. I was a little concerned about how little emotion he showed as he did it, he didn't seem phased at all. I wondered how many times he'd actually done it before.

"Don't worry about that, I'll get Ron on it." He told me, glancing at me as he walked past me on his way to the truck parked just outside. He pulled down the tailgate of his truck before grabbing something from the passenger seat, he handed it to me on his way back to the rolled up tarp.

"Thank you." I said, realising the thing he'd given me was the clean shirt I'd asked for. I pulled my filthy top off, using it to clean as much blood as I could out of my hair and from my chest, before slipping the fresh one on. I looked at Trevor in time to see him dragging the tarp over to his truck, hauling it over his shoulder with a grunt before dropping it down into the bed of his Bodhi and shutting the tailgate. 

"You okay?" He asked me, giving me an odd look. I wasn't okay, obviously, I'd just committed murder. I nodded anyway. "Look, I can drive you home. You take a shower, deal with those cuts, have a nap or something. I'll get rid of him." He jabbed a thumb towards his truck.

"I think I should help you with this since it's my fault." I told him, it didn't exactly feel right putting my feet up while he cleaned up my mess.

"I don't need any help, baby. And it's like you said, this is easier for me. I've seen it before." He shrugged, inching towards me. "You don't look too good, and I value your sanity." 

"And you don't value yours?" 

"I lost mine years ago." He snorted, closing the gap between us and taking my hand. He led me over to the truck and I got in the passenger seat. He climbed in and started up the truck, heading back to the trailer.

"We're just gonna drive home with him laying in the back?" I questioned, staring at Trevor with wide eyes.

"Relax. He's covered up." I could swear I caught him roll his eyes. "I'm just going to drop you off, then I'll go and get rid of it." He assured me, but it didn't make me feel any better.

"I don't like this, Trevor. It doesn't feel right. Maybe we should just drop his body off somewhere and call the police, an anonymous tip, something like that." I suggested, ringing my hands in the bloody t-shirt I held.

"We do that, we'll be surrounded in minutes. No such thing as an anonymous tip, those fuckers can track you like _that_." He snapped his fingers. "A little suspicious, ain't it? _Hi officer, we just found this body in the middle of nowhere, thought we should let you know. Me? Oh I'm nobody, I didn't do it, swear._ " He put on dumb voice as he spoke.

"It feels wrong to just dump him somewhere. He's someone's son, maybe a brother, a father. I killed him. I took him away from his family, I at least think I should report it." I pleaded with him, and he glanced at me with somewhat sympathetic eyes.

"You're thinking about this too much, you'll end up driving yourself crazy. Trust me with this, (Y/N), or do you wanna end up in jail?" He tried to make his tone soft, but I could tell he was struggling.

"Of course I don't. Can you just understand my point of view? We leave him somewhere, call the police, say we just found him there, plead ignorance. We were just walking and we found him there." My voice had raised and I was sounding almost hysterical, Trevor was giving me some concerned looks.

"Listen, angel, if you put yourself in plain sight, they _will_ trace it back to you one way or another. You need to disassociate yourself from this whole situation, which is why I'm taking you home now. As far as I'm concerned this hasn't happened, and once I've taken care of him, this is just another day." He said, and way he spoke to me reminded me of being lectured by my dad as a kid.

"But you're not disassociating yourself from this, by cleaning my mess up. You're making yourself vulnerable for me. I don't like it."

"You called me for help, I'm helping you. Besides, I've buried dozens of people out here before, one more ain't gonna hurt." He said bluntly, and I winced.

"Don't say things like that." I said in a small voice.

"Oh come on, you know full well the type of person I am, you have right from the start. I'm not a good guy, baby." He took a deep breath to steady his tone. "This is my lifestyle, not yours. You don't bury people, you save them. I don't want you to have any more to do with this, understand?"

"I didn't save him, did I?" I muttered bitterly, anger directed at myself.

"You made a- no. I wouldn't even say you made a mistake. You saved yourself, he was threatening you! He had it coming." He glanced at me briefly before pulling up in front of the trailer. "And let me tell you, if you hadn't done it, I would've."

"You would've what? Killed him?" I asked, raising a brow slightly.

"Well yeah, he threatened you, he hurt you. I'd have put the bastard down like the filthy animal he is- _was_." He grumbled, knuckles turning white around steering wheel.

"I've probably killed a dog too. His dog, it'll die without it's owner no doubt. He ran off when he heard the gun." I murmured after a pause, looking down at my hands.

"You mean you let a witness get away?" He stared at me with mock horror, obviously trying to cheer me up with his idea of a joke. I just rolled my eyes and allowed a tiny smile to tug at the corner of my mouth. "Go on, clean those up and relax, I've got this." He nodded at the wounds on my chest.

"Thank you." I whispered, leaning over to plant a kiss on his cheek before reaching for the door.

"Wait. You want me to get rid of that too?" He gestured to the bloody shirt in my hands. "Trust me, you're not gonna get that stain out." He snorted, and after some hesitation I handed it over. It was one of my favourite tops...


	15. The Clean Up

I skipped around the lush garden that had been lovingly tended to by my mother for as long as I could remember, watching the evening sunlight catch on my pink sequin shoes. Daddy had given them to me for my birthday last week, I'd turned seven on Wednesday, only three more years till I reached double figures. It was half past seven o'clock and I'd usually be in bed, but now I was older I could stay up till eight, and I was making the most of it. 

"Come on (Y/N) I'm getting bored, play the game properly!" I heard my brother shout at me from across the garden, hiding behind the huge tree that mummy always told me off for climbing.

"But I don't want to get my shoes wet! They're brand new Ryan, and they don't smell like yours do." I yelled back, trotting over to him with the little yellow water pistol aimed at the tree, prepared for him to jump out at any second.

"For the last time, my feet don't smell!" He defended himself, ducking under a branch as he moved out into the open with an angry red face. I pulled the trigger and sent a jet of water straight at him, watching it drizzle down his cheeks and soak his shirt. He growled and lifted his significantly larger gun, pointing it right at me.

"No you can't shoot me! You're dead!" I squealed, dodging a spray of water and running away. He chased me with an evil laugh, drenching my back with his water gun. "Stop cheating!"

"Your shot doesn't count, I wasn't ready!" He shouted mercilessly, still spraying jet after jet of cold water at me. I made a beeline for the conservatory where I knew I'd be safe. Ryan wouldn't dare shoot his water pistol inside, especially since daddy was in there reading one of his favourite books.

"Dad." I whined as I ran inside. "Ryan's cheating!" I halted myself by crashing into the arm of his chair. He looked down at me with a surprised expression.

"He's cheating again, is he, poppet?" He mused.

"Yeah! I shot him in the face, that means he has to fall over and I win." I grumbled, my bottom lip jutting out in my famous pout.

"But you told me that you want to be a nurse when you grow up." He frowned at me in that way he always did when he was confused.

"So?" 

"So, nurses don't shoot people, do they?" He suggested to me, putting his bookmark between the pages he was reading, and setting the book aside. I shook my head. "That's right, nurses save people."

"But a shot in the back means one point, a shot in the belly means two points, in the face means you win." I tried to explain again, he wasn't getting my point. 

"Well maybe you saved him, that's why he didn't fall over. You are a nurse, after all. It's what nurses do." He said with a shrug. I looked down and considered his words for a few long moments. My dad smiled at me, like he was pleased that I was finally grasping what he was trying to say-

"But I wanted to win!" 

-

"Are you alright, (Y/N)?" Ron's voice brought me out of my daydream. I'd been thinking about that one particular memory for a while, it just stuck out in my mind. It was one of the only memories from my early childhood that I could see so clearly, and it resonated with me, even more so now that I'd done such a horrible thing. It was eerily applicable to my situation, and it served to only make me feel worse.

"Yeah, sorry. I was just letting my mind wander." I told him, focussing my attention back on the mop in my hands.

"You know, I could do this on my own. If it's bothering you, I don't mind if you wanna get some air, or-" He offered, dunking his own mop in the bucket beside him, ringing out the orange-tinted water.

"No, I want to help." I said, scrubbing at the stubborn blood stain on the concrete floor. We'd been out here for a while now, cleaning up my mess. My hair was still damp after my shower, but it served to keep me cool now that the sun had reached its highest point in the sky, and the temperature had hit its peak. Trevor'd practically demanded over the phone that I come back to the trailer when he arrived home to find me gone, but I couldn't in good conscience leave Ron to clean the hangar up alone. I had to do _something_ about my actions.

_"Where the fuck are you?"_ he'd said, and then gone on to lecture me about how he paid Ron to do this shit for him, and I should let him do his job. But he didn't understand how I felt. I had enough guilt as it was, I didn't need anymore from kicking my feet up whilst Ron was out here scrubbing brain matter from the cracks in the ground. Trevor wasn't happy, but he let me get on with it, saying something like _I'm not bailing you out of jail when you get caught._ I knew that he was just uncomfortable about me getting involved with something that was usually his domain. Cleaning up after murders. I didn't like to think about that, though, it was the sort of thing that I pushed the back of my mind to make room for the Trevor that I loved.

"I think you've done your part. You can go back to Trevor now." Ron said, reaching for the mop in my hand.

"I've not got all of it up yet." I frowned at him, pulling the mop out of his reach.

"That will do, I'll take care of any spots you might've missed. Give me the mop." He waved his hand, gesturing for me to hand it over.

"I want to do a thorough job." I insisted.

"That's as thorough as you're probably gonna get. I really think you should go back to Trevor..." He gave me an odd look. I opened my mouth to snap at him, tell him that I'm not a child and I can go two minutes without needing to be 'looked after' by my babysitter - Trevor. But I changed my intentions at the last minute.

"Both you and him keep looking at me like I'm about to snap like a twig. Why?" I asked, genuinely curious. He paused before speaking, his eyes darting away from my face and back again.

"Because, well... You're a woman," his eyes suddenly widened and he stuttered a frantic backtrack. "Not-not that it makes you weak, or inferior or anything, its just that... We don't work with a lot of females, especially not ones like you."

"What about me?" 

"You're, I don't know, sweet." He shrugged, turning back to the task at hand, dragging his freshly rinsed mop over the floor. "This isn't your kind of place. You should be at home, away from this. I'm worried that you won't be able to handle something so... Horrific." 

"This is just blood. I see blood all the time, that's part of my job." I stood still in place, listening to his idea of me.

"It's a different circumstance." He pointed out, stealing a glance at me. "That's my viewpoint, Trevor's just... He cares about you, I'm not surprised he's worried. When he cares about something, he really cares. Like, a scary amount." 

We were interrupted by my phone ringing, a sudden harsh sound that both of us jumped at. I pulled it out of my pocket, expecting to see Trevor's name, instead seeing someone else's. "It's my mother." I dropped the mop on the floor and strode outside, answering her call.

"Mum." I said, a little smile making it's way to my face.

"Hello, stranger." She said in a stern voice. "You promised me you'd keep me updated on the move, its been over a week since I heard from you."

"I've been meaning to call you." I admitted, wincing.

"I'm sure you have, has the trailer found a new owner?" She asked hopefully, I paused for a moment, psyching myself up.

"Yeah." I simply said, biting my lip.

"Oh fantastic! So when is my little birdie flying back to me?" I could hear the grin in her voice.

"She's not, mum." I sighed, looking down at the pattern I'd created in the sand with the toe of my shoe.

"What?" She balked, and I could just picture her expression.

"Trevor and I, we worked things out. We're back together." I told her, there was a pause.

"Oh." She said.

"Yeah, I'm sorry mum, you're going to have to live without me for just a-"

"So you haven't actually sold the trailer, then?" She asked. Her tone was one I recognised. She was pissed, but didn't want to show it.

"I have, I'm moving in with Trevor." 

"With that man I've never met who broke my baby's heart." She said in such a way that sent through me that horrible hot feeling you get when you're about to cry.

"He's fixing it, mum. He's fixing my heart." I said, and I knew it was the type of melodramatic romance bullshit that she eats right up. That's the only reason I said it.

"You know what he did. It's not like my girl to take a man like that back." She argued, her tone holding a hint of disbelief.

"There's some people that you just can't let go, no matter what they do." More romance novel tripe. "I mean look at you and dad, you hated each other when I first moved here, now you're all loved up."

"Oh come on honey, that's a lot different." She muttered and I screwed my face up.

"How?" I spat.

"Well we've been married for over thirty years and he's not been sticking his whats-it in another lady, for a start." She exclaimed with a humourless laugh. That was a little too much for me to take, and my vision began to blur with tears, purely because she'd blatantly spoke of such a sensitive subject, one that I'd been hoping she'd dance around. 

"Well lucky you." I mumbled, dragging the back of my hand over my eyes.

"Oh, sweetheart. I'm sorry, I've upset you, haven't I?" She rushed to console me, but I just sniffed and blinked away the tears.

"I'm fine." I lied.

"Listen baby, I suppose all that matters is that you're happy. Why don't you bring Trevor with you next time you visit? Then I can finally meet him." She suggested, although hesitantly.

"Alright." 

"You will?" She sounded surprised. "Ah, good! It's your birthday very soon, would that be a good time?" 

"Why not." I said, noticing that Ron had finished off the clean up, and was beginning to pack away our equipment. "I gotta go. Bye mum."

"Alright, honey. I love you, take care of yourself." 

"You too." I said before hanging up. I turned to look at Ron, who took one glance at my wet, red eyes and waved me away.

"Go home." He demanded, and this time I nodded. "Thank you for the help." He called after me.

-

Trevor was stood in the kitchen area when I arrived back, he had a spoon in his mouth and he was eating peanut butter from the jar. Stood there with nothing but a towel wrapped around his waist, it was clear that he'd just got out of the shower. I approached him before he could argue about me going against his will, and slid between him and the kitchen counter. I plucked the spoon out of his mouth and scooped up a dollop of peanut butter from the jar in his hand, then ate it. Trevor must've been able to tell that I wasn't in the mood to speak, because we stood in silence sharing a spoon and a jar of peanut butter instead.

"Mum called." I finally said, dropping the spoon into the empty jar and setting it on the side.

"She did?" He asked. I nodded.

"You're coming to England next month." I told him matter-of-factly, watching his brows shoot up.

"I am?" He laughed. I nodded again. "To meet your parents?"

"Well it's about time, isn't it?" I asked, unfolding my crossed arms to slide my hands around to the back of his neck.

"They'll hate me." He said, to which I rolled my eyes in response.

"They won't."

"They will." I pulled him down to my level and shushed him, then pressed my lips against his. I'd been aching for that sensation all day, his lips eagerly moving against mine. And boy was he eager. He lifted me up onto the counter and made himself comfortable between my legs, pressing against me and pushing his tongue into my mouth. I couldn't suppress my quiet moan, especially when his hands began to sneak their way up my thighs.

I ran my hands over his bare torso, over the thin hair on his chest and the little trail below his navel. He pulled back to look at me when I danced my fingertips over the top of his towel, threatening to loosen the little knot he'd made to keep it on. He smirked at me, nodding down at my hand, encouraging me. I pulled my hand away, deciding not to give in to him, all I received was a growl before he was picking me up. I wrapped my arms and legs around him, clutching onto him tightly as he carried me to the bedroom.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> That's right! Trevor's gonna meet the parents ;3 I'm so excited to write the next few chapters!


	16. Meeting the family

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> This was originally going to be two chapters, but I found there wasn't much sense in me splitting it, which explains why it's longer than my usual chapters! I hope you don't mind :)

"I still don't know why you didn't just let me fly us out here." Trevor grumbled as he loaded our bags into the back of the black taxi. He'd spent the entire ten hour flight moaning about how much he hated travelling on a plane he wasn't in the cockpit of, especially when there's a screaming kid somewhere, crappy food, and the ignorant bastard in front of him spending the whole flight with his seat fully reclined. I'd spent it trying to take his mind off of things by giving him the low down about my family members, eventually giving up and drowning out his constant mutterings with my iPod. I'd managed to get a couple of hours sleep, too. He hadn't, so that wasn't exactly helping his grouchiness.

"My parents don't have a private airport in their back garden. Explain to me where you'd land?" I raised a brow at him as I closed the trunk of the car and watched him stomp off to climb into the taxi.

"I saw where they live on the eyefind maps, it's not far from the countryside. Fields everywhere. And I wouldn't need a private airport if I took the chopper." He told me when I climbed into the seat next to him. I told the taxi driver my parent's address before turning back to Trevor.

"Those fields are privately owned by farmers. You wouldn't be able to land your chopper there and keep it there for a week." I rolled my eyes.

"Then I'd have slipped the farmer a few dollars-"

"Pounds." I corrected him and he waved his hand dismissively. "Please try to cheer up, baby." I pleaded.

"This is me trying." He leaned against the door and looked out of the window at the unfamiliar scenery, unfamiliar to him, anyway.

"Tell me about my family, I want to check that you were listening." I said softly, trying not to send him into another rant somehow.

"Angela's your mom, Earl's your dad, Dickwad's your brother-" he began listing the people I'd told him about, and I swiftly interrupted him.

"Trevor." I warned. "I know you didn't see eye to eye with Ryan when you met him before but I'm asking you to try and get along with him this time. I want you to feel like part of my family." I told him, reaching over to place a hand on his knee, he glanced at me.

" _Ryan_ is your brother. And I'll try to be nice." He put his hand on top of mine and gave it a squeeze.

"Thank you." 

"I'm probably gonna meet your friend Suzanne. Your other friend Martin and his boyfriend, uh... Whats-a-name."

"Alex." I reminded him.

"Right. I might even meet your brother's fiancé Nichole, who sounds like a bitch, by the way." He snorted.

"She kind of is, but we're all civil with her. Ryan loves her, that's all that matters." I nodded, shifting my eyes to the side as I thought about her. Jet black hair and the figure of a stick insect, but with a decent backside and something to fill her C cups. The kind of fashion sense that I wish I had but would never pull off in a million years. She was gorgeous, yeah, but her personality didn't match.

"She stole from your family, why the fuck is he still with her?" Trevor screwed his face up in distaste.

"She gave every penny back when she got caught out, besides," I lowered my voice and glanced at the taxi driver before continuing, "what do you do for a living? I thought you'd probably be understanding of her actions."

He snorted. "The difference is, if I was gonna take seven grand, cash, from someone's safe, it wouldn't be my future mother-in-law's. Family is off limits, blood related or not. You just don't do that shit." 

"I used to steal money from my mum's purse when I was a kid. Like, seventy pence every now and then to get a chocolate bar on the way to school." I admitted with a shrug, and he gave me an amused look.

"Doesn't count." He decided.

"It's still stealing." I raised a brow, watching him look up at the roof of the car and shake his head with mild annoyance.

"It's different, you were what, ten? She's a grown woman, taking _seven grand_. Seventy pence to buy candy as a kid is nothing." He looked back to me and shrugged his shoulders.

"Alight, but still. Pretend like you don't know about it, and be nice to her too." I smirked at him.

"When am I ever _not_ nice?" He rolled his eyes.

"Do you remember what I said about my dad?" I asked him. We were getting close to my parents house now, and I needed to cover all bases.

"Yeah, treat the guy like fucking royalty." He laughed and I elbowed him.

"Serious, Trevor."

"I know! He's difficult to get on with, don't worry, I'll be the perfect suiter for his little princess." He reached over and pinched my cheek. "No swearing, no violence, no nothing. I definitely don't want to show him my personality, I need to channel prince charming."

"I didn't say that, definitely show him your personality. You're funny and respectful to me, you're an absolute sweetie when you wanna be." I grinned at him and watched him squirm uncomfortably at my words.

"Yeah, right, okay." He turned away from me with a red face.

"And under no circumstance..." I trailed off, allowing him to finish.

"Give any indication that you aren't the virtuous maiden he believes you to be." He grinned at me and chuckled darkly. 

"That's right." I nodded.

"So I'm not going to be able to hold your hand all week, or share any bodily contact with you at all, for that matter." He assumed with an irritated expression.

"I'm a virgin, not a leper. Of course you can touch me." I snorted.

"Right, I just can't touch you in certain places." He lowered his voice and looked down at my body, at my breasts and further down.

"You can, we just have to be careful about it." I told him, and that surprised him. His eyes shot back up to my face.

"Seriously? You'd be fine with getting it on in your parents house. When you're supposed to be a virgin?" He asked, his volume increasing. I was glad the taxi's we had in London often had a pane of perspex separating us from the driver, maybe it blocked out some of our conversation.

"Well, yeah. It's just my dad who thinks that, so once he's asleep..." I trailed off with a shrug. "You just sneak across the hallway into my room and-"

"Wait. I'm not even sharing a room with you?" His expression showed that he'd officially reached the end of his tether.

"No. I know, it's ridiculous, but I'm apparently still fourteen." I lifted one shoulder. "But like I said, your room's only opposite mine."

"You're twenty nine-"

"Twenty eight, thank you." I frowned at him.

"Yeah but it's your birthday in three days, so you will be twenty nine." He rolled his eyes. "You're a grown adult, and you're not _allowed_ to sleep in the same bed as your boyfriend?" He shook his head. "I don't like him."

"My dad? He's just very traditional. He'd be fine with it if we were married." I told him, prompting him to look at me with an odd expression. He opened his mouth, then closed it, and we spent the remainder of the journey in silence.

-

They were all waiting for us in the front garden when we arrived. My parents, Ryan, Nichole, and Nichole's dog. It was a little yappy thing, the sort of dog that could easily be confused with a rodent. It was called Bebe, and apparently Nichole had given in to the idea of putting a muzzel on the little shit. I hated the thing, ever since it destroyed my favourite childhood toy and left its remains strewn across my bedroom floor. It growled at me, it bit me, it was evil. About the only human who hadn't been attacked by it was Nichole.

"This is us." I sighed, unable to ignore the nerves. This was it, time for introductions. I paid the taxi driver and got out, Trevor helped me get our stuff out of the trunk and I led him up the path to my childhood home. Usually by this point, my mother would be running towards me with arms outstretched. Today, she was either holding back or she was too busy sizing Trevor up. My dad, on the other hand, was practically ignoring Trevor and was instead staring at me with this grin on his face.

"Look at you." He said, stepping towards me and putting his hands on my shoulders when we'd reached them. "You look more mature every time I see you." He grabbed my cheeks and pulled me forwards to plant a kiss on my forehead.

"Dad, this is-" I tried to turn so I could introduce Trevor, but then my mum was sweeping me into her arms for a lung collapsing hug.

"I missed my baby girl, how was your flight?" She was cooing into my ear, when she pulled back she was pushing my hair out of my face and looking over me with bleary eyes. "You managed to get here okay, didn't you?"

"Yeah, the flight was fine, aren't you going to-" say hello to Trevor...

"Give your brother a hug!" She crowed, pushing me towards Ryan, who pulled me into one of those awkward hugs. Nichole gave me a pearly white grin from over his shoulder, I returned it with my less enthusiastic smile. I wriggled out of Ryan's arms and returned to my place by Trevor's side, who was seemingly fascinated by the daffodils in my mum's garden. I could tell by the look on his face he wanted to catch the next flight home already.

"I missed you all, okay, but let's not be rude." I murmured, taking Trevor's arm in my hands and bringing him forwards. I caught a gimpse of his eyes as they stared at me with this look of dread. "This is the Trevor I'm always telling you about."

"So you're the boyfriend." My dad held his hand out toward him, and stared him down with a serious yet polite expression. Trevor shook his hand firmly.

"I am, your daughter's very special to me." He said, with only a slight waver in his voice. I'd never known Trevor to be anxious until then. My mum made something close to a hissing sound and glanced away. I stared daggers at the back of her head. I didn't expect her to actually show that she wasn't happy with Trevor, she was usually polite no matter the circumstances.

"She's a special girl." I wanted to roll my eyes at my father's words. "I'm Earl."

"I'm glad I can finally meet you, thanks for letting me stay at your home." Trevor flashed him a grin, although it looked strange on him. It was one of those _good boy_ smiles that I wasn't used to seeing on him.

"Not a problem, make yourself comfortable." Earl nodded. I was surprised, my dad was usually the cold one, putting my boyfriends through some kind of inspection before even cracking a smile at them. Now my mother was the one looking at him with this bored expression.

"You're Angela, right?" Trevor turned to her with that same polite smile. My mum nodded.

"I hope you know how lucky you are." She said in a stern voice, tilting her chin up and puckering her bottom lip in this painfully snobby way. 

"Oh, I do. Don't you worry about that." Trevor assured her with a little chuckle, looking over at me with his real smile, not that precious false one. I linked my arm with his and snuggled closer into his side.

"Come in, I'll take you to your room's and you can unpack your things." My dad said after clearing his throat. At this point, I wasn't entirely sure whether my mum had told him about the whole prostitute thing. He was being uncharacteristically friendly.

My dad led us into the house and up the stairs. I couldn't help but grin once we were inside, I saw things that were new additions to the house as well as things that had been there since I was a child. It was always a serious nostalgia trip walking through this house, I could remember chasing my brother through the hallways, I could remember my favourite spots for hide and seek, I could even remember where I'd scratched my name into the underside of the oak table that sat in the corner next to the stairs. I'd used the pointy end of a metal nail file to do it, and my mum was less than impressed when I'd showed her.

"I hope you don't mind sleeping in a separate room, Trevor." My dad said as we stopped outside his room. "It's just, we bought a house with a guest room so we might as well use it." He chuckled with a too polite smile.

"Not at all." Trevor replied with a shake of his head. Him and I shared a knowing glance.

"Well I'll leave you two to unpack." Earl clapped Trevor on the shoulder once before heading back downstairs. 

"I hope the guest bed's comfy enough for you." I joked, knowing full well that Trevor would probably spend all of five minutes a night in it before climbing into bed with me.

"I'm sure it's perfect." He shook his head at me with a little smile before turning to enter his room.

I dragged my suitcase into my room and lifted it onto my bed, then glanced around the place. It was untouched since I was last here save for fresh sheets on the bed that my uncle had built for me as a teenager, it was too big to be a single bed yet too small to be a double bed. It was big enough to fit two people, I knew that from experience, it was just _very_ cozy. The baby pink walls of my room were still covered in posters of things I was into fifteen years ago, and photos of me and my childhood friends hung from a piece of sring that stretched from one wall to another. The army of cuddly toys perched at the end of my bed made the room look even more babyish than it already was, but they had lived there for so long that it felt wrong to _not_ have them there. In fact, my whole room had been the way it was since I was in school, it never changed, not even when I reached my twenties. It was just home.

"Wow." I heard Trevor's voice from my doorway as I began to unpack my things. When I looked over, he was wearing this surprised smirk.

"What?" 

"So this is where you grew up." He mused, glancing around my room.

"It is. There's a lot of memories in this room." I laughed, putting a pile of clothes away in my set of drawers. Trevor occupied himself by looking at the photos of my younger self and the posters of pop groups from the nineties. There were a few more recent photos on the wall above my bed, from my early twenties. Mainly drunken photos with low quality and bad lighting, taken in various clubs and bars. Back when I was a little less careful with alcohol.

"Who's that guy?" Trevor asked in an odd tone, he sounded both curious and annoyed. I looked at the picture he was pointing to and laughed.

"That's Martin." I told him, watching him frown. Martin had his hands on my cheeks and was trying to plant a kiss on my lips while I struggled. He was wearing hot pink lipstick.

"The gay guy?" He asked.

"The gay guy." I confirmed. "That was on my twenty first birthday, we went to a nightclub and were all trashed, he'd stolen Suzanne's lipstick. She was too pissed to notice, though."

"I couldn't imagine you at a nightclub." He said, looking at me.

"Why not? Am I no fun?" I smirked.

"That's not it. You're adamant that you don't drink." He snorted then took a seat on my bed.

"Yeah well, I don't think that'll last. Suz and Martin want to get me drunk at my party this week." I told him with a wince as I finished putting my things away.

"Oh yeah?" He asked, pleasantly surprised. I huffed and crawled up behind him on the bed, I sat behind him and wrapped my arms around his front, letting my legs hang off the bed either side of him.

"Will you stay somewhat sober so you can stop me from doing anything too stupid? You know I like to take my clothes off when I'm drunk. I don't think my family needs to see that." I put my head on his shoulder and pleaded with him.

"Alright, I'll make sure you stay decent. No promises for when we're alone, though." He turned to give me a suggestive look. Our faces were so close it was irresistible, and I kissed him, running my hands over his chest. He placed his hands on my thighs and chuckled against my lips when I pressed my body hard against his back. 

"Dinner's ready!" I heard my mum call from downstairs, and I broke the kiss.

-

"So you're still living in that trailer?" Nichole asked, trying not to sound judgemental, but her face betrayed her. 

"I'm living with Trevor now, but yes, it's a trailer." I told her with a smile and a nod.

"What's that like? Is it like being on a caravan holiday all of the time?" She frowned at me with curiosity and I shared a glance with Trevor, who was sat next to me at the dinner table, tucking into the casserole my mother had prepared.

"Not really... More like living in a tiny apartment. It has everything we need, it's right near the Alamo Sea. It's nice." I said with a shrug, and Trevor agreed with a nod.

"Not that you'd want to be near the Alamo Sea." My mum piped up. "The stench, my God. All of those dead fish." She shuddered. She'd failed to say a thing about that when she'd visited before, perhaps now she didn't feel like there was a point to hold back. Not that I really blamed her, I had messed her around with my fallen-through plans of moving back here, and she clearly wasn't happy with that.

"It's not bad." I said defensively. "Once you're used to it." I added.

"Trevor, haven't you ever considered finding a nice little house to live in? Now that yourself and (Y/N) are cohabiting, getting out of the desert should be the next step. I'm sure my daughter isn't happy to stay put in a place like that." Angela said, gaining a laugh from me and a stiffer posture from Trevor, who seemed irked by her words.

"Are you unhappy living with me in Sandy Shores?" Trevor turned to me with wide, curious eyes, he knew the answer, I think he was just trying to prove a point.

"No, would I have agreed to move in permanently if I was?" I turned to my mum and gave her a little smile. "I like it in the desert, mum. I'm happy where I am."

"I'm just saying, maybe one day you'll want something a little bigger." She replied, scooping up a mouthful of food. "Or you'll want to move to a different area. A Google search of Sandy Shores returns all sorts of horror stories, drugs, violence, _murder_." My mother looked at me and I felt me breath catch in my throat.

"Murder?" I repeated, avoiding eye contact with everyone in the room.

"Yes, the crime rate is through the roof in your area, sweetheart." She added, and I swallowed hard. I'd spent the last few weeks trying to forget about what had happened in the hangar, but it didn't take much to remind me. 

"Don't scare her, Ang'. The crime rate is probably no worse than anywhere else in America." My dad said, nudging his wife.

"You should see the figures on gun violence, awful." My mum shook her head and wore a solemn expression. I dropped my fork, appetite suddenly gone.

"Well guns are legal there, what do you expect, mum?" Ryan chirped up, I could sense everyone's eyes on me.

"Are you alright, sweet? You suddenly look very pale." My mum asked me with a concerned look on her face.

"I'm just feeling a little jet lagged. You know how I get after a plane journey, can't eat, can't sleep..." I chuckled. She looked at her wrist watch.

"Well its only seven o'clock, maybe you should go and have a lay down after dinner." She suggested. "You need to eat a little more." She reverted back to the way she used to speak to me as a child, so I nodded and picked up my fork out of a drilled in habit.

"So Trevor, you own your own business I understand." My dad decided to change the subject, gesturing at Trevor with his fork. 

"That's right, I always found it very rewarding, you know? Helping people by making sure they have the pharmaceuticals they need. My company provides for the people of Sandy Shores, and (Y/N) helps me with that." He spoke easily and with confidence, as if he'd rehearsed his words until they came naturally to him. I kept my eyes on my plate, not sure whether to be amused or bothered by the way he minced his words to hide his criminal ways. His tone held an air of something insincere, sarcasm? Only I could detect it because only I knew why it was there.

"So it's a successful businesses venture, then?" My dad asked curiously, almost disbelievingly.

"Well it keeps a roof over our heads, doesn't it?" Trevor looked at me. "And like I said, its very rewarding." I nodded and looked up at my dad with a little smile. Of course, the working for a drug lord part wasn't rewarding for me in the slightest, the saving the lives of Trevor and his accomplices on various occasions was.

"So that's how the two of you met, through work." My dad stated with a nod.

"Yeah, and I think I fell head over heels in love with her on her very first day." Trevor gave me this soft, adoring smile, I shifted uncomfortably in my seat, he hardly acted like that when we were alone, let alone surrounded by- "She's clever, she's beautiful, she's got such a lovable character, we clicked right away. It was like fate." He tore his eyes from me to sneak a glance at my mum, then it hit me. He was just feeding off of my mothers weakness for hardcore romance, the type that you read in cheesy novels. He was trying to score points with her. Oh thank God.

"Well it's very lucky that she returned your affection, honey. You're not her usual type." With a sniff and a turn up of her nose, my mother dismissed Trevor's words. I noticed his shoulders slump and his posture deflate, I placed a hand on his knee under the table.

"I'm well aware that I'm punching above my weight." He said monotonously. That seemed to have done something right, my mothers expression softened and she held her hands out to Trevor as she back tracked.

"Oh no, no, no, I wasn't taking a jab at your appearance, Trevor. That's not what I was saying at all, I meant that (Y/N) usually goes for clean cut men, a couple of them have been in the army... She likes a man in uniform, don't you honey?" She chuckled nervously. "That's not really your style, is it?"

"Clothes don't change a personality, mum." I rolled my eyes.

"Well, does the air force count?" Trevor asked with a snort.

"You were in the air force?" My dads eyebrows raised and he put his fork down. Trevor nodded.

"It was a long while ago now. I was enlisted in the Royal Canadian Air Force." He said proudly before looking away and adding, "I had to leave for, uh, health reasons." 

"Any man that has served his country, for any length of time, is alright in my books." My dad held his hand out across the table, and Trevor shook it. I smiled, it didn't look like my dad would be a problem. Oddly enough it was my mum who needed working on.

"(Y/N) told me that you've served in the army yourself." Trevor nodded.

"That's right, I served for fourteen years. I thought Ryan over there would join up, follow his old man's path but, he had his own plans." My dad said, I could hear the disappointment in his voice but he seemed a lot more accepting of the whole thing. I was glad about that, it was about time the family feud fizzled out.

By this point, everyone had finished their meal, leaning back with full bellies. "I'll help you with the dishes, mum." I declared, standing up and gathering the pots.

"No you won't, you'll go and lay down. You look exhausted." She said and I shook my head.

"Going to bet at seven isn't going to help my body clock sync up, and besides, I wanna catch up with you." I gave her a smile.

"I'll help too." Trevor said, and I gave him a look, one that was meant to communicate to him that I was going to talk to her, and I needed to be alone with her for that.

"No, the kitchen gets too crowded with more than two people in it. You go and relax, get to know my family." I said to him, he smiled but his eyes were fucking pleading with me. He quite clearly didn't want to be left alone with my relatives, but I was about to try and score him some more parent points.

"Are you sure?" He asked, I just about noticed his clenched jaw and pushy tone, but I smiled and nodded anyway. I bent down and kissed his cheek before walking through to the kitchen with a pile of plates in my hands. I stacked the pots up next to the sink on the black tiled surface of the counter, and started filling up the bowl with hot water. It wasn't long before my mother joined me with the rest of the dishes. She gave me a look, a look that said a hundred things, none of them positive.

"I'll wash, you dry." I said in a small voice, handing her a dish towel.

"You took _him_ back?" Was the first thing she said, her voice a quiet, whispered, disbelieving hiss. "I know love is blind and all but when I heard you were taking him back after what he did, I was expecting you to arrive hand in hand with Brad Pitt. Either him or Ron bloody Jeremy."

"Ron Jer- eugh mum." I screwed my face up as I pictured the big hairy pornstar she'd mentioned, big as in more than just his build. I decided to put my energy into washing the dishes so I wouldn't be so inclined to lose it at her shallow assumption.

"Well what do you expect me to think? There must be some reason why you went back to him, of all the men you've been with before. You've already said you'd never take back a cheat." She reminded me. "Forgive me for jumping to conclusions." 

"I'm not that shallow mother, you can't seriously think that I'd date someone for their looks or their... Manhood." I could feel my cheeks burning red.

"I'm sorry, sweetheart, I know you aren't shallow. I'm just confused, you were always so adamant that faithfulness is a key factor in a relationship, and he's already fallen through on that." She said in a softer tone, nudging me with her elbow.

"Well I know Trevor, and I'm certain he's not going to make the same mistake twice."

"He already made it once, that should be enough." 

"Mum, please. You forgave dad for nearly destroying our family, you forgave Nichole for stealing from you, can't you forgive Trevor? He made a mistake, if I can get over it then you can too." I turned to her, pleading with her with my soapy hands clasped in front of me.

"I want to, for your sake. But I've seen you so hurt before when a man has let you down. It's difficult for me." She looked at me with a sad expression. Time to pull out the bug guns.

"He saved my life, once." I told her, turning back to the sink and continuing to wash the dishes.

"He saved your life." She said in a dull tone, obviously not believing me. "Since when have you been in a life threatening situation, and why didn't you tell me?"

"I didn't tell you because you would demand that I came home, and I didn't want to. I got caught up with a local gang, bad news. They mistook me for someone I wasn't, someone they didn't like very much." I said, handing her a clean plate, dripping with suds. Of course, I was going to twist the truth to make out that Trevor wasn't involved with said gang, but the main point would be truthful.

"Are you pulling my leg?" She asked, unsure. A frown creased her forehead.

"No. It was a motorcycle gang, just like those ones you see on TV, and you never think they actually exist. But they do, I learned that first hand. They wanted some information that I didn't have, and they were going to torture it out of me, basically." I said, glancing at her horrified expression.

"If you're joking you better tell me now, this is serious, baby." She shook her head and touched my arm. I kind of felt guilty for worrying her but I wanted to give her a better clue on what sort of person Trevor really was. He actually gave a damn about me and would risk his life to save mine.

"I wouldn't make a joke like this, you know that. Trevor got me out of that situation, set things straight with the gang, and I never heard from them again. I came _this close_ to never seeing you again, but I'm here because of him. Someone like him, you don't just dump over a mistake. It was difficult when I found out what he'd done but honestly, the brief period that I was away from him was fucking awful." I told her, handing her another plate.

"You should have told me about this, baby, oh my gosh." She put the plate on the draining board and pulled me in for a hug, not caring about my wet hands.

"I'm fine now, this was months ago." I chuckled, trying to reassure her. She shook her head and pulled back, trying to compose herself. "I just want you to see Trevor as more than just the asshole who paid to cheat on me."

"I'm going to try." She breathed, cupping my face in her hands. "You know, I'd like him a lot more if he could be convinced to move here with you. I hate you being in another country, I really do." She said, teary eyed and wobbly voiced.

"I know, but you need to remember that I'm almost thirty. I'm not like Ryan, I can't happily stay living with my parents in my third decade." I snorted, poking fun at my older brother. 

"I know, you always were the more adventurous of the two of you.You'd never sit still as a girl so I'm not surprised you were happy to swan off to America." She chuckled, leaning forward to give me an Eskimo kiss. "I just hope he continues to keep you safe."

"He will, I keep him safe, he keeps me safe." I nodded.

"A grown man like him needs a little lady like you to keep him safe?" She frowned at me and I chuckled.

"My medical training doesn't go to waste. Trevor can be very, uh, accident prone." I told her, counting his unbelievable knack of getting into fights of the gun, knife and fist variety as _accident prone_.

"I did notice his scars." My mum pondered aloud, nodding before returning to drying the dishes.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Gosh, so many OCs. An entire family's worth! I'm always terrified of writing OCs, it's okay, I'll get through it... Hopefully.


	17. Caught In The Act

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Sorry guys, I feel like its been ages since this was updated... But I've been mega busy recently, last minute preparation before I'm off to uni, which I'm starting on Friday! So yes, if updates are a little slow for a while its because I'm settling in at big school ;3 
> 
> Anyway, I hope you enjoy this chapter regardless of the wait :) I love you guys for constantly supporting me with this fic, you're amazing!<3

My parents were early risers, and thus it was fitting that they were early to bed, too. So just the four of us were still up, Nichole, Ryan, Trevor and I, and we were sitting together on the wicker sofas in the conservatory at half nine in the evening. I was never one for early nights, and I knew that even if I wanted to go to bed, I wouldn't be able to sleep no matter how tired I was. I was always that way after a long flight. So I stayed up, and Trevor stayed up with me, despite the fact that he looked ready to doze off at any moment.

Trevor and I took up one sofa, as I sat huddled against his side with his arm tucked around my waist, and Nichole and Ryan took up the other. Nichole was smoking a cigarette, oblivious to the way that my brother was eyeing Trevor up, watching him cautiously. I didn't want to admit that it felt awkward, but it did, regardless of the fact I was surrounded only by people I was very close to. I was trying to keep a conversation going, pretending like there was no elephant in the room.

"Have you set a date for the wedding yet?" I asked the couple opposite us. Nichole sat up and leaned forwards excitedly.

"November twentieth. We want a winter wedding, don't we Ry'." She said, nudging him. He nodded acquiescently.

"A winter wedding? Very nice, any idea about the venue?" I returned Nichole's grin, she might've not been my favourite person in the world, but I couldn't deny that she loved Ryan to bits, and I was pleased about that.

"Well I want it in that lovely chapel just outside of town. It's a little pricey but Ryan knows my heart is set." She giggled, giving Ryan a look, one that he must've read something in as he stuttered to life.

"I'm gonna make sure we get the money together." He nodded, placing his hand on Nichole's knee.

"Then we really need to start looking for our own place, right baby?" She gave Ryan an expectant look, he nodded. "Living with your parents is getting a little tiresome. Sometimes it's nice to just be alone together, and that doesn't happen around here very often."

"Yeah well, it won't be anything special, Nichole." Ryan warned, I knew that Nichole was the type to expect big things without thinking about where they'd come from. She wanted a big wedding, a big house and a big bank balance, but she was yet to lift a finger to get it all. She did a bit of modelling from time to time, but that was it. 

"I know." She said dramatically with an eye roll, then turned to Trevor with a wry smile. "So, when are you going pop the question?" That was about the only thing that could coax Trevor out of his tired stare out with the carpet, he stiffened and looked between the three of us, as if waiting for someone to answer for him. I gave a quiet chuckle.

"I don't think that's something either of us have thought about." I told her, sneaking a glance at Trevor, who looked grateful for me stepping in. He hummed in agreement.

"We're happy taking things at our own pace." He nodded, and I could feel his thumb drawing semicircles on my waist.

"Yeah, and you're not much for commitment, are you Trevor?" Ryan said snidely. He looked so pleased with himself and he looked like, if he had a moustache, he'd be twirling between his fingers like some sort of evil villain.

"Ryan." I warned.

"Why would you say that?" Nichole asked, obviously oblivious.

"Ah, I never told you about-" he started.

"Ryan." I repeated more harshly, staring at him with nothing short of a death glare.

"I fucked a prostitute." Trevor admitted, barely flinching at the horrified look on both Nichole's and my face. I couldn't believe he'd just said it. "The woman I love more than anything came here to visit you guys, and I fucked a prostitute while she was gone."

"I..." Nichole started, seemingly unsure how to finish. God, if it was awkward before, what the fuck was it after that?

"And she took him back." Ryan said to Nichole, as if it wasn't obvious enough. "I told her before, he's bad fucking news." Trevor did nothing but nod in agreement.

"Shut the hell up, Ryan. And Nichole, don't even open your mouth. Neither of you know anything about my relationship with Trevor, so you'll just pity me for taking him back." I stood up, ready to storm off but pausing when I felt the need to defend myself. "Let me tell you, I didn't just blindly make up with him, I'm not some push over who just let him get away with what he did. I think I'm well within my right to have a relationship with him without being judged for doing so, so you two just mind your own business and accept the fact that I didn't want spend the rest of my life heartbroken and missing the one person who actually makes me feel loved."

"Babe." Trevor tried to calm me down, reaching for my hand.

"Wait." I spat, feeling teary all of a sudden. "I'm sick of feeling like I have to explain myself for being in love with you. Everyone who knows about this looks at me like I'm some sort of idiot, and I don't deserve that, it's nothing to fucking do with them." I was so angry, everything that had upset me over the past few weeks just fell on top of me in one big lump, and it overwhelmed me, before I knew it the tears were spilling.

"(Y/N)." Ryan said softly, looking guilty and kind of shocked at my reaction, though I didn't blame him. I went from naught to hysterical in a heartbeat. "I didn't want to upset you."

"Well you fucking have. Do people not realise that it's still raw? I know you brought it up to make Trevor out to be an arsehole but you seem to forget I'm sat right here. I don't need reminding of it all the fucking time." I took a deep breath, trying to calm myself down. Trevor grabbed my shoulder and turned me around, I didn't resist when he pulled me against him, I wrapped my arms around his neck and buried my face in his chest. The room went dead silent for a moment, save for the sound of my shaky breathing. I was doing that awful thing where you can't seem to pull a steady breath after crying, sucking it in in sharp, stuttered bursts. Trevor rubbed my back up and down.

It was a few moments before I was calm enough to pull back and look at Trevor's face. From his understanding expression I think he knew that it wasn't just the conversation that had set me off, I was well overdue an emotional outburst like that, especially after what had happened in the hangar. It had only been triggered by my brother's words. Trevor used his thumbs to wipe away the tears and smudged mascara from under my eyes.

"I think it's time for bed." I said with a weak chuckle. I looked over my shoulder at Ryan, who was still watching me with that guilty expression. I think he got the idea that he should just keep his mouth closed. Nichole, on the other hand, was looking anywhere but at me, awkwardly sipping red wine from a fresh glass she must've poured while I was freaking out. The emotion had passed just as quickly as it came, and rather than angry and upset I was beginning to feel embarrassed. That's usually the way these outbursts went.

"I really am sorry, I didn't think it'd make you cry." Ryan told me, shifting in his seat and looking down at his hands.

"I think it's just the jet lag." Out pops that old excuse again. "It messes me up in every way imaginable. I'm not built for flying. Just ignore me." I chuckled again, shaking my head. I turned back to Trevor and twisted my fingers in the front of his shirt, tugging on it gently to get him to follow me as I left the room.

"Night, (Y/N). Trevor." Ryan called after us, Nichole stayed silent. When we were out of earshot, Trevor stopped me by grabbing my arm.

"Maybe I shouldn't have said that. I'm sorry." He admitted a little sheepishly. I shrugged.

"Well, you were being honest." I carried on walking, being stopped again.

"I know, but I forget that it's still hurtful to you. I guess I assume that just because you're back with me, everything's fine. But it's really not, is it?" He spoke quietly, clutching my hand in his and running the fingers of his free hand over my knuckles.

"It is fine, we're fine. I said everything I had to say in there, it's not you, it's everyone else. They bring it up like I'm gonna be okay with it, like it's not gonna sting to be reminded. Then they judge me for my decision to-" I was getting angry again, and Trevor noticed. He shushed me softly.

"I know, don't get upset again, sweetheart. Let's get some sleep." He whispered, and I nodded. 

I led him quietly upstairs to the bathroom, where the two of us got ready for bed. We brushed our teeth and changed into our PJ's, a little nightie for me and a pair of sweatpants for him. Since my dad was already fast asleep, Trevor could join me in bed straight away, and he squeezed in under the covers next to me on my smaller than average mattress. I shuffled closer to him into his outstretched arms, it felt ridiculously cozy and warm, and I breathed a contented sigh.

"I think my dad likes you." I whispered to him. 

"He seems to." He nodded. "From what you told me, I didn't expect him to be so reasonable." 

"Neither did I." I snorted. "He really liked that you were in the air force. He was impressed by that."

"Yeah but your mom's not keen on me." He shifted closer to me on the bed, his legs pressing against mine.

"I'm shocked at her, honestly, she's not usually like that." I frowned. "Then again, she's never had a chance to speak to my ex boyfriends. She probably wouldn't be very nice to them either. But don't worry, I spoke to her, she might be a little more fond of you after what I told her."

"Whatever you said, I hope it works. I'm no good at making people like me, they either do or they don't." He said, and I could tell by the sound of his voice that he was nodding off, so I let him. I pressed a kiss to his jaw and whispered a quiet goodnight, before trying to settle down into what I knew would be an awful post-flight nights sleep.

-

I'd probably managed to get about three hours sleep in total, but that was fragmented, interrupted by constant tossing and turning, I'd even woken up Trevor on multiple occasions. He'd ended up just squeezing his arms around me tightly from behind, pinning me in place so I could no longer move. That's how I woke up, as the little spoon, having officially given up on getting anymore sleep even though it was still early. Five in the morning according to the clock that sat on my bedside table, though I knew it always ran a few minutes slow. So I just lay there, waiting for Trevor to wake up, acutely aware of something pressed up against my backside, something hard and warm that brought a little smirk to my face. I'd woken up to Trevor's morning wood enough to recognise it immediately, I could never help but push my backside out to press up harder against it.

"You're one horny virgin." I heard him murmur tiredly into the pillow behind me and I snickered, so he was apparently awake. 

"I'm sorry, did I wake you?" I asked, turning my head to look at his ruffled hair and sleepy yet amused expression.

"I've been drifting in and out for a while now." He shrugged, then pressed a kiss to my temple. We were quiet for a while, breathing softly and enjoying the peace after the previous night. The room was only just starting to get light, a little bit of morning sunshine was peaking through the curtains, softly illuminating the two of us. Trevor's mind seemed to be elsewhere though, as he slid his hands down to my hips and held me still as he rocked against my behind, still hard. "I thought we were going to take advantage of this." He whispered.

"You wanna?" I asked, a cheeky smile spreading across my face as I looked at him again.

"Of course." He breathed, resting his head against my shoulder as he ground hard against me. One of his hands crept under my nighty and into my panties, he began to rub me in slow circles, I could hear his breathing get a little heavier. I bit my tongue and rolled my hips forwards and back, between his hand and his hard on. He let out a shaky breath, then kissed my shoulder. The kiss turned into a light nibble, his teeth grazing my skin and raising goosebumps before he sucked, giving me a love bite. He was quick to pull my underwear down, getting them off and losing them amongst the bedsheets with a little help from myself.

"Trevor." I breathed, catching his hand on its way back to between my legs. He made a little humming sound as I shifted my position. I sat up and pushed the sheets away, catching more than an eyeful of the tent in his sweatpants as I moved to straddle him. He sat up, leaning against the headboard as his hands went to the hem of my nighty, lifting it up so he could watch as I rubbed myself against his clothed cock. My breaths were shaky, it was the only sound I'd allow myself to make with my parents down the hallway. He grabbed at my backside, squeezing it with both hands as he guided me back and forth against him. He let out a low growl, the quiet thrum of it made my stomach do flips and I whimpered, picking up the pace of my grinding hips.

"Fuck." He threw his head back and pressed his lips together, staring up and the ceiling. I lifted myself up enough to hook my fingers in his pants and yank them down, leaving them around his ankles. I slid my hands down his bare torso, reaching where his cock lay against his lower stomach, I teased my fingers down his shaft before taking it in my hand. I stoked him, watching his lips part and his eyes soften as I did. He let loose a moan, a little too loud for my comfort.

"Shh shh, we don't want to wake the whole house up, do we?" I said softly, stroking him faster. He reached his hand between my legs and pressed his thumb against my most sensitive spot, I sighed and bucked my hips forwards as he rubbed me. I used the tip of my finger to wipe up the bead of precum he'd produced, and licked it away, the two of us shared a breathy moan. I couldn't wait much longer, so I shifted forwards on my knees and guided him inside me.

"Lord..." He mumbled, holding my nighty up around my waist with one hand, squeezing my backside with the other. I stared to move, leaning forwards and placing my hands on his chest, giving him a flash of my cleavage, which he eagerly feasted his eyes on. I had little patience, and I couldn't help but skip the part where I'd usually go slow, and I went straight for a considerable pace. Oh God it felt naughty, I suddenly felt like a teenager again, sneaking a boy into my room and having my way with him without my parents' knowledge. I knew I'd be in trouble if my dad overheard, but when Trevor lifted his knees and braced his feet against the mattress so he could thrust up into me, I didn't give a shit. I gasped and allowed a shaky groan to escape, spurred on by Trevor's deep growls as his hips bumped against my backside, bouncing me up and down with each hard thrust. I was so caught up in the moment, I couldn't even tell the difference between the creek of the bed and the creek of my bedroom door being opened behind me...

"Oh my God!" It was my mother, fumbling to slam the door shut whilst struggling to peel her eyes from the sight before her. I screamed, mortified and panic-stricken as I all but leapt off of Trevor and pulled my nighty down to cover myself. "I'm so sorry!" I heard my mum say guiltily through the door. Trevor was fast as lightning in pulling his sweatpants up. We shared a look, a horrified one. 

"Oh shit." I murmured, covering my bright red face with my hands.

"I- I was just checking if you were awake, I'm going to make some pancakes for breakfast." Oh God she was still outside the door, and she sounded just as sick as I felt.

"Okay, thanks." I winced at the way my voice cracked.

"Alright, sweetheart." She said, then I heard her footsteps moving away from the door. Trevor and I just stared at each other, my expression easily portrayed my humiliation, while Trevor's was just blank. I wanted to throw up.

"Well..." He started, glancing down at his crotch, his arousal very obviously gone. "That killed the mood." He snorted, trying to lighten the atmosphere. 

"I can't believe that just happened." I said, my hand muffling my words as I cupped my mouth. "That's so awkward, this is horrible. How the fuck am I gonna be able to go downstairs?"

"Just pretend like nothing happened." He shrugged, getting up and heading for the door.

"Wait, where are you going?" I asked, stepping towards him and grabbing his arm.

"I'm gonna go and get dressed and try to forget that your mother just caught a glimpse of my balls. You should do the same, alright baby?" He held the back of my head as he kissed my forehead, then he crossed the hallway into his room. He didn't seem particularly phased by what had happened, a little miffed was probably the extent of it. I couldn't understand that since I was about ready for the ground to swallow me up and drag me to hell. I'd never felt so ashamed. I made for the bathroom, deciding to put off going downstairs by taking a long shower.

When I went back to my room, one towel wrapped around my body and another coiled in my hair, Trevor was lying on my bed waiting for me. He was dressed in a scruffy pair of jeans and a charcoal coloured T-shirt, and was doing something on his phone, he didn't look away from it until I dropped my towels so I could get dressed. Of course, all eyes were on me once there was a pair of boobs to look at.

"Whatcha doing?" I asked, slipping on a pair of clean panties.

"Searching for a local therapist, for your mom." He said with a gleam in his eye, I cringed again, that horrible mortification I'd just about scrubbed away in the shower returning.

"Don't make jokes, that was horrendous." I groaned, putting the rest of my clothes on and kneeling on the bed beside him. He chuckled, totally at ease, mindbogglingly so.

"Alright, but come on, don't worry about it. She knows you're a big girl now, it's not going to be a shocker that you and I have a sex life." He was trying to make me feel better, unfortunately failing.

"Knowing that you and I have a sex life is different to actually witnessing it first hand, Trevor." I shook my head and ignored the intense burning of my cheeks.

"If you asked me to take a guess, worst case scenario, she's _jealous_ of your sex life. Especially with my rugged good looks and my second to none love making skills." He gave me this charming grin and I rolled my eyes at him.

"Sure, just make sure to tell me if she hits on you." I snorted, getting up and tugging him up with me. "Come on, let's face the music." I made my way downstairs, Trevor in tow, following my nose to the kitchen where my mother was plating up the pancakes she'd been cooking. My dad was there too, he'd already eaten judging by the dollop of cream he'd dropped down his front. He was stood by the sink, cleaning his golf clubs, and I grabbed a piece of kitchen paper to hand to him as I passed.

"Clean yourself up, dad." I snickered, pointing to his chest. He followed my finger and huffed.

"Oh, bollocks." He took the paper towel and wiped himself down. "Thank you sweetie, I'd have looked a right nonce on the fairway if you hadn't have pointed that out."

"So you're back into golf, then?" I asked, thinking about his quickly changing hobbies, last time I visited it was building model trains. Any number of hobbies could have passed since then, though.

"I was never out of it, I was just taking a break. Giving my bad shoulder a rest." He nodded. "Do you fancy yourself as a golfer, Trevor?" 

"Ah, I've played it once or twice." He said indifferently, joining me as I sat at the table.

"You should come along with me today." My dad suggested, Trevor snuck a glance at me.

"I uh, don't have any clubs." He told him, drumming his fingers on the table.

"Don't worry, you can use Ryan's set. It's not like he ever joins me." His voice went a little sour, but he put a smile on when he turned to Trevor. "Come on, why don't you keep me company?"

"That's a good idea, Nichole and I want to drag your lady friend out shopping today. Once Nic' gets out of bed, that is." My mum chirped up.

"What?" I interrupted, turning to stare at her.

"To get you a nice dress for your party." She told me, as if it was obvious, as she approached Trevor and I. She served us both a plate of pancakes, topped with a little cream and a handful of berries before sitting down opposite us to tuck into her own breakfast, a bowl of muesli.

"Well there you go, if you're anything like me I'm sure you don't want to spend the day traipsing around women's clothes shops. Join me." My dad said, looking pleased as if he'd already won. Of course he had, Trevor couldn't very well say no.

"Alright then, why not?" Trevor agreed, nodding as he shovelled a forkful of berries and pancake into his mouth. I glanced up at my mother, who was chowing down on her breakfast, and was very obviously avoiding eye contact with the two of us. I couldn't blame her, she'd just seen enough of us to last her a lifetime, I'd imagine.


	18. Quickie

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Woah this took some writing... I've been so busy since starting at uni and its been hard to find time to write, but I managed to get this chapter done! I really hope you guys are still enjoying this fic, I'm hoping to get it wrapped up before it gets too long and becomes a bore to both write and read. I love you guys, kay? <3

It took just a short bus journey to get into the centre of town. My mother was sat next to me on the way there, looking out of the window for the entire trip, Nichole was sat in the seat in front, turned in her seat so she could talk to the two of us over the headrest. I knew that my mum was still feeling awkward about what she'd seen, it was unsurprising but upsetting all the same. She'd said barely a word to me since breakfast, I was beginning to fear that she was angry with me, and that struck me with a horrid nervous feeling that I hadn't felt since I was a kid and I'd been misbehaving.

"I don't know why you both assumed that I'd need a new dress." I said, speaking mostly to Nichole.

"Because you never bring anything pretty enough with you, I don't even know if you own something like I'm picturing." Nichole replied, her immaculately manicured hand resting over the back rest of her chair. I raised a brow at her words, trying not to feel offended.

"What are you picturing?" I asked, leaning towards her with a curious expression. This was a girl who had a fashion sense world's away from my own. I tended to dress for comfort rather than style, saving my most expensive clothes for special occasions. Practically everything Nichole owned was designer and her everyday wardrobe was equivalent to my very best outfits, the ones I saved for dates with Trevor or trips to some of the fancier places I visit.

"Something sort of tight fitting maybe, but flairs out a little here." She gestured to the space just above my navel. "You have the sort of curves that you can afford to show off. You're very lucky in that sense." She glanced down at my body and I almost choked on my shock.

"What do you mean?" 

"Well, some girls build body fat in all the wrong places, you aren't one of those girls." She smiled at me, she obviously thought she was paying me a compliment but all I could hear was _you're kinda fat, but in a good way_. I suddenly felt self conscious of my thick thighs and wider than average hips.

"Thanks." I said monotonously, glancing over at my mum who had actually turned to look at me. She seemed to have sensed my discomfort.

"You have a beautiful figure, sweetie." She told me, before looking back out of the window.

"By the way, I'm treating you to your new outfit, it's your birthday present." Nichole told me with a grin, staring at me, waiting for an enthusiastic reaction.

"Thank you, Nichole. That's really sweet of you." I told her, okay, so she'd redeemed herself. She made a quiet squeeing sound and reached forwards to touch my chin.

"You're so cute. And you're gonna let me do your hair." She said, seemingly distracted by the quickly put together braid that hung messily over my shoulder. The bus rolled to a stop, and it was our cue to get off, of course Nichole was first to march down the street, heading for probably my least favourite shop in the whole town. It was basically the Ponsonby's of my hometown, only much bigger and the three to four figure numbers on the price tags were preceded by pound signs rather than dollar signs.

"If we can't find you something in here then we're pretty much doomed." Nichole chuckled, making a dive to the right once we were inside, looking through a rack of floor length dresses with all sorts of crap attached to them. Some with little gems, some with sequins, some with glitter, lace, silk, you name it. I wandered away for a few moments to a rack of plainer looking dresses, peeking at the price tags. My eyes widened and I mouthed the figures that were handwritten in perfect, elegant, italic script. Three hundred pounds, six hundred pounds, seven hundred and fifty pounds... I felt a hand on my shoulder, pulling me back.

"I found a sale rack." My mother whispered into my ear and I chuckled. She knew me too well. She gave me a wry smile as she led me to it, standing next to me as I looked through the garments. The sale items weren't exactly cheap either, but I wasn't going to let Nichole pay for a full price dress. My mother was being quiet, but she was chewing on her lip and I saw her fidgeting from the corner of my eye, eventually, I turned to speak to her.

"Let's just talk about this morning." I sighed, she stared at me like a rabbit caught in the headlights. "I know this is awkward but I feel like it needs addressing." I faked confidence and kept eye contact with her.

"I feel terrible." She shook her head and looked away with pink cheeks. "One day I'll learn to knock on the bloody door."

"It's okay, mum." I told her and she looked at me with a serious expression.

"It's really not, this isn't the first time I've done it." She said, glancing over at Nichole who was still poking through the masses of expensive clothes. I suddenly felt secondhand embarrassment for my mother as it clicked.

"You've caught them too?" I asked, pressing my lips into a hard line. I was halfway between wanting to console my mother and to burst out laughing.

"Yes. Three times, and you wouldn't believe how many times I've caught your brother in his room doing you know what-" then I lost it. I snorted and clapped a hand over my mouth to stop myself.

"I'm sorry." I said through stifled laughter, shaking my head as she narrowed her eyes at me.

"You better think yourself lucky that I've only caught you once. Ryan's practically used to it at this point. I think it's why Nichole is so keen to move out." She sighed sadly, idly running her fingers down the fabric of one of the dresses.

"Maybe you should install locks on the bedroom doors." I suggested, only half joking.

"Maybe I should." She chuckled, then looked up at me with a smirk. "I bet you're thankful that it wasn't your dad." She snorted.

"Christ, don't tempt fate. Dad actually _likes_ Trevor." I said, then paused before continuing. "You didn't tell him about what Trevor did, did you?"

"No. The only person I told about the lady of the night was Ryan, and he forced it out of me. I figured that if you wanted to tell your dad, you would." She shrugged.

"I thought so." I nodded. "I'm just extremely confused, dad's usually so difficult to please. He's never been so nice to any of my boyfriends before, its not like him." I was frowning and my mum gave me a knowing look.

"I know why, I'm surprised you don't see it." She said matter-of-factly. I looked at her, confused.

"Enlighten me." 

"You always go for the same type of man, young and pretty and immature. Lewis was like that, so were Kyle and Andrew. And sweetheart, even you have to agree that they were awful." She gave me a look.

"Kyle wasn't bad." I frowned at her, wondering where she was going with this.

"Remember when your crappy old car broke down in the middle of the countryside and your dad had to come and pick you up? Kyle wasn't answering his phone, was he?" She was expecting me to finish the story, so I humoured her.

"No, he was out drinking with his mates." I said quietly, turning back to the dresses.

"Exactly, Lewis and Andrew were no different when you were with them. They didn't put you first, but Trevor's different. I'm willing to guess he's a good ten, fifteen years your senior, he's more mature than the men you've been with in the past. I think your dad finds it easier to see eye to eye with him because he's not fresh out of diapers." She laughed.

"So he likes Trevor because he's older than me?" I narrowed my eyes at her, not quite believing such a simple explanation.

"I should think so, he's always wanted you to be with someone older, it makes sense. They're more likely to have an established career and the means to support you. Trevor's got his own business, that's impressive, and an ex air force pilot? Even better." She told me, I sighed and shook my head.

"I love him, that should be the most important factor." 

"It is to me, honey. You know that, I mean, I'm still not happy about what he did to you but I can accept the fact that it's your relationship. I can't change a thing about it." She nodded, giving me a smile as she reached forwards and squeezed my shoulder.

"Mum?" I said quietly, placing my hand on top of hers on my shoulder.

"Yes, sweetie?" She replied, a soft crease forming between her brows.

"Don't ever enter my room without knocking again, okay?" I warned her, and she burst out laughing, stepping away from me and tutting. It was then that Nichole joined us, holding up a collection of dresses.

"I found some things that will look lovely on you." She cooed excitedly, she was in her element. I knew that she was going to enjoy this shopping trip way more than I was, I never was a huge fan of shopping. It was always a disappointment since I never found anything that suited me, it all looked better on the mannequins.

"Wow." I raised my brows. "This is just a casual party, Nic', I'll look like I'm getting married in those." She rolled her eyes.

"Nonsense, none of them are white." Was her excuse, but I wasn't convinced, they were all way too over the top and I knew I'd look absolutely ridiculous. I had to put my foot down, I reached for the first dress I saw in my size on the sale rack and held it up.

"I found one that I like, it looks very _me_ , don't you think?" I watched her eager expression falter and turn into some kind of wince.

"It's so plain." She said, turning her nose up. I suppressed a sigh and made for the changing rooms.

"Well I guess I'm a plain person. Less is more and all that..." I whittled on as I entered one of the little cubicles, Nichole stopped me before I could shut the door.

"Hold on, won't you at least try them on?" She looked at me with a sad little pout, and I couldn't say no. I wordlessly took the dresses from her and shut the door, sliding the lock across a little roughly. I hated getting overly dressed up, I always looked stupid and I always felt uncomfortable. Even as a child my mum used to joke that I'd get married in jeans and a T-shirt, with the amount of hatred I felt towards formal wear. Just give me a simple dress and a pair of short heels, I'll do the rest with jewellery.

"Let's get this over with." I whispered to myself, getting undressed and pulling the first dress over my head. It was a dark emerald green, made from this shiny, scratchy material. The top part was covered in black lace and it was strapless, long enough to cover my ass and not much else. It fastened up at the front with hidden hook and eyes, the first problem I ran into was that I couldn't get the top two to stay closed, they popped open every time I took a breath. I checked the label, ignoring the price, to check the size. It was my size, just apparently made for a lady with less going on in the boob department. I wasn't exactly sporting double D's, but the dress definitely wasn't for me.

"The green one's too tight." I called through the door.

"Can we still see you in it?" Nichole whined.

"My boobs don't fit inside the bodice, so no. Sorry, Nic'." I heard my mum laugh before Nichole spoke again.

"Oh, alright." She mumbled, disappointed. I pulled the dress off and moved to the next one. Nichole had given me five dresses in total, each one more extravagant than the last, and of course I looked terrible in all of them. Every dress had some sort of problem, too short, too low cut, wildly uncomfortable or just plain impractical. Apparently I looked good in them, according to my future sister in law, but I knew my mum wasn't convinced. After all, mum knew me better and could see that the dresses that Nichole had picked out were about as far from my style as you could get. I was left with the dress that I'd picked out, admittedly this was the first time I'd actually looked at it, and it wasn't bad. It was a deep, navy blue colour, form fitting with a modest, high neck. When I pulled it on I was pleased to see that it came down just above my knee, and it had a thin mesh panel that went around my midriff, exposing a little skin while still keeping it covered.

I raised my brows, pleasantly surprised about this dress that I'd picked at random. I pictured wearing it with a particular necklace I owned, a statement piece with amber beads and a gold chain, and a simple pair of black heels. Not bad at all. I left the cubicle to show my companions, my mum mirrored the little smile I wore.

"You like that one, don't you?" She said, reading my body language like a pro. I nodded.

"It's not as bad as I thought." Nichole said, tilting her head as she drank in my appearance.

"I think it suits me." I admitted, looking down at my body. "And it fits well, that's more than I can say for the others." I snorted.

"I still think you could afford to go a little more... Out there. This _is_ your thirtieth, it's a big one." Nichole encouraged me, much to my intense annoyance.

"I'm going to be twenty-nine." I corrected her, holding back.

"Really? I could have sworn you were gonna be older." She frowned, then chuckled. "Oh, don't tell me you're one of those women who have ten twenty-ninth birthdays to avoid accepting their real age."

"No, Nichole, I was born in nineteen-eighty-six, I'm turning twenty-nine this year." I elaborated, biting my tongue to stop the nasty tone slipping out. Nichole was buying me the dress I was wearing, I couldn't be rude despite her constant cacology. 

"Oh, alright. Just ignore the number on the birthday card I got you then." She pulled an awkward expression. "So that's the dress you want? Are you sure you don't want to keep looking? You might find something better."

"This is the one, I never saw the point in waiting to spot something else, if you like it, get it while you can." Plus, I couldn't stand clothes shopping, I was as eager to leave as Nichole was to stay.

"Alright then, if you're sure." 

"I am, thank you Nic." I smiled at her, then went back into the changing rooms to put my own clothes back on. 

-

"That took a lot less time than I thought it would." Nichole pondered aloud, walking along side me with her arm linked with mine, the fancy cardboard clothes shop bag swinging from my wrist in between us.

"Well, (Y/N) never was one for dilly dallying around choosing an outfit, I think she's more concerned with having a nice time at the event than how she looks at it." My mum said, and I nodded.

"Well we have a lot of time to kill, I know where we can go." Nichole gave the two of us a mischievous smile and started veering to the left, pulling me with her into a shop we were passing with a pink and black shop front showing off scantily clad mannequins. Oh fuck.

"No, Nic." I struggled against her, but for a slender woman that looked like the wind could knock her over, she was surprisingly strong. Before I knew it, I was faced with rack after rack of designer lingerie. My mum was laughing behind me, clearly not at all bothered by it all. I, however, was. Lingerie shopping was even worse than regular clothes shopping, it was just the idea that everyone in the place knew exactly what kind of underwear you wore that put me off. Plus the fact that this particular shop was centred around the kind of lingerie you would only wear in the bedroom. I didn't like giving strangers a look into my sex life, was that so ridiculous?

Crotchless panties, PVC, strappy stuff that showed _everything_. The place was jam packed with it all. I was no stranger to lingerie, that was true, but it was mostly bought for me by my partners, the idea of picking something out for myself was enough to turn my face red. 

The interior of the shop had obviously seen some inspiration from Terry Bolan's _Chains of Intimacy_ , with every mannequin adorned with blindfolds, some with God damn whips strapped to their lifeless hands, all wearing some from of strong smelling plastic, black underwear. I mean, it wasn't my cup of tea, but whatever floats your boat... There was a stack of the books piled up on a table by the entrance, and my mother was reading the blurb with raised brows.

"So, what kind of thing does Trevor like?" Nichole asked me, still clutching onto my arm as if to stop me from running back outside. She was wise to do so.

"Trevor? I don't know, he doesn't tend to wear lingerie." I snorted, though there was that one time where I caught him trying on my underwear... She tutted and rolled her eyes at me, pulling me over to a nearby display.

"You knew exactly what I meant, be serious honey. Does he like this kind of thing, _on you_?" She held up this black and red bra and panties set, very French looking, it was heavy on the lace and silk.

"Um..." I narrowed my eyes then shook my head. "I don't really know. Maybe." 

"Well what do you usually wear _in the bedroom?_ " She looked frustrated.

"Nothing." I chuckled. "You're not going to make me try anything on in here, are you?" 

"No, I'll leave that up to you the next time you and your man get some alone time." She smirked.

"Okay, good." Then I looked at her with a frown. "Why did you drag me in here anyway? Do you think I'm as useless at dressing up for Trevor as I am for a party?"

"Not at all, I'm just thinking... After what I learned last night, I figured you guys could use the help to get your relationship back on track." She admitted, glancing at a nearby mannequin who was wearing a skimpy nurse outfit, which looked an awful lot like the one that Trevor had bought me months ago. Needless to say it ended up staying in the closet collecting dust. Roleplaying wasn't my forte, it's hard to get in the mood when you feel like an absolute pillock.

"If there's anything we need help with, it's certainly not the sex side of things." I huffed, trying not to take her assumption personally. She was only trying help, in her own little Nichole way.

"Understood. But don't you find dressing up sexy fun?" Her serious expression turned into this cheeky grin. "Lingerie shopping is my favourite, and it's about the only kind of shopping that Ryan can enjoy too."

"Blimey, have you seen what's behind that curtain over there?" My mum approached us looking flustered, speaking in a whispered hiss. I looked at her blankly while Nichole burst out laughing.

"What?" I asked her, but she couldn't speak through fits of laughter. "What is it?"

"Go and see for yourself." She finally said, I gave her a worried look.

"I don't want to." I told her. My mum touched my arm.

"Honey, don't." She shook her head, seeming to have caught the giggles from Nichole. "You won't like it." I frowned at them.

"What the fuck is it?" I asked again, receiving no answer. I stomped towards to curtain, pulling it aside to be greeted by about fifty phalluses of different colours and sizes. Oh. It was just a whole bunch of sex toys. I pulled the curtain closed and walked back to the two hysterical women making fools of themselves in the middle of the shop with a deadpan expression.

"How old are you, ladies?" I asked them.

"Apparently too old to be in here, I didn't realise what they were for a moment." My mum shook her head.

"Come on, we're going to get some lunch." I asserted with a roll of my eyes, gesturing for them to follow as I left.

-

We got home in the late afternoon, having spent the rest of the day in a bar drinking cocktails. Well, Nichole and mum were drinking cocktails and thus were a little tipsy, I was drinking lemonade. Trevor and dad were back, if the golf clubs cluttering the entrance of the house were anything to go by. Mum and Nichole decided that they hadn't had enough to drink so made their way noisily into the kitchen for some gin and tonic, I left them to it and wandered into the living room to be met with a sight that was more than a little bit odd. My dad and Trevor were exact copies of each other, slumped down side by side on the sofa in front of the TV, each of them holding a beer resting on their stomach. Their positions couldn't have been any more identical if they'd tried, the only difference was that my dad was asleep and Trevor wasn't. I walked behind the sofa and bent down over Trevor, tilting his head back and kissing his upside down lips.

"Who won?" I asked him with a smirk. He smirked back and poked his own chest.

"I thrashed your old man, completely dominated him." He snickered, watching me as I circled the edge of the sofa and sat next to him, wedging myself into the small spot between him and the arm of the chair. There wasn't a lot of room, so I ended up having to put one of my legs over his, he placed his hand on my thigh.

"I hope you went easy on him, he's getting old." I chuckled.

"I'm awake, you cheeky so and so." My dad said, opening his eyes to give me a stern look. "But he did thrash me." He chuckled, elbowing Trevor.

"Well, I _was_ the Canadian under eighteen champion." He said somewhat arrogantly, I rolled my eyes at him with a laugh.

"So you enjoyed yourselves?" I asked hopefully and they both nodded.

"It was nice to get to know you, Trevor, you seem like a decent bloke. If you fancy another round while you're here, I'd be happy to join you. It made a change having a competent companion." My dad smiled.

"Sure." Trevor shrugged and nodded.

"And remember what I told you." My dads smile faded and his expression turned stern. I kept my face neutral and held my tongue as my curiosity bubbled over inside.

"I definitely will." Trevor nodded, glancing at me as my dad heaved himself up off of the sofa.

"Where's your mother, (Y/N)?" He asked me, stretching his back.

"Kitchen. She's on the gin, just to warn you." I replied, entwining my fingers with Trevor's as he took my hand.

"Oh, Christ. I better keep an eye on her." And with that, he left the two of us alone. A moment of quiet passed where I was making sure he was gone, before I spoke.

"What did he tell you?" I asked him with a frown and he sighed, trying to look for the words to explain it to me.

"I never expected to get a safe sex lecture in my forties." He said, only confusing me more.

"What?" I screwed my face up as he reached into his pocket and pulled out a condom. I looked between the shiny foil package and him for a few long seconds before he spoke again.

"Your dad gave me it." He shoved it back into his pocket. "He said, quote, _I know my daughter is growing up, and I can't control what she does, but I want her to be safe._ "

"Wow." 

"Yeah. He made me promise that if things ever became sexual, I'd use it." He added, a little smirk trying to tug at the corner of his lips. 

"I bet that was awkward. Sorry about that." I cringed and looked away.

"It wasn't exactly comfortable, no. But I think it was harder to keep a straight face when I told him that I didn't think that was on either of our minds at this time." He lowered his voice for the last part.

"It's been on my mind practically all fucking day." I sighed, thinking back to this mornings escapades being cut short. It had left me feeling pretty frustrated to say the least.

"Mine too." He looked at me with half-lidded eyes, his hand started creeping slowly up my thigh. I caught it and held it still, ignoring the ease with which such a simple touch had me feeling the beginnings of arousal.

"Perhaps we shouldn't push it, we've already been caught once today." I whispered to him, looking down at my hand clutching his. The groan he let out was one of disappointment, and he moved closer to me, kissing my neck and nipping at my earlobe.

"Please. I've been at a constant level of frustrating horniness all day. We can do it in the bathroom and lock the door." He suggested and I snorted.

"I know exactly how you feel, baby, but I'm not having a quickie in the bathroom." I insisted, despite the fact that his actions and his words were most definitely turning me on. 

"Pretty please, I'll do anything you ask me to." He mumbled against my skin as he moved his kisses to my chest, he slid his free hand up my side to cup my breast. I bit my lip when he brushed his thumb over my nipple, which was sensitive even through my clothing. I came to my senses and lifted his head up, his pupils were blown wide with arousal and I dropped my eyes momentarily to his crotch, where his erection stuck out like a sore thumb as it pressed against the smart pants he'd changed into for his round of golf.

"You know I want to." I whispered, pulling his hand from my breast.

"Then let's go. It doesn't even have to be sex, I'll take anything, I just need to get off. And you do too, I bet you're just soaking your panties right now, aren't you?" I couldn't tell whether the dirty talk was him trying to persuade me, or if he was too horny to help himself. Whether or not it was his intention, it _was_ persuading me.

I got up off of the sofa with a defeated sigh, pulling him up with me. I briskly made my way upstairs hand in hand with Trevor, pushing him into the bathroom. I closed the door and locked it, prompting Trevor to sit on the floor with a push of his shoulders. My heart was hammering, I felt like such a fucking rebel, like I was doing something extremely naughty. I climbed onto his lap and straddled his thighs, my hands immediately going to his pants where I unfastened them and tugged them down enough to get my hand inside and rub him through his underwear. He let out a shaky breath and braced his hands against the cold tile floor.

"Don't hold back, come as fast as you like." I told him, nervously looking back at the door, half expecting my mum to be stood there.

"Let me touch you." He mumbled in a low voice, unbuttoning my jeans and pulling them down my thighs. He ran his fingers over the wet patch on my underwear and bucked up into my hand. "I knew it, soaked." 

I pulled his cock out of his underwear and started stroking him, releasing a breathy moan when he began to rub me. He captured my lips in a heated kiss, it was quick and rough, complete with one or two painful teeth clashes. He was quick to pull my underwear down and bury a finger inside of me, curving it in just the right way to catch my sweet spot. He stroked that spot, giving me direct stimulation with just the tip of his finger, it was pinpointed and incredibly intense. I glanced around me until my eyes landed on the cabinet under the sink, I let go of Trevor for just a moment so I could open it, I sifted through the rolls of toilet paper until I found what I was looking for. I pulled the lid off of the big tub of lotion and scooped some up with my fingertips, immediately retuning to Trevor's cock. I quickened the pace of my lubricated strokes, gaining a loud moan from Trevor, I silenced him with a kiss.

We continued like that for a minute or two, concentrating only on getting each other off as quickly as possible, it was almost like a challenge of who could finish who off first. Trevor was using two hands now, one quickly rubbing my clit in circles while the other had two fingers buried knuckle deep inside me, grinding against my sensitive spots each time they were thrust into me. The room was filled with the cacophony of heavy breaths, slick hand movements and the occasional groan. Trevor had his face buried in my chest, and I was hugging him close to me with an arm around his shoulders. I was shifting my hips in a grinding motion, as if I was riding his fingers, I was getting close and I was chasing that release. 

"Oh fuck, I'm gonna come." Trevor told me breathlessly, leaning back to look at me. I used my free hand to lift his shirt up, exposing his stomach and chest. 

"C'mon baby. I wanna see you come for me." I whispered to him, kissing his clammy forehead. I explored his body with my free hand, stroking his chest and running my nails over the thin spattering of hair he had there. His breathing became increasingly laboured, until he choked out an intense groan and he was coming. I watched as spurts of come hit his chest and ran down to his navel. Oh fuck was it an arousing sight, I felt myself suddenly grow closer to my orgasm as I watched, despite the fact that Trevor's hands had momentarily lost all rhythm.

"Fuck... Fuck... I love you." He told be breathlessly, regaining control of his hands just in time to bring me over the edge. I probably made way too much noise and at some point Trevor kissed me, pushing his tongue into my mouth, muffling my fervid whimpers. My orgasm was long, intense, and downright exhausting. When it had passed I was about ready to crawl into bed, I was a sweaty, red-faced mess but so was Trevor so I didn't care. 

"Thanks." He told me with a dazed smile on his face, licking his fingers like he'd just finished a good meal.

"You don't need to thank me." I laughed breathlessly, grabbing some toilet paper to clean him up, since he didn't look like he was about to do it. I tucked him away and pulled his pants up as best I could before straightening my own clothes out and standing up on wobbly legs. "Come on." I said, prompting him to follow me as I let us out of the bathroom and made my way to my room. I needed a nap after that, and I wasn't going alone.


	19. Preparations

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Between coughing fits, sneezes and blowing my runny nose, I managed to get this written. Being sick is bloody awful, but I hope you enjoy this chapter.

Suzanne and Martin made an appearance in the morning, early, earlier than I had been prepared for. My half naked body had been lying limply on top of Trevor's half naked body when the pair of them made their presence known by sweeping unannounced into my room, Suzanne clapping loudly and Martin playing a low quality, no doubt illegally downloaded version of will.I.am's _It's My Birthday_ through the tinny speaker's of his phone. Trevor, obviously still jammed halfway between wakefulness and a particularly deep phase of REM sleep, groaned and tried to roll over unsuccessfully with my weight on top of him.

"Fuck off." He murmured. I just about managed to lift my head and force my eyes open regardless of the glaring light coming through my open curtains.

"Oh I do love a sweet-talking man in the morning." Suzanne's sarcastic tone brought me into the real world and I snapped my head up to look at her.

"Suz, holy shit." I braced my hand against Trevor's chest and pushed myself up, I didn't care about the fact that I was wearing nothing but a T-shirt and panties, my friends had seen me in less after a night of heavy drinking. I jumped out of bed and bounded over to her, throwing my arms around her neck with the girliest squeal I think had ever come out of me.

"Hello, Jellyfish." She called me by my stupid nickname with a laugh, she'd kept calling me it after I'd been stung by one on a girls holiday years ago, it just kind of stuck.

"Well screw you too, where's my hug?" Martin spat with mock anger, I pulled back and smirked at him.

"Turn that fucking racket off and I might just give you it." I gestured to his phone, he did as he was told before strolling up to me and trapping me in a bear hug, lifting me up effortlessly.

"Oh you've been working out." I choked out, sinking my fingertips into his biceps after he'd released me, allowing me to breath properly again.

"Of course, I had to get in shape earlier this year, for a certain special event, cough cough." He said, dramatically dragging his left hand through his cropped, almost-black hair. My eyes immediately homed in on the gold band around his ring finger.

" _What?_ " I hissed, grabbing his hand to get a better look, slack jawed and wide eyed.

"Yeah, so that happened, Alex and I tied the knot last month." He grinned at me.

"You git! Where was my invite?" I exclaimed, hitting his buff arm and hurting my hand in the process.

"Apparently lost in the post, like mine was." Suzanne had her arms crossed over her chest, her eyes narrowed at Martin.

"It was kind of spontaneous, we didn't invite anyone so don't get all bitchy, the pair of you. It was a secret wedding." He rolled his eyes at us both. "Anyway, aren't you going to introduce us to Mr Tighty-Whities over there?" I followed his gaze to Trevor, who was silently, patiently watching us with his arms crossed over his bare chest. He didn't seem to care that he might as well be naked with how little his tight underwear left to the imagination.

"Right! That's Trevor, my boyfriend. If you didn't already gather that when you walked in here uninvited." I narrowed my eyes at the two of them.

"So you're the guy that stole her away from me, huh? You're lucky you're still breathing, chum." Martin pointed a long, skinny finger at him, I hoped that Trevor could read the insincerity in his eyes as easily as I could. Martin always talked shit to my boyfriends like that, it was his way of trying to be funny I suppose.

"You're lucky I just woke up, _chum_ , otherwise you'd be picking your goddamn teeth up off the floor after speaking to me like that." Trevor retorted, so he didn't read the insincerity. Brilliant.

"Woah, you got yourself a feisty one there, (Y/N)." He chuckled nervously, subconsciously taking a step back, despite the fact that Trevor seemed to have no plans to move. "Is he always so serious?"

"No, he just doesn't take kindly to being threatened." I gave Trevor a look, and he burst out laughing, though I could tell it was false.

"I was joking, you silly sausage." Trevor grinned, clapping as he stood up, making his way towards Martin and sticking his hand out. Martin shook it with enthusiasm after only a second of hesitation.

"Oh! Oh, you're good. You had me there for a second." He chuckled and shook his head. Trevor was all smiles now, _false_ smiles and uncharacteristic mannerisms.

"So this is Suzanne, is it?" He turned to her, tilting his head thoughtfully as she nodded, trying to hide the fact that she'd just been eyeing him up.

"It's a pleasure to finally meet the man that my best girl's been frolicking around in the desert with." She smirked, bowing in a little courtsy, dipping her head. I knew she was looking at his package as she did this, and she'd no doubt give me her critique later on. That was just a classic Suzanne _thing_.

"It's nice to finally meet the girl from the lifeinvader pictures, you're the one with the passion for tequila, am I right?" Trevor said, surprising even me, didn't know he'd been stalking my friends on that damn site.

"Correct-o. That's actually why I'm here, today we're doing party prep and you guys-" she fluttered two fingers in our direction. "Are on booze duty."

"Sure, pick the non-drinker to do that." I snorted, then Trevor nudged me.

"No worries, I drink enough for the two of us. We're good." 

"Fabulous. Get anything you want as long as there's a lot of it. I'll leave you to get dressed-" she turned on her heel to leave, grabbing Martin's arm before she paused. "Oh, and obviously pick up tequila." Then they were gone. I looked up at Trevor, his expression was unreadable.

"What do you think?" I asked him.

"What do I think of what?"

"My friends."

"A buff gay guy who thinks it's funny to threaten strangers and a middle aged chick still partying like she's in her early twenties." He mused, looking up at the ceiling. "Not bad. 'Least they aren't, heaven forbid, _normal_."

"'Least there's that." I shrugged.

I made my way downstairs after getting dressed, leaving Trevor upstairs to finish off what he'd called a _Triple S;_ a shit, a shower and a shave. I heard conversation coming from the kitchen, so headed in that direction, before I could get there though, I was tackled by a bundle of blond hair and pink fabric.

"Woah!" I huffed, catching my balance moments before falling on my ass.

"Do you remember me? (Y/N), do you remember?" A squeaky little voice shouted at me, it was almost as if she didn't realise I was only stood right next to her.

"How could I forget you?" I rolled my eyes, bending down to pick up the little girl. "Crikey, you're getting all grown up now, aren't you Becca?" I grinned at her.

"Do you remember when I fell over and you looked after me?" She asked, grinning at me, I walked with her into the kitchen, where her mother was.

"I do, you were very upset." I nodded. "You're all better now, though, aren't you?"

"Yes, that was ages ago now, dumby." She giggled and I raised my brows at her.

"Rebecca-Mae, don't be rude." Suzanne scolded her.

"Sorry mummy." She looked down and pouted.

"No, who do you need to apologise to?" She asked, glancing at me.

"Sorry, Jellyfish." Rebecca corrected herself and I laughed.

"You aren't teaching her that silly name, are you?" I tutted at Suzanne as I put Rebecca back down on the floor, she ran off to where my mother was sat at the table reading a newspaper. She then proceeded to ask if she could draw moustaches on all the people in the pictures.

"Sorry, it's a habit. I just call you it without thinking and she picked it up." She grinned, proud of herself. I shook my head at her.

"She's getting big, how old is she now?" I asked.

"She's five next month, getting more of a handful every day. It's lucky that her dad's offered to look after her while I'm here, so I can _really_ party tomorrow night." She smirked.

"How is Tyler?" I asked, referring to her husband.

"He's been good, just got promoted. He's coming to pick Becky up after work, should be here soon, he's just finished a night shift. Hopefully she'll be good for him." She laughed. "Speaking of men, kitty likes the one you've bagged." She gave me a sultry look and purred like a cat. I giggled and looked away.

"Oh really?" I wore an almost cocky smile.

"Give me deets, what's he like in the sack? He looks like a bad boy, is he? I saw the ink, _cut here_ , very edgy." She leaned in close and was whispering to me.

"For your first question, brilliant, for your second, definitely." I told her, glancing at her from the side of my eye.

"Mmm, nice. He seems confident, I like confidence. What's more confident that greeting new peeps in your underwear? I mean, I'm more of a boxers chick but I _did_ get a good look at his package and all I can say is; you lucky cow- _oh_ , hi Trevor." She leaned away and grinned at the man in question who was just walking into the kitchen. He was sporting a tight T-shirt and a pair of combat pants, all black. Nice, nice, nice.

"Hi." He replied, glancing between the two of us, if he'd heard us talking then he didn't show it. "Who's is the kid?" He asked, looking past us at Rebecca.

"Mine, don't worry she's not coming to the party." Suz chuckled, she seemed flustered and she had pink cheeks. She was crushing hard, and I didn't blame her. Trevor was the type of guy that she'd hook up with in her younger years, he was her type. Too bad he was all mine, huh?

"Good, cause I highly doubt there's gonna be pass the parcel or pin the tail on the donkey at this party, just drinking. A lot of drinking." He grinned.

"Oh I know, I'm the party-planner. I'm trusting you two to do a good job on those drinks. Don't disappoint me." She warned us, and that was our prompt to get going. There was a convenience store a couple of streets away with a pretty decent liquor selection if my memory served me right, cheap prices too. Suzanne reached into her pocket and handed me a bundle of notes. "We've all chipped in, that's a handsome amount of cash there but feel free dip into your own pockets." She winked.

"Of course." I chuckled, then nodded towards the door, getting Trevor to follow me as I left.

It was a short walk, but we were in no rush as we meandered hand in hand through my old neighbourhood. It wasn't too busy out, just a couple of people on the sidewalks, heading in different directions, going about their day. I looked up at Trevor, who was being nosey and looking in people's windows as he passed the rows of townhouses that were common in this area.

"So, you're the expert, what're we gonna get?" I asked, squeezing his hand to get his attention.

"Plenty of beer." 

"Right, and what else?"

"I'm good with just beer." He looked down at me as if it should have been obvious.

"Well what about the people who don't like beer? Shouldn't we get things like vodka, whiskey, gin... Suzanne's tequila." I suggested.

"Sure, I guess. Is there anything that _you_ want?" He asked, and I frowned, considering his question carefully.

"Um... I like Pina Colada's."

"And getting caught in the rain?" He wore this cheesy grin and I rolled my eyes.

"What's in a Pina Colada? Rum, coconut cream and pineapple juice?" I asked, looking for confirmation yet receiving a shrug of his shoulders instead.

"Fuck if I know, never had it." He said, his eyes dropping to the floor before he quickly bent down and scooped something up off of the ground, pocketing it.

"What was that?" I asked with a frown. He nodded towards a man walking a few feet ahead of us, digging through his jacket pocket.

"That jackass just dropped a twenty. Finders keepers." He snickered. I opened my mouth to protest against his actions, but thought better of it.

"No way, let me see." I said, my lips parting as he pulled the crumpled note out of his pocket. I let go of his hand and snatched it off of him, immediately jogging towards to poor guy in front of us. "'Scuse me! You just dropped this." I handed him his money.

"Oh shit, thank you." He mumbled, giving me a friendly smile before continuing down the path. I waited for Trevor to catch up with me, his eyes were narrow as slits as he stared at me.

"The fuck did you do that for? That could have bought you your _Penis Colada_ crap." He hissed, tugging his hand away when I went to hold it again, I sighed and rolled my eyes.

"You saw him drop it, you knew it belonged to him, therefore it was only right to give it back. I'd be grateful for that if it was me who dropped twenty quid." I told him.

"Well, you have better morals than me." He snorted, obviously bummed about the money. Ah well, he'd get over it.

"Hey." I nudged him, he didn't turn his head, just peaked at me through the corner of his eye. "You're in my country now, you gotta play by my rules." I said, a mocking little smirk forming on my face.

"Your rules?" He turned to look at me fully then, raising a brow incredulously.

"That's right, rule number one. Be a good Samaritan." I told him with a sharp nod of my head. He snorted, glancing away and pointing at something.

"Would you look at that, someone's dropped their glove." He said with faux shock, my eyes followed the direction of his finger and sure enough, there was a pink child's glove laying on the floor. "Should we hand it into the police station? In case someone's looking for it?" His expression was dripping with mock sincerity and I shot him a deadpan right back.

"Come on." I mumbled, tugging on his arm to get him to walk past the fucking glove.

"I just want to be a good Samaritan, them's the rules." He continued in that high pitched, concerned tone.

"Shut up Trevor, don't be a tit." I shook my head at him, sighing when he drew out a laugh, pulling his hands out of his pockets and taking my hand in his again. His hand was hot, a perfect contrast to the chilly air outside, and big enough to totally encase my own. I couldn't help but smile at the feel of it, especially when he tightened his grip, like he was stopping me from escaping. As if I'd try.

We arrived at the shop, a buzzing sound alerting the assistant of our arrival as we triggered the sensor above the door. We were greeted with a friendly smile from an aging man behind the counter. His thick moustache had flecks of silver throughout, and he had a bald patch that rivalled Trevor's. Not that I'd ever say that aloud, Trevor'd kill me. 

It wasn't difficult to find the booze, Trevor led the way and it was as if he was some cartoon floating through the air, being led to it by the scent of alcohol. I'd grabbed a little basket on the way in, and I had it hooked over one arm as I eyed up the bottles of liquor. I picked up a bottle of vodka as Trevor went for the beer.

"What is this shit? No Pißwasser?" He asked, his brows mashed down over his eyes in an angry scowl.

"No, we don't have that here." I told him idly, reading the label on a bottle of rum, checking the alcohol content just out of curiosity.

"Fuck, if you'd have told me that before I would've stayed at home." He snorted, hopefully joking. I pointed at a particular brand of beer with the neck of a bottle.

"Get that, it tastes pretty much the same. Like shit."

"Perfect." He grinned picking up a couple of crates and holding them against his hip, cocking his body to the side a little to balance the weight.

"I don't know what whiskey to get. There's too many different brands." I pondered aloud. I rarely shopped for alcohol, except for the odd beer run for Trevor when he polishes off a crate, so I really didn't know what was good.

"Just get the cheapest, and lots of it." He suggested.

"You sure? Suzanne's counting on us to get some good stuff, I sure as shit don't know what's good." I looked at him, he looked back with an odd expression.

"Sweetheart, this is your birthday party, not dinner with the Queen. Just get whatever, if it gets you drunk then it's good. I bet _Suzanne's_ with me on this." He assured me, nodding towards the cheap whiskey. I shrugged and grabbed the bottle.

-

We arrived back at the house in time to see Martin's ass crack as he bent over the stair banister to hang a _Happy Birthday_ banner. I averted my eyes, which was more than I could say for the guy stood behind him. He had dirty blond hair which hung over his shoulder as he titled his head to get a good view. I recognised him after a moment, it was Alex, and he'd changed an awful lot since I'd seen him last. The skinny, lanky lad that was at least ten years younger than Martin had suddenly developed muscles and an impressive beard. His hair wasn't nearly as long back then either, now it was longer than mine.

"Alex, is that you?" I laughed, swapping the clinking bag of bottles I had to the other hand as I approached him.

"The one and only." He smirked. Still as cocky as before. "You're looking good, you've cut your hair since I saw you last."

"Well yes, several times." I laughed. My eyes darting over his face, his features had changed, they were a lot stronger now, he looked like a man rather than a boy. Wow. How long ago had I last seen him? One year or ten?

"It looks nice." He commented, I found myself blushing a little. It was like seeing someone from high school all grown up, suddenly sexy.

"Thanks." I said, fiddling with the tips of my hair.

"Sticky tape." Martin prompted, holding his hand out to Alex, who handed him the roll of tape that'd been sat around his wrist.

"Oh, this is Trevor, by the way." I stood back and gestured to him, he was juggling three crates of beer like it was nothing.

"Hey, Trevor. Suzanne's told me about _you_." He grinned, looking Trevor up and down. Oh fantastic, now everyone's had a chance to ogle my boyfriend. I stifled a laugh.

"Interesting. What's she say?" He asked, raising a brow.

"Oh, nothing bad." Alex shrugged, a smile playing on his lips as he turned to stare at Martin's ass again. Trevor glanced at me for answers, I just shrugged and made for the kitchen. I put whatever I could fit in the fridge, and left the rest on the side. We'd ended up buying a bottle or two of all the basics; wine, vodka, rum, whiskey, tequila etcetera, and a bunch of stuff to mix the spirits with, like coke and lemonade. Trevor took care of the beer, that was his domain, and I'd taken it upon myself to gather the ingredients for my Pina Colada's, I was in the mood for cocktails. In short, we were fully stocked. There was enough for my party and probably another three afterwards. Trevor was excited, I was nervous. Nervous because I had family coming, and it was bad enough the last time they'd seen me drunk. Now they had to see me _and_ Trevor drunk, and that could very easily go wrong, considering my sex drive goes through the roof and Trevor's will power to control me goes through the floor. It'd be a miracle if the night didn't end with my mother walking in on us again. 

"They're really going all out with this, huh?" Trevor slid in front of me, leaning against the fridge after I'd closed it. 

"They always do." I glanced sideways, noticing a box filled with decorations. If my brother's last birthday was anything to go by there'd be streamers and balloons everywhere. The house would resemble a venue for a school disco, that was just what Suzanne and Martin always insisted on doing.

"So who's coming tomorrow?" He asked curiously, crossing his arms over his chest and looking down at me.

"Couple of friends, family, and God knows who else them pair have invited. It won't be too busy." I shrugged, stepping closer into Trevor's space as Nichole rushed past me, heading for the box of decorations I'd spotted.

"You know, you could help." She paused next to us, blowing a piece of hair out of her face as she whined dramatically. "This is stressful. Suzanne has me wrapping tinsel around the light fittings. Bloody tinsel! It's not even Christmas." 

"'Least mum gets her decorations up early, she can just leave it all up till December." I snorted. Nichole trapped the box between her arm and a bony hip, pointing a free finger at us.

"Where have you two been all morning while the rest of us are slaving away, huh?" She asked, darting her eyes between us. Trevor dramatically stepped backwards, pulling the fridge door with him. He gestured to the bottles nestled into every empty space with an outstretched arm.

"Taking care of the most important item on the checklist, sweetheart." He gave her a smirk, closing the fridge door before her eyes could narrow any more.

"Where's the red wine? Did you get any red? I only drink red, I can't have white, it makes me nauseous." She suddenly said, her eyes darting around the room for the drink in question.

"Shit." I sighed, digging the heels of my hands into my eyes. We'd only bought white.

"You want _red_ wine?" Trevor asked, though it was spoken less like a question and more like an obnoxious fact.

"Uh, yes. What, you didn't get any?" Nichole's brow creased, she looked more annoyed than she needed to.

"We'll go back and get some." I told her, though I was looking at Trevor as I spoke.

"Good, good." A switch was flicked and she smiled, stroking my cheek as she pushed her way between us, knocking the cardboard box into Trevor as she did. Trevor followed her with his eyes, narrow and annoyed. 

"Come on then." I sighed, turning to leave, Trevor caught my arm.

"Who drinks _wine_ at a party anyway?" He grumbled, straightening up and stepping towards me, away from the fridge.

"A lot of people." I laughed.

"Can't we just put red food colouring in the stuff we've got?" He sighed, a mischievous smile tugging subtly at the side of his mouth. I poked him in the chest.

"No. Good Samaritan, remember? We make sure everybody's happy." I warned him, cocking a brow at him. He seemed to deflate.

"Nichole's never happy, I've barely seen her crack two smiles since we've been here." He sighed heavily. I was suddenly aware of the cool top of the island counter pressing into my back, Trevor had been slowly backing me up into it, and now had me trapped, his hands braced either side of me on it's surface.

"Well that's a lie. I've seen her smile plenty." I challenged, lifting myself onto the counter and scooting backwards, putting some space between us, crossing my arms.

"Stop being so nice." He murmured, dipping his head, letting it hang between his shoulders.

"What?" I frowned.

"If it was up to me I'd tell her to deal with it. We bought almost every drink under the sun and she wants the one drink we didn't. She should learn to be less fussy." He lifted his head, looking at me with a frustrated expression, my frown deepened.

"It's not that big a deal, is it? It's not like the shop's an hour away." I told him.

"Yeah, but it's the principle. She couldn't be grateful with what we got, she was straight in there with a complaint. No _thank you for stocking up for the party_. Rude. Ungrateful." He spat, glancing towards the door through which Nichole could be seen, standing on a step ladder to hang up decorations.

"Yeah well, what can you do?" I shrugged dismissively. "I did warn you that she can sometimes be a bit, off. She's been very sweet to me though, she bought me the dress I'll be wearing tomorrow." I told him, as much as I understood Trevor's viewpoint, the last thing I wanted was for him to have a sour taste in his mouth.

"Ah yes, your birthday gift. That was very sweet." He let the words roll off his tongue with disinterest, seeming more interested in the next thing he was going to say. "Speaking of, she gave you your gift early, does that mean you can open mine early?" He asked, tilting his head and letting his amber eyes explore my face. He was leaning closer.

"Nope. Yours has to wait, just like everyone else's. Nichole's was different, I had to make sure she got something that fit me. My body is difficult to shop for." I glanced down at myself, I felt his eyes follow the direction of mine, landing on my chest, waist and legs.

"What if I told you there was something you needed to try on? Would you open it then?" He asked, looking back up to my eyes.

"Why? Have you bought me clothes too?" I asked sceptically, noticing the way he pressed his lips together and narrowed his eyes.

"If I answered that, it'd spoil the surprise, wouldn't it?" 

"I'm not opening it yet." I told him, well aware of the fact that he was trying to tempt me.

"You're going to wait until tomorrow when everyone's watching, then?" He asked.

"Yes." I frowned again, suspicious. "Why would you mention being watched?"

"Ah, well," he started, pushing away from the counter, distancing himself from me. "Maybe there's certain parts of my gift you might not want your family to see." He shrugged indifferently.

"Like what? Trevor." I lowered my tone, he lifted his hands up.

"I'm not going to tell you." He laughed. I decided to ignore him, shaking my head with a sigh. He was just trying to convince me to open his damn present.

"Let's just go and get Nichole's wine." I hopped down from the counter and walked past him, hearing him chuckle as he followed.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> OH. I'd like to ask you guys a big big favour if you have a minute. 
> 
> I recently stumbled across my own story on another website, weird right? Yeah, someone is reposting You Had Me At Methamphetamine [here](http://www.quotev.com/story/6395498/You-Had-Me-At-Methamphetamine/1/) and I really really want it to be taken down. If you guys could report it that would be awesome!   
> You don't have to sign up to report it, just click 'info' then 'report story' and let them know it's been reposted (that's how I did it on mobile anyway, it might be different on PC). I'm sorry to be a pain in the ass by asking this, but it makes me so so angry seing someone else claiming my work as their own. Thanks a bunch, you wonderful people <3


	20. The Birthday Girl

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Everything has been going so perfectly for these two, let's fuck it up.

Sprawling palms and fingers, hot and insistent, grabbing at my ankles and feeling their way up my legs. I pulled my head up off of the pillow, blinking groggily into the darkness, eyes landing on the shifting figure under the sheets. The bed was only very slightly illuminated, the fairy lights that had been stuck to my ceiling with sticky tape going on five years ago had been turned on, though hadn't been bright enough to wake me. What had woken me though, was Trevor's quiet mumblings and his shifting weight settling between my legs under the covers. What was he doing down there?

"Trevor." I hissed, patting at the sheets and feeling for him, my hand landing on what I assumed was his shoulder, I took a second to glance at the digital clock beside me. "What are you doing? It's past midnight."

"Midnight marks the start of a new day, birthday girl." He whispered back, then I felt rough stubble above my left knee, and hot moisture in the form of soft kisses. I clutched the sheets and lifted them, peering down my body, picking out Trevor's silhouette. A hand traveled up my other leg, ghosting over my thigh, then my hip bone, resting on my lower stomach. He stroked my skin with his fingertips as his lips made a trail up my thigh, as he moved the reality of what he was doing became clearer and clearer. I dropped the sheets and let my head fall back against the pillow. He reached the spot where my leg met my hip, I felt his nose press against me and his warm breath dust over my hip.

"You're not- Trevor it's the middle of the night, people are sleeping." I reminded him in a shaky whisper, I felt him chuckle more than I heard him, a few short bursts of breath hitting my body. The hand on my stomach slid down to my panties, a single finger trailed along the edge of the elastic.

"We're not sleeping." He pointed out, then pressed a kiss against my pubic bone. I could swear I heard him inhale deeply as he nestled what felt like his nose between my legs. My body jolted and my tummy did a flip, part of me wanted to squirm away, the rest of me was focussed on the hotness of my nether regions, feeling needy and suddenly very aroused. "I want to wish you a happy birthday."

"Okay." I squeaked in a small voice, not needing much of a prompt to understand that Trevor wasn't about to sing to me and give me three cheers, nor raise a toast shouting _here's to many more_. He was about to do something much more exciting, and he initiated it with a soft nibble on my hip, grazing the skin taught over my hip bone with his teeth. Another nip on my inner thigh followed, then my underwear was being pulled down, the cool air hit my exposed skin but was soon replaced with wet heat. Trevor's tongue rolled up my opening, steering clear of anything too sensitive. Teasing.

"You know," He murmured, leaning into my thigh, his attention pulled from the task at hand for just a moment. I allowed my fingers to feel out his shoulders through the sheets, caressing them and perhaps trying to ground myself as the darkness of the room was starting to confuse me. I was starting to wonder if this was just a horny dream.  
"I could make this a whole lot better if you'd opened your present."

"Really? Is that a clue?" I asked, roaming his body with my hands, trying to get an image of how he was laying, where his body was, trying to feel less blind.

"Could be, why? Do you have a guess?" 

"Is it a torch?" I asked, and Trevor broke out into a muffled laugh.

"I don't need to see to know what I'm doing." He followed his words with another swipe of his tongue, this one a little firmer, creeping closer to the most sensitive areas down there. I bit my tongue, my tummy felt tight, I wanted to scream to release some of the tension I felt from being left hanging, ridiculously aroused at this point.

"Prove it." I said slyly, I really just wanted him to get to it. I needed something.

"I will." He said casually, at ease, going back to pressing kisses along the line of my hip.

"This is what you call a happy birthday? This is torture." I told him, squeezing his shoulders and curling my toes. I never liked to let on the true amount of desperation that even light teasing made me feel, it was humiliating and it encouraged Trevor to be a little more sadistic, dragging things out even slower.

"You're never happy taking things slowly, are you?" He sighed with mock exasperation, idly tugging on short curls of pubic hair as if bored and fiddling with me. I fidgeted on the mattress, opening my thighs a little wider, feeling him chuckle again.

"Do you want to lull me back to sleep, or please me?" I challenged him, using his proud, masculine tendency to want to show off, or prove himself, to get him to put his mouth to work.

"I'm _going_ to please you, be patient." He brought his tongue to the party again, giving me only a little more action before trapping my sensitive folds between his lips and sucking gently. It was just enough to conjure a gasp from my lips before he let go, then flicked the tip of his tongue over my clitoris, spreading me open with two fingers to get a better contact.

"Oh that's better." I breathed, closing my eyes and rolling my hips up against him. I felt his fingers curl around my sides, pushing me back down on the mattress with playful roughness. I grabbed at the sheets, pushing them back enough to uncover him, though I could barely see him I had the sense that he was looking up at me, and I wished that the lights were on. Just as I was getting used to the wonderful sensation he was supplying me with, he stopped.

"Now that it's technically your birthday," he shifted to lean his head on his fist, I could just make out the way tilted his head at me quizzically. "You can open your present, right?"

"No." I told him, if he was going to tease me, I wasn't going to give him what he wanted. Fair's fair.

"Why the fuck not?" He spat, his voice raising just a little. I shushed him softly, sitting up and feeling for his face where I placed a hand over his mouth.

"Because I'm opening it with everyone else's, just like I always do." I whispered, my eyes seemed to be adjusting more, and I could just about make out his features. His eye brows were mashed down over his eyes in frustration. He pulled my hand away from his mouth and lifted himself up onto his knees.

"I'll stop _wishing you a happy birthday_." He threatened, his tone childish. I raised a brow at him, whether he saw it or not, I didn't know.

"Fine." I said, closing my legs and lifting my knees up to my chest. He opened his mouth to speak, then closed it again. There was a pause before he actually spoke.

"You're not bothered?" He asked, sounding almost disappointed, possibly offended. I held back a laugh.

"I'll just go to the bathroom and finish myself off. No biggie." I shrugged. I was bluffing, of course, but I was only doing so because I'd called his. He'd never leave me high and dry, birthday present be damned.

"Alright." He said quietly.

"Alright." I nodded, then slid out of bed, stretched, and headed for the door. I had a hand on the doorknob when he finally caved.

"Get the hell back here, Christ." He sighed heavily and a smirk came easily to my face. I turned and walked back, coming to a stop by the edge of the bed, looking at him expectantly. He reached out and grabbed hold of my arm, pulling me onto the bed without a hint of tenderness. I was pushed onto my stomach, and I felt a palm come down hard on my backside, making me gasp. My heart hammered with excitement, the arousal that still lingered hit me at full force once again.

"What was that for?" I asked, though my tone was more seductive than annoyed. He shushed me, and that's when I noticed I'd spoken at my normal speaking volume. Oops. He leaned over me, pushing against me, I felt his hard on through his pants pressed against my bare backside. Oddly enough, he was fully dressed.

"I was going to be nice and give you all the pleasure, now I don't think you deserve it." His tone was dark and it was filthy, excitement bubbled up inside me and forced a giggle from my lips. He leaned away from me, and I had to close my eyes suddenly, practically blinded by the light as he reached over and turned on the lamp that sat on my bedside table. I heard something softly hit the floor, quickly realising that it was his shirt.

"Just because I won't open your present yet?" I asked, making a conscious effort to keep my voice down. A hand clamped over my left ass cheek, squeezing roughly. I turned to look at him after my eyes had adjusted to the light, noticing that he'd pushed his pants and his underwear down to his thighs and he had his other hand wrapped firmly around his cock, stroking himself quickly. The image sent a jolt of heat between my legs.

"Exactly." He said, allowing a smirk to break the stern look on his face. I shifted my position despite his efforts to keep me in place, and stuck my backside in the air, leaning up against the headboard of my bed.

"We need to be-"

"Quiet, yes I know." He rolled his eyes at me with a chuckle, giving my ass another smack. He groaned quietly, tilting his head back as he went to town on himself.

"Baby, as lovely as it is watching you have a wank, you've left me hanging for way too long." I told him, pushing backwards and waving my backside from side to side.

"Turn over, I wanna be able to see your face." He was slightly breathless, and he reluctantly let go of himself. I did as I was told and rolled over onto my back as he ridded himself of the remainder of his clothes, he pushed his hands between my legs, opening them wide before kneeling between them. Our bodies were close as he moved forwards to kiss me, it was a rough kiss, hungry and passionate. He broke the kiss by biting my bottom lip, tugging on it lightly, then letting it go. I pulled on his hips, urging him forwards, then he stopped all the teasing and entered me with a gentle thrust. I exhaled sharply, and it was almost a sigh of relief. 

He braced his hands on the headboard behind me as he pushed forwards, burying himself fully and grinding against me, stimulating my clitoris with his body. I wrapped my legs around him, holding him in place as I rocked my hips against him, breathing shakily as I allowed my eyes to slip shut. He let me move as I pleased, moving in time with me rather than setting his own pace, he took the opportunity to kiss my neck when I rolled my head back. I knew I'd end up with a love bite or four judging from the way he sucked on my skin, grazing his teeth over the tingling areas. 

"(Y/N)." He groaned suddenly and my eyes shot open, he was apparently no longer unable to resist the urge to pull back and thrust in again, he gave three hard thrusts, his hips knocking roughly into my own. Each one sent a burst of pleasure right through me, coiling up in the pit of my stomach with lingering warmth. He stopped to grind against me again, letting out a wobbly breath through his nose as he raised his head to look at me with lusty eyes. "I love you."

"Trevor." I gasped as he started to thrust against, this time not stopping, burying himself deeper and deeper each time. So good, so _fucking_ good. I hadn't realised I was moaning until a hand came down over my mouth, muffling them. He was staring at my face intensely, searching my features, then he pressed his forehead to mine, his eyes shutting.

"Don't get us caught, Jesus Christ, please." He sighed quietly, punctuating his words with a particularly hard thrust, I was sure I'd end up with bruises but I couldn't care less. "I don't think could stop even if your whole family was watching from the doorway." He told me, and I believed him, especially when he carefully pulled his hand away from my mouth, and instead wrapped it around my thigh. He gripped it tightly, pushing it to part my legs even wider so he could somehow push even _deeper_. So so good.

"Oh God, oh God..." I whimpered, reaching for him and resting my hands on his bare chest, running my nails down to his stomach. It seemed to spur him on, and his hips jumped suddenly out of rhythm with a grunt.

"'m gonna come." He told me, his words muffled as he pressed his lips to my temple. I only got a few seconds warning, because he almost immediately pulled out and reached for his cock, giving it a good few pumps before he was spilling over his hand and onto the bedsheets. His groans were quiet since his lips were pressed into a hard line, but I could certainly hear them and I could certainly appreciate them. Once he was finished, he leaned back to look at me, breathing heavily through parted lips, his eyes half lidded. Then he jumped into action, laying down between my legs like he had earlier, not caring about the fact that he was now lying in his own ejaculate. He pushed two fingers inside of me as he pressed his lips to my clitoris, he sucked gently and thrust his fingers, matching the pace of our love making. It wouldn't take long for him to finish me off, that much was clear.

"That's it, fuck, Trevor. Yes." I whispered, my hand launched downwards and I grabbed at his hair, he groaned as I pulled on it, the vibrations hit my nether regions and I shuddered. I bit my tongue, not trusting myself to keep quiet through my oncoming orgasm. Trevor's free hand slid up my body and under my shirt where he squeezed my breast, rolling my nipple between his thumb and forefinger. I was sensitive and needy and my body arched, my hips chasing the contact of his lips and his fingers. _Unbelievably good_.

"Oh fuck yeah-" I groaned, at least I thought I had, but then I realised I'd clamped my free hand over my mouth. A clever move, considering the release of tension that came with my climax also released a helluva lot of noise. My hips lifted up off of the bed, and Trevor rose with them, continuing to fuel my orgasm with his fingers and tongue. It took a good few moments for me to relax, dropping back onto the bed with a sigh. My body twitched as Trevor crawled back up it, residual sparks of pleasure hitting me like electric shocks. He kissed me before I'd even caught my breath, leaving me gasping when he pulled back.

"I could make you come over and over again, all night, just to watch you." He told me, a smirk dancing on his lips.

"I don't think I could stay awake long enough, that was..." I trailed off with a shake of my head. Trevor chuckled rolling onto his side beside me. The bed was cold and damp from sweat among other bodily fluids, though I didn't care, I was too spent to care. I let my eyes close, and felt my heart rate slowly return to normal, Trevor's arm draped over my stomach and I was out like a light, not before I heard Trevor chuckle and say;

"Happy Birthday, sweetheart."

-

"Was that you I heard last night?" Suzanne asked, sitting across from me at the table, all tousled hair and slouchy pyjamas as she tucked into a slice of toast. She had stayed the night, sleeping on the sofa downstairs among party decorations. I blinked at her, stopping my chewing on my cereal. We were the only two awake, even before my parents, which was odd, but I suppose I was well rested enough after the previous night to allow me to get up early. I always slept well after a night of good sex. Plus I was starving when I woke, and I couldn't get back to sleep until I'd eaten something.

"What?" I asked dumbly.

"You and Trevor, you pair went at it like it was your last night on earth, didn't you?" Her smirk was fantastically salacious, and she wiggled her eyebrows at me with a dark laugh. I could feel my cheeks ignite.

"You slept down here, you couldn't have heard anything." I hissed, not quite denying her accusations.

"Well yeah, I just nipped upstairs for a tinkle and as I was walking past your room..." She trailed off with a pointed look. "So Trevor's a grunter, huh? Yeah, I can picture that."

"We weren't _that_ loud, were we?" I stared at her in horror, picturing my parents lying awake forced to listen to... Oh God their bedroom is right next to mine-

"No, not really. I could barely hear anything, but what I did hear was unmistakable. It sounded like a damn good night, I'm jealous. Let me tell you, once you have kids, sex like that comes rarer and rarer. Make the most of it." She pointed at me, her bitten down fingernail painted with a chipped purple polish.

"God, we haven't been able to keep our sex life between us since we've been here." I sighed, looking down at my cereal with a frown.

"What do you mean?" She asked with a mouthful of toast.

"Well first of all mum caught us, then dad lectured Trevor about using protection, now you're telling me you had your ear up to the door living out fabulous sex vicariously through me." I exaggerated the last part, giving her an odd look. She laughed, throwing her head back.

"I'll have you know I didn't have my ear up against the door. I was using a glass, it amplifies the sound." She teased, smirking at me. I shook my head a laughed despite myself. "So, are you excited for your party?" She was practically vibrating with excitement, a toothy grin spread wide across her sharp features.

"You've put in a lot of effort into organising it, of course I'm looking forward to it." I smiled at her, taking a sip the the cooling cup of tea beside me. I decided to drink a little faster, it was at the temperature that was drinkable, but would no doubt turn nasty and cold in a few short minutes. 

"You better get up and dance with me tonight, I know what you're like, you never-" she froze, and she and I shared a frown at the muffled commotion coming from upstairs. It sounded like my mother, and though I couldn't make out what she was saying, I knew that she wasn't happy. A moment later, I heard stomping feet coming down the stairs, then Ryan was storming into the kitchen with a face like a slapped ass. My eyes widened as he jabbed a finger at me, his other fingers curled around something I couldn't see.

"You and your fucking boyfriend owe the living shit out me." He spat, his voice a low, thunderous growl. I don't think in all my years as his sister I'd ever seen him so angry. He held something out to me, and I took it, my stomach dropping straight down to the core of the earth as it clicked in my head exactly what I was looking at.

"I told mum it's mine, but you and I both know exactly who brought that into this house." My throat dried up and I felt like I was about to hurl as I looked down at the scrunched up bag of powdery crystals, just small enough to fit into the palm of my hand.

"What is it?" Suzanne asked, but I could barely hear her over the blood rushing in my ears. Ryan ignored her question, he was far too focussed on me.

"Mum found it in the bathroom, I told her I bought it when I was drunk one night but I've never used it. She believed me, thank God. But she ain't happy." 

"You took the blame for this?" I just about managed to say, I could see my hand trembling as I held the drugs.

"For you. Not _him_. It's his, right? You're not dumb enough to use that shit." He asked, suddenly looking panicked. I pressed my lips together into a hard line, then stood up, making my way upstairs and passing my mother on the way, thankfully she didn't stop me, and apparently didn't sense the raw emotions crackling through my body like fire through a forest. I swung the door to my bedroom open, Trevor was still fast asleep in my bed, I threw the bag at him catching him square in the face, startling him awake.

"You brought that into my parents house? Are you _stupid_?" I seethed, keeping my voice down as best I could, I was hissing rather than speaking, but I just couldn't comprehend what was going on in that man's head.

"Shit." He said, sitting up and grabbing the bag of crystals, avoiding my eyes when he looked up. He was starting at my chest rather than my face. "I'm sorry."

"You're sorry? That's it?" I laughed without humour. "Ryan said it was his, so don't fucking worry about it damaging your reputation with my parents." I told him with a sour look on my face.

"He did?" He looked surprised, yet still had that dazed look on his face that came with being suddenly awakened.

"Why do you keep doing this, Trevor?" I asked, my voice wobbling without my permission, I suddenly realised I was on the edge of tears, but I couldn't place why. I was _so angry_ that tears were an unexpected visitor, so I swallowed them back and managed to blink away the moisture in my eyes.

Trevor kept his mouth shut, he was staring at the bed post by his foot. He didn't look like he was planning on speaking any time soon, so I spoke for him. "You don't give a shit about yourself, do you? You don't even _try_ to kick this, how many times do I have to tell you to communicate with me? Fuck." I sighed, dragging my hand through my hair and pushing it out of my face, I felt hot, I was sweating.

"How many times do I have to tell you that I'm sorry? I'm sorry I'm not the perfect fucking man you expect me to be." He spat back, his brows heavy above his intense gaze, he looked angrier than me.

"Oh for fucks- I don't expect you to be perfect!" I snapped, raising my voice now. "I just expect you to respect the fact that I don't want you to kill yourself, Trevor." 

"I ain't gonna kill myself, for crying out loud." He sighed, hitting his head back against the headboard, toying with the little bag between his fingers.

"You forget that you almost did a matter of weeks ago, I saw how ill you made yourself, can you blame me for being so up tight about this?" I lowered my voice again, remembering where I was. He looked at me, his features softening, not in a way that said he was actually listening to what I was saying, more like he was bored of hearing it.

"You'd never have known if I hadn't left this in the bathroom, and everything would be fine. That's how insignificant this is." He told me, I shrugged indifferently, I couldn't give a shit about what if's.

"But I do know about it. Where the fuck did you get it anyway?" I asked, frowning at him.

"Some guy I met last night." He shrugged.

"Last night?"

"Yeah, I decided to explore the neighbourhood when you were asleep." He said indifferently, he was tapping his foot against the bed post agitatedly.

"Before or after you woke me up?"

"Before."

"So you were high when you and I made love last night." I said it like it was a fact, I didn't need a confirmation so it didn't matter when he kept his mouth shut. I ignored the fact that this new information hurt like a bitch, it almost made it feel less meaningful. Like the spontaneity of it didn't revolve around his love for me, more like the buzz of his high. I refused to accept the thought. "I still don't know why you don't just _talk_ to me about it, instead you just hide it from me. That doesn't make anything better."

"Wanna know why I don't _just talk to you_? Because there's fuck all you can do, sweetheart. There's barely a day where I don't think about meth, if I told you every time I wanted to smoke up, I'd be a broken record. What is telling you gonna do? How are you gonna make it go away?" He tilted his head at me, I noticed him roll the bag between his fingers roughly, as if he was taking his anger out on the powdery mess.

"I can't. But at least I'd be able to give you support, you know? That thing that couples give each other when things get hard?" I told him, my eyes fixed on his fingers. "I don't think you realise how much I worry about you. It scares me to think that I'm totally oblivious to what you're thinking. To wonder if you're constantly high on that shit, and I just never realise coz I'm a fucking idiot."

"What if I am? If you don't know either way then what's the problem?" He asked, his attitude was rotten and my anger flared, this time accompanied by a pang of guilt and fear, it all mixed in my stomach and curdled.

"The problem is that you could get carried away again, only this time Ron or myself won't be there to help you. I don't particularly want to come home one day to find you dead in a pool of your own vomit. Is that an irrational fear?" I admitted, looking up at his eyes. He was hiding his emotions well, either that or he really was emotionless.

"I guess not. But how's this for a theory, what if I kick the stuff, and I change so much that you don't love me anymore?" He asked, and for a second I couldn't tell if he was joking or not.

"That's the most pathetic excuse you've ever given me." I said, gritting my teeth.

"Well is this a better excuse, baby? I don't wanna quit." He said, swinging his legs over the edge of the bed and standing up. He was still naked after last night, but I couldn't bring myself to appreciate the sight.

"You told me before that you did. Months ago, before everything went to shit." I said, my tone carrying naive inflections.

"Well I guess I was lying." He admitted without looking at me, pulling on a pair of briefs.

"Why lie?" 

"To make you happy." He shrugged. I just stared at him for a long moment, unsure of how to respond to that.

"You know what? Just make yourself happy and do what the fuck you want." I lifted my hands in surrender and backed out of the room. "Happy fucking birthday to me." I muttered under my breath.

I found myself jogging down the stairs, almost desperate to leave the house. I was just in front of the front door when Suzanne spotted me, catching my arm and pulling me towards her. She crushed me against her chest in a suffocating hug.

"You aren't going anywhere until you tell me more about that man you're with." She whispered into my ear. I nodded my head, and out of nowhere a forceful sob lurched out of me, but no tears accompanied it. I grabbed her hand and led her to the back door and into the garden. Both of us were barefoot and neither of us cared as we crossed the grass. I took her to my mothers greenhouse right at the end of the garden, where I knew there was a beaten up yet incredibly comfortable futon. It used to live in my room, but it got moved into the greenhouse because it took up too much space, it was familiar and nostalgic though. It was comforting, and I needed that. 

The greenhouse was cozy, tall plants and pretty flowers sat on every surface, it felt like we were nicely encased and away from the rest of the house. It almost felt like this secret place where no one would find us, or hear me say what I was about to tell my very best friend. I took a seat on the futon and pulled my knees up to my chest. Suzanne sat next to me, looking at me with a concerned expression.

"Promise me this stays between you and me. No matter what I tell you. I need to trust you more than I ever have before." I started, locking eyes with her. She nodded.

"Of course, what happens in the greenhouse stays in the greenhouse." She said.

"Well, first of all, Trevor isn't a doctor or anything like that, and his business certainly doesn't focus on helping people get better." I sighed, deflating like a balloon as I let out the truth. All of it. Everything. Every. Single. Thing. I told her about my work, the drugs, the robbing, the killing, the cheating, the _everything_. It felt so fucking good to tell someone, to finally let out all of the baggage I'd been carrying around, to share the weight with someone other than Trevor. It felt _so_ good. And Suzanne just listened. She never interrupted me, she never once made any sign of disbelief, she never turned her nose up at a word I said. Even when I got onto the subject of the day in the hanger, where I became a criminal myself. She just soaked it all up, and waited until I finished. When I did finish, she took a deep breath, glanced at a nearby plant and simply said.

"But you love him." The words were so simple, yet completely one hundred percent true, and I knew she understood me. She _got_ me like nobody else ever could. "Despite everything you've just told me, you love that man so much it hurts, right?"

I nodded my head, staring at her with glassy eyes. Glassy, terrified eyes. "Does that make me a bad person?" I asked feebly.

"Absolutely not. That makes you human, and no human should have to carry that shit around on their own. Listen to me," she started, taking another deep breath. "You need to think about number one here. Forget about him for a minute, I don't care if he's struggling with a drug habit, we're talking about you. How do you feel?"

"Pretty shitty." I admitted.

"Why?"

"Cause I can't help him. He said that himself, I can't do fuck all." I said, looking down at the worn fabric of the futon.

"Him, him, him, Trevor, Trevor, Trevor. What have I just said?" She rolled her eyes at me, reaching forwards to place a hand on my knee.

"Right." I nodded. "I feel weak, I don't have the strength to do anything that I _should_ do."

"What do you think you should do?"

"Well, any sane woman would have upped and left a long time ago. This whole thing is madness." I shook my head, burying my face in my knees.

"Gorgeous, I've known you long enough to understand that you're far from sane." She chucked, trying to lighten the mood.

"I know." I agreed with her, though I was being more serious than her.

"We are women, we put up with men's shit like we were born to do it. Some of just have to put up with more shit, see? It's just up to us how much of that shit we're prepared to take, in return for that man's love. Ask yourself that. Is he worth it?" She said softly, stroking her thumb back and forth over my knee.

"Yes." I said blindly, it wasn't even a question worth thinking about. "It's just... He doesn't fucking talk to me. Maybe I'm just pathetic, and I go crying to him about every problem I have, and I just can't comprehend that he doesn't need me as badly as I need him."

"He clearly does. You saved his ass, he royally fucked himself over with drugs when you left, what does that tell you?" 

"It tells me nothing. That was inevitable, he's a drug addict, it was bound to happen at some point." I shrugged, lifting my head to look at her. She shook her head at me.

"It tells you that he's a mess without you. At least you managed to survive without him, he very nearly didn't. Don't ever tell me you're pathetic, okay?" She scalded me, narrowing her eyes.

"I can handle the criminal lifestyle, I can handle living in a trailer thousands of miles away from my family, I can handle him burying bodies in the desert that _I've_ killed. What I can't handle is him keeping things from me, and I can't handle being totally blind and clueless and hopeless. I just want to be there for him, because I can't stand the fact that he could end up in the same condition as the night of his overdose. Maybe he won't be so lucky second time around. And he told me he doesn't want to quit, that fucking terrifies me, Suzanne." I braced a hand on my chest, trying to pour the rawness of everything I felt into my words, trying to express the honesty of it all.

"I know, Jellyfish. He- he will come around." She said, though I could tell she wasn't sold on that thought.

"It was horrible, when Ron called me and I went over there. He was... I've never seen anything like it. I really don't want a repeat of that, for both his sake and mine. He doesn't seem to get that though, he insists it's not going to come to that." I shook my head and closed my eyes.

"If it does, then he'll only have himself to blame. And I know you won't stand for it, right?" 

"I probably would stand for it because I'm in way too deep with him. The fact that I'm still with him after he cheated on me is enough to tell ya that. I honestly think he could hold a gun to my head and I'd still be in love with him. I don't have any damn sense." I let out a laugh, strangely enough.

"Sounds like you really need to have a serious conversation with him. No yelling, no crying, just talking. He needs to get it into his head that ignoring his issues and hiding them from you might just end up costing him a happy ending. Either he'll pop his clogs or you'll get sick and tired his shit. And you will, no matter what you say now, eventually it'll stop being tolerable." She gave me a stern look, though I didn't believe her, I knew I should probably take her advise.

"Okay." I said, lowering my knees before standing up. "Let me ask you something before we go back to the house."

"Shoot."

"Now you know who Trevor really is, are you scared of him?" I asked, watching her reaction. She had a considerate expression, she chewed over my question for a few moments.

"No. I don't think he'd kill your best friend. I'm safe." She smirked. It shocked me that she was so fucking blasé about everything I'd said, but then again Suzanne has a good poker face and she knows when she needs to contain herself. Perhaps she was terrified, but she'd never tell me because I was in the middle of it all. 

"Promise me this." She started, pointing a finger at me. "Don't let this ruin the party."

"I promise." I rolled my eyes and chuckled. In fact, I was looking forward to the party even more now, I needed to let loose, and that's exactly what I was gonna do.

I searched the house when we got back, Trevor was nowhere to be found. Luckily, he'd left the bag of meth on the bed, so at least I was safe in the knowledge that he wasn't out getting fucked up on that. That at least comforted me a little bit. I was tempted to get rid of the stuff, but I decided against it. I was leaving it up to him, only he could control whether he made the effort to quit. You can lead a horse to water but you can't make him drink.

Ryan was being quiet, he was sat at his laptop with headphones in, playing Righteous Slaughter. Nichole was of course oblivious to everything that had gone on and was sat on the living room floor painting her toe nails. Mum was preparing food for the party, thankfully seeming less angry than she'd sounded that morning. My father was missing too, but that was unsurprising. He'd probably gone down to the range to practice his swing like he often did in the mornings. I collapsed down on the sofa in front of Nichole.

"Do you want me to do yours, birthday girl?" She asked, a beaming smile on her face, gesturing to my toenails.

"Why not." I smiled back at her.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Yeah, I was getting bored of writing happy families, I kinda wanted some drama to make it more exciting to write. You know how I love drama :P


	21. The Life of the Party

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Whew, this is a long one and... I'm really happy with it. I dived right into something I've been thinking about for a while at the end there. So, I hope you enjoy this one. I bloody loved writing it.

A glug of pineapple juice, a splash of coconut cream, and a good three second pour of white rum. I had started out using precise measurements, following a recipe I'd found on the web, but this was my third Pina Colada and now I was just eyeballing it. I glanced up at the sound of someone entering the house, pouring another generous amount of rum into my glass when I noticed that it wasn't Trevor. I gritted my teeth and ignored that God awful sickly feeling of worry. I'd texted the fucker twice now. No reply.

My party had been in full swing for about two hours now, it was dark outside and Trevor'd been gone all day. Everyone kept asking me where he was and I had to make up some bullshit about him setting up some surprise for me and blah blah blah... Wonder what it could be, blah blah. It was gonna be an arse to explain later considering there was no surprise, he was just pissed off after our argument and was probably out getting hammered in one of the lovely local pubs. It kind of hurt, really. I know things were heated but he could at least make an appearance at my damn birthday party. I sighed and washed him out of my thoughts with a few gulps of my drink as I slogged my way back over to where Suzanne, Martin and Alex were all stood by the fire place, bobbing up and down to the music that was playing. Suzanne had put together a playlist of songs from the year I was born, eighty-six. Plenty of classics from the likes of Kenny Loggins, The Rolling Stones, Lionel Richie... It was a good playlist, and I damn near cried when I realised Suzanne had gone to the trouble of picking out each song from my birth year. Emotions were running high anyway, sentimentality was an easy trigger for an outburst.

"I can't get over how good that dress makes your boobs look." Suzanne commented, pointing at my chest and sloshing her concoction of every liquor you could name over the edge of her _classy wine glass_.

"Thanks, love." I grinned a dizzy smile at her. I don't know how many Pina Colada's it takes to get a seasoned drinker trashed, but for me it was two and a half. Lucky for me all the older family members like my parents, aunts, uncles and grandparents had gravitated to the kitchen and were all having a quiet drink in there. I didn't want any of them to see me in this state. At least it was just my friends and cousins witnessing my intoxication, and they were all as bad as me anyway.

"Trevor's missing out, you sure he ain't coming later?" Martin asked, frowning at me. He could tell something was up, he was the most sober person in the room, but I just rolled with my story. I was committed to it now.

"I'm not sure, Marty-Mart. He just said he was setting a surprise up for me and he probably will be late or not be here at all." I shrugged. "I hope he's buyin' me a horse. I fucking love horses." I threw in, for shits and giggles. "'S been ages since I rode a horse, used to have riding lessons as a kid, you remember that Suz?"

"Yeah, I remember. That brown horse with a white patch on it's ass was a dick." She nodded, her face screwing up angrily. "The bastard bucked me off, it wanted putting down. I broke my damn arm cause o' that." I snorted, earning a glare from Suzanne.

"I would have thought Trevor'd be here, couldn't he have set up the surprise earlier? He seemed pretty excited for tonight." Martin continued, ignoring our tangent. I realised my 'dancing' had dwindled to me simply bending my knees and nodding my head, so I tried to put a little more effort into it.

"Ahh dunno." I shook my head and flailed my hand around dismissively.

"Aren't you gonna open his present? Maybe there's a clue inside it, and it's the only one you haven't opened." Alex suggested, I glanced at the package that sat on the coffee table behind us, it was about the size of a shoe box, but the shape was kinda off, and it was badly wrapped in hot pink paper, using lots of sticky tape. The corners of my mouth turned down as I looked at it, and I shook my head.

"I wanna open it with him." I admitted, kind of wishing I'd bowed to his pleads of opening it early. He was so eager for me to see what he'd got for me. Now he was off out somewhere, apparently no longer bothered. I ignored another lurch of emotion. I'd conveniently overlooked Trevor's gift as I opened everyone else's earlier on. Suzanne, Martin and Alex had pooled money together to buy me an iFruit phone, since my old one was, quote, _an ancient piece of shit_. Mum had bought me the same perfume she bought me every year, like a tradition, along with a simple, thin, gold band bracelet. Dad had of course bought me this humongous cuddly elephant toy. A typical gift from my father, who still contributed to the growing collection of teddy bears that cluttered the end of my bed. Ryan, like most of the people who attended the party, gave me cash, since he hadn't a clue what to get me. Still, I had no idea what Trevor's gift was, and I intended to keep it that way until he showed his face.

"I'm kinda curious." Suzanne said, raising a brow. "I'm trying to work out what kind of gift is a 'Trevor' gift." 

"A gun." I blurted out, and followed it up with an uneasy laugh.

"Romantic." Suzanne smirked.

"You seriously think he'd buy you a gun?" Martin frowned at me in disbelief and I laughed.

"No! Of course not, he'd never buy me a thing like that." I rolled my eyes dramatically, Suzanne was snickering beside me. I'd obviously told her the exact opposite, about our romantic trip to Ammunation. Strange how something incredibly un-funny can become hilarious when you've had a few, huh.

"It's probably like... Like a power tool or something. Men are useless at buying gifts, in my experience." Suzanne said, her voice echoing in her glass as she lifted it to her lips.

I noticed everyone's eyes look past me, settling on something behind me. I turned around to see Trevor hovering by the door. We locked eyes for a few agonisingly long seconds, and I expected him to approach me. He didn't. He turned on his heel and left. I turned my nose up and tutted as I cursed under my breath, turning back to my friends who all wore different expressions. Suzanne: understanding. Martin: suspicious. Alex: oblivious, apparently having missed the whole exchange. 

"Come on. Out with it." Martin said with a deadpan expression.

"Out with what?" I stared innocently at him.

"There's something going on between you and him, I'm not dumb. What happened?"

"Nothing happened." I insisted, taking a long sip of the exotic beverage in my hand.

"I saw the look you two shared. That wasn't one of a lovey-dovey couple, that was one of an old married couple who're sick of seeing each other." He said bluntly, putting a hand on his hip and glaring at me like an interrogator.

"Harsh." I simply said, chugging a little more alcohol.

"But true. What is it? Did he buy you a dress in a size that's too big for your birthday? Something like that?" He assumed dully, raising a brow at me. I narrowed my eyes.

"No." I spat. "Something much more serious than that."

"What then?" He asked, and I shared a look with Suzanne. "If you don't come out with it I'll only assume something ten times worse."

"I doubt that. What're you assuming?" I challenged.

"Hmm, I'm thinking unplanned pregnancy?" Martin took a stab in the dark, bobbing his head from side to side in consideration. My jaw dropped.

"On my third Pina Colada? Do you really think I'd be doing this if I was pregnant, unplanned or not?" I asked him, holding my drink up.

"Ah, good point." He pouted. "Then what?"

"It's really not something I want to talk about, Martin. Can we drop it?" I sighed, rubbing at my temple, hoping it would relieve some of the tension I was feeling.

"Alright, it's none of my business I suppose." His eyes wandered to Suzanne.

"Before you ask, no, I'm not telling you." Suzanne warned him.

"Oh fuck, she always knows. Why do you never tell me anything?" He stared at me with a hurt look in his eye and I rolled my eyes with a chuckle.

"Because you always gossip. Everyone will know by the end of the night and I don't want this to be the topic of conversion. It would fuck a lot of things up, trust me. Just drop it." I told him sternly.

"Fine." He glared at the floor. It wasn't long before Alex was leading him off somewhere with an arm around his waist, obviously sensing the awkwardness that the conversation had left in its place.

"Fuck it." I said to Suzanne. "Let's open this thing." I grabbed the present from Trevor off of the coffee table. 

"I thought you were going to wait and open it with Trevor." She reminded me, and I breathed a disappointed sigh.

"There's only two hours of my birthday left and he doesn't seem to be all that bothered right now. Let's do it. Come on." I pulled her into the conservatory with me, it was empty and quiet once I'd slid the door shut. I put my glass down on the table in front of me as I sat down on the creaky wicker sofa and looked at the package. Suzanne watched on from the door as she leaned against it. I suddenly felt very sad. Who knows exactly why.

"(Y/N). Don't worry, you're aging well. Trevor. _Kiss kiss kiss._ " I laughed as I read the tag aloud with a shake of my head. I heard Suzanne chuckle too, then she joined me on the sofa. I didn't waste any time and started picking at the edge of the sticky tape, attempting to open the paper delicately. The haphazard way it had been wrapped didn't really allow for this, so I eventually just tore into the paper and dropped it on the floor. It was a green plastic box with a little handle, a white cross in the middle above the words 'first aid'. I almost cried right then and there, holy shit.

"That's fucking adorable." Suzanne commented. "Open it." She was practically bouncing up and down next to me. I did as I was told, pulling up the latches and lifting the lid, revealing a collection of smaller packages inside. I tore open the first one I saw, immediately recognising the black key, the Pegassi logo on the side drew a heavy sigh from me. There was a little tag attached to it. _Just fucking accept it_ , it read.

"Bloody idiot." I rolled my eyes, but smiled despite myself. "He's not gonna let the car thing go, is he?" I murmured.

"Doesn't look like it." Suzanne replied, I'd told her about the Zentorno earlier. She, of course, couldn't understand why I had trouble accepting such a gift. I dropped the key back into the box and reached for the next package, a little black box that opened to reveal a delicate charm bracelet, from it hung three silver charms.

"That's pretty." The woman next to me shrugged, oblivious to the fact that the bracelet I held in my hand was a lot more than just pretty. It barely took me a second to realise that Trevor had obviously picked out each individual charm for a reason. There was a cactus, a helicopter, and my personal favourite, a tiny swirled pastry. A cinnamon swirl, which had quickly become a favourite of mine at the diner he'd taken me to way way back at the start of our relationship, a diner that we were still regulars at to this day. I remembered the day vividly, it was right after the Lost had kidnapped me, and Trevor had saved me with Michael and Franklin. That was the day our relationship took off, the day that I'd sent him over the edge with my hand, pinning him up against the door to his filthy trailer. 

"You're flushing." Suzanne pointed out, even though I could feel the heat in my cheeks perfectly clearly as I thought back to Trevor and I's first sexual encounter.

"I know." I said meekly.

"Why?" 

"Because this... This has a story behind it." I shook my head dismissively with a chuckle. I unclasped it and wrapped it around my wrist, failing multiple times to re-clasp it in my drunken state before Suzanne snickered and did it for me. I thanked her and admired the thing, turning my arm and watching the light as it caught on the silver. My heart was practically bursting it was beating so hard, but I ignored the bubble of emotion that was rising from the pit of my belly. 

"The big one next." Suzanne whispered, and I obliged. I picked it up and squeezed it, this one felt softer than the others, I was momentarily puzzled by the solid curved band I could feel, and ripped the package open. My confusion was quickly cleared up, and Suzanne gasped next to me, elbowing my side.

"Wow." I muttered.

"Holy fuck that's sexy." Suzanne giggled, snatching the silky bra from my hands, well, I call it a bra, it was more like half a bra. The cups were basically nonexistent, consisting of just the under-wire and about half an inch of berry coloured silk, finished with just a little black lace. It was obviously designed to reveal everything, literally my entire bust would be showing, the bra serving only as a little support from below. Suzanne was right. It was sexy. "Quarter-cup bra, huh? Trevor has good taste."

"There's a matching thong, of course and- oh my gosh, a garter belt." My eyes widened as I took in the full set, suddenly feeling the urge to strip and adorn myself with it all. I imagined how sexy I'd feel, then imagined the look that Trevor would give me if I modelled it for him. A hot ache began to grow between my thighs, which I swiftly ignored. I cleared my throat. "Last thing."

This one was a little rectangular box, and when I tore away the paper Suzanne practically squealed with excitement, gripping onto my arm and shaking it. I frowned at the image on the side of the box. It was a rose coloured plastic-looking thing in the shape of a banana, only much smaller, about the size of my finger but a bit thicker. Suz was almost on the floor, fanning herself as she let out a mixture of giggles and squeals. Apparently, she knew what she was looking at. I didn't.

"Rechargeable, remote controlled..." I read the box, confused. "What is this?"

"It's- it's a-" another fit of giggles stopped her in her tracks and she shook her head. "My god woman, you're lucky to have a man like him. Find him, hug him, fuck him."

"What?" I screwed my face up, then turned the box over to read more. Three different speeds of vibration, three different patterns of vibration, body-safe silicone, waterproof - perfect for shower play, remote control makes it great for couple or solo time... "Oh." My eyes widened and my cheeks burned again. It was a sex toy. I could see that now.

"That's incredible." Suzanne sighed after recovering. "Who the fuck doesn't want lingerie and vibrators for their birthday?"

"Does... Does he expect me to use this on my own, or?" I frowned, pulling the little flap at the top of the box up, and sliding out the little tray that held the toy, the controller, the charging lead and a little manual. 

"He's bought you lingerie too, remember? I doubt you'll be doing anything on your own for a while, sweetie." She smirked, looking down at the toy I held in my hand. It was petite, almost _cute_ looking with its pretty pink colour. I picked up the little black controller, there were two buttons on it, one with a power logo and one below it with three wavy lines on it. "The top one turns it on and off, bottom one changes the speed or pattern. You scroll through them when you click it. It's already partially charged, let's see what it does." Suzanne made a button-clicking motion with her fingers as she read the manual.

" _Oh_." I exclaimed as I clicked the top button. "It's quiet." Was all I could muster, I pressed the vibrating object to the back of my hand and began to scroll through the different settings with the controller. My mouth and eyes widened with each press of the button. "Fuck, this thing packs a punch."

"Let me feel!" Suzanne giggled, holding the back of her hand out to me, I touched the vibrator to it. "Christ. Keep that hidden from me or I might steal it. You ever used anything like that?" She asked curiously.

"Not really. I mean, I bought this cheap crappy dildo when I turned eighteen and it ended up giving me a yeast infection." I admitted with a snort. "That's about as adventurous I got with this kinda stuff."

"Yeah, stick with silicone, you should be safe with that." She nodded with a level of understanding, I gave her an odd look. "What? I have years of experience. You should see my collection." She laughed.

"You've never mentioned your _collection_ before." I noted, turning the toy to a nice pulsating pattern and rolling it over my arms. It felt nice, gosh, I wondered what it'd feel like elsewhere.

"Never came up in conversation. You're always too prudish sober, and this is the only time I've really spoken to you when you're at this nice level of drunk. You know, a little looser with your words but not quite taking your clothes off and dancing on tables, or flashing your boobs at random men..."

"Yes, alright. Now you see why I stopped drinking." I rolled my eyes.

"I do. Anyway, you should see this one toy I've got, it was pricey but, fuck, worth it. It thrusts, like actually, thrusts. Hands free orgasm every time, an amazing orgasm at that." We both looked up at the door once she'd finished, someone had walked in. It was Trevor, obviously having caught the tail end of what Suzanne had said. He looked between us with slightly widened eyes, I saw him gulp. He noticed the toy in my hand, which I had pressed against my neck, idly giving myself a massage. 

"Uh, I was looking for you." He finally said. 

"Well, you found me." I replied, my cheeks flooding with heat along with my nether regions as my mind managed to pull up filthy images of him using his gift on me, tugging at the garter belt I would be wearing, maybe sucking on an exposed nipple as I wore that quarter-cup bra... Fucking Pina Colada's, I was supposed to be annoyed with him.

"Can I speak with you somewhere quiet?" He asked, sounding oddly formal. I clicked the power button on the controller and popped the toy back inside its box, beginning to gather the rest of his gifts back inside the first aid kit.

"Of course." I left the box on the sofa and I noticed Suzanne give me a supportive smile as I stood up. The little head rush I got reminded me to grab my drink from the table before I approached Trevor, the alcohol hitting me a little harder now I was standing up. He took my elbow in his hand and led me back into the sitting room and through the hand full of people that were in there. I stumbled after him, he was walking a lot faster than I was and it didn't help that I was intoxicated. He led me outside to the back garden, where he let go of my arm and started pacing in front of me with his hands clasped together, resting against his chin. He almost looked like he was praying, but I couldn't imagine Trevor doing such a thing.

"Nice to see you." I broke the silence, crossing my free arm over my body to shield it from the cold air outside, my other one was still holding my drink. "Where have you been?"

"Just out. Thinking. I've been doing a lot of thinking." He nodded his head vigorously, taking a second to look at me, his eyes travelling from my feet to my face.

"About..?" I drew the word out curiously, but it sounded more drunk than anything.

"What you said to me this morning." 

"Which bit?" I asked.

"The last bit." He told me. I blinked at him.

"Are you gonna remind me?" I raised my brows.

"You said, _do what the fuck you want_ , and you said to make myself happy. So I'm gonna do that. I don't know when, but I'm gonna do it." He nodded again, then stopped his pacing and turned to me. "You look beautiful, by the way."

"Thanks." I looked down at myself in the blue dress with the mesh panel around the midriff that Nichole had bought me, then back up at him. He was wearing a grey shirt over the top of a black tee, and some scruffy blue jeans. "You look good, too... I'm sorry, what are you going to do?"

"I'm gonna make myself happy." He repeated, and I just stared at him blankly. Luckily, he elaborated. "Let's face it, at this point, I ain't ever gonna be happy without you. So, I'm gonna make _you_ happy, in order to ensure that I don't lose you. I'm gonna make you happy by doing every fucking thing you say, starting with this-" he held up the bag of meth that he'd left in my room earlier, then launched it over his shoulder. I watched the thing fly through the air and over the fence into my parents' neighbour's yard.

"Trevor..." I mumbled feebly, but I didn't get far.

"I realised this; I did everything I could to get you back, and now I have you, I'm just shitting on you. Over and over again. Every time I reach for the pipe, I'm fucking you over. Why? Because you don't ask a lot of me, sweetheart, being alive and well is about your only request and I kinda wanna give you that one." He held his hands out and took a step towards me.

"Thank you?" I said, my mind, hazy in my drunken state, was having difficulty keeping up with him.

"It's like..." His eyes darted around as he looked for the words. "Like, you know when you listen to a song, you listen to it over and over again and there's this one fucking line in it, and you can't understand what the hell they're saying. Then one day, you're listening to it, and out of nowhere you hear it. You just fucking hear it, and you have no idea why you couldn't understand what they were saying before cause it's so fucking _obvious_. That's what it was like today. You know?"

"I'm not sure if I'm with you." I squinted at him and he sighed, chewing on his lip, my eyes focused on that action and I couldn't help but picture him nibbling on my lip like that.

"What I mean is, you've spoken to me about this shit a million times, and I never really understood why it was a big issue. I mean, I've smoked that stuff practically since I was in the womb, it wasn't even worth thinking about to me. But you, you've never touched anything like that, right? It is worth thinking about to you, cause it's a big thing. And I just... Get it. You aren't blind to the dangers of it like I am, of course you're worried. Fuck, if I smoke a little too much and black out for about a day, it's just another weekend to me." He snorted.

"But that thought makes me feel physically sick." I murmured.

"Right." He looked at me with a sad expression. "I suppose I feel selfish for making you worry so much, and I don't wanna put you through it. I know if the tables were turned, and I was constantly scared of finding _you_ dead, I'd want you to clean your act up too. Thinking of it that way, I wouldn't have blamed you for giving up on me a long time ago."

"I'd never give up, not on you. Not on helping you." I told him and he nodded, reaching for my face and cupping it in his hands. I could see his breath come quick in the cold air.

"I know you wouldn't. You're too good for that." He let out a breathy chuckle.

"Trevor? I have another request, and you need to do it. _Talk. To. Me._ I swear, if you keep your struggles from me I'm gonna kill you myself." I warned him.

"I'll try."

"No, don't try. Do." I slid my free hand to the back of his neck. "Something as simple as, _(Y/N), I wanna smoke up, knock some sense into me_ , will suffice. I'll sort you out."

"You'll sort me out?" He quirked a brow in amusement at my choice of words. I laughed, inching closer to him, being careful not to spill the drink in my hand as rose onto my tiptoes to press my lips to his stubbly jaw. He moved in for a kiss on the lips but I pulled away with a teasing smirk, taking a sip of my drink. I knew that if I kissed him then, I wouldn't have been able to stop myself from taking it further... My mother's greenhouse was at the end of the garden, and there was absolutely nothing stopping me from dragging him inside and having my way with him. I resisted the urge.

"My guests will be wondering where I got to." I told him, leaving his grasp and heading back inside where it was nice and warm. He followed me like a lost puppy, sticking close to me as I reentered the living room. "Come and dance." I said to him, watching his face screw up.

"I'll watch." He said, dropping away from me and taking a seat on the sofa, eyeing up the huge elephant toy my dad had given me as it sat lifelessly beside him.

"You're no fun." I teased, standing in front of him with my hand firmly planted on my hip.

"I am. I'm tonnes of fun, and I don't need to make a twat out of myself by dancing to prove it." He said, his words rolling off his tongue confidently. 

"I disagree." I stepped closer to him, standing between his outstretched legs.

"I'm not dancing." He insisted. I sighed and downed the rest of my drink in one go, and placed my glass on the coffee table. I reached down and put my hands on Trevor's shoulders as I placed a knee between his legs on the sofa, and leaned close to him. His eyes flew down my body and landed on my knee, which was now pressed firmly against his crotch. He almost looked nervous, as if he was scared about what I'd do to him with all these people around.

"I'll let you do that filthy move where you pretend to fuck me from behind." I purred. Yup. I was definitely drunk.

"I don't think you'd appreciate me taking you up on that when you sober up." He laughed, but it was a deep, silky kind of laugh that danced over my ears nicely. I hummed pleasantly and leaned closer. His breathing stopped when I pressed my knee a little more firmly against him, I felt his cock twitch and I gave him an evil smile. Oh God, the constant, low level arousal I always felt after having a drink was truly skyrocketing.

"Dance with me, and I won't start grinding my leg against you and give you a stiffy in front of all of my friends." I bargained in a low voice.

"You're kind of already giving me one just by looking at me like that." He said through clenched teeth. I chuckled, stroking my hands over his shoulders and around his neck.

"What's it gonna be?" I wiggled my leg a little and he sucked in a sharp breath.

"Fine, I'll fucking dance." He finally said and I grinned triumphantly, straightening up and letting go of him. He hauled himself up onto his feet, I pulled him into an open space and held onto his hands, swaying in time to the music. He lifted my hand, noticing the bracelet on my wrist, the charms dangling from it delicately.

"I love it." I told him, watching his eyes dart up to mine.

"Really? I almost didn't get it. Thought it'd be stupid." He shrugged.

"It isn't stupid. It's sweet, and it shows that you put thought into it." I said, pulling him closer and swinging his arms from side to side, encouraging him to put a little more effort into dancing.

"And what do you think of the other gifts?"

"The car?" I asked, knowing full well he was talking about the _other stuff_ , but wanting to dodge the topic for now. "You're a nightmare, Trevor."

"It's your birthday gift, now you have an excuse to accept it. I want you to have it." He said, his voice lowering as he stepped a little closer into my space.

"You don't give up easily, do you?" I pointed out.

"Do as you're told, (Y/N)." The stern, authoritative tone to his voice sent another rush of arousal through me. Fuck, it was getting impossible to ignore.

"Okay." I squeaked. I looked down at our entwined hands, at his tattoos and scars and at the way he stroked my skin with his thumb.

"Your cheeks are flushed." He told me, becoming the second person to have pointed it out tonight.

"I know."

"You're turned on." He said, and my eyes flashed up to his.

"What?" I spat.

"I can tell. You always flush like that, and your eyes look a certain way. I can read you like a book." He let go of my hands and held onto my waist instead, pulling my body against his. "Is it because of my gift?" He asked. I simply nodded.

His hands slid down to my backside, normally I'd protest that kind of touch in the open, but I didn't care at that point. He kissed me, pinning me against him from head to toe, I felt like I was going to disappear into him. The kiss quickly became... vigorous. Our tongues tied in knots, his teeth caught my lips, sloppy, wet noises emerged. I moaned, then broke away suddenly in embarrassment. I looked around, expecting to see everyone staring, but nobody had noticed. Thank God.

"Upstairs." He smirked at me, letting me go and turning me around to face the door, giving me a gentle push to send me on my way. I was halfway up the stairs when I noticed he wasn't following, but I trusted him. I entered my room and sat on the bed, waiting. It wasn't long before he came in, first aid kit in hand. He sat it on my dresser and opened it up, gathering the silky items inside. He walked over and handed them to me. 

"Let me see you in this. You've no idea how long I've been waiting." He chuckled, low and rumbly. He watched me with his arms crossed over his chest as I kicked my heels off, then reached under my dress and pulled my panties off. He licked his lips and rocked on his feet, as if he wanted to come closer yet was resisting. I slid the thong he'd bought me on, then lifted my dress over my head, dropping it on the floor by my feet. I then kneeled on my bed, turning around so he couldn't see anything as I took my plain bra off and replaced it with the one he'd bought me. I picked up the garter belt, and was about to put it on when Trevor spoke.

"Turn around." He said in a strained voice, I turned my head to look at him, he was palming himself through his jeans.

"Patience." I replied, turning back and fastening the garter belt around me. It sat high on my waist, reaching my navel and coming down just above my panties. Made solely from black lace, it felt delicate, and it tapered down to two points both on the front and back, from which hung straps to hold up the stockings that came with it. I pulled the stockings up my legs, slowly and sensually like they do in the movies, and attached them to the little straps on the garter. He circled the bed, coming to a standstill beside me.

"Mmm." He made a low humming sound, and reached for my shoulder, turning my body to face him. I smiled at him, then slipped off the bed, standing before him with my hands clasped in front of me. "You're so fucking stunning, your body is just..." He trailed off with a shake of his head, then took my hand. He lifted it up and twirled me around, drinking the whole of me in. "I think this was money well spent, don't you?"

"I like it. It makes me feel sexy." I told him.

"Just look at what you've done to me." He pressed my hand between his legs, I could feel his hard cock straining against his jeans. "You are so incredibly sexy, (Y/N)." I licked my lips and his eyes darted across the room to my dresser. He left me standing there as he strode across the room to get something, when he returned he had the toy and its remote control in each hand. He slipped the toy into my panties and pressed it against me, the curvature of it fit my body like a glove, touching all the right places. I let my hand settle over his cock again, stroking him and earning a breathy moan.

"I'm in control of this, okay?" He said, and excitement bubbled within me. I nodded my head. I immediately unfastened his jeans and let them drop, noticing the little patch of precum on his underwear before I pushed them down and exposed him. I sunk to my knees in front of him.

"Fuck, (Y/N)." He groaned before I'd even touched him. His cock jumped as I reached for it, he was desperately hard as I stroked him slowly. He felt so good in my hand, thick, heavy and fulfilling, I wanted to please him so badly. I took him into my mouth, working my lips down his shaft slowly, groaning when the slightly sweet taste of his precum hit my tongue. He stroked my cheek as I worked on him, and he was letting out a steady stream of moans, that's what I liked to hear.

My favourite part of performing oral sex was the eye contact, Trevor always looked different when I pleasured him this way. Almost serene, but with a lick of something filthy behind his eyes. It drove me fucking insane and I stared him down, allowing that look to spur me on and take him deeper, filling my mouth with more of his length. I slid my hand up his inner thigh then cupped his balls, stroking them as he involuntarily began to rock his hips.

"You are a goddess. You hear me? A fucking goddess." He wailed in a broken voice, throwing his head back and breathing heavily as he stared at the ceiling. I'd just about forgotten about the object in my panties, then it began to vibrate. I gave a low hum around Trevor's cock, and heard him chuckle. "You like that?" He asked, looking back down at me with mischievous eyes.

"Mmm hmm." I moaned my confirmation. There was a click of a button, and the vibrations became slightly more powerful. I squeezed my thighs together and began to rock back and forth, trying to get more friction and pressure as I moaned.

"Get up, sweetheart." He said softly, pulling away from me. I licked my lips and rose to my feet, only to be pushed down onto my bed. He crawled on after me, leaning over me, his presence heavy and hot against my body. He pressed his erection against the vibrations between my legs, pulling in a sharp breath through his teeth as he did. He pushed away the locks of straightened hair that rest over my shoulders and on my chest, then planted a sequence of kisses along my neck and down my collar bone. He thrust against me, it made him shudder and gave me the friction I needed.

Another click, and even more powerful vibrations. My breathing picked up and Trevor kissed my breasts, taking a nipple into his mouth and sucking on it. I combed my fingers through his hair, groaning when he nibbled softly on my sensitive, erect nipple. He moved to the other one, repeating the process before he lifted his head and looked at me. His forehead was coated with a sheen of sweat and it looked like he'd lost the words he opened his mouth to say, so he kissed me instead. He was rutting against me at full force now, his cock shifting the vibrator against my own fervid core, sending me closer and closer to the ending I needed.

He pushed his tongue past my lips and grunted into my mouth, his breaths came heavy and fast. And then he slid a hand up my body and squeezed my exposed breast, and then I thrust my hips up against his with a desperate whimper, and then he broke the kiss and cursed, his lips forming a little O shape as he teetered on the edge, probably mirroring my own expression as we stared at each other, and then, and then...

The vibrations stuttered to a stop.

"W-what?" Trevor mumbled incoherently, fumbling for the remote control that'd got lost somewhere on the bed, clicking frantically at the buttons. "Fuck! It's dead."

"Shit... That's right... Only comes... Partially charged." I said between heavy pants. My heart was beating so fast I was worried it'd stop working, but it was slowly returning to normal as my potential orgasm began to shrink away.

"It's- It's okay, we don't need it." He tossed the controller across the room and began to grind against me again... _And then_ , there was a knock at the bedroom door. "Fuck!" He repeated, dropping his head against my shoulder as his hips stilled.

"Not now." I called with a frustrated sigh.

"And that's the thanks I get for knocking this time?" My mother's voice sounded from the other side of the door. "I thought you'd be in here. Come downstairs, we're lighting the candles on your birthday cake. It's rude to scurry off during your own party, your family wants to see you." 

"Right." I breathed, hearing her footsteps retreat from my door. Trevor lifted his head to look at me.

"We're not gonna go _now_ , are we?" He asked, a panicked look on his face.

"We really should." I replied, he pushed himself up onto his feet and gestured to his cock, ramrod straight, flushed and leaking.

"What am I gonna do with this?" He exclaimed incredulously.

"Tuck it?" I suggested with an unsure expression, after all, I was hardly an expert on concealing boners. 

"Tuck it." He repeated, giving me an irritated look.

"Yeah, like in your waistband. That's what guys do, isn't it?" I pulled the dead vibrator out of my underwear and tossed it aside, then reached for my dress and pulled it over the top of my lingerie. I wasn't too bothered about the fact that my nipples were hard enough to cut glass and could easily be seen through my dress, it'd become less noticeable after a while.

"Yeah, when it's just a random boner. I'm on the cusp of blowing my load, here." He told me, yet pulled his pants up regardless, readjusting himself so his arousal wasn't so obvious.

"You'll calm down eventually." I assured him, smoothing out my hair. The half up-half down style didn't look as neat and tidy as it did when Nichole had done it for me, but it would have to do.

"Sure, if I don't spunk myself from the friction." He rolled his eyes. "You owe me so hard."

"Hey, just remember, I'm not getting off yet either." I narrowed my eyes and led him out of the room.

"Yeah well, you're not in danger of staining a perfectly good shirt if you move a little too vigorously." He muttered behind me as we walked down the stairs. My knees were visibly shaking with each step thanks to being denied my climax, being left weak and frustrated.

"You're fine." I sighed, and he mimicked my voice like a child. He wasn't a happy bunny. I stumbled on the last step, my hand missing the banister, and Trevor caught me by my arm.

"Be careful." He spat, frowning at me. "Fuck, you're tore up from the floor up, ain't you?" His face relaxed into an amused smirk.

"I'm not used to drinking so much. It's still hitting me, like I'm getting worse and worse without drinking any more." I admitted.

"How much have you had?" He asked as we made our way to the kitchen where everyone was waiting.

"Three thingy-me-bob's... Ah, what're they called... Pina Colada's!" I told him.

"Just three?" He raised a brow.

"Just three."

" _Happy birthday to you, happy birthday to you..._ " The whole house started singing as we entered the kitchen. I blushed and gave and embarrassed laugh, covering my face as my mother led me through the darkened room to my lit birthday cake. Gosh, I felt five again.

"Make a wish!" Mum called once the singing stopped. My wish came easily and immediately into my head. I wished that I could help Trevor successfully kick his drug habit. That was a no-brainer. I smiled at him, standing across the room with his hands clasped in front of him, I knew he was doing that to further conceal what was going on in his pants and I openly chuckled before blowing the candles out. The room cheered and then it was bustling chaos as my mother tried to count the number of guests, then proceed to work out how to cut the cake into the right number of slices and make sure everyone had a piece and... I just left her to it. I walked over to where Trevor was leaning against the wall, and took a spot next to him.

"How's your trouser-snake?" I asked him.

"He's fine." He informed me.

"Still poised to attack, or?" I smiled at my own stupid joke.

"I think he's settling down now." He nodded, smirking back at me.

"Good. He needs to save his energy for later, okay?" I nudged him.

"Okay." He glanced down at my chest. "I can see your nipples, by the way." He teased me.

"I'm acutely aware of that." I nodded. Again, I wasn't bothered. I probably would be if I was sober, but hey, that wasn't the case.

"Do you like your presents, then?" He asked, a soft, contented smile resting over his features.

"I do. Thank you very much." I whispered, leaning close to him and resting my head on his shoulder as I watched my mum hand out slices of cake to my friends and family.

"You're welcome. I was worried that there wasn't enough... I kind of wanted to do something big for you." He told me, sounding a little miffed.

"Your gift was wonderful, don't worry about there not being enough... What is _enough_ anyway?" I mused, it was a rhetorical question but Trevor attempted to answer it.

"Well there was something I was gonna do. But I don't know if you're ready, if _we're_ ready." He said, I frowned in confusion.

"Gosh, that sounds scary. You weren't planning to propose were you?" I laughed, Trevor went rigid and he _didn't_ laugh. My face dropped and I lifted my head to look at him. He was staring straight ahead with a tense jaw. "Wait... Were you?"

"I, uh. I spoke to your dad about it." He admitted, still not looking at me. 

"You did?" I asked. He nodded, his still gaze moving to follow my mother, who was heading straight for us.

"Here you go sweetie's." She said cheerfully as she handed us each a slice of birthday cake on a cardboard plate. I slapped a smile on my face.

"Thanks mum."

"Oh I hope you've had a nice day, angel." She said, reaching forwards to stroke my cheek."

"I'm gonna go outside for a while, it's a little stuffy in here." Trevor spoke up, pushing away from the wall and looking between the two of us.

"Are you okay, do you need me to come with you?" I asked, concern creasing my forehead.

"No, stay and enjoy your party." He gave me a forced smile, then leaned in to kiss my forehead before he left.

"Does he not like cake?" Mum asked, puzzled.

"He's... Not used to being around lots of people." Was the excuse I gave. I popped a mouthful of cake into my mouth, even though I was suddenly feeling quite sick.


	22. A Ring Pull From a Beer Can

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> God dammit. My tablet broke guys, and I do all my writing on there, luckily I have all of it backed up but its annoying to find somewhere I can actually write this thing, so if updates come slowly, you know why :P Borrowing my dads laptop to upload this, I hope you enjoy :) <3

He was still outside after my mum had talked my ear off in the kitchen for the past twenty minutes. He'd found a can of beer and a cigarette on his way out it seemed, and was now in front of my neighbour's house, swinging his legs and kicking his heels against the brick wall he was sat on. He didn't notice me until I spoke.

“Ah, I've caught you red handed now.” I said, grabbing his attention. He followed my gaze to the cigarette in his hand and cursed, quickly stubbing it out on the wall next to him and flicking it into the street. He always insisted that smoking was bad for you and that he never did it, despite the fact I'd found a million cigarette butts scattered around his trailer. Well, now I had hard evidence. “I thought smoking was bad for you.”

“There's a lot of things that are bad for you, these days.” He shrugged, looking up at the flickering streetlight above him.

“Are you okay?” I asked, stopping just a foot away from him. He looked at me oddly.

“Yes. Why wouldn't I be?” He replied.

“You know why.” I shrugged, crossing my arms over my chilly body. He made a humming sound of recognition but otherwise stayed quiet. “I didn't mean to make a joke of... That.”

“Of what? Me proposing to you?” He laughed. I nodded. “Yeah well, I wasn't actually gonna do it anyway. Don't worry.” He sniffed, looking away from me. I couldn't help but feel a little disappointed.

“But you spoke to my dad about it.” I reminded him hopefully, he looked over at me and stared for a few seconds before finally speaking.

“It was just a passing conversation.” He lifted one shoulder, then took a swig of beer.

“Oh no, no. If you brought up marriage with my father, it wouldn't just be a passing conversation.” I shook my head. He kept staring at me, his face a blank canvas revealing nothing.

“How do you know?” He challenged, cocking a brow.

“Because I know my dad. You know? That guy who doesn't like us sleeping in the same bed? Do you think _he_ would be blasé about you proposing? I don't buy it. Tell me what he said.” I took a step closer, putting myself directly in front of him and staring at him.

“Can we drop this? It was just a stupid idea that I just happened to mention to your dad. Just forget about it.” He grumbled, his eyes darted over my hurt expression and his features softened.

“I don't think it's stupid, and it's not something I can forget about.” 

“Of course you'd think like that, you're a normal human being.” He rolled his eyes subtly as he looked away, taking another drink.

“What does that mean?” I asked, giving him an odd look.

“It means that I'm not a normal human being. For me, marriage is out of the question, always has been, it's just the unspoken rule of my life.” Anger flared behind his eyes and I shook my head at him.

“What on earth are you talking about?”

“I don't know! I just feel like, like I'm so different to you. Your family and your friends are all just fucking normal and... Nice. I'm just not used to that.” I just stared at him blankly, waiting for him to continue, which he eventually did. “I've never been smiled at so much in my life. I walk into that house and its like walking into a fucking fairy tail.”

“It's because they all like you.” I told him.

“Why? What have I done to deserve it?”

“You make it sound like it's a punishment.” I said, and then shook my head dismissively. “Anyway, what does this have to do with us?”

“Fuck knows. I'm trying to say that marriage was always way out of my world. I always thought it was just this thing that idiots like Michael get themselves into and suddenly their lives turn to shit. I laughed at people who did it, it was a fool’s game. A trap.” He was staring intently at something behind me as he spoke. “But all of a sudden I'm standing next to some old guy as he tees up on the ninth hole, sweating and wanting to throw up cause I've just asked him if I could marry his daughter.”

There was a long pause, he still didn't look at me, and I didn't dare speak. His words combined with the chill of the air outside had significantly sobered me up.

“I don't know what made me ask, never even planned it. It seemed like a good thing to do at the time, maybe it was some subconscious desire. Fuck, I'm no shrink.” He shrugged.

“What did he say?” I squeaked.

“He said I have his permission to ask.” He told me earnestly, looking down into his can of beer and flicking the ring pull rhythmically. My brows shot up and I took a step back, as if hit by a shockwave from his words. “But, I don't know if I should. You and I still have our issues cause of what I did.”

“Which we are resolving.” I added, my heart rate increasing.

“But I doubt it's a good time.” He chewed on his lip.

“What would make it a good time?” I questioned, he couldn't give me an answer so he moved onto the next excuse.

“Well, it wouldn't be as special now you know about it. Doesn't it have to be some big surprise with happy tears and shit?” He tilted his head.

“I'll pretend to be shocked, how’s that? And I'll chop up some onions first if you want the tears.” I bargained. He looked at me a huffed a quiet laugh. “Why are you avoiding it, Trevor? Do you not want to marry me? If that's the case then tell me, I won't be mad.”

“That's not it, I wouldn’t have asked your dad if I didn’t. I'm just worried that-” he sighed and shook his head. “It's like I'm trapping you.”

“Trapping me.” I repeated, raising a brow, dissatisfied.

“Yeah. It's like I know you can fuck off and leave me whenever you want, so I'm sticking a ring on your finger to give you a reason to stay. That's what I feel like I'm doing.” He admitted, I groaned in frustration and butted my head into his chest, resting it there.

“Just fucking ask me, you dick.” I murmured, my lips were going numb in the cold.

“Fine. Will you marry me?” He grumbled like a sulky adolescent.

“Yes.” I breathed, a soft yet triumphant smile settling on my features. I was expecting something to happen, maybe crowds of people would emerge from the surrounding townhouses and cheer for us, maybe there'd be fireworks going off up above, the credits would start rolling and we'd all break out into a song and we'd live happily ever after. But of course, nothing happened. I still had my head bowed against Trevor's chest, and he was still flicking at that bloody ring pull, and I could still hear Cameo's _Word Up!_ playing from inside the house. I lifted my head to look at him.

“So that's it?” Trevor mused, his plain expression mirroring mine. “We're engaged now?”

“I think that's what just happened, isn't it?” I blinked.

“I guess.” He frowned. “Doesn't feel much different, does it?” I shook my head.

“Maybe it's different if there's a ring involved, I don't know. I've never been engaged before.” I said, shrugging my shoulders. He looked down at his beer can and pulled off the ring pull he'd been fiddling with, holding it out to me. I lifted my left hand and he pushed it onto my ring finger, it was too small to go all the way down so he just left it around the top of my digit. 

“That'll have to do for now.” He told me, smirking. I looked down at the little piece of metal around my finger and couldn't help but smirk too.

“Okay, it feels a little more different now.” I told him.

“Should I get down on one knee? Really set things in stone?” 

“I wouldn't. The streets around here are filthy.” I snorted.

“Okay.” He chuckled, then put his hands on the tops of my arms and rubbed them, using the friction to warm me up. “You're freezing. You wanna go back in?”

“Mmm hmm.” I nodded, stepping back as he jumped down off of the wall and polished off his beer before crushing the can. He pulled me against his side as he led me to the house, and I caught the scent of smoke on his breath. “By the way, you can clean up your own cigarette ends from now on. I'm sick of picking them out of the bed sheets.” I warned him, and heard him laugh.

“Right. Sorry about that.” He said.

“No you're not.” I tutted and rolled my eyes. I sighed pleasantly as we stepped back into the warmth of the house. I was feeling oddly lucid and alert after being outside; the alcohol in my system seemed to be taking a break from wreaking havoc on my cognition.

“I am.” He insisted, keeping me in place as I tried to go back into the living room, we were alone in the hallway and he came close to me.

“What're you doing?” I asked as he slid his hands up my sides, stopping just short of my breasts, he ran his thumbs underneath them, along the bottom of the skimpy bra I was wearing beneath my dress.

“Is there such a thing as consummating an engagement?” He asked, quirking a brow at me, shifting his thumbs up higher, brushing them over my nipples.

“I don't think there is.” I told him, my cheeks flushed and I could quickly feel myself becoming aroused, it was an achy sort of feeling, full of desperation left behind from our earlier frustration of being denied sexual climax. Trevor was probably feeling the same.

“Can we make it a thing?” He suggested, his lips brushing against my temple with his words before he kissed me there.

“We can.” I said, an edge to my voice. His face started lighting up. “But later.”

“Why not now?” He whined, groping himself lazily through his pants.

“Because like my mum said, it's rude to scurry off at your own party. You can wait another hour or two, can't you?” I felt like I was talking to an impatient child, though that'd be inappropriate.

“No.” He told me, and I looked down at his hand.

“You won't if you keep touching yourself like that.”

“I'm not committing to anything just yet, I'm just seeing if he still works after being neglected for so long.” He replied and I shook my head with an amused smile.

“Go and put my birthday present on charge and learn some patience, okay?” I instructed him, and he reluctantly did as he was told, stomping upstairs. “Think of how much better it'll be if we wait.” I called after him.

“Wait for what?” Suzanne staggered into the room with an empty glass in her hand.

“Sex.” I told her bluntly, hell, we were always honest with each other.

“Oh, nice. Listen honey, I'm gonna need you to hold my hair back while I throw up.” She told me, walking into the downstairs bathroom. I followed her with a sigh.

“Alright Suz. You're a hot mess, you know that?” I breathed as she kneeled in front of the toilet. I dragged the laundry basket over to her and sat on it, knowing from experience that I could be there a while. I assumed the position, gathering her hair at the nape of her neck with one hand, and rubbing her back with the other.

“I know.” She replied, before letting loose a good portion of the alcohol she'd consumed that night into the toilet bowl.

“Good girl. Get it all up.” I mumbled, hearing her groan and cough. “Are you still having fun, party girl?” I held back a laugh.

“Fuck off.” Was her response, followed by another unloading of her stomach contents. 

Trevor popped his head around the door, having heard my voice and said. “It'll be ready when the little red light stops flashing.” 

“Thank you baby.” I smiled. 

“Get him out! I don't want him... Seein' me like this.” Suzanne yelled through coughs and hiccups. 

“It's only Trevor, he's seen me in worse states.” I assured her.

“No, I actually haven't.” He winced at Suzanne as she threw up again.

“Alright, well _he's been_ in worse states.” I rolled my eyes. Trevor couldn't deny that one.

“Just shut up and get your sexy boyfriend out of here.” She screeched, her voice echoing in the toilet bowl. I gave Trevor a look and he left with a smug look on his face. Suzanne lifted her head and dragged her hand across her mouth. “He heard me say he was sexy, didn't he?” She slumped back against the wall.

“No.” I falsely assured her as I flushed the toilet for her then filled her empty glass with tap water.

“Good.” She took the water from me and gingerly sipped on it. “He is sexy though, in a dangerous criminal way, you know?”

“I know.” I nodded with a little smile. 

“What's that on your finger?” She asked, and I looked down at the ring pull still sitting snugly around my finger.

“It's a ring pull. From a beer can.” I told her.

“Oh. Why's it on your finger?” She laughed, hitting her head against the wall by accident as she did. She didn't even seem to notice.

“Well actually...” I paused, wondering whether to tell her. “It's more like a temporary engagement ring.” I finally said.

“What?” She shouted, straightening up and blinking drunkenly at me. I shushed her.

“Trevor asked me about twenty minutes ago, after I'd practically badgered him to, anyway.” I whispered, trying to keep a massive smile under wraps.

“Oh Jellyfish.” Oh God, she was coming towards me with tears in her eyes. “Oh my little baby jelly-jel'.” She cooed, standing up on her knees and wrapping her arms around me, burying the side of her face into my stomach and letting out a sob.

“Suz?” I gave an uneasy chuckle, patting the back of her head.

“I really love you so much, and now you've finally found Mr Right and you're going to get married!” She tried whispering too, but it was a weird shouty kind of whisper that wasn't very quiet at all. “I'm so, so happy for my sweet little baby angel.” 

“Thanks Suzy.” I laughed at her over emotional response. She began to full on cry. 

“I miss you so much (Y/N), I always do!” She suddenly said, sniffing loudly.

“I miss you too.” I told her, and she pulled back and looked at me with mascara smudged all around her eyes and down her cheeks.

“But I _really_ miss you. You don't even know, I just wanna steal you from Trevor and not let you go back to America.” She wailed, dragging her hands over her face and smearing her makeup even more.

“I'm sorry.” Was all could think to say, taking in her dishevelled appearance, feeling myself get choked up too.

“Would Trevor move here if you asked him?” She asked hopefully. I shook my head, though I didn't know for sure. But honestly, I'd grown to like my home in Sandy Shores, even if Trevor did agree to stay in England with me, I don't think I could bring myself to leave. “Alright.” She nodded sadly.

“You don't need me here anyway. You have Tyler and Becca.” I smiled at her, ignoring the blurriness of my teary vision.

“But they aren't you! I can't talk to them about how nice your boyfriend looks in tighty-whities, or how good that new vibrator he bought you is, or what wedding dress you're going to wear when you marry him!” She was tearing up again and I shook my head.

“That's what Skype was invented for.” I chuckled, dabbing at my eyes with the back of my hand. “Are you done puking now?” I asked, wanting to change the subject before I started crying too.

“I think so.” She sighed, using my leg to hoist herself up off of the floor. I stood up and pulled her into a tight, long hug.

“I love you Suzy.” I told her, stroking the spot between her shoulder blades before she stopped me.

“Don't rub my back or I'll throw up.” She warned. “And I love you too. No homo.”

I chuckled and pulled back, taking a long look at her. I shook my head at her sad, wet face and picked up a hand towel and used it to gently blot away her smudged makeup. “Are you alright now? Not going to have another emotional outburst?”

“I think I'm good.” She nodded. “I think I might get Martin to drive me home now.” She told me.

“Yeah?”

“Yeah. The party's becoming a snore-fest now everyone's going home. Besides, everyone will be asleep and you know what that means, right?” She grinned at me.

“No, what does that mean?” I asked, tilting my head.

“It means mummy gets to unwind with Mr. Thrusty.” She wiggled her brows at me. It took me a second to click that she was talking about one of her sex toys. I giggled and shook my head at her.

“Alright, you do that.” I nodded.

“I will.” She said confidently with a nod of her head, and then she was off to find Martin. “I'll see you very soon, chick.” She called over her shoulder. I returned the washing basket to the corner of the room before leaving the bathroom, almost crashing into my mother in the process. 

“Where did you run off to again for the past half hour? Where are those manners I taught you all those years back?” She said, her hands on her hips and a dish towel tucked into her pocket. 

“Sorry _mother_.” I sighed with an eye roll for dramatic effect. 

“You can make it up to me by helping me with the pots.” She pointed towards the kitchen. 

“Well I was gonna go and find my friends-”

“What's that on your finger?” She asked, interrupting me and pointing one of her own slender fingers at my hand. 

“A ring pull. From a beer can.” I told her, a strong sense on de-ja-vu passing over me. 

“Well can you get rid of it? It's probably got sharp edges and I don't want you cutting someone.” She told me, she was obviously in a very bad mood. 

“Alright.” I slipped it off my finger but closed my palm around it; it had quickly become quite a sentimental piece of trash. “Are you okay, mum?”

“Your father is drunk.” She told me with an unimpressed expression. That’d explain her bad mood. She hated how my dad acted under the influence; it embarrassed her.

“Oh, right. Want me to go and keep my eye on him?”

“That'd be great actually- wait, no. You're just trying to get out of helping me wash up.” She narrowed her eyes at me. 

“Ill help you in the morning, just leave it for now, yeah? It's almost midnight.” I sighed. 

“Your father is in the living room with all the young'uns. Make sure he doesn't embarrass himself. Or me, for that matter.” She rolled her eyes and ignored my suggestion, heading into the kitchen without me. I shook my head and walked into the living room, greeted by a sight I'd never thought I'd see. 

Suzanne was on the floor, swapping her ridiculously high heels with some comfier looking sneakers, nothing out of the ordinary there. Nichole was sitting on Ryan's lap, fast asleep while he played on his phone, again, nothing out of the ordinary. What caused my brows to rise was what my father was doing. He had an arm slung around Trevor's shoulders, a beer in his free hand gesturing towards him as they spoke in hushed tones. They looked like a couple of mates down the pub on a Friday night after work. That was new. 

“What are you two up to?” I asked as I approached them, a curious expression on my face. 

“I was just giving Trevor here some advice. Nothing for you to concern yourself with, angel.” Dad told me, shaking his head and waving his beer around dismissively. His words were slightly slurred. 

“Okay then.” I mused, catching Trevor's gaze. He looked a little uncomfortable, and he wasn't hiding it as he shifted under my dads arm and tried to put some distance between them. I gave him a reassuring smile that he half-heartedly returned. 

I felt a hand on my shoulder, turning my around and tugging me away from the two men I was speaking to. It was Martin, with Alex stood behind him. I only noticed then that Alex was a few inches taller than Martin, despite being a good few years younger. They both gave me a grin then pulled me into a three-way cuddle. 

“We're not going to see you before you leave so we thought we'd say a proper goodbye now.” Martin told me. 

“What? Why not?” I asked, pouting at him once I'd pulled away. He gave me a sad smile. 

“We're meant to be at Alex's parents' at the weekend, they live way out of London so there's a lot of travelling and packing to be done.” He told me. 

“It was really great seeing you again, you seem a lot happier than last time I saw you. I think getting away has done you some good.” Alex chirped up, placing a hand on his boyfriends shoulder as he stepped closer to me.

“Or maybe it has something to do with her new husband to be.” Martin grinned impishly at me as he spoke under his breath to Alex, who snickered. My jaw dropped. “Suzanne told us.”

“I’ll kill her.” I rolled my eyes and Martin threw his head back to laugh.

“Don't worry, we aren't going to tell anyone. I’ll leave that up to you two.”

“Right. Nothing’s a secret for long, is it?” I sighed glumly.

“What secret?” Nichole asked, stumbling over to our group looking foggy from her nap and very, very drunk. She wore an aura of smoke as a cigarette hung from her smudged, blood-red lips.

“Nothing, Nichole.” I rolled my eyes. Martin took one look at her then gave me an apologetic smile and a wave, whisking Alex away to help hoist Suzanne off the floor. That was the last I’d see of them for a while… Well, Suzanne would probably show her face before Trevor and I left, I was confident of that.

“Your boyfriend scares me.” Nichole said, rather abruptly and to my surprise. I pulled my attention away from my best friends to look at her. “Jus’ thought I’d say.” A shrug jolted her upper body.

“Oh? Why’s that?” I quirked a brow and tilted my head.

“He stole a lit cigarette and a beer from my own hands earlier and just walked out the front door, what the shit was that? The beer was Ryan’s, by the way, I don’t drink that garbage-juice.” She was speaking all nasally and with a lot of varied tones, it was her typical inebriated voice.

“I’m sorry about that.” Was all I could think to say, lifting my shoulder in an idle shrug, what was I supposed to do? Apart from hold back a laugh, of course.

“He’s just… _weird_. Sorry I never told you before but like, he’s got these crazy eyes. You know?” She gave me an intense stare, apparently her impression of my boyfriend-turned-fiancé. “Looks like someone you’d see on _Crimewatch_.”

“Okay, Nichole. Thank you.” I sent a tight-lipped smile her way. I suppose the truth always comes out after a few drinks, eh?

“And his tattoos! Ugh.” She leaned back and shook her head at the heavens. “Have you ever looked at his knuckles, babe?”

“Yeah, _Fuck You_.” I said through clenched teeth, a little more bite to my tone than I intended.

“’Scuse me?” She gave me a dirty look.

“Fuck you. That’s what his knuckles say, don’t they?” I said sweetly, a little smirk on my face.

“Oh. Yeah.” She blinked and looked down into the empty wine glass in her hand. “Its not very gentlemanly, is all.”

“It’s not what you see when you look at somebody that counts though, is it?” I told her, watching as she tried to sip a nonexistent drop of wine from her glass. She shrugged. 

“I dunno. I just thought I’d give you my honest opinion. That’s important, right?” She asked hopefully and I shrugged again, mimicking her indifference. “I need more wine.” She sighed, then ambled away.

The remainder of the evening passed quickly, the rest of the guests gradually filtered out, the music was eventually turned down to quiet background noise, the drinks stopped flowing. Nichole had passed out again, and Ryan had carried her upstairs to bed. My mother had gone straight to bed after drying all the clean pots, and my dad was in his ‘study’, which was literally a tiny utility room with a chair and a bookcase crammed in next to the washing machine. He had gone in there a while ago with a few beers and a magazine about super cars. Trevor and I were in the conservatory, sitting quietly and listening to the playlist that Suzanne had made for the party. I had my head on his shoulder, feeling too awake to doze off but too lazy to get up and do something other than fiddle with the ring pull that I’d threaded onto the chain of my charm bracelet. Trevor had his hand on my knee, his fingers tracing swirling patterns on my skin, leaving my knee feeling tingly where is touch had been.

“We’re going home in a couple of days.” I murmured aloud. “Well, technically tomorrow since it’s the morning now.”

“It’s gone quickly.” He pointed out, tilting his head to press his cheek against the crown of my head. I hummed in agreement.

“I wonder if the little red dot has stopped flashing yet.” I frowned curiously, Trevor’s fingers stopped moving on my leg, then started again after a short pause as he realised what I was going on about.

“Oh.” He said, but the simplistic sound had a libidinous edge to it. “We should check.”

“We should.” I agreed, then shifted on the sofa, taking the opportunity to straddle his lap before he went anywhere. He stared up at me with slightly widened eyes.

“Your dad’s still down here.” He reminded me, but it didn’t stop me from leaning in to seal his lips with my own. I ran my hands over his chest, trailing one down further and further before it stopped at the waistband of his pants. He broke this kiss and looked at me, I looked back with a devilish look in my eye. His lips twitched, he wanted to smile.

I pushed my hand under the waistband and brushed his shaft with my fingertips, it quickly began to harden at my delicate touch. It was like it was as eager as we were to get back to business, I smirked at him as I reached in further under the waistband of his pants and gripped his length, giving him a few slow strokes, he was fully hard in no time.

“That didn’t take much, did it?” I whispered, watching him pull his bottom lip into his mouth and chew on it. I leaned forwards and kissed the corner of his mouth, stroking him more quickly. He moaned quietly, leaning his head back and staring up at the ceiling. 

“God that feels so fucking good.” He told me in a strained voice, shaking his head in disbelief.

“I bet it does. I told you it’d be better if we waited, didn’t I?” I replied, kissing his jaw, then his neck. I shifted my hips and pushed myself against his thigh, rocking slowly.

“You did.” He groaned again, then came to his senses and grabbed my wrist, pulling my hand out of his pants. “Last thing I want is your dad coming in here. He actually likes me, lets keep it that way.” He chuckled, wrapping his arms around my body and lifting me up, I wrapped my legs around his waist and he carried me upstairs seemingly as effortlessly as if I was a bag of groceries.


	23. One Long Night

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> This one's just pure sex guys, I'm sorry. I promise that the next chapter will have more actual content, in the mean time... I hope you enjoy this. Thanks for keeping up with this you beautiful people <3

Nothing in the world was better than this. Nothing even came remotely _close_ to being better than this. Chest to chest, lips to lips with Trevor, alone and with a night of what would undoubtedly be wonderful sex ahead of us. I straddled Trevor on the floor, we hadn't even taken things to the bed yet, and I wasn't sure if we ever would. I was kissing him; wearing the lingerie he'd bought me. My dress had gone before we'd even had two feet through the bedroom door. I'd ridded him of his shirt and we'd immediately made for the toy that was sat resting on a pile of books next to the plug socket. It was charged, and Trevor immediately put it to work on the lowest speed, teasing it around my left nipple as we kissed, a slow, sensual kiss with thrusting tongues and nipping teeth.

He moved the toy to my right nipple and I broke the kiss, glancing down at my hardened nipples with a soft moan. He took the opportunity to take one into his mouth, sucking gently as he squeezed my breast with his free hand. He pulled away and looked up at me with dilated pupils, orbs of pure arousal.

"I love you so much it scares me." He admitted with a raw, deep voice. His lips were pink and plump from our kiss, and when he ran his tongue over them, slow and deliberate, I fought the urge to capture them again.

"It scares you?" I questioned quietly. My hands were resting on his chest, and I could feel the way his heart was hammering just like my own. The vibrator moved down my body, leaving a trail of fuzzy tingles over my skin before he paused between my legs, caressing it over my aching arousal through the lace of my underwear. He was teasing me, but the tenderness with which he did it made it bearable. 

He nodded his head slowly. "Because I keep finding myself second guessing everything I've ever believed before." He broke the eye contact to watch as I pushed my hips forwards to receive more from the toy in his hand. I sighed quietly, my eyes slipping shut at the pure, simple pleasantness of the gentle vibrations.

"Like what?" I asked without even consciously forming the words, my brain had disengaged and it was on autopilot.

"I never used to care much for other people. Thought I could settle with being alone." He began to shift the toy, rubbing it against the most sensitive part of me with circular motions. I allowed a quiet groan to slip out.

"And now?"

"Fuck that. A life without (Y/N) isn't worth the effort." He spoke my name as if I wasn't there, and then pressed his lips to my cheek, then again, and again, increasing the speed and pressure with which he pleasured me. He released my breast for a moment and reached for the little remote control that sat beside him on the floor, and the vibrations became more powerful.

"Oh yes..." I breathed, rocking my hips as heat engulfed my nether regions.

"I also never understood why Michael would betray his best friend for a woman... Now? Well shit, I'd throw the fat bastard under the wheels of a bus for you." Somewhere in the back of my mind I was taking in his words, and I'd probably have shook my head at him if I wasn't absorbed in the sensation of being a few feet from the edge of climax.

"Don't stop." I told him, resting my forehead against his and shifting my hips more quickly, matching the pace of Trevor's hand as he rubbed the toy against my clit. He turned it up to the highest speed and I was practically delirious.

"Plus when I used to think about good sex, I thought rough, quick, angry, finished with a messy load on a nice pair of tits." He said in a filthy tone. "Now I think of that expression you're pulling right now. The one when you're just about to come. I've never wanted to make someone come harder before in my life." He told me, his breathing a little labored, but nothing compared to the way I was panting. I gave a desperate groan, pushing my body closer to his.

"Oh my god." The words left me in a rush, Trevor grabbed my chin and moved my head back enough to focus on my eyes.

"Let me see your face. Come, do it." His tone was commanding, it sent a wave of pleasure to my core and I rode it, letting it push me over the edge. I tried to keep my eyes open but they squeezed shut at the incredible intensity of my orgasm, and I couldn't stop the free flow of moans that rushed out of me. At the time I'd forgotten about my family sleeping in the surrounding rooms.

"My god you're incredible." Trevor sighed in a broken voice, then he kissed me, his lips moving over mine before I had a chance to react. He groaned against my mouth and he still had the vibrator pressed against me, I jolted away as the post-orgasm sensitivity reached painful levels. I opened my eyes once he'd broken the kiss and we shared a long, dazed look.

"Gosh I love you." I finally said, cupping his cheeks in my hands. "Let me ride you." I breathed, feeling his hard-on twitch desperately beneath me. 

His lips parted as if he was about to speak, but he held his tongue and instead reached for the clips holding up my stockings. He momentarily unclasped them so he could remove my thong; I helped him by scooting backwards and straightening my legs out in front of me, my feet resting on his chest. He took a moment to inhale the scent of my underwear; I didn't know whether it was normal to feel aroused by the sight.

"I'm keeping these for now." He told me, pocketing them. "You'll get them back when I'm done with them."

"What do you plan on _doing_ with them?" I asked curiously, biting my lip. He took my feet in his hands and parted my legs, pulling me forwards across the floor. My backside felt hot from the carpet burn it caused, but it was oddly pleasurable.

"Save them for one of those sleepless nights when you look too peaceful to wake up and badger for a hand job." He told me, then looked down at my breasts as they wobbled with my movements. "That lace is going to feel amazing when I wrap it around my cock and stroke myself." He seemed caught in his own fantasy. 

"Will you do that in bed next to me?" I asked, reaching a hand between my parted legs, sliding my fingers over my slick opening. He watched me touch myself.

"I always do. I like to kiss your neck while I do it sometimes." He admitted, and all of a sudden I realised that he must jerk off next to me regularly, and I'm always oblivious, fast asleep. I'd never even thought about that before. To others the thought of him creeping around my sleeping form as he touched himself might’ve been incredibly creepy, to me it as oddly arousing.

"You do that a lot?" I asked, thrusting two fingers inside myself, stroking my G-spot. He nodded his head and licked his lips, reaching a hand down to the bulge in his pants after his resistance wore out.

"It's exciting, always imagining what you'd do if you woke up and caught me." He squeezed himself and groaned, then ran his fingers up the sides of his cock, outlined clearly through his pants.

"I'd probably be annoyed that you were having fun without me, and make you make it up to me." I told him, watching with bated breath as he pushed his jeans down and freed his erection. 

"What would you make me do?" He asked, tilting his head as he stroked his hard cock, weeping precum.

"Fuck me, of course." I flashed him a devilish smirk, removing my fingers from myself and reaching for him instead, he let go of himself and allowed me to touch him, the wetness from my fingers acted as a lubricant when I stroked him. He groaned and bucked up into my palm, chasing the pleasurable sensation. I could feel him throbbing and he was desperately hard, perhaps I ought to have stopped touching him then, but I couldn't resist thanks to his wonderful reaction. He really put on a show when he was enjoying something, writhing and muttering profanities. After a few long minutes he caught my wrist, and pleaded with me with his eyes. It was just as well, as I could no longer ignore the urge to have him inside me, and I shifted my position so I straddled him again, guiding his cock inside me without hesitation.

"Fuck, you're so wet and so hot... God this'll be over too soon." He babbled, leaning his head back against the wall as I lowered myself down, taking all of him in. I whispered nonsensical things as he filled me and my muscles twitched around him, my body still engorged and sensitive from my orgasm.

"You feel so incredible, everything about you is just so amazing." I let the words flow out, unprepared for his reaction. He snatched my hips in his hands and frantically ground up into me with a loud, shaky gasp, burying his face in my breasts as he did. His movement caught every sweet spot inside me and turned me to liquid, I shivered and held onto his shoulders, digging my nails in.

"Oh fuck, (Y/N), I can't..." He mumbled and froze, he was a shattered man as he peered up at me. "I'll come if you move just- just give me a sec." He was breathing so heavily, I'd never seen him so out of control, and I don't think I'd ever been so aroused by anything in my life as he struggled to hold on mere seconds into penetrating me. It was of my own doing; I'd been moments away from finishing him with my hand when he'd stopped me before.

He scrambled for the toy, discarded on the floor, and turned it back on, holding it against me again. I shifted my hips without thinking and Trevor wailed like he was in pain, squeezing his eyes shut. His brow creased as he concentrated on bringing himself back from the brink. I couldn't help myself, practically egging him on as I rolled my hips again. He tried to hold me still, but I was the one in control and there was nothing he could do to stop me when I started to bounce up and down, riding him slowly. It didn't matter that the pace was slow; Trevor still squirmed beneath me, staring at me with a look of pure vulnerability in his eyes. He knew I wasn't going to stop until he lost every ounce of control and gave in to the urge to release. I _wanted_ him to unravel, I wanted him to feel completely unable to prevent it when he filled me. I gained an odd sense of power and satisfaction at the thought, and it brought me close to a second climax as I rode him, his cock shifting firmly against my G-spot and the toy engulfing me in intense vibrations.

"I'm serious, (Y/N)." He panted, reaching up to grab my breasts despite his words, I took over control of the vibrator, working it against myself fervidly. "I don't know if I can hold back much longer."

"I want to see you lose it." I whispered to him and he winced, his hips bucking up into me without his permission. Sweat covered his forehead and I took things a step further, I began to drag my nails down his back, I knew that drove him insane. He hissed, arching his spine and grinding up into me again.

"Shit, shit, fuck, baby." He cursed, clamping his hands down on my hips, only now he wasn't trying to stop me, he pulled and pushed me to his will as he chased his orgasm.

"Mmm, yes!" I gasped as he manhandled me with rough hands, looking up at me with bared teeth and furious eyes.

"Ah, fuck!" He practically yelled, his body stiffening up, rolling with the occasional convulsion, and his mouth hung open. I could feel him blow his load deep inside me, hot and thick and incredible. That was all it took for me to follow him, and I shook with the waves of my second orgasm of the night.

"Oh mother of god..." He sighed, his whole body going lax, his hands dropping to my thighs. "I thought I was going to give myself a hernia just then. I don't think I've ever come so hard in my life."

"Mmm, I thought as much. You almost blew me through the fucking ceiling." I laughed breathlessly. I slowly rose up off of him and felt the odd trickling sensation of gravity taking hold of his ejaculate; I didn't want to look at the mess on the carpet. I didn't even really care about it at the time. He pulled me flush to him, taking the opportunity to dot a series of kisses along the curve of my shoulder. I shivered as his fingers danced up my spine and to the back of my head where they laced themselves in my hair.

“You smell so good.” He murmured, audibly inhaling, groaning on the exhale. “Like vanilla and cinnamon, something sweet and something spicy. No wonder I’m always dying to taste you.” He was speaking so quietly it was as if he had no intention of me ever hearing him. I inhaled his scent; sex, man-musk, and that distinctive earthy smell that was all Trevor, it reminded me of rainy days and freshly cut grass. Something hot and wet touched my neck; it was his tongue running sensually down the length of my neck, all the way from my earlobe to the soft raise of my collarbone. I bit my lip, more heat rushing to all my sweet spots. It was a wonder I was still functioning, everything this man was doing had the ability to turn me into an electrified, babbling mess. His hand slid back down my spine, stopping at my backside, squeezing and groping. Someone groaned, I definitely did, Trevor might’ve. 

“I want to take you again and again. Watch that gorgeous face of yours every time I make you come.” He whispered then groaned in frustration. “God, I wish the refractory period would just fuck off and let _me_ decide when I can go again.”

“I can wait.” I told him eagerly, shuffling closer to him on his lap.

“You’re lucky to be a woman. You have an orgasm and two minutes later you can have another.” He told me, making a royal mess of my hair as he twisted his fingers in it.

“Two minutes? That’s a bit generous. I need that to catch my breath.” I laughed. He quirked a brow, I knew he saw a challenge and in a second I was shifted onto my back, and Trevor was leaning over me.

“I bet I could make you come in two minutes.” He said, looking down at my body with a slow, sweeping gaze. He bent down and kissed my collarbone, then trailed his lips down to my breasts. His lips passed over the hardened nub of my nipple teasingly, raising goose bumps on my skin.

“I bet you could, to be honest.” I agreed as he pushed my arms above my head to get better access to my body, leaving a trail of wet kisses down to my navel.

“You’re supposed to say, _I bet you couldn’t_. The idea is that it gives me an excuse to prove you wrong.” He lifted his head to look at me, licking his lips.

“Okay, I bet you couldn’t make me come in two minutes.” I chuckled, watching him smirk.

“Time me, and no holding back.” He glanced up at the digital clock on my bedside table and waited a few seconds for the minute to turn. “Three-oh-six. Tell me when it gets to eight minutes past.” He said quickly, dipping his head down my body and placed a kiss on my lower stomach, his fingers gently caressing my swollen folds, coaxing a quiet whimper from my lips. He pushed a finger inside me, gently stroking my g-spot as his tongue found its way to my clitoris. I kept glancing up at the upside-down numbers on my clock, and back down at Trevor. Soon enough I didn’t give a shit about keeping the time, and I opened up to him, letting the pleasure consume me. Of course he fucking did it, a groan ripped its way up my throat as he sent me over the edge with a hard stroke of his finger and a flick of his tongue. I opened my eyes and looked up in time to see the clock turn to three-oh-eight. He gave me this Cheshire grin, cocky bastard.

“I told you so.” He crawled back up my body and kissed me, I could taste the essence of myself when he thrust his tongue into my mouth. I tilted my head and leaned into him, deepening the kiss and urging him to give me more until I rolled us over so I was straddling his hips, and he made a surprised sound. I broke the kiss, looking down at him with a little smile, then teased my fingertips down his body to his cock where I gave him slow, idle tugs, waiting for something to happen down there. 

“Still not had enough?” He raised a brow at me as he noticed where my hand was going. 

“I don’t feel like sleeping just yet.” I replied, looking down as I felt a few promising twitches. He hummed in approval, sliding his hands up my body until he reached my breasts, he played with them, squeezing, pinching, stroking. He was hardening again, gradually standing to attention under my gentle strokes. I gave a low chuckle then kissed his cheek, the corner of his mouth, then his lips. I lingered only for a moment before pulling back to look at him. He opened his eyes; the caramel disks looked darker in the dimly lit room, and were taken up mostly by the inky black of his dilated pupils.

“Doesn’t look like you’ve had enough, either.” I looked down at his erection in my hand, his gaze followed. He moaned quietly, licking his lips before looking back into my eyes.

“I suppose you’re right, but how ‘bout we move this to the bed? My cock isn’t the only thing getting stiff.” He suggested, I laughed a little too loudly and slapped a hand over my mouth. I kept forgetting that it was so late at night… well, early in the morning now. I climbed off of him and held a hand out to pull him up. “And lets get you out of this, huh? I need to see a little more skin.” He reached a hand behind me and unclasped my bra with one hand after a few fumbled attempts, it fell to my feet, then he was pushing me over to the bed.

“In all fairness though, it’s not really covering much skin is it?” I giggled, his big hands grabbing at the garter belt. I stilled his hands and removed them from the pretty lace before he ripped something, and unclasped the thing myself a lot more carefully. I certainly wanted this ensemble to be more of a one-wear thing.

“These are.” He noted, wrapping his hands around the top of my thigh, and slowly sliding one of the stockings down my leg. I delighted in the feeling of his hands on me, wiggling my toes at him once he’d released me. He quickly moved onto the other leg, taking his time and bending down to plant kisses on my freshly bared thighs. “Mmm, that’s better.” 

“I thought those were sexy.” I said, tilting my head at him.

“They were,” He let his eyes travel greedily over my naked form. “But you don’t need any of that, you’re a bombshell without it.” I gave him a flattered smile, urging him closer to me with a come-hither motion of my finger. He crawled onto the bed next to me, laying on his side and rolling me over to face him. His hand wrapped around my thigh and he hooked it over his hip, shifting our groins close together. I could feel his erection rubbing against me, and I ground forwards to get more friction. He didn’t tease, didn’t even take his time, he penetrated me with one quick thrust, catching me off guard. I gasped, sinking against his body and allowing him to thrust into me, slow enough to be gentle, fast enough to send my heart racing.

“I love you.” I told him, the words bouncing easily off of my tongue with a few breathy gasps. He kissed me quickly, a teasing flick of his tongue made me miss the contact when he pulled away.

“I love you too.” He replied simply, reaching his hand around to my backside, squeezing and pulling me against him, his cock driving deeper inside of me with each desperate pull. I moaned, rolling my head back, inviting him to kiss my neck. He sucked on a tender spot, pulling blood to the surface of my hot skin and leaving his mark. 

This time was a lot more slow and controlled than the first. All the while his hands roamed my body like a curious explorer, squeezing me here, stroking me there, and he’d guide our hips together, colliding in powerful, steady thrusts that pushed us both close to the edge. Each time the two of us reached the precipice, he’d bring us back from it with a pause, building us up, slowing us down, building us up, slowing us down. When the end finally came, my climax was intense and lengthy and left me gasping for air, sticky with sweat and shaking at the limbs. Trevor’s seemed to match, if the animalistic noises he made were anything to go by. He pulled out of me, rolling onto his back and I did the same. The two of us stared at the ceiling for a while, trying to steady our breaths, our thoughts reeling with images of what we’d done, coaxing the last embers of arousal from our spent bodies. 

“Do you think we’ll ever be in a sexless marriage, just like the cliché goes?” He asked breathlessly.

“Not if I have anything to do with it.” I replied. He slid his hand across the mattress and took my hand in his.

“Thank god.” He sighed. “I picked the right woman.”

“Of course you did.” I chuckled, rolling over and looping my arm over his torso, resting my head on his shoulder. 

“Tomorrow.” He declared, pricking my curiosity. “I’m taking you to some posh place in London and we’re gonna get you a ring. Okay?”

“Okay.” I nodded, turning my head to grin at him.

“And you’ll get anything you like. So no picking the cheapest one there just to be polite, got it?”

“Alright.”

“I’m serious. I know what you’re like.” I didn’t have to look at him to know he was rolling his eyes at me. 

“And I know what you’re like. You’ll probably try and convince me to get some giant bloody ice-berg of a diamond.” I tutted at the idea.

“What makes you think that?” He questioned innocently.

“Do I need to remind you that you’ve forced me to keep that Pegassi Zentorno? You have a habit of going a little too extravagant with your generosity.” I looked up at him. He grinned sheepishly at me.

“Alright, so I like to spoil you. Is it a crime?”

I snorted. “Speaking of crime, don’t try and hold the place up. Force of habit and all that.” I teased him, watching him shake his head and narrow his eyes.

“Do I need to spank you? Because I will.” He warned. I pursed my lips, wondering how far I’d need to push him for that to happen, perhaps I’d have to test him.

“Wow… the way you said that, your accent really came through.” I said, feigning innocence. 

“Excuse me?” His brows mashed down over his eyes, his face creasing with the tell-tale lines of anger. My lips twitched into a smile despite my efforts to hide it.

“You know, your Canadian accent.” I said, rolling off of him and onto my stomach, wiggling my backside in the air.

“Oh, I see what you’re doing.” He gave a hollow laugh, sitting up and staring at my backside.

“I’m sorry?” I played dumb, shuffling my lower half closer to him.

“Red really is your colour, perhaps your backside could use a little?” He raised a brow at me, his lips curving in a deliciously lascivious smile.

“There it goes again, your accent is really prominent today!” I gasped in faux shock, then his hand came down hard on my backside. I let out a surprised squeal and grinned triumphantly.

“You’re one to talk about accents, posh-girl.” He growled at me through bared teeth, sending another hot sting through me with a second spank. I bit back a groan and took each spank with a blissful smile. I heard Trevor moan in satisfaction, admiring his handy work as he looked over my rosy butt-cheeks. “That’s just lovely.” He murmured, gently stroking his fingertips over my tingling skin.

“Round three?” I suggested, glancing at his semi and rolling over onto my back.

“My god, you’re gonna kill me, woman.”

“Hey, I wouldn’t have suggested it if it didn’t look like you were-” I started, being abruptly cut off.

“I didn’t say no.” He told me, gripping his cock and giving himself a few pumps until he was fully hard. He climbed on top of me, tweaking my nipples and kissing my neck. I was surprised he had it in him, to be honest. But hell, I certainly wasn’t complaining. 

-

When I woke up my limbs were tender and stiff. That’s what you get for getting a little too cocky with how much sex _you think_ you can handle in one night. I rolled over into my back and looked at the ceiling with a contented smile on my face. Fuck, it was all worth it though. I bit my lip as I thought back, remembering the little details that had me squirming the previous night, how fucking _good_ everything had felt. Things had gotten a little crazy after he’d spanked me of course; my wrists were feeling a little sore from how he’d tied them together and to my bedpost with a scarf he’d found in my wardrobe. Never thought I’d be into that but hey, you learn something knew every day. I remember him saying, as he straddled me and wrapped the soft fabric around my arms, _this is the reason beds are even made with posts, did you know that?_ I hadn’t realised that it’d be so frustrating, losing the ability to touch and squeeze and grope him whenever I pleased. I found myself clinging to him with my legs instead, digging my heels into the small of his back as he rolled his hips into me.

I glanced over at him, still asleep next to me. I delicately stroked my fingers through his thinning hair, brushing it off of his forehead. I moved closer and kissed his forehead, my lips lingering for a few long seconds before I pulled away. I still had trouble getting my head around the fact that at some point in the future, I’d be walking down the aisle to this man, my father on my arm. God, it was weird, wasn’t it? I never thought Trevor would want to marry, I thought perhaps we’d just spend the rest of our lives cohabiting, _maybe_ even have a child or two out of wedlock? No, that wouldn’t happen. Marriage was a huge step on its own; children were out of the question as far as Trevor was concerned, married or not… At least that was what I assumed. Maybe I could convince him one day that having a few extra pairs of tiny hands around the trailer would be a good thing- _My god_. I was getting head of myself, and I hadn’t even noticed that Trevor had woken up and was staring straight back at me with a concerned expression.

“Are you okay?” He asked me.

“Shit, yeah. Sorry, I was in a bit of a daze.” I chuckled, pulling my hand away from his hair and smiling at him. 

“What were you thinking about?” He wondered aloud, sitting up and stretching. My gaze dropped to his naked torso, over the light muscle definition and thin spattering of hair on his chest that dwindled down to a nice line under his belly button and dipped below where the bed sheets were covering.

“You.” I admitted.

“Not having second thoughts about the engagement, are you?”

“Definitely not.” I assured him, leaning up on my elbow, letting the sheets drop and expose my breasts. Of course, Trevor stared for a few long moments before looking back at my face.

“Good.” He bent down and kissed me, stroking his fingers under my chin as he did. 

“How are you feeling this morning, hung over?”

“No, actually. That’s quite a nice surprise. Though I felt almost sober when we finally settled down to get some sleep last night.” I told him as he scratched an itch on his stomach and yawned.

“Mmm, last night...” He lay back down on his back, looking up at me with a satisfied little smile as he relived our night together. “Last night was awesome.” He said.

“Yeah, Suzanne did a good job of putting on that party didn’t she?” I said ignorantly, teasing him.

“You know I wasn’t talking about a bloody birthday party.” He sighed, and I snorted at his use of the word _bloody_ , he’d obviously picked it up from my family and I, since I had never heard him use that word when he wasn’t describing some violent encounter he’d had with someone he didn’t like very much. He’d be speaking like a true London’er before the week was out.

“I know.” I rolled my eyes at his quick-to-take-offence attitude. “You’re talking about the four- or was it five?- times that we got cozy last night. And yeah, it was awesome.”

“Just four, sweetheart. I don’t think I was capable of going for number five. My balls were completely vacant.” He told me and I chuckled, nodding my head.

“What time is it?” I asked him, and he peaked over his shoulder to look at the clock.

“Twenty past twelve.” He told me, and my eyes widened.

“Holy shit, it’s the afternoon.” I sat up and tossed the sheets, clambering out of bed stark naked and searching for clothes.

“So what? We didn’t go to sleep ‘till at least five this morning.” He lay back down against the pillows.

“But half of the day has gone, why the hell didn’t someone come and wake us up?” I exclaimed as I pulled one some panties and a t-shirt.

“Relax, sweetheart. It’s not the end of the world.” He leaned on an elbow and faced me, a reassuring look on his face.

“This is our last day here and we’ve just slept through it.” I told him disappointedly as I pulled the hair tie out of my messy half up-do from last night, raking my fingers through the tangles. 

“We have a little time tomorrow too, our plane isn’t ‘till four. Calm your pretty ass down.” He rolled his eyes at me and threw his arms around my waist and pulled me back to bed when I passed him on the way to the door. “Slow down and remember what we’re doing today.” He whispered, resting his chin on my shoulder as he held me from behind.

“We’re going to find a ring.” I answered him, unable to keep the smile from my face.

“Mhm.” He hummed in confirmation before adding, “Then we’re going to tell your family.” 

“Are we?” I asked, surprised and suddenly nervous.

“Yep.”

“Why don’t we wait until tomorrow, before we leave?” I chewed on my lip.

“Why wait?” He questioned with a shrug. 

“In case anyone, I don’t know… objects. At least we will be leaving and it makes it difficult to have a big argument.” I turned my head to look at him.

“You’re worried about your brother, aren’t you?” He sighed and let go of me, lying back on the bed. I nodded. “Oh fuck him, it’s our life, not his. Why should he get to stick his ore in, if he says shit, I’ll deal with it. Don’t worry.”

“How will you deal with it?” I asked nervously.

“Don’t. Worry.” He touched my chin and planted a kiss on my forehead. “Just go and get ready, think about what sort of ring you’d like, okay?”

“Okay.” I nodded, pushing away thoughts of Ryan from my mind and replacing them with images of pretty vintage engagement rings with lustrous stones and dainty gold bands as I headed for the shower.


	24. Sharing The News

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Oh dear guys, im struggling. Its getting to that near-the-end-of-a-fic-writers-block-slash-lack-of-motivation period... I hope this is readable, I have some ideas for future chapters (theres only going be... hmm... id guess about three or four more chapters??) so maaayyyybe they'll turn out less sucky. Im just finding it difficult to finish this story off not-terribly xD

Oh god. This was it. Was everyone so nervous when they told their family that they were engaged? Was it normal for my heart to be hammering and for beads of sweat to form on my brow? Of course, Trevor seemed as cool as a cucumber beside me, not letting a single shred of anxiety be known, was he was even anxious at all? I was stood in front of my parents, my shaking hands firmly clamped behind my back as the two of them stared expectantly at us. I was acutely aware of Ryan staring daggers at Trevor from the arm of the sofa, and Nichole sat on his knee with big, curious eyes as I cleared my throat.

“Did you gather us here just to sit in silence?” My mother chuckled, looking nothing but confused. I saw my dad share a look with Trevor and they nodded at each other.

“No! Of course not… I just wanted to take a second to thank you for having us both.” I gestured to Trevor with my left hand, before quickly shoving it behind my back again as I noticed the light glint off of the ring Trevor had slipped onto my finger barely an hour ago as we stood outside the store we’d bought it from. Why the fuck was I so terrified? My father probably knew already what I was about to say, my mother was a hopeless romantic and was likely to get all choked up, Nichole could think what she liked and my brother was… well fuck. God knows how he would feel. I suppose we’d find out when I finally managed to _tell_ them the news.

Trevor wore a cocksure smile as he reached for my left hand and held it in his own, seeing straight through my attempts at hiding the ring. “Mmhm. It’s been a good week, I appreciate you putting a roof over my head and feeding me. You’re a hospitable bunch.” He told them, keeping his eyes focused on mine.

“Yes, and I think we just wanted to say thanks, and tell you how much fun we’ve had. And my birthday party was great, oh and thanks again for all my presents! They’re all wonderful, and like Trevor said. Thanks for feeding us. You’re a great cook, mum-”

“Spit it out.” My mother stared at me with a deadpan expression as she cut through my rambling.

“Spit what out?” I asked, my eyes widening. Oh fuck, oh fuck, I was cornered. This was it, I had to tell them… Breath quickening, palms sweating profusely, mouth as dry as a stale teacake.

“You have something to say. Spit it out.” She raised a brow at me expectantly. Why are mother’s so intuitive? Would I be like that one day? Would I suddenly be able to read minds if I ever had a child?

“You make it sound like I’m about to tell you something terrible, like I’ve done something really awful, what are you expecting-“

“I asked your daughter to marry me. She said yes.” Trevor interrupted me with a heavy sigh; he’d officially had enough of me avoiding the topic. I felt my cheeks heat up, and I waited with a dry mouth for their reaction. I pulled my hand out of Trevor’s and showed them the ring. 

My mother gasped, clamping her hands over her mouth. My father nodded slowly with a small smile on his face, all was quiet until my mother spoke. “You’re engaged!” She exclaimed. “My little girl is engaged that’s fantast-”

“You’re not marrying him.” Ryan said, he spoke with such finality that it immediately pissed me off. I turned and looked at him, my hand dropping back to my side. Everyone in the room seemed to deflate, he’d managed to really kill the mood.

“I’m not?” I chuckled, raising my brows.

“No. I’m telling you now, I wont let you.” He continued in the same tone. I wanted to push him out of the room and pretend he didn’t exist, just for a while, so that I could have the happy, girlish fantasy of sharing some of the most exciting news of my life and having everyone in the room squeal with delight. But hey ho, I guess that wasn’t on the cards for me. 

“Jesus. Last time I checked you were her brother, not her father.” Trevor snorted, taking a step towards Ryan. Nichole slipped off of Ryan’s lap and scrambled to my side giving me a nervous look. I released a long, heavy sigh and felt like walking out of the room and just letting whatever chaos was about to ensue go down.

“Come on boys, this is happy news!” My mother tried, reaching over and patting Ryan on the shoulder.

“It doesn’t matter who I am, I look out for my own. And I sure as shit ain’t standing by and watching some fuck like you claim ownership over my sister.” Ryan stood up, leaving just a foot between him and Trevor. I stepped forwards and placed a hand gently on Trevor’s back, he was tense and very, very still.

“Ownership?” Trevor scoffed, almost jumping back at the word. “I don’t _own_ your sister nor do I want to, she’s a human fucking being. Oh but you forget that, don’t you? You don’t quite grasp the fact that she’s her own person, huh?” I began to stroke his back slowly, trying to soothe.

“Of course I fucking grasp that! But here’s the issue, she makes a habit out of making bad decisions, and I’m just trying to stop her before she makes another one.”

“You know what, _Ryan_?” Trevor drawled his name out with distaste. “I’ve just about had enough of listening to you talk about (Y/N) like that. You are talking about a grown woman as if she’s a child and I don’t appreciate it. It’s disrespectful.”

“Yeah, alright, cause you’re one to talk about respect after what you did.” Ryan laughed emptily, shaking his head and screwing his face up like he’d caught a whiff of a bad smell.

“Ryan. Don’t.” I warned. Trevor’s fists were balled up tight at his sides, and he when he spoke it was through bared teeth.

“I made a mistake.” He said.

“A mistake? Ha! Filthy fucker. (Y/N), don’t you have any respect for yourself at all? You must be fucking insane to take him back.” Ryan looked amused, I felt nauseous and a lump rose in my throat. I released a shaky breath and shook my head at him, why would he be so insensitive?

“What did he do?” My dad asked, a frown on his face and his gaze fixed on Trevor.

“Just stay out of it dad.” I tried, but I might as well have kept my mouth shut because Ryan seemed hell bent on ruining everything with just a few words.

“He slept with a prostitute. Cheated on (Y/N) and paid for the privilege.” He said. I stared wide-eyed at my father who seemed too shocked to respond, he almost looked as if he hadn’t heard. The smug look of satisfaction on Ryan’s face made me recoil, it was as if he was _enjoying_ destroying my happy ending. I took it extremely personally, and a sudden feeling of hatred surged through me, it made me flush an angry red.

“It was a fucking mistake!” Trevor repeated, raising his voice. I let my hand drop and took a step back instinctively. “You listen to me you stupid fuck, I don’t like you and you don’t like me. This time tomorrow I’ll be gone and I hope to god I never see you again. But do you really wanna do this? Do you really wanna fuck up this whole week just cause you can’t keep your nose out of our business? I know that I fucked up, Jesus Christ I think about that every fucking day! But I’m trying to fix what I’ve done. What the fuck did Nichole do to make it up to your family when she stole from you?” Trevor yelled, throwing a hand out to gesture at Nichole.

“Ohh why did you have to bring that up?” Nichole whined, turning and storming out of the room with an angry huff.

“Leave my fiancé out of this. That’s none of your fucking business.” Ryan growled, and Trevor laughed manically, tilting his head back before snapping it back to down to glare at my brother.

“That’s none of my business? Just like _this_ is none of _your_ business?” Trevor took a step closer and jabbed a finger at him. “You just focus on your relationship, and stay the fuck out of mine.”

“It’s a little difficult staying the fuck out of your relationship, _Trevor_ , when I have to listen to you using my sister like a whore at three in the fucking morning. It’s fucking disgusting, it-” He didn’t even get through the sentence, he had blood pouring from his nose before anyone in the room could even see Trevor’s fist hit his face. Ryan, having never been punched before, crumpled to the floor cupping his face, groaning in pain and rolling around. Trevor seemed to simmer immediately, looking up at the horrified faces of my parents, and for the first time that day, he actually looked scared. Then the room burst into activity, my mother was on the floor next to Ryan, Nichole came rushing back in as she heard the commotion and proceeded to scream hysterically. Trevor staggered away from the group of people on the floor in front of him and looked down at his knuckles, which I could see were split, bloody and bruised already. I panicked, I didn’t know who to go to, the look on Trevor’s face made me want to nurture and comfort but the way my mother was telling Ryan to tilt his head back made me want to push her away and treat my brother himself. I sighed and kneeled on the floor in front of Ryan, pulling my mums hands away.

“No, sit forwards. You don’t want blood draining back down your throat, do you?” I told him, pulling my cardigan off and handing it to him to soak up the blood. Oh well, it wasn’t a very nice cardigan anyway. “Trevor, go wait in the kitchen.” I told him, my tone holding the serious, professional air that it seemed to develop whenever blood and injured people were around. Trevor wordlessly did as he was told. 

Ryan wailed and coughed dramatically and I rolled my eyes at him. I suppose I could’ve been a little more gentle as I dabbed at his nose to clear away some of the blood so I could make out whether it was broken or not, but I was pissed off at him. “He’s a fucking psycho! An absolute fucking fruitcake!” He yelled.

“You deserved that.” I told him. He glared at me through my fingers as I felt the bridge of his nose.

“No I didn’t.” His voice was nasally and defensive.

“Yes you did!” I hissed, standing up once I was satisfied his nose was in one piece. “You fucked up everything. Trevor and I are happy together, why cant you just deal with it? Accept it?”

“Cause I don’t like him!”

“You don’t have to, you’re not the one marrying him!” I turned and headed for the door, calling to him over my shoulder. “Just pinch the bridge of your nose and you’ll be fine.”

I stomped into the kitchen and made for the sink, scrubbing the blood off of my hands and muttering to myself angrily. I dried my hands and spun around to face Trevor, who was sat at the table prodding at his split knuckles and wincing at the pain he was inflicting on himself. I walked over to him and stilled his hand; he looked up at me expressionlessly.

“I ruined it all. Your dad hates me now, so does your mom, so does Nichole, Ryan hates me _even more_.” He murmured with an empty, sad tone to his voice. I sighed and shook my head, grabbing him by his elbow and pulling him over to the sink where I ran his knuckles under the faucet.

“You don’t know that they all hate you.” I tried to reassure him in a quiet voice. 

“Well they ain’t gonna pat me on the back, are they?” He replied, and I could feel his gaze fixed on my face as I gently washed the blood away from his knuckles. I stared at my hand wrapped around his, the beautiful ring on my finger blurred by the flow of the water. It was a delicate rose gold band that held up three small, round-cut diamonds in a Cathedral Setting, the band was intricately engraved with a swirling pattern either side of the stones. It was pretty, extremely pretty, and I’d picked it the moment I saw it without a second of hesitation. I looked up and Trevor and gave him a quick kiss on the lips.

“We’re going home tomorrow. Everything will be fine.” I whispered. I dabbed his hand dry with a clean paper towel then reached up into the cupboard above the sink, gathering some antiseptic, cotton pads and bandage. 

“You’re fine with just leaving things how they are? This is your family, (Y/N).” He said, almost sounding guilty.

“Ryan will come around. He has no choice.” I assured him. I took a cotton pad and put a drop of antiseptic on it, then gently dabbed Trevor’s knuckles. “This is happening whether he likes it or not. It’s up to him whether he wants to continue being a dick about it.”

“What about your dad?” He asked, hissing at the stinging sensation of the antiseptic.

“What about me?” My dad’s stern voice came out of nowhere, making me jump. I turned and looked at him. He looked between the two of us, he didn’t look happy, but then again, he didn’t look particularly angry either.

“Trevor thinks you hate him.” I told him honestly, reading on his body language that he most certainly didn’t.

“I don’t hate you.” He snorted, making me smile in satisfaction. “I mean I’m disappointed that you hit my son, and of course, what you did to hurt my daughter was unforgivable. But I don’t hate you.”

“I wouldn’t blame you if you did.” Trevor shrugged, watching as I wrapped the bandage around his hand and secured it, snipping off the excess.

“I can tell that you care about (Y/N), a damn sight more than any other idiot she’s brought home.” He strolled over to the fridge and grabbed a beer, leaning against the counter as he cracked it open and took a long gulp. “I know that because you asked me for my blessing. I respect that.” He raised his beer to Trevor.

Trevor and I shared a glance before my father continued. “Besides, I haven’t seen my little girl smile like she does when you’re around since… well, I don’t think I ever have. There’s something about you, Trevor. I don’t know what it is but despite what you’ve done I think you’ll be good for her. You’ll take care of her, won’t you?” It wasn’t a question, it was an assumption. Trevor nodded. “But I’m warning you. I served in the British Army for far longer than you could imagine and I promise you, if hurt her again I will put into practice one or two of the things I learned and make sure that you regret not taking this advise for the rest of your life. Do you understand what I’m saying?” My father raised his brow and fuck, I don’t think I’d ever seen Trevor actually look _intimidated_ before.

“Of course. Understood.” Trevor replied, nodding sharply. My dad held out his hand, and Trevor shook it with his good hand. And with this, my father left us alone in the kitchen. “I like your dad.” Trevor grinned. “That threat actually made me nervous, do you know how often that happens? Never.” The two of us looked up when we heard footsteps. It was Ryan. Fuck.

“Oh. I forgot you came in here.” He grumbled. His nose was covered in dried blood and it had an impressive purple hue to it, looked a little swollen, too.

“Don’t let me stop you from doing what you gotta do.” Trevor said, strolling over to the table and taking a seat. “Oh, and if you’re waiting for an apology, don’t hold your breath.”

“Shut the fuck up before I tell them about your little drug habit, too.” Ryan retorted, grabbing a bag of frozen peas from the freezer and holding it to his nose. “You know what? You’re lucky I haven’t told them already. You ought to be thanking me rather than smacking me in the face, you prick.”

“I ain’t thanking you for shit, buddy.”

“Let’s stop before any more blood is spilled, yeah?” I spoke up, irritated. “Ryan, there is Jack diddly squat you can do about Trevor and I. It’d benefit everyone a lot more if you just accept it and play nice. Same goes for you, Trevor. No more throwing punches.”

“Sorry sis. I don’t think I could ever accept him.” Ryan shrugged.

“At least be fucking civil.” I sighed, pleading with him with my eyes.

“You and him are on the other side of the world most of the time, you don’t need to worry out us being civil.” He frowned, dismissing my words.

“We’re not on the other side of the world now.” I pointed out. “I’m asking you nicely.” He glared between the two of us, then walked out as quickly as he’d walked in without another word. I sighed and shook my head, looking down at Trevor who didn’t seem to care at all.

“Personally, I don’t see the problem. A little family feud makes things more exciting, don’t you think?” Trevor rambled indifferently.

“Not when it’s my brother and my fiancé. Then it’s just a pain in the arse.” I told him, taking a seat beside him.

“Fiancé, huh? So you ain’t calling the whole thing off?” Trevor raised a brow at me and grabbed the bunch of grapes from the fruit bowl in front of him, snacking on them.

“Of course not.” I frowned at him, almost offended that he’d think such a thing. “I’m not gonna let my pissy brother ruin things for us. I agreed to marry you, so marry you I will.” I nodded defiantly before picking a grape off of the bunch in his hands and popping it onto my mouth.

“Good.” He grinned.

“You know what? Thank you for punching him. He needed that. Screw him! All he does is try to control me.” I frowned angrily, squeezing my hands into fists.

“He’s your big brother. That’s what they do, that’s how families work, right?” He asked and I gave him a shrug.

“It’s all a load of shit. I didn’t get on his case when he was on about marrying Nichole. I let him get on with it coz I could see he was happy with her. Why can’t he offer me the same courtesy? I know why. It’s because I’m still a kid, barely out of my training bra.” I said sarcastically following my words up with a hollow laugh. “Well fuck ‘em. I’m an adult. If I want to move to America all by myself then I’ll do just that. If I want to have lots of sex rather than waiting for marriage like daddy wants, then I’ll do that too. I want to actually _get married_? Count me in.” I was scowling by the end of my little rant, and Trevor was smirking at me, half amused, half impressed.

“Go for it. You’re your own person. Your life, your rules.” He shrugged, and I nodded my head.

“Yeah. That’s right. I’m twenty-nine years old, that counts as being an adult doesn’t it? I’m too old to be taking orders from my big brother. I’m too old to take orders from _anyone_. I’m a grown-ass woman.” I turned to look at Trevor. “Just you wait till we get home. We’re gonna have so much sex, dirty, filthy, kinky sex, and we’re gonna be as loud and rambunctious as we damn well please. Who cares if the neighbors hear?” Trevor nearly choked on a grape at my empowered declaration.

“Fuck me, I can’t wait to marry you. You’re a goddess.” He chuckled, cupping my cheeks and pulling me forwards to plant a kiss on my lips.

“I want a private wedding.” I sighed, looking down at the table as I thought.

“You do? I thought you’d want a big wedding.” He frowned at me.

“No. Something small and quiet, just you and me. Maybe one or two friends, I don’t know.” I shrugged and glanced up at Trevor, who seemed somewhat relieved. 

“You know, I’m glad. I mean, if you wanted the huge wedding with the hundreds of guests and all of that crap, you’d get it, but… Jesus Christ that’s my nightmare.” He admitted with a laugh. “All those people coming out to watch us, sounds romantic to some but to me? I don’t want a bunch of nosey turds listening in on the things I’d say to you, I don’t want a big audience watch me pour my fucking heart out. That stuff’s just for you. Shit, there’s a reason I don’t go to weddings besides the fact that I don’t tend to receive many invites. It’s cause it feels. Weird. You know?”

“Are you talking about when people share their vows?” I asked.

“Yeah. I would want those words heard only by one person, not a whole room full. It feels like, I don’t know, an invasion of privacy? I don’t like people getting involved with my relationships, and if you ask me, listening in on me telling you exactly how I feel about you, and why I chose to spend the rest of my life with you, that’s pretty… invasive, don’t you think?” I cocked his head at me. I was surprised, I didn’t think Trevor would have many strong opinions on the matter but here he was. I wondered if he’d ever really had any serious thoughts about marriage before I came along.

Apparently I’d pondered aloud, because Trevor seemed taken aback by my question. “Seriously? I don’t know, I’ve thought about marriage for sure but… seriously? Not really. Its like I told you before, I didn’t think it was ever something on the cards for me. Thought I’d always be a lone wolf.” He snorted. “What about you?”

“Sure. There were men in the past that I used to wonder about. You know, _maybe they’ll ask me on Valentines Day_ and all of that shit. Of course they never did and I suppose I was relieved when they didn’t. I guess I’ve never really been with anyone who I would actually want to commit to, like properly, for the rest of my life. Well, obviously up until I met you. Things have always been different with you. Not in the stupid fairy-tale true love kind of different, I mean like, I’ve always had this sort of… motivation? I guess I’d call it that. Motivation to stick around and see where things went with you. I was always eager to see what would come next, I still am, and I think that life with you is always exciting.” I grinned.

“Exciting? When we get home don’t you worry, we’ll do some exciting stuff.” He grinned back, and I was expecting there to be some sort of sexual undertone to what he was saying, but there wasn’t. “Fuck, I’m so looking forward to being back in the desert, you wouldn’t believe it.”

“I would. To be honest, I’m eager to get back there too. That place has really become my home.” I smiled fondly, resting my chin on my fist. My mother entered the room, giving us both a long look before breaking out into a smile.

“I’m going to start cooking dinner, are homemade burgers alright for you two?” She asked as she approached us, casually leaning over the table and lifting my left hand to her face.

“Sounds good.” I nodded, smiling back at her when she caught my eyes. She leaned in towards us both, and glanced between us with playful, narrow eyes.

“I don’t condone violence. But Trevor, I appreciate what you did. And congratulations to you both, I had a feeling this was going to happen.” She winked, looking back down at the ring on my finger.

“Wait, you’re _happy_ that I gave Ryan a nosebleed?” Trevor straightened up in his chair and raised his eyebrows, staring at my mother in disbelief.

“What he said about you and (Y/N) in the bedroom was downright humiliating for the both of you. He had no right to bring up something so private, especially in front of Earl. Though sweetie, I don’t think your father is under any impression that you’ll be being deflowered on your wedding night.” She laughed and gave us both a suggestive look. “But yes. I suppose I am happy, my son needs to learn when to shut his mouth; I think you pushed him in the right direction. Besides, a little nosebleed never hurt anyone.” She rolled her eyes and straightened up.

“Well, that’s a surprise.” Trevor murmured, glancing over at me with a little smirk.

“That’s a beautiful ring, honey. Be proud to show it off despite what your brother says.” She told me with a nod, then went to prepare the burgers.

“Would you like some help?” I offered, and she gave me a little smile, then glanced at Trevor.

“That would be nice, and I’m enrolling Trevor too. I’m not having you do all the cooking like I did when I first married your father. Come on Trevor, you can chop up some onions. (Y/N), sort some salad out. We’ll get a production line rolling then break bread with the rest of them and hope to god everyone makes it out alive.” She tutted, and got to mixing various herbs and spices into a bowl of minced beef.


	25. Back In The Desert

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Holy smokes guys I'm sorry. This took so long, but I think there is only the epilogue left and then I can put this one to rest. Lord knows this fic just needs to die before it kills me writing it xD hope you enjoy this one, even if it is weeks since the last sorry update.

Packing the suitcases into the trunk of the taxi was always upsetting after a trip to England, but it was made even worse this time by the fact that Ryan wasn't there to wave us off. He'd gone out somewhere just to spite Trevor and I, and although it hurt, it still pompted me to write a fake wedding invitation and leave it on his bed just to wind him up some more. Trevor got a kick out of that. I was standing on the pavement waiting for my parents to bring the last of our things out, idly watching two policemen get out of their car and walk up to the neighbors house. Odd, police were never seen around the quiet area I grew up in.

"What do you reckon they're sniffing around for?" Trevor asked me when he spotted where I was looking, and I gave a shrug.

"The police?" My mum asked as she approached, followed by my dad who was juggling our things. "Ah, well Lesley popped over this morning to warn us that the boys in blue might be paying a visit. Apparently she found something in her roses, she thinks it could be some sort of illegal substance. No idea how it got there." She tutted and shook her head. I shot Trevor a look, who covered his sudden burst of laughter with a cough. When he'd thrown his bag of meth over his shoulder the other night I'd been touched, it had never crossed my mind that the sweet lady next door might stumble across it. I rolled my eyes at him. 

"Perhaps a bird picked it up somewhere and dropped it." I suggested, to try and swerve the attention away from the man having a faux coughing fit beside me.

"Drug dealing brids. Honey I told you this neighborhood was going downhill." My dad teased, handing our things over to Trevor to put in the taxi once he'd recovered. "You'd better think about making tracks."

"Ohhh, this gets harder every time." Mum sighed, stepping forwards to rub the spot between my shoulder blades vigorously with tears forming in her eyes, just like always. My dad stayed put behind her, an amused look on his face as my mum pulled me in for a long hug.

"Don't make them miss their plane, you almost did last time when you wouldn't let her go." He rolled his eyes and tutted at her, touching her elbow as if preparing to pull her back when the time came. My mother gave him a light smack on the arm as she let me go.

"Oh shut up Earl. I'm saying goodbye to my little girl." She said, her voice thick with emotion.

"She's not very little anymore is she, Angela?" My dad reminded her, smiling at me proudly. "First she was going off to America, now I'm going to have to give her away." He gave a nod at Trevor who was packing the last of our bags into the car, along with the giant cuddly elephant that my dad had bought me. I had no idea how we were gonna get that thing through customs.

"She'll always be my baby though." Mum insisted, giving my cheek a little stroke. 

"Wait! Keep your fabulous ass right there!" Our attention was turned to the loud woman literally running up the street towards us, pulling a small child with her. Suzanne. "I didn't wanna leave without having a proper goodbye. Had to pick this one up from school then peg it over here." She told us breathlessly when she'd reached us, trying to control a very excited Rebecca who was spinning around in circles by her side.

"You'll make yourself sick." I warned the little girl, who simply shrieked in reply. Suz pulled me in for a tight hug, rocking me from side to side. "I was hoping you'd make it." I told her with a grin.

"Get on Skype more often, promise? And do not do what Martin did, send me a bloody wedding invite." She poked my chest with a long finger once she'd pulled away. 

"Of course." I chuckled. Sure, my small, private wedding would have to include my best friend.

She turned her attention to Trevor. "And don't think you're off the hook. Give me a hug." She pulled him into her arms, obviously milking everything she could from the experience. The woman was a predator. "Mmm, you smell good. What are you wearing?" She asked, inhaling deeply, I rose a brow at her and she gave me a sheepish grin.

"It's Jean Paul Gaultier. I bought it for him." I told her when Trevor looked to me for a clue.

"Ohhh, nice. It was lovely meeting you Trevor." She smirked at him, smoothing out her hair and clearing her throat. I looked at Trevor, who was giving me a slightly unnerved look, which I stifiled a laugh at.

"I think we should go." Trevor chuckled, slamming the trunk of the car. My dad nodded and leaned in to kiss my cheek, then shook Trevor's hand. My mum gave us both a big, teary hug and Suzanne gave me one big wet kiss on the lips, that was perhaps a little too long to be considered friendly but then again, I was used to that sort of thing from her. So we got in the taxi, no goodbye from Ryan or Nichole, and that was it until I visited again.

-

We landed in the evening time, and the taxi journey from the airport to home was long and quiet, mostly due to the fact that Trevor was asleep. I wasn't, of course, my body would play hell with me a little before letting me get used to the time zone. Despite the fact that I knew I would spend the next few days with crippling insomnia, I was so glad to be back. When the taxi brought us into Blaine County and drove through the Grand Senora Desert, a smile formed on my face that I just could shift, I realised then just how homesick I'd felt whilst visiting my parents, this place really was my home.

"Wakey, wakey Trev." I sang, shaking Trevor awake when we pulled up in front of his trailer. He looked momentarily confused, but then grinned at me when he realised where we were.

"Home sweet fucking home." He sighed, and quickly climbed out of the car. We paid the taxi driver and collected our things, all the while aware of the nervy set of eyes on us. Ron was standing on Trevor's porch, fiddling with a radio that was making a static racket, only he'd frozen when he saw us getting out of the car. "Ron! Did ya miss me?" Trevor asked as he walked with me towards the porch, carrying our bags while I lugged the massive elephant.

"I thought you were coming back next week." Ron stuttered, putting the radio down on the table and glancing behind him.

"Next week? Ron, don't you ever learn my schedule?" Trevor growled, though he wasn't angry, he was just trying to scare him as usual. Then something rushed out of the trailer and ran down the steps, panting and slobering everywhere, a stubby tail thumping back and forth as it sniffed around Trevor. " _What the fuck is this?_ " Okay. He was angry now.

"I believe it's a dog." I pointed out as it sniffed around me, burrying its nose in my crotch in that humiliating way dogs often did.

"I can see that, but what the fuck is it doing in my trailer?" He spat, staring daggers at Ron who looked like he was just wishing whatever way Trevor planned on murdering him would be quick and relatively painless. 

"I'm sorry Trevor! He was sniffing around the airfield all week and one day I gave him a bit of food and he followed me back here. I've tried getting shut of it but he keeps coming back." Ron rushed to explain in a guilty, whiney tone. I dropped the huge elephant on the floor and kneeled down to look at the collar around the dogs neck. I wanted to throw up when saw it.

"Billy." I read aloud, then bit down hard on my lip. I knew I recognised the rotwieler from somewhere.

"I've tried calling the number on the collar but I never get an answer." He told us, watching me stroke the dog behind the ears. "So I put an ad out to see if anyone will take him in."

"We will." I said without thinking, but I stood by my words with a hard nod of my head.

"We won't." Trevor argued.

"We have to! Well, _I_ have to." I replied, glancing up at Trevor, he must've read something in my expression cause he suddenly looked concerned.

"Why do you _have_ to?" He asked, pushing our bags into Ron's arms, who quickly scurried off to put them inside.

"I think he's the dog from the hanger. I told you about him, his owner is the guy I... killed." I whispered the last word with a touch of guilt. I looked down sadly at the dog. Taking him in was the least I could do. Perhaps it would balance my karma just a little bit.

"Hold on. You're gonna lumber yourself with a dog just cause of some prick who tried to steal from you _and treatened you_. I feel like this isn't good. Like it's some kind of psychological guilt complex that's making you do this." He muttered.

"It probably is but he's a cute dog! He's lovely, look at him." I gestured to him, just as he started sniffing the big elephant and nuzzling his face into it.

"Yeah he's cute, but you'll end up turning into one of those people who lavish way too much attention on a dog. Only in your case it'll be because you think it'll clear your conscience. Baby you need to _forget_ about that prick, not involve him in your daily life." He leaned against the handrail of the porch steps and crossed his arms over his chest, watching me make a fuss over the dog, who's tail kept thumping against my leg as he played excitedly with the elephant.

"It'll make me feel better knowing he has a good home. Besides, I've always wanted a dog." I told him, looking up at him with a pleading expression. He looked between me and the dog, unsure. I knew just what to say. "And I'll feel safer knowing I'm not alone when you go off causing trouble at night. Dogs are territorial, if anyone breaks in Billy will protect me."

"Fine." He said, heaving a heavy sigh. "But there's ground rules. He doesn't sleep in our bed, if he shits inside he's out, and I swear to god, if he's one of those dogs that stares when we have sex I'm gonna fucking lose it."

"Yes! Thank you!" I stood up and pulled him into a hug, knowing that he would keep his arms firmly crossed over his chest rather than hugging me back just to show he wasn't happy. Oh well, I'd wake him up tomorrow with some oral sex and he'd be right as rain. "You'll learn to love him, I know you will."

"Yeah well you better do something about him _learning to love_ your birthday present." He grumbled, and I followed the direction of his gaze with a confused expression. I gasped and grabbed Billy's collar, pulling him away from the poor elephant toy that he was vigorously trying to impregnate.

"Fucking help me, Trevor!" I shouted, not understanding quite how hard it would be to pull a dog away from the object of its affection. Trevor laughed loudly before pulling the elephant out from under Billy. "Jesus Christ, he's worse than you. We'll need to get him neutered."

"No, no we won't. Let him hump all he likes, don't take away the poor guy's manhood." Trevor exclaimed, watching Billy run back inside the trailer.

"My dad bought me that elephant." I said disappointedly, staring at the poor thing that I suddenly felt had been tarnished.

"Well, you wanted to keep the dog." Trevor laughed evily as he made his way into the trailer. I sighed and shook my head as I followed him inside. Ron was sat on the sofa surrounded by our bags looking worried, he resembled a kid sat outside the principles office awaiting punishment. "You can stop looking for a new owner, that _woman_ has talked me into keeping it." 

"You aren't angry with me?" Ron asked.

"I'm always angry with you Ron, you made me any money since I was gone?" Trevor's reply was light hearted as he went and grabbed a beer from the fridge, "I see you stocked up on beer for me, good man."

"The meth business has been going real good, Trev. Chef cooked up a killer batch and we're really cooking on gas. You wanna try some?" I glanced at Trevor, he glanced at me. I kept my mouth shut and went to the bedroom to unpack.

"No thanks. What about Oscar, he got any drops for me to make?" I overheard him say, and I smiled.

"Of course, the stuffs waiting in a plane on his airfield whenever you're ready." Ron told him, and I heard Trevor laugh and clap his hands triumphantly. "I gotta say boss, you're in a real good mood. Did you have a good trip?"

"I did, Ron. I had a really fucking good trip, thank you." He told him, and I walked back out with a grin.

"He and my dad make a good pair of golfing buddies, it turns out." I laughed.

"And it _turns out_ he's a pretty good loser. He took his defeat like a champ." Trevor nodded, taking a swig of beer.

"How come we never play golf together, boss?" Ron asked, a touch of jealousy in his voice. Christ, that man really looked up to Trevor, if I didn't know any better I'd say he was in love with him.

"Cause you're terrible, Ron. You'd be a boring opponent." Trevor told him bluntly.

"You're right Trevor, I'm sorry." Ron nodded, not at all seeming phased.

"Make yourself useful and help my fiance unpack her things. I've got a few things to sort out." Trevor said casually, and Ron spun around with something close to horror on his face.

"Fiance?" He spat.

"What's wrong, Ron? You upset that you aren't the blushing bride? Don't worry, I'm sure (Y/N) will offer you a spot as her bridesmaid." Trevor teased, slumping down on the sofa where Ron had previously been sat,

"No, of course not Trevor. It's just, well, you aren't retiring, are you?" He asked anxiously.

"Fuck off, of course I ain't. What're you, high?" Trevor said, as if the whole idea was preposterous.

"Actually I'm tweaking pretty hard, you gotta try Chef's new batch, T."

"You ain't even gonna congratulate us? You're being extremely rude, Ronald. Do I need to dock your pay?" Trevor raised a brow, idly scratching Billy behind the ears after he'd plonked his head in Trevor's lap.

"Not at all! I apologise, congratulations to the both of you, this is fantastic news." Ron laughed nervously, then did as Trevor had asked him and started unpacking our things.

"You know what I can't wait to do? Rub this shit in Michael's fat face." Trevor grinned at me. I tutted at him then stood in front of him and placed my hands on his shoulders. "He's always had his doubts, he thought we wouldn't last, well suck my dick Michael. I can be happy too." 

"Mhm." I hummed passively. "You know what I can't wait to do?"

"What?"

"Have some loud, hot, I-can't-sleep-because-I'm-jet-lagged-as-fuck sex." I told him, rubbing his shoulders. He licked his lips and gave me a filthy smile.

"That sounds good too." He whispered. "I also can't wait to marry you." He nodded slowly and reached for my waist. I laughed giddily and let him pull me forwards so he could kiss my chest and breasts, since they were at lip-level to him.

"Me either. We better get planning, don't you think?" I purred, bending down slightly.

"We better get practicing too." He murmured deeply.

"Practicing?" I tilted my head.

"For our wedding night." He quirked a brow then kissed me, pressing his tongue against my closed lips until I opened them. He kissed me so tenderly I grew hot and eager immediately, only to have my mood completely zapped by our brand new pet, who'd turned his affection from the elephant toy to my leg.

"Eugh, get him off!" I screamed, failing to hop away from the animal clinging to my leg. Trevor yanked him away by his collar and yelled at him.

"You filthy fuck, that's my job!" He growled in Billy's face, and the poor dog whimpered. 

"It's okay he's just following his instincts!" I told Trevor, despite the fact that I wanted to crawl away and hide from the world. Being humped by a dog had to be one of the most unpleasant experiences of my life.

"Fuck his manhood, I'll cut his nads off myself if he does that again." He said angrily, and I shook my head at him.

"I'll call the vets in the morning." I sighed. "Are we even now?" I asked, daring to make a little joke.

"What?" He frowned.

"Does this mean I've cheated on you? Are we even?" I blinked curiously, and he shook his head in total disbelief. I snorted at his expression. "Fuck, Trevor. I'm sick of crying about it so I might as well laugh." I rolled my eyes.

"That's not a bad idea, you know." Trevor mused.

"Considering I made a joke about our dog humping me, I'll admit that I'm a little concerned about what you took away from it that could be deemed as a _good idea_." I said.

"If you slept with someone else. Not the fucking dog, obviously. Then, like you said, we'd be even and we could move on. Right?" He stared at me, wide eyed and hopeful. He thought he'd solved everything.

"Well that would be the obvious solution..." I said, and he nodded vigorously. "If we were in a fucking rom-com." I snorted. "No way Trevor, and you thought taking in a dog was a ridiculous attempt at clearing _my_ conscience? _You're_ sat there suggesting that I cheat on you so you can clear yours." I laughed aloud.

"But would it make you feel better, getting your own back?" He asked, seemingly shocked that I wasn't buying his master plan to save our relationship, which was going just fine if the ring on my finger was anything to go by.

"Not at all. Trevor, I feel better every day I'm still with you, I don't need some meaningless sex with god knows who to speed the process up, not that it would help anyway." I shook my head at him and laughed again. "I'm getting over it. All I need is to trust that you only have eyes for me."

"And I do. I don't even watch porn anymore, I just think about you instead." He told me.

"Mmm, that's nice to know." I nodded.

"And I imagined that she was you that night." He added. 

"Mmm, yeah, really romantic Trevor." I raised a brow, unimpressed yet slightly amused at his attempts to make me feel better about something that wasn't even currently bothering me.

"I'm sorry." He mumbled into my chest when he pulled me forwards for a hug. "Infinitely sorry."

"I know." I nodded, running my fingertips through his hair. I took a deep breath before asking, "So, shall we set a wedding date?"

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Oh! And I hope you all had a great Christmas, and I wish you wonderful people the best for 2016!


	26. Epilogue: Hitched

The day had been, shall we say, a disaster? Things went terrifically wrong at every turn, absolutely nothing seemed to go smoothly, apart from the wine. That went down _real_ smoothly, all two small glasses of it. I didn't want to get anything close to intoxicated, risk something else going pear-shaped. It started out nice, waking up next to my husband to be, all smiles and excitement for the day ahead, the day that we were bound together for the rest of our lives. Our wedding day.

First came the knock at the door, it was a surprise to say the least, when I pulled the door open to reveal my entire family. Mum, dad, Ryan, Nichole, aunt's, uncle's, cousins and all, even Nichole's dog, Bebe. They were all there, having flown in for an incredibly inconvenient surprise. Of course, we were originally going to have a quiet wedding, and my mother was saddened by the news that I was staying in America for the big day and that she wouldn't be able to come. In fact, the only person that I knew was flying in was Suzanne, which I was perfectly happy with since I knew she would've single handedly made Trevor a widower if she'd found out I'd got hitched without her being there to see it. So we'd told the nice little Vineyard up in Tongva Hills, where the wedding was being held, that there'd be only five guests, that's Suzanne, Michael, Franklin, Ron and Wade. So there was the task of sorting out, last minute, the minor change that there was going to be an additional twelve guests joining us, since we couldn't very well turn them away once they'd travelled so far to be there.

Then there was the god awful hour of calming Trevor down, since he was practically having a panic attack at the idea of getting married. I couldn't really be upset or offended by his cold feet, since I was pretty much the same, only I managed to keep control of my emotions. He was totally fine up until the day, up until my family turned up, really. Then all of a sudden I'm telling him to sit down, put his head between his knee's and breathe slowly. Eventually he calmed down, and when he asked me if he could smoke up just a little bit before the wedding, I assured him that he didn't need to. Christ, there was a while where I thought the wedding wasn't going to happen, thankfully it did.

The wedding itself was beautiful, it took place in the evening, the sun cast a firey glow over Marlowe Vineyards. The guests were crammed in around the fountain outside the main building that looked over the Vineyard. After the ceremony, and after my mother had composed herself once she'd finished sobbing, there was wine tasting. Suzanne's idea, of course. It would've been really sophisticated and classy if everyone had simply _tasted_ the wine rather than guzzle down a whole glass of each, but of course, the likes of Trevor, Suzanne and Nichole couldn't be trusted. I ended up holding Suzanne's hair back in the toilets again, in my damn wedding dress. Real elegant.

Oh yes, my wedding dress. A relatively simple gown, ivory in colour and floor length in an empire style. The top part was heavily embellished with embroidery and beading, the halter neck tied around the back of my neck with long ribbon. The flesh toned lining that lay beneath the sheer white embroidered upper made the top half of my dress appear see-through when in fact I was completely covered. I'd fallen in love with the dress as soon as I saw it, I didn't even want to keep looking for something else, the dress was perfect. It _was_ perfect, until Billy got a bit too excited when Trevor and I were cutting the wedding cake. He jumped up and covered the pristine fabric in mucky pawprints and tore a big slit down the side, so my thigh (and my garter) were playing peekaboo all night. It was pretty much ruined, making me want to cry, but I couldn't spoil the makeup that Nichole had done for me. Billy was on his last chance, another mistake and he'd be out, at least that's what Trevor said. But then again, he'd said that the last three times the mutt had pooped inside. I knew that secretly Trevor had a soft spot for the dog, if the odd time I'd caught the two snuggling were anything to go by. 

But despite the ruined dress, the drunken hoard of surprise guests, the pre-wedding jitters, and the countless times we had to stop Billy the huge Rottweiler from mounting Bebe the tiny Chihuahua... It was perfect. Even if we didn't get the quiet day we had planned for, it really was perfect. Even Ryan cracked a smile, slowly coming to terms with the fact that Trevor wasn't so bad, and I wasn't such a baby. Of course Suzanne couldn't leave without throwing a party, and she succeeded in surprising us with a huge, noisy bash at the Yellow Jack Inn. She'd practically turned the little bar into a nightclub for the occasion, and despite it being oh-so-lovely, Trevor and I decided to sneak out while she was busy chugging a bottle of champagne. 

"Been a while since we've been on one of our walks." Trevor pointed out with a hoarse voice, croaky after having to yell over the music inside. He smirked at me and took my hand, walking backwards as he led me away from the bar and into the sandy desert.

"You wanna go for a walk? Now?" I asked, it was pitch black and completely dead outside, aside from the wildlife that created a cacophony for us. Coyotes, crickets, and who knows what else lived out there.

"I wanna get away from everyone else and have a bit of privacy with you." He answered.

"But I'm not wearing any shoes." I told him, glancing down at my toes peaking out from under my dress. My heels were way too uncomfortable to dance in, so I'd ditched them hours ago. Trevor looked down at my toes before turning around and gesturing for me to jump onto his back.

"Not a problem, hop on, sweetheart." He said, and I snorted. I rolled my eyes but hitched my dress up anyway, and jumped up. He caught my thighs and I wrapped my arms and legs around him.

"So we're married now." I mused, resting my chin on top of his head as he kept walking, piggy-backing me into the desert, dimly lit by the moon.

"Weird, right?" He replied, chuckling.

"A bit. I didn't think it was going to happen this morning, what with the Addams family turning up and you having a break down." I admitted, fiddling with his tie with one hand.

"Shit, yeah. I'm sorry about that." He said sheepishly, tilting his head down so I couldn't see his face. "I just panicked."

"I know you did." I laughed quietly then kissed his bald patch. "Don't worry about it, if I wasn't concentrating on pulling you back from the brink of delerium I'd have probably been in the same state. Getting hitched is huge, but we've done it. We took the plunge. The hard parts over, now we get to look forward to the honeymoon stage." I smiled against the top of his head.

"Mmm, that's right." He said darkly before suddenly stopping in the middle of nowhere by a huge pile of boulders. He loosened his grip on me and I took the hint to hop off of him. I watched him with wide eyes as he hurled himself at the rocks, climbing and ruffling up his suit to get to the top. I stared sceptically at the hand he reached out to me. "Come on, I'll pull you up."

"Alright." I breathed, climbing one of the smaller rocks so I could reach his hand, he grunted as he pulled me up, then I was greeted with the smell of... Pizza? "What the-"

"I know you said a while back that if you had it your way we'd all just eat pizza on our wedding day. Michael's poncey caterer wouldn't give you that so I'm gonna." Trevor told me, sitting cross legged on top of the boulder and opening up the box of pizza that was apparently left there.

"Trevor..." I said, dumbfounded at such an odd yet heartfelt act. I kneeled opposite him, no longer caring about the state of my dress.

"Sorry it's on top of a boulder, I had to keep it away from the coyotes somehow. And it might be a bit cold. I planned to do this earlier but then Suzanne dragged us to that party." He told me, watching me grab a slice of pizza.

"Cold pizza is still pizza and therefore a perfect flavour sensation." I said seriously with a mouthful of cheesy goodness. He chuckled and took a slice for himself. "Mmm. Thank you, baby. This is actually the most romantic thing you've ever done."

"Seriously? I need to step up my game if giving you _pizza_ is my most romantic action." He snorted and I shook my head at him.

"No. It's the context, the reason _why_ you did it. That's what's so romantic about it, that's why I'm battling the urge to burst out crying right now." I laughed an unsteady laugh as I finished up my slice.

"Really? You feel like crying?" His brows shot up, I nodded and took a deep breath to steady myself. "Holy shit I didn't realise you liked pizza _this_ much." I shook my head and laughed, my eyes tearing up as I did. "You're a funny girl. You've kept it together all day and this is what gets you choked up." 

"Don't." I said, half sobbing. I grabbed another slice and took a big bite, hoping it would stop me before- oh never mind, a tear actually rolled down my cheek. And that was it, the barricade had been broken and a whole slew of emotion came out in a loud outburst. "Oh flipping hell, Trevor." I stuttered, laughing at myself, more tears coming as I did.

"Come here, you emotional wreck." He grabbed my arms and pulled me over to him for an awkwardly positioned hug since I was leaning over a big pizza. "Women, eh. You'll cry at anything." He said softly into my ear.

"Shut up. Men are just as bad, I saw Michael dabbing his eyes earlier when we said our _I do's_. And don't tell me you never felt a lump in your throat." I said defensively, leaning back, holding myself up by his shoulder with one hand, taking a bite of pizza with the other.

"I don't cry." Trevor looked at me with a straight face, and I raised as brow at him.

"You know that's a load of rubbish. I've seen you cry before." I told him, quickly regretting it.

"When?" He spat, genuinely confused.

"You know when." I didn't actually want to say it, not today.

"Oh." He said, suddenly looking guilty. His thoughts obviously turning to the day he'd told me about his mistake. He'd cried when I left him, just like I had. I put a smile on my face, remembering that that was a while ago now and I wasn't going to dwell on it. Especially not now we wore matching gold bands.

"Eat. You'll make me feel fat." I said, changing the subject and sitting back on my heels, blotting the tears from my eyes gently, trying not to smudge my makeup. Trevor did as he was told and picked up a slice.

"I need to ask you something." Trevor said seriously after a lengthy period of silence. "About what I did."

"Is today really the best day?" I sighed, chewing slowly and watching him struggle with his words, he seemed compelled to ask me whatever it was anyway.

"I just want to know if you think about it a lot. Does it bother you daily?" He finally forced the words out. I swallowed the pizza and my smile dropped.

"Should it?" I asked.

"No. I don't know. I'm asking, does it?" He asked me with concern in his eyes.

"Not daily, no. And I don't think about it a lot. Not anymore." I told him, looking down at my slice of pizza and pulling a bit of cheese off, popping it into my mouth. "Mostly it's just curiosity when I do think about it."

"Curiosity?" He seemed shocked by that. I nodded my head.

"I sometimes wonder if I've seen her around, you know? When I'm out at night and I see 'em all lining the streets, I try and guess which one you'd pick. Which one's your type." I shrugged, noticing how messed up I sounded. "I also wonder what it was like for her. Whether she enjoyed having sex with you as much as I do. Whether she, you know... Finished." 

"Right." Trevor looked down, a look of deep contemplation on his face.

"Did she?" I asked, and he looked a little panicked at my question.

"Did she finish?" He asked, and I nodded my head. "I ah... Don't really know. I didn't really care at the time, if I'm honest." He snorted, frowning.

"You must've been able to tell, though." I pressed. I wasn't sure why I wanted to know. I wasn't even sure what answer I would prefer.

"It was over pretty quickly, baby. I'd probably say no. She didn't." He said, and his answer felt oddly satisfying. The whole thing felt less intimate and more detached, I could think of it more simplistically. Trevor did what he did to get off, he didn't care for this other woman at all. And what is sex without love and feelings? I guess it could be considered glorified masturbation, couldn't it? At least I know that when Trevor and I sleep together, there's more to it than just getting off. There's that constant feeling of attachment, a connection, a deeper way to express our love for one another. There's the satisfaction that comes from his pleasure as well as my own, and vice versa. I could come to terms with it when I thought like that. Trevor didn't share himself with that woman completely like he does with me, and that was comforting to realise.

"I think I'm getting over it." I told him, slowly nodding my head. He looked surprised at my revelation. "She doesn't matter, does she? Whoever she is." 

"No. Not in the slightest, I couldn't even tell you what colour her hair was." He reassured me, dragging his sleeve across his lips to remove pizza grease. His suit was slowly becoming as disheveled as my dress, covered in sand and dust and grease.

"But you remember my hair colour, that's pretty symbolic, right?" I smirked at him. He frowned and narrowed his eyes.

"I can't be sure. And it's hard to tell in the dark out here." He teased.

"You aren't funny." I rolled my eyes at him.

"No, I'm serious! Are you a red head? Blond? Who knows?" He shrugged and crammed pizza into his smirking mouth. I threw my pizza crust at him. "Hey! Watch the suit. Just cause your dress is ripped no need to trash my look too."

"Oh come on! Look at you, you have crap all over your front from when you tackled this rock. You're filthier than me." I rolled my eyes at him.

"I'll show you filthy." He said, but his tone was lewd. He was looking at me funny, at the front of my dress, at my neck. He had a sinister look in his eye and it made me nervous, even more so when he pushed the pizza aside and began to approach me.

"What?" I asked, noting his dark laugh. He reached his hand behind my neck and I felt his fingers fiddle around with the ribbon holding the top of my dress up. "Trevor?" My tone was a warning. He simply laughed again. He pulled the ribbon, releasing the bow, and the front of my dress dropped down, revealing my bare breasts since there was no way of wearing a bra with the backless gown. I gasped, about to cover myself but Trevor beat me to it, covering me with his hands, fondling me and kissing my neck.

"Ohh this really is filthy." I chuckled, a shot of heat going straight between my legs. Trevor took my nipple into his mouth, sucking and nibbling lightly, flicking his tongue over the hard nub. He moved to the other nipple, doing the same. I shivered as the cool air hit my wet skin where his tongue had been. He kissed my neck again, settled on a spot and sucked, leaving a bruise-like mark on my skin that only confirmed what the ring on my finger said. I was his. 

He pulled back and admired his work, the purple flourish and my stiff, pink nipples. "God, I just want to go home and make love to my wife." He whispered, tying my dress back up. In all honesty I was surprised he didn't try to take things further. I suppose he wanted our first time as man and wife to be special, not done out of neediness on top of a boulder.

"Why can't you?" I asked him, moving closer to him and placing my hands on his thighs, missing the closeness of his contact.

"Because we have a bar full of guests over there." He laughed, nodding towards the Yellow Jack Inn, which was visible in the distance.

"Oh yeah. Maybe we should be heading back there." I chuckled, moving closer to him anyway. He studied my face, looking over every feature like it was the first time he'd seen them. I plunged forwards and kissed him, the first time I'd kissed him since the one we'd shared after our vowes. The first one since we'd officially been married. We both tasted like pizza but it was wonderful, sweet and tender with just a bit of tongue. I pulled back and smiled at him. "Thank you for a perfect day."

"Perfect? Have you been to the same wedding as me?" He laughed, raising a brow.

"It was an absolute mess from the moment my folks turned up but it was oddly perfect, don't you think? If it all went to plan, it wouldn't be our wedding, would it?" I grinned.

"Yeah, you're right." He shook his head in amusement and pecked me on the lips before sliding off the edge of the boulder. I grabbed the box of leftover pizza and followed him, and he piggy-backed me to the bar. The party was still in full swing when we got back, and Suzanne seemed to stop midway through chastising me for sneaking off when she noticed the love bite on my neck, god only knows what she thought we'd been up to. Especially considering Trevor and I were covered in sandy filth.

"Look at the state of you pair. The bride and groom are supposed to be the perfect, gorgeous pair, but here we have stig of the dump and the corpse bride." A very drunk Nichole stumbled over to us and took in our disheveled appearance, she had her little dog tucked under her arm. I laughed and nodded uneasily. "Hey congratulations sweeties, can't believe you got hitched before me. Ryan's being an arse and postponing our day." She rolled her eyes dramatically. "I didn't even catch your bouquet, your frigging dog got it. Your dogs getting married before me, apparently." She rambled, then downed her glass of red wine.

"I don't think he will." I snorted.

"He's had his eye on my Bebe." She bounced the tiny thing up and down.

"He's had more than his eye on her." Trevor said under his breath, Nichole heard.

"Yeah. And if I get home and she pops out a bunch of weird cross breed puppies I'm sending them to you." She warned us, gesturing at us with her empty glass. Ryan came up behind her and pulled her back, since she'd inched uncomfortably close to us throughout the conversation.

"We're gonna head off soon. I think Nichole is ready for bed." He told us.

"Don't tell me what I'm ready for, Mr. I'm Not Having A Winter Wedding. Mr. It'll Be Too Cold. Screw you!" Nichole whined angrily, pulling out of my brothers grip. Trevor and I watched on in awkward discomfort as the two proceeded to bicker in front of us.

"Let's not do this here, _darling_." Ryan ran his hand through his hair and stared sadly at his fiance.

"Why not here? What's wrong with here? And what was wrong with that apartment you didn't put the deposit down on?" She squawked loudly, gesturing wildly with her head and her hand.

"The fucking rent was too high! How many times?" Ryan lost his patience and raised his voice. Nichole scowled and stomped off without another word. My brother sighed and turned to us. "Fuck it. I wanna apologise to you both for being a prick. You two might've had your issues and I might not be one hundred percent happy about them, but at least you don't argue all the time."

"Don't worry about it." Trevor held his hand out, Ryan shook it and smiled at Trevor, and it was a genuine friendly smile.

"Take care of my sister. I know she's an adult but I still worry about her." Ryan glanced at me, looking just a little embarrassed to be acting so, heaven forbid, emotional.

"I will." Trevor nodded. I pulled Ryan in for a hug despite the fact that I knew physical contact made him uncomfortable. This was for me. To show him how much it meant to me that he was actually starting to accept my relationship. A hug did a better job than words could have.

"I'm gonna go find the wicked witch of the west and get out of here. Congratulations guys, enjoy your trip to Vice City." My brother grinned at us both, then gave us a wave as he left. Ah yes. Vice City, we'd be heading there in the morning for our honeymoon. A fortnight away that I was very much looking forward to, we made sure to pick a wonderful hotel with a nice honeymoon suite, since we didn't know how often we'd be leaving it. A little smile formed on my face as I pictured it. Trevor and I had abstained from sex for the few weeks running up to the wedding, my idea of course. I thought it would make consummating our marriage that much better.

"What're you smiling about?" Trevor noticed the idyllic look on my face and nudged me.

"I'm happy. Really happy." I told him, my smile widening as I looked up at him.

"Me too." He grinned back. Taking my hand and squeezing it before bending down to kiss me. "You're my everything." He whispered into my ear, and I was about to respond with something equally as heartwarming, but of course, for Trevor and I nothing goes as perfectly as it would in a movie, and my mother wedged herself between us with a happy squeal.

"Ohhh I'm so pleased for you two! My girl's finally married, maybe now I'll get some grandbabies, eh?" She yelled, clutching us both to her chest tightly. Trevor suddenly pulled away and started choking, looking downright horrified by her words. He stared wide eyed at me, waiting to see my reaction.

"Not yet, mother." I chuckled. She let me go and rolled her eyes.

"Oh, fine. One day I'll get a grandchild, hopefully before I'm dead and gone." She sighed, shuffling off on a rather dark note.

"Not _yet?_ " Trevor hissed, looking completely terrified. I couldn't help but be sort of amused. "You want babies one day?"

"Only six." I teased him, patting his arm.

" _Six?_ Oh god..." He dragged a hand over his face.

"Calm yourself. I'm joking. Two is fine." I rolled my eyes.

"You... I can't tell if you're serious." He narrowed his eyes.

"Why wouldn't I be? I've always wanted to be a mummy." I told him, suddenly worried that Trevor was about to bolt, flinging the ring off of his finger as he went.

"Kids... Babies... I don't know." He shook his head, his body vibrating with pure shock.

"I don't mean right away. A couple years down the line, maybe?" I grabbed one of his hands with both of mine and pleaded with him. "Just one then. One little baby."

"Ahh, maybe. And that's a big maybe." He sighed, looking shocked at himself. "But remember they don't stay babies forever. You have to bring 'em up, teach them how to walk and talk and hope to god you don't screw them up."

"I'm aware of that. And a maybe is good enough for me." I grinned at him. He chuckled, keeping his eyes on me as they softened.

"Who the hell are you? Barging into my life and changing me so much." He shook his head. "I mean look at me, I've just got hitched and now I'm talking about having kids. What kind of mind controlling creature are you? Are you one of those lizard people?"

"I haven't changed you, Trevor. And I'm not a lizard person." I laughed. "You had it in you before I came a long, you just needed someone you could open up to. When that happens, you can surprise yourself. Things you do or are willing to do might be things you never considered before, like getting hitched, or starting a family." I turned and wrapped my arms around his neck, standing up on my tiptoes to meet him eye to eye

"Sure." He shook his head in mock disbelief. "I blame Ron. If it weren't for him constantly moaning and being paranoid about my trips to the hospital, I wouldn't have put that stupid ad out for a doctor. I did it mainly to shut him up, I never actually thought someone would apply." He snorted.

"But I did. And look how far we've come since then." I smiled.

"Yeah, look how much of a train wreck our lives have been since then. All the shit we've been through." He teased.

"A perfect trainwreck." I reminded him.

"Right. Fucking Ronald." He shook his head and smirked.

"You ought to thank him, give him a raise." I tilted my head and gave him a persuasive smile.

"Maybe I ought to. But I'm not going to." He told me.

"Didn't think you would." I sighed, then kissed him, a long, sweet peck on the lips. "Are you sure you don't wanna agree on two babies?" I asked when I pulled away.

"Just one. And I only said maybe." He said sternly.

"You say that now, but once baby number one arrives you'll want another one." I told him with certainty and a confident nod. "You'll come around, just like you did with Billy."

"You'll have one baby and a dog and be happy." He groaned. I buried my face in his shoulder and grinned. He'd definitely come around, two babies it is.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> BOOM. So that's it, its finished! It's finally finished! I spent my entire Saturday writing this and I regret nothing. In fact I feel quite proud. I got through it, guys, despite the lack of motivation and writers block and you know what? I don't think it's that bad. I'm quite happy with how I wrapped this one up. Do let me know if you liked the fic, or if you're just as happy as I am that it's over! XD 
> 
> Oh and if you notice any glaring spelling or grammer mistakes, do let me know. I was pretty tired when I proofread this and may have missed things :)
> 
> I LOVE YOU GUYS! Thank you so much for the continued support throughout this, you're all perfection <3 I hope you enjoyed!


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